AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY: 
7 


OH,  TUB 


TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY, 


BY  AN  EDITOR.    t 


AAM*"*>     jL-l 


u  !  have  mm*  purpnuo  In  It  { — untl,  hut  bent  off"  thete  two  ronkn, 
Jack  Daw  and  bli  fellow,  with  any  ulnconttntment  hllli«r,  ami  I'll 
honor  thee  forever." 

Din  Jon»on. 


PHILADELPHIA: 

A.  HART,  lath  CAREY  AND  HART, 

126  CHESTNUT  BTKKET. 
18A2. 


c  i/5  • 


'    .  . 


Entered  according  to  the  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1852,  by 

A.  HART, 

in  the  Office  of  the  Clerk  of  the  District  Court  in  ami  for  the  Eastern 
District  of  Pennsylvania. 


PHILADELPHIA  : 
T.  K.  AND  P.  G.  COLLINS,   PRINTER*. 


£16 


TO    HARRY   TLACIDE 


My  dear  Harry: — 

You  have  been,  in  your  day  and  mine,  as  good  as  a 
thousand  comedies  to  me.  Why  should  I  not  endeavor 
to  requite  you,  after  a  very  poor  fashion  of  my  own? 
Yret  will  you  not  know,  any  more  than  the  Custom- 
House,  when  some  repenting  sinner  of  an  importer 
makes  anonymous  restoration  of  defrauded  dues,  whoso 
conscience  it  is  from  which  this  poor  acknowledgment 
is  drawn.  It  is',  you  may  be  sure,  a  very  sincere  one, 
coupled  with  the  single  misgiving  that  my  little  "Com- 
edy" will  scarcely  prove  half  so  agreeable  to  you,  as 
yours  has  ever  been  to  me.  Nevertheless,  you  excellent 
wretch,  be  you  grateful  with  the  philosophy  of  Sancho, 
and  look  not  the  gift-horse  too  narrowly  in  the  mouth. 

1/  ALLEGRO. 

New  York. 


O* 


ADVERTISEMENT. 


In  good  faith,  I  very  sincerely  hope  that  the  title 
which  this  little  volume  bears  upon  its  face  will  take 
nobody  in.  Now  that  it  is  written  out,  I  am  not  sure 
that  there  is  anything  comic  in  its  pages.  I  am  cer- 
tain that  I  have  made  no  effort  to  make  them  so ;  and 
if  merriment  should  be  the  result,  I  shall  certainly 
congratulate  myself  upon  the  possession  of  an  involun- 
tary endowment,  which  takes  its  owner  quite  as  much 
by  surprise  as  anybody  else.  But  no;  even  if  there  be 
comedy  in  the  narrative  that  follows,  it  will  be  none  of 
mine — I  were  a  Tagan  to  lay  claim  to  it.  These,  in 
fact,  are  but  jottings  down  from  the  lips  of  another; 
and  I  don't  know  that  I  was  greatly  beguiled,  when  I 
heard  them,  into  that  happy  humor  which  makes  one 
cry  out  in  defiance,  "Sessa!  let  the  world  pass!"  "Were 
I  to  confess  honestly,  I  should  rather  admit  myself  of 
that  graver  order  of  monkhood  which  never  tells  its 
beads  on  the  face  of  a  tankard.  I  don't  see  a  jest  rea- 
dily at  any  time,  and,  knowing  my  infirmity,  I  very 
frequently  suffer  it  to  escape  me  by  keeping  too  closely 
on  the  watch  for  it.  It  so  happens,  accordingly,  that, 
being  very  amiable  and  anxious  to  please,  I  blunder 
after  the  fashion  of  Dr.  Johnson's  butcher,  who  was 
procured  to  help  bolster  up  Goldsmith's  first  comedy, 

1* 


VI  ADVERTISEMENT. 

and  do  all  my  laughing  in  the  wrong  plaoe,  and  after 
the  mirth  has  fairly  subsided  from  the  muscles  of  my 
neighbors.  This  makes  me  modest  of  judgment  in  all 
matters  that  affect  the  humorous,  and  hardly  a  proper 
person,  therefore,  to  recount  that  which  is  so.  But, 
indeed,  I  propose  nothing  of  the  kind..  The  title  chosen 
for  this  volume  is  in  some  degreo  in  compliance  with 
necessity:  it  can  scarcely  bo  said  to  have  been  a  matter 
of  choice.  This  will  be  explained  by  our  Introduction, 
to  which  I  shall  hasten  with  due  speed,  promising  to 
make  it  as  short  as  possible,  since  I  have  no  hope  to 
make  it  funny. 

L'ALLEGRO. 
New  York. 


PROEM. 


We  were  nine  of  us,  packed  snugly  enough  in  a  closo 
Btnge,  and  on  the  high  road  from  Madison,  in  Georgia, 
to  Montgomery,  in  Alabama.     The  night  was  dark,  and 
the  rain  falling.     The  roads  were  bad,  and  the  driver 
as  drunk  as  the  least  reasonable  desperate  could  desire 
under  the  circumstances.     Everybody  has  an  idea,  moro 
or  less  vivid,  of  a  dark  and  rainy  night ;  most  persons 
can  form  a  notion  of  the  drunken  driver  of  a  stage- 
coach— a  swearing,  foul-mouthed  fellow,  pestilent,  full 
of  conceit  and  insolence,  fully  conscious  of  his  power 
over  his   nags  and   passengers,  and   with  just  reason 
enough  left  to  desire  to  use  his  power  so  as  to  keep  all 
parties  apprehensive — his  horses  of  the  whip,  and  his 
passengers  of  an  upset.     But  if  you  know  nothing  of  a 
Georgia  road  in  bad  weather,  at  the  time  I  speak  of, 
you  can  form  but   an  imperfect  idea  of  the  nervous 
irritability  of  the  nine  within  our  vehicle  that  night,  as, 
trundling  through  bog  and  through  brier,  over  stump 
and  stone,  up  hill  and  down  dale — as  desperate  a  chase, 
seemingly,  as  that  of  the  Wild  Horseman  of  Burger — wo 
momently  cursed  our  fates,  that  had  given  us  over  to  such 
a  keeping  and  such  a  progress.     We  could  not  see  each 
other's  faces,  but  we  could  hear  each  other's  words,  and 
feel  each  other's  hips  and  elbows. 


Vlll  PKOEM. 

"Hech!     There  we  go!" 

M  You're  into  me,  stranger,  with  a  monstrous  sharp 
side  of  your  own." 

"Beg  pardon,  but — "     [Jolt,  toss,  and  tumble.] 

"  We're  gone  now,  I  reckon  !" 

A  general  scramble  followed  the  rolling  of  the  bag- 
gage in  the  rear,  and  sudden  silence  of  the  human  voice, 
while  each  strove  to  maintain  his  equilibrium,  seizing 
upon  the  nearest  solid  object. 

"  She  rights  !"  said  one. 

"  Eh  !  docs  she  ?  I'm  glad  of  it,"  was  the  reply  of 
another,  "since  I  hope  this  gentleman  will  now  snflcr 
my  head  to  get  back  fairly  upon  its  shoulders." 

There  was  a  release  of  the  victim  and  an  apology. 
Indeed,  there  were  several  apologies  necessary.  "Wo 
were  momently  making  free  with  the  arms  and  sides 
and  shoulders  of  our  neighbors,  under  the  impulse  of  a 
sudden  dread  of  the  upset,  which  it  is  wonderful  how 
we  continued  to  escape.  We  compared  notes.  Our 
apprehensions  were  general.  The  driver  was  appealed 
to  ;  we  howled  to  him  through  the  pipes  of  a  Down 
Easter,  entreating  him  to  drive  more  gently. 

"Gently,  bo  hanged!"  was  the  horrid  answer,  fol- 
lowed up  by  a  tremendous  smack  of  the  whip.  Away 
went  the  horses  at  a  wilder  rate  than  ever,  and  we  were 
left,  without  hope  or  consolation,  to  all  sorts  of  imagin- 
able and  unimaginable  terrors.  We  had  no  help  for  it, 
and  no  escape.  We  could  only  brood  over  our  terrors, 
and  mutter  our  rage.  There  were  curses,  not  only  loud, 
but  deep.  It  was  in  vain  that  our  individual  philoso- 
phies strove  to  silence  our  discontents;  these  were  kept 
alive  by  the  suggestions  of  less  amiable  companions. 


PKOEM.  IX 

Our  very  efforts  to  conceal  our  fears  sufficiently  betrayed 
them  to  all  who  were  cool  enough  to  make  the  discovery. 
But  self-esteem  was  reassured  by  the  general  sympathy 
of  most  of  our  comrades.     There  were  various  emotions 
among  us — the  modified  exponents  of  the  one  in  com- 
mon— modified  according  to  age,  temper,  and  education. 
Our  various  modes  of  showing  them  made  us  altogether 
a  proper  group  for  dramatic  contrasts.     We  could  have 
played  our  parts,  no  doubt   very  decently,  upon  any 
stage  but  that.     We  could  have  strutted  manfully,  and 
shown    good    legs,   but    scarcely   upon    boards   which 
creaked  and  cracked  as  with  convulsions  of  their  own, 
as  we  hurried  headlong  up  the  heights,  or  rushed  whiz-- 
zin£   through   the   mire.      And   we   should    have   had 
variety  enough    for  character.      Our  nine  passengers 
might  have  represented  as  many  States.     Never  was 
there  a  more  grateful  diversity.     There  was  a  school- 
master from  Massachusetts.     Whither,  indeed,  does  not 
Massachusetts   send    her   schoolmasters,   teaching    the 
same  eternal  notion  of  the  saintly  mission  of  the  Puri- 
tans, and  the  perfect  virtues  of  their  descendants  ?    The 
genius  of  that  State  was  certainly  born  a  pedagogue, 
with  birch  in  one  hand  and  horn-book  in  the  other ! 
There  was  a  machinist   from   Maine,  a  queer,  quaint, 
shrewd,  knowing,  self-taught  Yankee,  who  had  lost  half 
his  fingers  in  experimenting  with  his  own  machines,  and 
who  was  brim-full  of  a  new  discovery  which  is  to  secure 
us  that  "  philosopher's  stone"  of  the  nineteenth  century 
— perpetual  motion  !     The  principle  of  our  machinist 
seemed  to  lie  in  the  amiable  good-nature  with  which 
certain  balls,  precipitating    themselves    upon    certain 
levers,  would  thus  continue  a  scries  of  ground  and  lofty 


X  PROEM. 

tumblings  which  should  keep  the  great  globe  itself  in 
motion  without  other  motive  agencies.  Our  New 
Yorker  was  an  editor,  bound  first  for  New  Orleans,  and 
then  for  Ashland,  where  he  proposed  to  visit  the  god  of 
his  political  idolatry.  We  had  a  Pennsylvanian,  who 
seemed  to  feel  as  if  all  the  shame  of  State  repudiation 
lay  on  his  own  particular  shoulders ;  and  a  Mississippian, 
who  appeared  to  deplore  nothing  so  much  as  that  he 
could  not  claim  more  than  the  merit  of  a  single  vote  in 
the  glorious  business  of  defying  the  foreign  creditor  of 
the  Union  Bank.  The  encounter  between  these  two 
parties — the  humbled  and  desponding  tone  of  the  one, 
contrasted  with  the  exulting  and  triumphant  convictions 
of  successful  right  in  the  other — furnished  a  picture  of 
opposites  that  was  perfectly  delightful.  The  leading 
idea  which  troubled  our  Virginian  was,  that  Tyler  was 
to  be  the  last  of  the  Presidents  which  his  State  would 
furnish  to  the  Union  ;  while  the  South  Carolinian,  with 
whom  he  seemed  intimate,  consoled  him  with  the  assur- 
ance that  his  regrets  were  idle,  as  the  Union  would  not 
much  longer  need  a  President.  He  indulged  in  the 
favorite  idea  that  a  dissolution  was  at  hand.  "  The 
Union,"  said  he,  "answered  the  purposes  of  the  time. 
It  has  survived  its  uses."  Our  Georgian,  on  the  con- 
trary, was  for  the  extension  of  the  confederacy  by  the 
incorporation  of  as  many  new  States  south  of  us  as  we 
could  persuade  into  the  fold.  He  was  even  then  upon 
his  way  to  Texas,  provided  ftith  his  rifle  only,  in  order 
to  be  in  the  way  to  help  in  the  matter  of  annexation. 
Then  we  had  a  North  Carolinian,  a  lank-sided  fellow 
from  Tar  River,  who  slept  nearly  all  the  way,  spite  of 
toss  and  tumble,  talked  only  (and  constantly)  in  his 


PR  OEM.  XI 

sleep,  and  then  chiefly  upon  the  trouble  of  looking  after 
his  own  affairs.  '  Our  ninth  man  was  a  broth  of  a  boy 
in  the  shape  of  a  huge  Tcnnesseean,  who  filled  up  much 
more  than  his  proper  share  of  seat,  and,  trespassing 
upon  mine  with  hip,  thigh,  and  shoulder,  compelled  me 
(will  he,  nill  he)  to  reduce  myself  to  dimensions  far  more 
modest  than  I  have  usually  been  disposed  to  insist  upon 
as  reasonable.  But,  there  was  no  chiding  or  complain- 
ing. He  was  so  good-natured,  so  conscious  of  his  in- 
voluntary trespasses  ;  at  least,  so  dubious  about  them. 

"I  crowd  you,  stranger ;  I'm  afeard  I  crowd  you;" 
and  he  laid  his  huge  paw  upon  my  shoulder  with  the 
air  of  one  who  solicits  all  possible  indulgence.  If  I 
had  been  utterly  squeezed  out  of  proper  shape,  I  could 
scarcely  have  forborne  the  assurance,  which  I  instantly 
made  him,  that  he  didn't  crowd  me  in  the  least. 

"Well,"  said  he,  "I'm  glad  to  hear  you  say  so;  I 
was  a  little  dubious  that  I  was  spreading  over  you ;  and 
if  so,  I  didn't  know  what  to  do  then ;  for  here,  if  you 
can  feel,  you'll  see  my  fat  lies  rather  heavy  upon  the 
thighs  of  this  perpetual  motion  person,  and  my  knee  is 
a  little  too  much  of  a  dig  for  the  haunches  of  the  man 
in  front.  In  fact,  he's  cutting  into  me — he's  mighty 
sharp!" 

The  man  in  front,  who  was  the  Yankee  schoolmaster, 
said  something  in  under  tones  to  the  effect  that  men  of 
such  monstrous  oversize  should  always  take  two  places 
in  a  public  conveyance,  or  travel  in  their  own.  I  caught 
the  words,  but  the  Tennesseean  did  not. 

"I'm  jest  aa  God  made  me,"  he  proceeded,  as  if 
apologetically;  "and  if  'twould  be  any  satisfaction  to 
you,  stranger,"   addressing  me,   "  I'm  willing  to  say 


Xll  PROEM. 

that  I  would  not  be  quite  so  broad  if  I  had  my  own 
way,  and  the  thing  was  to  be  done  over  agin.  But  as 
that's  not  to  be  hoped  for,  I  don't  complain  at  all,  ef 
you  don't." 

How  could  I  complain  after  the  last  suggestion — 
complain  of  a  man  who  felt  his  own  misfortune  with 
such  a  proper  conscience!  The  schoolmaster  had  some- 
thing to  say.  His  tone  was  exceedingly  indignant,  but 
too  much  subdued  for  the  ears  of  the  Tennesseean. 
My  amiable  recognition  of  his  bulk  seemed  to  have  won 
his  affections,  if,  indeed,  his  great  size  and  my  unavoid- 
able neighborhood  did  not  sufficiently  account  for  them. 
His  great  fat  haunches  nestled  most  lovingly  against 
me,  threatening  to  overlap  me  entirely,  while  his  huge 
arm  encircled  my  neck  with  an  embrace  which  would 
have  honored  that  of  the  Irish  Giant.  It  was  fortunate 
that  we  had  no  such  sulky  scoundrels  within  the  stage 
as  he  who  lorded  it  from  the  box.  If  we  swore  at  him, 
we  kept  terras  with  one  another.  If  the  storm  roared 
without,  we  were  pacific  enough  within;  and  it  was 
wonderful,  with  such  a  variety,  and  with  so  much  to 
distress  and  disquiet!  Vexed  and  wearied  with  the  as- 
pect of  affairs  without,  we  succeeded  in  maintaining 
good  conditions  within ;  our  curses  were  expended  upon 
the  driver;  for  one  another,  we  had  nothing  but  civility; 
good  nature,  if  not  good  humor,  keeping  us  in  that  so- 
briety of  temper  in  respect  to  one  another,  when  an 
innocent  freedom  passes  without  offence,  and  we  tolerate 
a  familiar  in  the  barbarian  whom,  at  another  season,  we 
should  probably  scarce  recognize  as  an  acquaintance. 
But  mere  good-nature  has  no  chance,  in  the  long  run, 
against  the  protracted  fatigue  and  weariness  of  such  a 


PROEM.  Xlll 

ride  as  ours ;  and,  as  if  by  tacit  consent,  all  parties 
seemed  to  feel  the  necessity  of  an  effort  to  dissipate  our 
dolors.  The  Maine  man,  it  is  true,  discoursed  of  ma- 
chines, and  the  Massachusetts  man  of  Webster;  the 
one  was  full  of  saws,  the  other  of  maxims;  but  the  very 
square  and  compass  character  of  their  mutual  minds 
was  a  worse  monotony  and  fatigue  than  the  wallowing 
of  our  wheels  in  mire.  A  lively  account,  which  the 
Mississippian  now  gave  us,  of  the  pursuit  and  hanging 
of  the  Yazoo  rogues — that  terrible  tragedy,  which  still 
needs  an  historian — soon  led  us  upon  another  and  more 
agreeable  track,  upon  which  the  Georgian  entered  with 
a  narrative  of  his  own  experience  in  catching  alligators, 
in  winter,  with  barbed  stakes.  To  him  succeeded  the 
South  Carolinian,  with  an  account  of  a  famous  set-to 
which  he  had  enjoyed  the  season  before  with  certain 
abolitionists  at  New  Haven,  and  which  he  concluded 
with  an  eloquent  showing  of  the  necessity  for  a  Southern 
confederacy  by  next  July.  A  stout  controversy  fol- 
lowed between  him  and  the  representative  from  Massa- 
chusetts, in  which  the  grievances  and  quarrel  between 
the  two  States  were  particularly  discussed;  the  Caro- 
linian concluding  by  proposing  gravely  to  his  opponent 
that  the  territory  of  North  Carolina  should  be  hired  by 
the  belligerent  States  for  the  purpose  of  settling  their 
squabbles  in  the  only  becoming  and  manly  way,  by  a 
resort  to  the  uUima  ratio.  This  disputo  thus  deter- 
mined—for this  strange  proposition  seemed  to  confound 
the  man  of  Webster— we  all  had  something  to  say 
in  turn,  each  mounting  his  favorite  hobby.  It  was  an 
easy  transition,  from  this,  into  anccdoto  and  story,  and 
even  our  North  Carolinian  roused  himself  up  with  a 
2 


Xiv  PROEM. 

grunt,  to  yell  out  a  wild  ditty  of  the  "old  North  State," 
which  he  heard  from  his  great-grandmother,  and  which 
he  thought  the  finest  thing  in  the  shape  of  mixed  song 
and  story  which  had  ever  been  delivered   to  mortal 
senses  since  the  days  of  the  prophets.     It  was  one  of 
the  many  rude  ballads  of  a  domestic  character,  which 
wo  have  unwisely  failed  to  preserve,  which  rehearsed 
the  doings  and  death  of  Blackboard  the  Pirate,  "as  he 
sailed"   in  and  out  of  the   harbors  of  Ocracoko  and 
Pamlico.     The  strain  was  a  woful  and  must*have  been 
a  tedious  one,  but  for  the  interposition  of  some  special 
providence,  the  secret  of  which  remains  hidden  from  us 
to  this  day.     It  was   observed  that  the  voice  of  the 
singer,  pitched  upon  the  highest  possible  key  at  the 
beginning,  gradually  fell  off  towards  the  close  of  the 
second  quatrain,  sunk  into  a  feeble  drawl  and  quaver 
ere  he  had  reached  the  third,  and  stopped  short  very 
suddenly  in  the  middle  of  the   fourth.     We  scarcely 
dared,  any  of  us,  to  conjecture  the  cause  of  an  inter- 
ruption which  displeased  nobody.     If  this  "sweet  sing- 
er" from  Tar  River  fell  again  to  his  slumbers,  it  is 
certain  that  not  a  whisper  to  this  effect  ever  passed  his 
lips.     He  gave  us  no  premonitions  of  sleep,  and  no  se- 
quel to  his  ballad.    "We  were  all  satisfied  that  he  should 
have  his  own  wray  in  the  matter,  and  never  asked  him 
for  the  rest  of  the  ditty.     Ho  will  probably  wake  up 
yet  to  finish  it,  but  in  what  company  or  what  coach 
hereafter,  and  after  what  season  of  repose,  it  is  hardly 
prudent  to  guess,  and  not  incumbent  on  us  as  a  duty. 

His  quiet  distressed  none  of  us.  There  were  others 
anxious  to  take  his  place,  and  we  soon  got  to  be  a  mer- 
ry company  indeed.     Gradually,  in  the  increasing  inte- 


l'UOEM.  XV 

rest  of  tho  several  narratives,  wo  forgot,  temporarily, 
tlio  bnd  roads  and  tho  drunken  driver,  recalled  to  tho 
painful  recollection  only  by  an  occasional  crash  and 
curso  from  without,  to  which  wo  shut  our  cars  almost 
as  fervently  as  did  Ulysses,  when  gliding  among  tho 
dogs  of  Scylla.  Our  singers  were,  in  truth,  no  great 
shaken  and  our  story-tellers  scarcely  better ;  but  wo 
grew  indulgent  just  as  wo  grew  needy,  and  our  taste* 
accommodated  themselves  to  our  necessities.  It  was 
only  after  all  parties  seemed  to  havo  exhausted  their 
budget,  their  efforts  subsiding  into  short  and  fecblo 
snatches — when  there  was  only,  at  long  intervals,  a  sort 
of  crackling  from  dry  thorns  under  tho  pot  of  wit — it 
was  only  then  that  our  mammoth  Tenncssccan,  who  had 
hitherto  maintained  a  very  modest  silence,  as  if  totally 
unambitious  of  tho  honors  of  tho  raconteur^  now  sud- 
denly aroused  himself  with  a  shako  not  very  unliko 
that  of  a  Newfoundland  dog  fresh  from  tho  water. 

"Stranger,"  says  ho  to  me,  "cf  so  bo  you  will  only 
shrooge  yourself  up  so  as  to  let  mo  havo  this  arm  of  mino 
parfectly  frco  for  a  swing,  as  I  find  it  necessary,  I'll 
let  out  a  littlo  upon  you  in  rolation  to  sartain  sarcum- 
stanccs  that  como  pretty  much  to  my  own  knowledgo,  a 
year  or  two  ago,  in  Florida." 

To  skroogc  myself  up,  in  tho  oxprcssivo  idiom  of  ray 
neighbor,  into  a  yet  narrower  compass  than  I  had  been 
compelled  to  keep  before,  was  a  thing  wholly  out  of  tho 
question.  But  a  chango  of  position  might  bo  effected, 
to  tho  roliof  of  both  parties,  and  this  was  all  that  he 
roally  wanted.  I  contrived,  after  a  desporato  effort,  to 
satisfy  him,  and,  in  somo  degree,  myself. 

"I  can't,  somehow,  talk  easy,   of  my  arms  ain't 


Xvi  PROEM. 

loose,"  he  continued,  apologetically.     "My  tongue  and 
arm  must  somehow  work  together,  or  I  ain't  half  the 
man  I  ought  to  be.     It's  like  being  suffered  to  spout 
out,  when  you're  rushing  upon  the  inimy  ;  and  when 
you  can  halloo  as  you  rush,  you  feel  wolfish  all  over. 
I've  had  the  feeling.     Now,  it's  so  in  talking.     Ef  you 
can  use  the  arms  when  you  talk,  your  words  come  free, 
and  jest  of  the  right  nature.     It's  like  what  people 
mean  when  they  say  '  the  word  and  the  blow  !'     They 
do  help  each  other  mightily.     Now,  I'll  try,  as  we're 
mightily  close  set  for  room  in  this  wagon,  to  jest  make 
as  little  a  swing  of  the  arms  as  possible  ;  for  you  see,  I 
might,  o?iintending  anything  of  the  sort,  give  a  person, 
standing  or  sitting  on  eny  side  of  me,  a  smart  notion  of 
a  knock ;  that  is,  in  the  heat  and  hurry  of  the  argyment. 
I've  done  such  a  thing  more  than  once,  without  mean- 
ing it ;  only  I'll  try  to  be  within  bounds  this  time,  and 
I  beg  you'll  take  no  offence.     I'm  sure,  gentlemen,  if 
my  motion  don't  trouble  you,  though  it's  a  rether  on- 
easy  one,  I  shan't  mind  it  at  all  myself." 

Here  was  an  excellent  fellow!  In  his  eloquence,  ho 
might  swing  his  great  mutton  fist  across  my  mazzard, 
and  the  thing,  if  not  positively  disagreeable  to  me, 
would  be  of  no  sort  of  disturbance  to  him!  It  was  dif- 
ficult to  conceive  in  what  school  he  had  acquired  his  phi- 
losophy. It  was  certainly  as  cool  as  that  of  St.  Omer's, 
but  rather  lacking  in  its  refinements.  At  all  events 
common  sense  required  that,  as  I  could  not  entirely 
escape  his  action,  I  should  keep  as  sharp  an  eye  upon 
it  as  possible.  It  might  have  been  the  safest  course 
to  reject  the  story  in  regard  to  its  accompaniments, 
but  that  would  have  seemed  unamiable,  and  I  might 


PROEM.  XVII 

havo  incurred  tho  reproach  of  being  timorous.  Besides, 
there  was  somo  curiosity  to  hear  what  sort  of  a  story 
would  issue  from  such  a  source,  and  wo  wcro  all  too 
much  in  need  of  excitement  to  offer  any  discournge- 
ments  to  a  new  hand  proposing  to  work  for  our  benefit; 
so,  after  modestly  suggesting  tho  propriety  of  using  as 
little  action  as  possible,  wo  began  to  look  with  consi- 
derable anxiety  to  the  reopening  of  those  huge  jaws, 
from  which,  to  say  truth,  whatever  might  be  tho  good 
things  occasionally  going  in,  but  few  of  us  had  any 
anticipations  of  food  things  coming  out.  But  he  was 
slow  to  begin.  Ho  had  his  preliminary  comments  upon 
what  had  gone  before.  His  previous  silence  seems  to 
havo  been  due  to  his  habit  of  bolting  all  his  food  at 
once,  and  digesting  it  at  leisure  Wc  were  now  to  hear 
his  critical  judgment  on  previous  narratives  : — 

"  I've  been  mighty  well  pleased,"  quoth  the  Tennes- 
seean,  "  with  some  of  them  sarcumstanccs  you've  been 
tolling  among  you,  follows,  and  I've  mado  considerable 
judgment  on  somo  of  them  that  don't  seem  to  mo  mado 
to  carry  water.  But  I  won't  bo  particular  jest  now, 
except  to  say  that  I  don't  see  that  tho  narrow  man  thar, ' 
with  his  hips  cutting  into  the  saft  parts  of  my  knee  at 
every  turn  down  hill  (the  New  England  schoolmaster), 
I  don't  see,  I  say,  that  he  made  so  good  an  one  of  it  as 
he  might  have  done.  Though  that,  agin,  may  be  the 
misfortune  of  the  sarcumstance,  and  not  his  fault  in 
telling  it.  The  sense  is,  ef  so  be  the  thing  happened 
as  he  tells  it,  then  the  whole  town  and  country  ought 
to  be  licked  to  flinders  for  suffering  the  poor  gal  to  bo 
so  imposed  on.     By  the  powers  !  I'd  fight  to  the  stump, 

2* 


xviii  PROEM. 

eny  day  and  eny  how,  but  I'd  make  the  men  see  that 
the  poor  weak  woman  was  not  to  be  the  only  sufferer !" 
It  would  be  a  tedious  task,  wanting  our  Tennesseean's 
air,  tone,  and  manner,  to  follow  up  this  trail,  and  show 
upon  what  grounds  our  backwoodsman  took  offence  at 
the  proprieties  in  our  Yankee's  story.  It  was  one  of 
those  cruel  narratives  of  seduction,  so  frequent  in  large 
commercial  cities,  where  tho  victim  is  the  only  sufferer, 
and  the  criminal  the  only  one  to  find  safety,  if  not  sym- 
pathy. The  narrator  had  given  it  as  a  fact  within  his 
own  experience,  as  occurring  in  his  native  city;  and  the 
offensive  defect  in  his  narration,  which  the  skill  of  theTen- 
ncssecan  was  able  only  to  detect  and  not  to  define,  con- 
sisted in  his  emotionless  and  cold-blooded  way  of  unfold- 
ing his  details  of  horror,  without  showing  that  he  felt 
any  of  the  indignation  which  his  tale  provoked  in  every 
other  bosom. 

"Such  things  can't  happen  in  Tennessee,  I  tell  you, 
stranger;  and  ef  they  did,  nobody  would  be  the  wiser  of 
it.  You'd  hear  of  the  poor  gal's  death,  the  first  thing, 
and  she'd  die,  jorehaps,  of  no  disorder.  But  she'd  rather 
die  right  away,  a  thousand  deaths,  sooner  than  have 
her  shame  in  tho  mouth  of  any  of  her  kindred;  and  cf 
so  be  it  happen  to  leak  out,  there  would  be  somebody — 
some  brother,  or  friend,  or  cousin,  or,  may-be,  her  own 
father,  or  may-be  a  onknown  stranger  liko  myself — to 
burn  priming  for  her  sake,  so  that  tho  black-hearted 
villain  shouldn't  have  it  all  to  himself.  But  I  ain't  a 
going  to  catechize  your  story.  I  rather  reckon  it  can't 
bo  true,  jest  as  you  tell  it,  stranger.  I  can't  think  so 
badly  of  the  fellow,  Compton,  though  I  reckon  he's  bad 
enough,  and  I  can't  think  so  meanly  of  your  people,  that 


PROEM.  XIX 

could  let  him  get  off  without  a  scratch  upon  his  hide. 
I  reckon  it's  a  made  up  thing,  jest  to  make  people  sorry, 
so  I  won't  believe  a  word  of  it.     But  the  one  I  have  to 
tell  is  in  sober  airnest.     It  happened,  every  bit  of  it,  on 
good  authority.     Indeed,  I'm  a  knowing  to  a  part  on  it 
myself,  as  you'll  see  when  we  get  on  ;  though  the  better 
part  of  it  I  got  from  the  mouth  of  another.     It's  a  history 
I  picked  up  in  Florida,  when  I  went  down   to  fight  tho 
Simenolcs.     You  know  that  when  the  rig'lars  got  on  so 
badly  with  the  Injins,  splurging  here  rod  there  with 
their  big  columns,  and  never  doing  anything,  old  Hickory 
swore,  by  all  splinters,  that  we  boys  from  Tennessee  should 
do  the  business.    So  we  turned  out  a  small  chance  of  vol- 
intcers,  and  I  was  one  among  'em.     Down  we  went,  cal- 
kelating  to  ride  like  a  small  harricane   through   and 
through  the  red  skins;   but  twan't  so  easy  a  matter, 
after  all,  and  I  don't  think  we  Tennesseeans  did  any 
better  than  other  people.    It  wa'n't  our  fault,  to  be  sure, 
for  we'd  ha'  fit  fast  enough,  and  whipped  'em  too,  ef  tho 
sneaking  varmints  would  ha'  come  up  to  the  scratch ; 
but  they  fought  shy,  and  all  the  glory  I  got  in  the  cam- 
paign for  my  share,  would  lie  on   the  little  end  of  a 
cambric  needle.     But  I  learned  some  strange  things  in 
the  campaign,  and  I  ain't  a  bit  sorry  that  I  went.     Ono 
sarcumstance,  it  seems  to  me,  was  a  leetle  more  strange 
than  anything  I've  hearn  in  this  wagon,  and  if  I  could 
only  tell  it  to  you,  as  I  heard  some  parts  of  it  tell'd  to 
me,  I  reckon  you'd  all  say  'twas  as  good  as  a  Comedy  I" 

"As  good  as  a  Comedy  /"  was  the  hopeful  exclama- 
tion all  round. 

"Let's  have  it,  by  all  means,"  was  the  eager  chorus 
of  arousing  spirits. 


XX  PROEM. 

"Ay,  Tennessee,  out  with  it,  in  short  order,"  was  the 
abrupt  cry  of  the  Georgian.  ( 

"  Oblige  us,"  was  the  condescending  entreaty  of  South 
Carolina. 

"  Go  ahead,  old  horse,"  yelled  the  Mississippian, 
wheeling  about  from  the  middle  seat  of  the  stage,  and 
bringing  his  hard  hand  flatly  down,  and  with  great 
emphasis,  upon  the  spacious  territory  of  thigh  that 
Tennessee  claimed  for  its  own,  while  trespassing  greatly 
upon  that  of  its  neighbors ;  and  the  entreaty  was  prompt- 
ly followed  up  by  the  machinist  from  Maine,  the  ex-editor 
from  New  York,  and  even  the  lymphatic  pilgrim  from 
Tar  River,  who,  starting  from  his  seventh  heaven  of 
sleep  and  dream,  cried  aloud,  in  half-waking  ecstasy — 
"  A  comedy,  0  !  yes,  gi's  a  comedy.  I'm  mortal  fond 
of  comedy." 

"  Let  it  but  prove  what  you  promise,"  said  the  New 
Yorker,  "and  I'll  send  it  to  Harry  Placidc." 

"  Harry  Placidc?"  exclaimed  Tennessee,  inquiringly. 

"The  great  American  actor  of  comedy  !"  was  the 
explanatory  answer  from  New  York.  "  I'll  write  out 
your  story,  should  it  prove  a  good  one,  and  will  send  it 
to  Harry.  He'll  make  a  comedy  of  it,  if  the  stuff's  in 
it." 

AVe  spare  all  that  New  Y'ork  said  on  the  occasion,  in 
honor  of  comedy  and  Harry  Placidc,  and  in  respect  to 
native  materials  for  the  comic  muse ;  particularly  as 
the  Mississippian  wound  him  up,  in  the  most  prolonged 
part  of  his  dissertation,  with — 

"  Oh  !  shut  up,  stranger,  anyhow,  and  don't  bother 
your  head  about  the  actor  until  we  get  the  play." 

Not  an  unreasonable  suggestion.     Our  Tennesseean 


PROEM.  XXI 

seemed  to  fear  that  ho  had  promised  too  much.  Ho 
prudently  qualified  the  title  of  his  narrative  ;  apparently 
discovering,  for  the  first  time,  that  "  comedy"  meant 
something  different  from  story. 

"Comedy,"  said  he;  "comedy!  Well,  gentlemen, 
I  tell  you  that  when  I  first  heard  the  affair,  everybody 
said  'twas  as  '  good  as  a  comedy/  and  I  thought  so  too. 
'Twas  over  a  camp-fire  that  we  first  heard  it,  and  it 
mout  be  that  we  were  all  of  us  jest  in  the  humor  to  find 
a  comedy  in  anything.  The  story  mayn't  be  like  a 
comedy,  the  way  I  tell  it,  for  you  see  I  don't  profess  to 
be  good  in  sech  histories  ;  but  I  reckon  ef  you  could  ha' 
seen  and  heard  the  chap  that  first  tell'd  us,  by  them 
old  camp-fires,  on  the  Withlacoochee,  you'd  say,  as  we 
said  all  of  us,  'twas  as  *  good  as  a  comedy.'  " 

"  Did  it  make  you  laugh  V"  demanded  New  England, 
abruptly. 

"Laugh!     I  guess  some  did  and  some  didn't,"  was 
the  satisfactory  but  simple  reply.     "  What  I  saw  of  the 
affair  myself  was  no  laughing  matter  ;  but  we'll  keep 
that  back  for  the  last.     'Twas  something  a'most  too 
strange  for  laughing  ;  the  more,  too,  as  we  know'd  it  to 
be  nothing  but  the  truth,  and  it  happened  here,  too,  in 
one  of  these  western  counties  of  Georgia." 
Here  the  Georgian  put  in,  confidently — 
"  I  reckon  I  know  all  about  it.    I've  heard  it  myself." 
"Well !  you'd  better  tell  it,  then,"  quoth  Tennessee, 
very  coolly. 

"  Oh,  no  !"  modestly  responded  Georgia. 
"But,  oh!  yes!     Ef  you  know  it,  you've  a  sort  of 
right  to  it,  sence  it's  in  your  own  country  ;  and  I  rather 
reckon  you  can  make  a  better  mouthful  of  it  than  I. 


V 

xxii  PROEM. 


I'm  but  a  poor  stick  at  such  things,  and  am  quite  as 
ready  to  hear  you,  stranger,  as  to  talk  myself." 

"Pshaw!"  exclaimed  the  Georgian.  "Go  ahead, 
man.  I'm  a  mighty  conceited  fellow,  I  know,  but  that's 
no  reason  you  should  hold  me  up  to  make  me  say  so." 

"  Gi's  your  hand,  my  lad  ;  you're  a  good  we'pon,  I 
see  ;  though,  may-be,  a  little  too  quick  on  trigger." 

A  gripe  of  the  extended  fists  followed  in  the  dark, 
and  the  Tennesseean  proceeded. 

"  The  sarcumstance  that  I  am  going  to  tell  you  tuck 
place  in  one  of  the  western  counties  of  Georgia,  not 
many  years  ago,  and  there's  many  a  person  living  who 
can  jest  now  lay  their  fingers  on  the  very  parties.  I've 
seen  some  of  them  myself.  You  must  take  the  thing 
for  its  truth  more  than  for  its  pleasantry ;  for,  about 
the  one  I  can  answer,  and  about  the  other  I'm  as  good 
as  nobody  to  have  an  opinion.  I'm  not  the  man  to 
make  folks  laugh,  onless  it's  at  me,  and  then  I'm  jest 
as  apt  to  make  them  cry,  too ;  so  you  see  I'm  as  good 
as  comedy  and  tragedy  both,  to  some.  But,  as  I  con- 
fess, a  joke  don't  gain  much  in  goodness  when  it  leaves 
my  mouth  ;  and.ef  so  be — " 

We  silenced  these  preliminaries  viva  voce  ;  and,  thus 
arrested,  our  Tennesseean  left  off  his  faces  and  began. 
In  a  plain  and  direct  manner,  he  related  the  occurrences 
which  will  be  found  in  the  following  chapters.  He  was 
no  humorist,  though  he  suffered  us  all  to  see  in  what 
the  humorous  susceptibilities  of  his  story  lay.  It  was 
the  oddity  of  the  circumstances,  rather  than  their  hu- 
mor, that  held  out  the  attraction  for  me ;  and  I  could 
readily  perceive  how,  without  confounding  comedy  with 
the  merely  humorous  and  ludicrous,  the  materials  thus 


PROEM.  XXlll 

thrown  together  might,  by  a  dexterous  hand,  be  con- 
verted to  the  purposes  of  the  stage.  The  story  illus- 
trates curiously  the  variety  and  freedom  of  character 
which  we  find  everywhere  in  our  forest  country,  where 
no  long-established  usages  subdue  the  fresh  and  eager 
impulses  of  originality,  and  where,  as  if  in  very  mockery 
of  the  conventionalities  of  city  life,  the  strangest  eccen- 
tricities of  mood  and  feeling  display  themselves  in  a 
connection  with  the  most  unimpeachable  virtue — eccen- 
tricities of  conduct  such  as  would  shock  the  demurer 
damsel  of  the  city,  to  whom  the  proprieties  themselves 
are  virtues — yet  without  impairing  those  substantial 
virtues  of  the  country  girl,  whose  principles  are  wholly 
independent  of  externals.  Let  the  reader  only  keep  in 
mind  the  perfect  freedom  of  will,  and  the  absence  of 
prescriptive  or  fashionable  discipline  in  our  border 
countries,  and  there  will  be  nothing  strange  or  extrava- 
gant in  what  is  here  related  of  the  heroine. 

In  putting  these  details  together,  I  have  adopted  a 
fashion  of  my  own,  though  without  hoping,  any  more 
than  our  Tennesseean,  to  bring  out  the  humorous  points 
of  the  narrative.  These  must  be  left  to  the  fancy  of 
the  reader.  "  As  good  as  a  comedy*'  need  not  imply 
a  story  absolutely  comic  ;  and  I  do  not  promise  one. 
Still,  I  am  disposed  to  think  and  to  hope  that  the  title 
thus  sportively  adopted  will  not  be  found  wholly  inap- 
propriate to  the  volume. 

New  York. 


AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY! 


OR, 


THE    TEMESSEEAFS    STORY 


CHAPTER  I. 

A  GEORGIA  BREAKFAST. 

Let  us  start  fairly,  and  not  on  an  empty  stomach. 
Header,  we  begin  with  a  .Georgia  breakfast.  We  arc 
at  one  of  those  plain,  unpretending,  but  substantial 
farm-houses,  which,  in  the  interior  of  Georgia,  and 
other  Southern  States,  distinguished  more  especially 
the  older  inhabitants ;  those  who,  from  time  immemo- 
rial, have  appeared  pretty  much  as  we  find  them  now. 
These  all  date  back  beyond  the  Revolution ;  the  usual 
epoch,  in  our  country,  at  which  an  ancient  family  may 
be  permitted  to  begin.  The  rcgiori  is  one  of  thoso 
lovely  spots  among  the  barrens  of  middle  Georgia,  in 
which,  surveyed  from  the  proper  point  of  view,  there  is 
nothing  barren.  You  are  not  to  suppose  the  settlement 
an  old  one,  by  any  means,  for  it  is  not  more  than  twenty 
or  twenty- five  years  since  all  the  contiguous  territory 
within  a  space  of  sixty  miles  was  rescued  from  the 
savages.  But  our  family  is  an  old  one;  inheriting  all 
the  pride,  the  tastes,  and  the  feelings  which  belonged 
to  the  old  Southern  "Continentalcr."  This  will  be 
apparent  as  we  proceed ;  as  it  is  apparent,  in  fact,  to 
the  eye  which  contrasts  the  exterior  of  its  dwelling  with 


26  AS  UOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OK, 

that  of  the  neighboring   settlements   among  which  it 
harbors.     The    spot,    though    undistinguished   by   sur- 
prising scenery,  is  a  very  lovely  one,  and  not  unfre- 
quent  in  the  middle  country  of  the  Atlantic  Southern 
States.     It  presents  a  pleasing  prospect  under  a  single 
glance  of  the  eye,  of  smooth  lawn,  and  gentle  acclivity, 
and  lofty  forest  growth.     A  streamlet,  or  branchy  as  it 
is  here  called,  winds  along,  murmuring  as  it  goes,  at  the 
foot  of  a  gentle  eminence  which  is  crowned  with  a  luxu- 
riant "wealth  of  pine  and  cedar.     Looking  up  from  this 
*pot  while  your  steed   drinks,  you   behold,  perched  on 
another  gentle  swell  of  ground,  as  snug  and  handsome 
an   edifice  as  our  forest  country  usually  affords;  none 
of  your  overgrown  ambitious  establishments,  but  a  trim 
tidy  dwelling,  consisting  of  a  single  story  of  wood  upon 
a  brick  basement,  and  surrounded  on  three  sides  by  a 
most  glorious  piazza.      The  lawn  slopes  away,  for  several 
hundred  yards,  an  even  and  very  gradual  descent  even 
to  the  road  ;  a  broad  tract,  well  sprinkled  with  noble 
trees,  oaks,  oranges,  and  cedars,  with  here  and  there  a 
clump  of  towering  pines,  under  which  steeds  are  grazing, 
in  whose  slender  and  symmetrical  forms,  clean  legs,  and 
glossy  skins,  you  may  discern  instant   signs  of   those 
superior  foreign  breeds  which  the  Southern  planter  so 
much  affects.     The  house,  neatly  painted  white,  with 
green  blinds  and  shutters,  is  kept  in  admirable  trim  ;  and, 
from  the  agreeable  arrangement  of  trees  and  shrubbery, 
it  would  seem  that  the  place  had  been  laid  out  and  was 
tenanted  by  those  who  brought  good  taste  and  a  be- 
coming sense  of  the  beautiful  to  the  task.     There  was 
no  great  exercise  of  art,  it  is  true.     That  is  not  pre- 
tended.    But  nature  was  not  suffered  to  have  her  own 
way  entirely,  was  not  suffered  to  overrun  the  face  of 
the  land  with  her  luxuriance;  nor  was  man  so  savage 
as  to  strip  her  utterly  of  all  her  graceful  decorations — 
a  crime  which  we  are  too  frequently  called  upon  to  de- 
plore and  to  denounce,  when  we  contemplate  the  habita- 
tions even  of  the  wealthy  among  our  people,  particularly 
in  the  South,  despoiled,  by  barbarity,  of  all  their  shade- 


THE  tennesseean's  story.  27 

trees,  and  denuded  of  all  the  grace  and  softness  which 
these  necessarily  confer  upon  the  landscape.  Here,  the 
glance  seemed  to  rest  satisfied  with  what  it  beheld,  and 
to  want  for  nothing.  There  might  be  bigger  houses, 
and  loftier  structures,  of  more  ambitious  design  and 
more  commanding  proportion;  but  this  was  certainly 
very  neat,  and  very  much  in  its  place.  Its  white  out- 
lines caught  your  eye,  glinting  through  openings  of  the 
forest,  approaching  by  the  road  on  either  hand,  for 
some  distance  before  you  drew  nigh,  and  with  such  an 
air  of  peace  and  sweetness,  that  you  were  insensibly 
prepared  to  regard  its  inmates  as  very  good  and  well- 
bred  people.  Nor  arc  we  wrong  in  these  conjectures. 
But  of  this  hereafter.  At  this  moment,  you  may  see 
a  very  splendid  iron-gray  charger,  saddled,  and  fastened 
in  the  shade,  some  twenty  steps  from  the  dwelling.  Lift 
your  eye  to  the  piazza,  and  you  behold  the  owner.  A 
finer-looking  fellow  lives  not  in  the  country.  Tall,  well 
made,  and  muscular,  he  treads  the  piazza  like  a  prince. 
The  freedom  of  carriage  which  belongs  to  the  gentlemen 
in  our  forest  country  is  inimitable,  is  not  to  be  acquired 
by  art,  and  is  due  to  the  fact  that  they  suffer  from  no 
laborious  occupation,  undergo  no  drudgery,  and  are 
subject  to  no  confinement,  which,  in  childhood,  contract 
the  shoulders  into  a  stoop,  depress  the  spirits,  enfeeble 
the  energies,  and  wofully  impair  tho  freedom  and  ele- 
gance of  the  deportment.  Constant  exercise  on  foot 
and  horseback,  the  fox  hunt  and  the  chase ;  these,  with 
other  sylvan  sports,  do  wonders  for  the  physique,  the 
grace  and  the  bearing  of  the  country  gentleman  of  the 
{South.  The  person  before  us  is  one  of  the  noblest  spe- 
cimens of  his  class.  A  frank  and  handsome  countenance, 
with  a  skin  clear  and  inclining  to  the  florid;  a  bright, 
martial  blue  eye;  a  full  chin;  thick,  massive  locks  of 
dark  brown  hair,  and  lips  that  express  a  rare  sweetness, 
and  only  do  not  smile,  sufficiently  distinguish  his  pecu- 
liarities of  face.  His  dress  is  simple,  after  an  ordinary 
fashion  of  the  country,  but  is  surprisingly  neat  and  be- 
coming.   A  loose  blouse,  rather  more  after  the  Choctaw 


28  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

than  the  Parisian  pattern,  does  not  lessen  the  symmetry 

of  his  shape.  His  trousers  are  not  so  loose  as  to  con- 
ceal the  fine  muscular  developments  of  his  lower  limbs ; 
nor  does  his  loose  negligee  neckcloth,  simply  folded 
about  the  neck,  prevent  the  display  of  a  column  which 
admirably  sustains  the  intellectual  and  massive  head 
which  crowns  it,  and  which  we  now  behold  uncovered. 
Booted  and  spurred,  he  appears  ready  for  a  journey, 
walks  the  piazza  with  something  of  impatience  in  his 
manner,  and  frequently  stops  to  shade  his  eyes  from  the 
glare,  as  he  strains  them  in  exploring  tho  distant  high- 
way. You  see  that  he  is  young,  scarcely  twenty-two ; 
eager  in  his  impulses,  restive  under  restraint,  and  better 
able  to  endure  and  struggle  with  tho  conilict  than  to 
wait  for  its  slow  approaches.  Suddenly  he  starts.  lie 
turns  to  a  call  from  within,  and  a  matron  lady  appears 
at  the  entrance  of  the  dwelling,  and  joins  him  in  the 
piazza.  lie  turns  to  her  with  respect  and  fondness.  She 
is  his  mother;  a  stately  dame,  with  features  like  his 
own;  a  manner  at  once  easy  and  dignified;  an  eye 
grave,  but  benevolent ;  and  a  voice  whose  slow,  subdued 
accents  possess  a  rare  sweetness  not  unmingled  with 
command. 

"  "We  need  wait  for  Miles  no  longer,  my  son,"  was 
the  remark  of  the  old  lady.  "  lie  surely  never  meant 
to  come  to  breakfast.  lie  knows  our  hours  perfectly  ; 
and  knows,  moreover,  that  we  old  people,  who  rise  witli 
the  fowls,  do  not  relish  any  unnecessary  delay  in  the 
morning  meal." 

"  Well,  mother,  have  it  in,  though  I  certainly  under- 
stood John  that  lie  would  be  here  to  breakfast." 

"  Most  probably  lie  did  not  understand  himself.'' 

"  He  is,  indeed,  a  stupid  fellow.  l>ut,  there  he  is. 
Ho!  John" — calling  to  the  servant  whom  he  sees  cross- 
ing the  lawn  in  the  direction  of  his  house — "  ho,  John  ! 
what  did  Miles  tell  you?" 

ki  He  tell  me  he  will  come,  sa." 

"  Ay,  but  when  ?" 

"  He  sav  dis  morning,  when  breakfast  come." 


THE  TKNNERSHEAN's  STORY,  21) 

"Ay,  indeed!  but  whose  breakfast;  his  or  mine? 
Did  lie  say  ho  would  come  to  breakfast  with  me,  or 
after  lie  had  eaten  his  own?" 

"  He  no  say." 

"Why  did  I  send  that  follow!"  muttered  the  youth 
to  himself  as  ho  passed  into  the  breakfast-room.  Let 
us  follow  him.  JIow  nieo  are  all  the  arrangements! 
betraying  the  methodical  and  tidy  hand  of  one  brought 
up  in  the  old  school.  The  cloth  white  as  snow,  and 
neatly  spread;  tho  silver  shining  as  brightly  as  if  just 
from  the  burnish  of  tho  smith  ;  and  tho  tout  ennemble 
denoting  the  vigilant  care  of  a  good  mistress,  who  we*, 
as  well  as  orders,  that  her  servants  do  their  duty.  A 
single  colored  girl  stands  in  waiting,  dressed  in  blue 
homespun,  with  a  clean  white  apron.  The  aged  lady 
herself  wears  an  apron,  that  seems  to  indicato  her  own 
readiness  to  share  in  tho  labors  of  tho  household.  And 
now  for  the  breakfast.  A  Georgia,  indeed  a  Southern 
breakfast,  differs  in  sundry  respects  from  ours  at  tho 
North,  chiefly,  however,  in  tho  matter  of  brcadstuffs. 
In  this  respect  our  habits  arc  more  simple,  particularly 
in  the  cities.  In  tho  South,  there  is  a  variety;  and 
those  are  valuable  chiefly  in  proportion  to  their  warmth. 
Hominy  itself  is  a  breadstuff;  a  dish  that  our  mush  but 
poorly  represents.  It  is  seldom  eatable  out  of  a  Southern 
household.  Then  there  are  wa flics,  and  rice  cakes  ami 
fritters,  and  other  things  of  like  description,  making 
a  variety  at  once  persuasive  to  the  palate  and  not  hurt- 
fid  to  health.  These  were  all  in  lavish  array  at  tho 
table  of  tho  widow  Hammond,  for  such  is  tho  namo  of 
the  excellent  lady  to  whose  breakfast,  board  wo  arc 
self-invited.  The  brcadstuffs  had  their  corresponding 
variety  of  meats.  A  dish  of  broiled  partridges,  u  steak 
of  venison,  and  a  vase  of  boiled  eggs,  furnish  an  ample 
choice  for  a  Spring  breakfast,  and  tako  from  us  all 
motive  to  look  farther.  Coffee  for  her  son,  and  tea  for 
herself,  constituted  tho  beverage  of  tho  breakfast;  and 
wo  are  not  unconscious  that  tho  platter  of  white  fresh 
butter,  that  occupies  a  plitec  in  the  centre  of  the  table, 


30  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

is  suggestive  of  a  pitcher  of  foaming  buttermilk  that 
stands  at  the  extremity.  AVhy  look  further  into  the 
catalogue? 

For  a  -while  the  parties  ate  in  silence,  or  rather  they 
did  not  eat;  ono  of  them,  at  least,  seemed  to  need  an 
appetizer.  Randall  Hammond  took  several  things  on 
his  plate  at  the  suggestion  of  his  mother,  but  he  merely 
tasted  of  them.  The  partridge  was  sorely  gashed  at 
the  first  stroke,  but  the  morsel  taken  from  its  breast  lay 
upon  the  fork  unswallowed.  The  youth  seemed  more 
disposed  to  exercise  his  ingenuity  in  balancing  his  spoon 
upon  the  edge  of  his  cup ;  a  feat  which,  having  suc- 
ceeded in,  he  abandoned  for  the  more  difficult  experi- 
ment of  standing  the  o^  upon  its  point,  as  if  to  solve 
the  problem  which  Columbus  submitted  to  the  Spanish 
doctors.  The  mother  watched  with  some  anxiety  these 
movements  of  her  son. 

"  You  do  not  eat,  Randall." 

"  No,"  he  said,  "  I  have  somehow  no  appetite  ;"  and 
he  pushed  away  his  plate  as  he  replied. 

"  You  have  eaten  nothing ;  shall  I  send  you  another 
cup  of  coffee?" 

"  Do  so,  mother ;  I  am  thirsty,  though  I  cannot  eat." 

The  cup  was  replenished.  The  mistress  dispatches 
the  servant-girl  on  a  mission  to  the  kitchen,  anjl  then, 
after  a  preliminary  hem  or  two,  she  addressed  her  son 
in  accents  of  considerable  gravity,  though  so  coupled 
with  fondness  as  to  declare  the  tender  interest  which 
she  had  in  her  subject. 

"  My  son,  you  well  know  the  regret  which  I  feel  at 
your  going  to  this  horserace.'' 

u  But  1  must  go,  mother." 

"  Yes,  I  understand  that.  You  must  go,  as  you  have 
promised  to  do  so,  and  I  suppose  it's  quite  unreasonable 
on  my  part  to  desire  that  you  should  not  comply  with 
what  is  customary  among  your  associates.  I  can  be- 
lieve, also,  that  horseracing  is  a  very  different  thing, 
nowadays,  from  what  it  was  twenty  years  ago  in 
Georcia." 


T1I1C  tbnnessekan's  story.  01 

"  <)  yes,  indeed ;  a  very  different  thing!11 
"Ihopo  so;   1   boliovo  so!     It'  1  did  not,  Randall, 
nothing  should  persuade  mo  to  give  my  consent  to  your 
exposing  yourself  to  its  dreadful  influences." 
"You  need  fear  nothing  on  my  account,  mother." 
"  Ah  !  my  son  ; — that  is  being  qui  to  too  hold;  persons 
who  are  thus  strong  in  their  own  belief  are  always  in 
danger.     But,  I  trust,  you  have  heard  me  too  frequently 
on  this  subject;  1  trust  you  feel  how  deeply  I  should 
sudor,  did  1  suppose  that  you  could  run  a  horse,  or  risk 
a  dollar,  in  such  a  practice  ;  to  bo  misled  by  the  per- 
suasions of  others,  or  your  own  natural  tendencies.' 

<v  But,  why  do  you  think  1  have  any  such  tendencies, 
mother?" 

"  Why  have  you  spent  so  large  an  amount  on  these 
foreign  horses  ?" 

"  For  the  sake  of  stock,  mother.  I  have  an  eye  to 
the  merits  and  the  beauties  of  the  horse.  I  know  his  fine 
points.  1  love  to  look  upon  them.  I  know  no  spectacle 
more  beautiful  than  a  group  of  these  beautiful  creatures, 
wheeling  and  dashing  over  tho  lawn  ;  and  as  a  captain  of 
cavalry,  1  must  bo  well  mounted  myself.  Beyond  this 
desire,  I  do  not  sec  that  I  have  any  natural  tendencies 
that  should  occasion  your  fears." 

"  These  tendencies  come  from  this  very  passion  for 
horseflesh. " 

"But  with  mc,  mother,  it  is  no  passion." 
"  Alas!  my  son,  1  know  better;  all  passions  begin  very 
modestly.  That  you  have  the  tendency  is  enough  for 
me,  and,  at  the  risk  of  giving  you  pain,  I  must  repeat 
what  I  have  said  before,  that  you  inherit  this  passion 
from  your  most  unhappy  father." 

"No  more  of  that,  mother,  I  entreat  you." 
"  Nay,  Randall,  but  there  must  be  more  of  it.  It 
is  needful  for  your  safety  that  I  should  remind  you  that 
your  father  lost  his  life  and  fortune  both  by  this  insane 
and  dangerous  passion.  What  remains  to  us  of  former 
wealth  was  happily  secured  by  my  father's  providence. 
Wo  had  (dse  been  destitute.     You  resemble  your  father 


32  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDYrOR, 


: 


greatly  in  most  respects.  You  have  his  sanguine  tem- 
perament;  his  hopeful  confidence  in  himself ;  his  eager 
will;  his  lavish  expenditure,  and  his  passion  for  horses." 

"But,  dear  mother — " 

"  Restrained  only,  as  I  trust,  my  son,  by  the  constant 
lessons  of  your  mother." 

"  And  by  the  love  I  bear  her." 

"I  believe  it,  Randall ;  it  is  God's  blessing  that  I  do 
believe  it;  otherwise,  this  would  be  to  me  a  moment  of 
the  dreariest  hopelessness  of  heart.  Promise  me,  dear 
son,  that  you  will  neither  run  a  horse,  nor  bet  upon  a 
horserace." 

"  Promise,  mother  !" 

"Nay,  I  ask  no  promise;  I  will  only  pray,  Randall, 
that  you  will  never  for  a  moment  forget  how  much  the 
small  remnant  of  your  mother's  life  depends  upon  the 
heed  you  give  to  these  lessons  of  her  fears  and  sorrows. 
Let  me  not  mourn  the  fato  of  an  only  son,  as  I  must 
always  mourn  that  of  a  husband." 

The  youth  passed  his  arms  about  her,  and  kissed  her 
tenderly.  They  had  both  risen  from  the  table,  and  they 
now  approached  the  piazza  together. 

"There  is  another  subject,  Randall,  about  which  I 
wished  to  speak  with  you,  but  my  heart  is  quite  too  full 
just  now.  I  must  keep  it  for  another  time.  It  relates 
to  this  young  lady,  Miss  Foster." 

The  youth  colored  deeply.  The  flush  did  not  escape 
the  penetrating  eyes  of  the  mother.  She  did  not  seem 
to  observe  it,  however,  but  continued  with  rare  quietness 
of  manner  to  remark  : 

"  They  tell  me  that  you  arc  pleased  with  her.v 

"Who  tells  you?" 

"No  matter.     Enough,  that  I  hear  also  that  she  is  a 
maiden  of  singular  levities,  of  bold,  masculine  habits." 
"0  mother!  who  could  have  told  you  this  ?     "What  a 
scandalous  story !" 

"What!  has  she  not  some  singular  habits?" 
"  Some  slight  eccentricities,  perhaps;   something  in 
thought    and   manner  more  free  and  confident  than  is 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY*  33 

common   to   the  uneducated  girls  of  the   country,  and 
which  they  accordingly  censure — hut — " 

"  Well,  another  time  for  this,  my  son.  There  comes 
Henderson." 

The  youth  was  not  unwilling  to  waive  the  subject. 
His  eyes  were  eagerly  fixed  upon  the  highway,  where  a 
horseman  now  came  in  sight.  _ 

"Ay,  there  he  is  at  last,  riding  like  the  high-sheriff, 
as  who  but  he  !  Should  he  want  breakfast,  now,  mo- 
ther ?" 

"lie  can  have  it  in  a  moment;  but,  unless  I  am 
greatly  mistaken,  he  has  considered  his  wants  of  that 
sort  some  time  ago." 

A  few  moments  sufficed  to  determine  the  doubt. 
The  new-comer  cantered  rapidly  down  the  road,  and 
was  soon  within  the  inclosure. 

"Well,  Randall,  arc  you  ready?"  he  cried,  as  he 
alighted  from  his  horse.  The  bridle  was  thrown  to  a 
servant,  and  Henderson  ascended  to  the  piazza,  where 
he  shook  hands  with  mother  and  son. 

"Ready,"  said  Hammond,  "  and  have  been  this  hour. 
What  has  kept  you?  Why  did  you  not  come  to  break- 
fast?" 

"  For  the  best  of  reasons.     I  overslept  myself." 
"Then  you  have  breakfasted,  Henderson?"  asked  the 
old  lady. 

"  O  yes,  ma'am.  I  wouldn't  keep  you  waiting ; 
though  I  sent  word  by  John  that  I  would  take  coffee 
with  you." 

"  And  a  pretty  tale  he  made  of  it.  We  waited  for 
you." 

"I'm  sorry — "he  began  to  apologize,  but  the  old 
lady  silenced  him  gracefully,  and  then  took  her  de- 
parture, leaving  the  young  men  together. 

"So,  you  overslept  yourself,  Miles?"  was  the  remark 
of  Hammond.  "  Something  singular  for  you.  Where 
was  you  last  night?" 

The  inquirer  darted  a  swift  but  half-smiling  glance  of 


34 

suspicion  directly  to  the  eye  of  the  other.     The  answer 
"was  somewhat  hesitatingly  delivered. 

"Where  was  I  ?  Oh!  at  Mrs.  Foster's." 
"Ah!"  was  the  significant  exclamation  of  Hammond, 
and  a  pause  ensued  between  the  parties.  The  tone  with 
which  the  exclamation  was  uttered  was  subdued,  the 
word  seemed  to  escape  the  lips  of  the  speaker  involun- 
tarily, and  a  keen  eye  might  have  detected  a  slight 
contraction  of  the  muscles  of  his  brow.  But  this  passed 
away  in  a  single  moment,  and  putting  his  arm  within 
that  of  his  guest,  with  a  glance  behind  him  to  the 
breakfast-room,  Randall  Hammond  led  his  companion 
down  the  steps,  and  they  walked  away  in  silence  to  somo 
distance  in  the  park. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  35 


CHAPTER  II. 

THE  FRIENDS. 

The  new-comer,  whom  wc  arc  already  taught  to  know 
as  Miles  Henderson,  was  tall  of  size  and  graceful  of  per- 
son. In  these  respects,  he  resembled  his  companion  ; 
though  it  needed  no  second  glance  of  the  spectator  to 
discover  the  superiority,  in  ail  that  regards  bearing  and 
general  manner,  in  the  person  and  carriage  of  the  latter. 
Henderson  was  a  fine,  sprightly,  and  rather  sensible 
fellow,  but  scarcely  so  courtly,  so  well-bred,  and  well- 
looking  as  Randall  Hammond.  Still,  there  were  those 
by  whom  the  former  was  preferred,  lie  was  more  frank 
and  less  commanding,  as  a  character ;  more  accessible, 
and  accordingly  more  agreeable  to  the  many,  than  the 
man  of  superior  will  and  general  endowments.  It  does 
not  need,  however,  that  we  should  strike  the  balance, 
just  at  this  time,  between  them.  Such  a  proceeding  will 
serve  hereafter.  Enough  for  us,  that  the  two  are  most 
excellent  friends ;  true,  whole-souled,  and  confiding ; 
with  neither  doubt  nor  distrust  of  any  kind  between 
them;  ready  to  share  their  resources,  and  to  peril  life, 
if  need  be,  in  behalf  of  each  other.  And  such  had 
been  their  terms  of  relationship  from  boyhood.  They 
had  few  other  associates  to  divide  their  sympathies  or 
provoke  jealousies  between  them.  Both  of  them  were 
the  only  sons  of  widowed  mothers;  and  both  of  them 
were  equally  docile  in  respect  to  the  wishes  of  their 
parents.  They  were  not  absolutely  faultless,  but  very 
good  fellows,  as  the  world  goes  ;  the  one  being  supposed 
to  have  a  very  decided  will  of  his  own ;  the  other  of 
having  a  tendency  to  good-fellowship  of  every  kind, 
without  losing  his  equilibrium,  in  the  license  which  good- 


36  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

fellowship  among  young  men  is  supposed  to  engender. 
We  may  state,  at  the  beginning,  that,  on  the  occasion 
of  their  present  meeting,  there  was  something  more  of 
shyness  and  reserve  in  their  mutual  hearing,  cordial  and 
frank  as  it  really  appeared,  than  had  ever  distinguished 
it  before.  Tho  secret  of  this,  of  which  each  was  duly 
conscious,  will  be  shown  as  wo  proceed.  They  had  got 
to  some  distance  from  the  dwelling,  when,  somewhat 
abruptly,  Randall  resumed  the  conversation  with  an 
inquiry. 

"So  you  dined  at  Mrs.  Foster's  yesterday,  Miles?" 
"  Xo.      I  got  there  in  the  afternoon.     1  went  down 
to  the  village  to  sec  Ferguson  about  that  land  business, 
and  took  the  good  lady  in  my  way  home." 

"By  going  four  miles  out  of  the  way,"  said  the  other, 
drily. 

"\ou'rc  right,  Randall,"  answered  the  other  frankly, 
while  a  slight  Hush  tinged  the  check  of  the  speaker. 
"You're  right ;  but  I  reckon  it's  only  what  you'd  have 
done  yourself. " 

To  this  nothing  was  answered.  A  moment's  pause 
ensued,  when  Hammond  resumed. 

"Was  that  foolish  fellow,  Barry,  there?" 
"  No  !  not  then  ;  but  I  gathered  that  he  had  been, 
during  the  morning,  from  something  that  passed  between 
Geraldino  and  her  mother — " 
"All!     What?" 

"Why,  as  far  as  I  could  guess,  Geraldino  had  been 
rather  sharp  upon  him,  in  some  of  her  answers ;  and 
her  mother  was  cpritc  displeased  in  consequence.  She 
gave  (Jeraldine  a  lecture  as  long  as  one  of  Brother 
Petcrkin's,  particularly  when  his  dinner  has  been  a  good 
and  comforting  one;  and  Geraldino — " 

"Minded  it  quite  as  little  as  my  roan  horse  does  the 
snaflle.  But  how  often,  Miles,  you  name  her  in  the 
space  of  a  sentence  !" 

"Name  her!  How  often !  Who?"  The  response 
was  stammeringly  made. 

"  Who,  but  Geraldino  Foster?     In  a  single  half  sen- 


the  tennesseean's  story.  37 

tcncc,  I  think,  you  contrived  to  bring  in  her  name  at 
least  half  a  dozen  times." 

"Nay,  Randall,  you're  joking.  But  once,  'pon  my 
honor !" 

"Pawn  nothing,  or  you  lose.  The  oiTenco  is  not 
hanging,  unless  agreeably.  The  name  is  one  to  bo 
repeated.     It  is  a  sweet  and  musical  one." 

This  was  said  good-humorcdly,  a  slight  smile  lighten- 
ing pleasantly  the  otherwise  grave  face  of  tho  speaker. 
His  companion  discovered  a  something  significant  in  the 
look  and  speech,  was  himself  slightly  confused,  and  con- 
cealed it  in  silence.  Hammond  quietly  turned  full  upon 
him,  and,  laying  his  hand  with  affectionate  emphasis 
upon  his  shoulder,  thus  addressed  him: — 

"  Look  you,  Miles,,  old  fellow,  there  is  one  small  knot 
between  us  which  remains  to  be  untied." 

"Knot  between  us,  llandall  V 

"  Yes  ;  and  the  sooner  we  take  it  between  our  lingers, 
the  more  certain  are  we  to  escape  the  necessity  of  put- 
ting our  teeth  to  it.  "We  are  here  by  ourselves,  and  a 
few  moments  more — " 

"  But,  have  we  time,  Randall?" 

"  Time  !  Yes  ;  we  neither  of  us  care  much  for  the 
race  ;  we  shall  lose  but  little." 

"  But  little,  in  truth.  The  horses  I  hear  of  are  only 
common  ones.  There  is  Vosc's  gray,  pretty  good  at 
a  quarter;  and  Biggar's  young  filly  out  of  'May 
Queen;'  and  the  old  horse  'Bob,'  of  Joe  Balch,  which 
you  know  was  never  of  much  account ;  and  Barry,  I 
understand,  means  to  run  his  'Fair  Geraldine,'  of  which 
he  brags  so  much  ;  and — " 

"Enough  of  your  catalogue,"  said  the  other,  with  a 
smile  :  "I  perhaps  know  quite  as  much  as  yourself  with 
regard  to  the  horses  likely  to  be  upon  the  ground ;  for 
Tom  Nettles  was  with  me  yesterday,  and  he  has  all  the 
news.  The  race,  he  agrees,  will  be  no  great  shakes,  so 
that,  if  we  lose  some  of  it,  we  lose  nothing — " 

"  Yes,  but  Randall,  Geraldine  will  bo  there  early,  and 
without  any  male  attendance.     In  fact,  I  promised  her 
4 


it 


38  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

to  bo  on  the  ground  at  the  beginning,  in  order  to  let 
her  know  all  about  the  horses.  She  is  full  of  it,  and 
is  prepared  to  bet  a  world  of  gloves,  and  purses,  and 
handkerchiefs.  She  expects  you  there  early  also.  She 
told  me,  indeed,  that  you  had  promised  her — " 

aAh!  she  remembered  it,  did  she? — well!"  after  a 
moment's  pause;  "we  shall  still  be  there  in  season; 
what  I  have  to  say  won't  take  many  minutes.  The  chief 
difficulty  was  to  get  up  the  resolution  to  say  it  at  all, 
Miles." 

The  resolution,  Randall?  Why,  what  can  it  be?" 
Can't  you  guess?"  replied  the  other,  fixing  his 
eyes  keenly  upon  those  of  his  companion.  The  orbs  of 
the  latter  sunk  beneath  the  scrutiny. 

"  I  see  that  you  know.  Let  us  sit  here,  Miles." 
They  were  now  beneath  a  magnificent  cluster  of  oaks, 
covering  five  or  more  acres  of  ground,  and  looking  forth, 
from  a  noble  eminence,  on  lawn  and  field,  and  plain, 
and  high  road,  that  stretched  away  below.  Sylvan 
seats,  manufactured  rudely,  but  nut  without  a  native 
ingenuity,  out  of  wands  of  hickory  and  elm,  into  Gothic 
and  fantastic  forms,  were  conveniently  distributed  for 
the  lounge,  while  great  streamers  of  drooping  gray 
moss  festooned  the  outstretching  arms  of  the  several 
trees  with  a  drapery  not  less  appropriate  than  natural. 
Hammond  pointed  his  companion  to  one  of  these  seats, 
while  he  took  another  close  beside  him.  An  incon- 
venient pause  followed  of  a  few  moments,  which  was 
finally  broken  by  the  strong  will  of  the  former,  which 
was  of  that  fearless  and  frank  character  that  could 
soon  shake  itself  free  of  all  feelings  of  social  awkward- 
ness when  resolved  on  the  performance  of  a  duty.  His 
hand  again  rested  kindly  on  the  shoulders  of  Hender- 
son, as,  looking  him  affectionately  in  the  face,  he  thus 
proceeded  to  unfold  the  matter  which  troubled  him. 

"  Miles,  old  fellow,  it  won't  do,  after  so  many  years 
of  close  and  brotherly  communion  ;  years  when  we  were 
all  in  all  to  each  other,  and  seemed  to  live  for  nobody 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  39    • 

beside  ;  I  say,  it  won't  do  for  us  now  to  suffer  any  mis- 
trust or  misunderstanding  to  grow  up  between  us." 

"  Surely  not,  Randall ! — I  wouldn't  for  the  world  ! — 
But  what  mistrust — what  misunderstanding?" 

"Hear  me,  Miles;  mistrusts  and  misunderstandings 
grow  very  naturally  and  very  silently  between  friends 
from  the  slightest  beginnings.  There's  no  seeing  them 
at  first,  unless  the  heart  is  watchful  of  itself,  and  even 
then  they  are  apt  to  be  let  alone  to  grow  apace,  as  all 
ill  weeds  do,  unless  the  heart  is  properly  jealous  of  itself. 
]\Tow,  it  may  be  that  my  heart  is  equally  mistaken  in 
its  suspicions  of  itself  and  of  yours — " 
"  Of  mine,  Randall?" 

il  Yes  !  I  have  reason  to  believe  that  there  lias  been 
a  slight  falling  off  between  us  ever  since  Geraldine 
Foster  returned  to  the  neighborhood. 

"  Randall!"  said  the  other,  reproachfully. 
"  It  is  even  so,  Miles ;  but  it  must  not  be  so  any 
longer.  For  this  reason,  I  have  determined  to  speak  out 
plainly  before  the  weed  grows  too  strong  for  the  plough- 
share. We  were  friends  from  boyhood  until  now,  and 
your  friendship  has  been,  and  I  trust  will  continue 
to  be,  quite  as  precious  to  me  as  any  love  of  woman. 
AVe  must  continue  to  be  friends,  Miles,  even  though  we 
should  both  of  us  love  Geraldine  Foster." 

The  other  clasped  his  hands  together,  as  if  with 
a  sudden  anguish. 

"  Ah,  Randall !— I  did  fear  it ;  I  did  !" 
"  It  is  unfortunate,  Miles,  that  such  is  the  case,  but 
it  is  no  longer  to  be  feared,  and  it  need  not  be  fatal  to 
our  friendship.  I  can  love  Geraldine  with  all  the  passion 
of  a  Georgian's  heart ;  but,  Miles,  I  can  love  you  too, 
and  I  will  love  you  to  the  last.  To  be  sure  of  this,  we 
have  only  to  understand  each  other.  There  must  be  no 
doubts,  no  mistrusts,  no  suspicions  between  us.  You 
love  her  ;  you  will  seek  her  ;  you  will  try  to  win  her 
love  if  you  can;  and  for  this  I  shall  afford  you  every 
proper  opportunity,  not  hesitating  to  avail  myself  of 
the  chances  that  seem  to  encourage  me.     Thus  far,  wo 


40  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

have  both  sought  her  without  interference  of  each  other. 
"Wo  will  continue  to  do  so.  It  is  the  instinct  of  a 
true  friendship  which  has  compelled  this  forbearance. 
I  frankly  admit  to  you  that,  as  yet,  she  lias  given  me 
no  proofs  that  she  cares  one  straw  for  me  more  than 
for  another.  If  you  can  say  that  you  have  been  more 
fortunate,  speak  it  out,  Miles,  like  a  man,  and  I  pursue 
her  no  longer  ;  I  leave  the  field  entirely  to  yourself." 

"  You  are  a  noble  fellow,  Randall,  and  deserve  the 
girl ;  which  I  don't.  1  could  no  more  have  mustered 
the  heart  to  talk  of  it  to  you,'  as  you  have  just  done  to 
me,  than  I  could  have  found  wings  to  lly ;  yet  1  felt  that 
that  was  the  only  way.  1  do  love  her,  as  you  Bay ; 
but  I  must  own  that,  like  yourself,  I  have  had  no 
encouragement.  But  no  more  does  she  seem  to  show 
favor  to  others.     She  lias  several  suitors,  you  know?" 

"  Yes!  but  none,  I  think,  that  eithcv  of  us  has  need 
to  fear.  You,  at  least,  arc  the  only  person  whose 
chances  disquiet  me.  She  has  the  sense  to  perceive 
your  worth — to  respect  you — " 

"I  don't  know  that,"  was  the  somewhat  sullen  an- 
swer, with  a  discontented  shake  of  the  head ;  "  she 
treats  me  mighty  scurvilv,  at  times.  Y'ou  know  her 
way!" 

u  Y'cs;  but  I  know  it  is  her  way,  which  shows  itself 
to  all  others  as  it  shows  itself  to  you,  though  each 
person  naturally  thinks  him.self  the  worst  treated  of 
all.  She  is  a  tyrant,  knows  her  power,  and  is  but 
too  fond  of  abusing  it;  but  she  is  a  noble  creature,  never- 
theless, with  all  her  faults." 

"  A  beautiful  creature,  Randall !" 
"  I  don't  speak  so  much  of  her  beauty,  Miles,  though, 
as  you  say,  she  is  very  beautiful;  but  she  is  a  genuine 
creature.  She  is  wrong  frequently,  and  says  and.  does 
wilful  and  mischievous  things;  but  I  do  not  think  she 
has  any  cunning,  which  1  look  upon  as  fatal  to  all  the 
beauty  that  woman  could  possess.  She  speaks,  and 
thinks,  and  feels,  very  much  as  if  a  feeling  and  honest 
heart  was  in  her  bosom,  which  had  not  vet  been  tortured 


THE  tennesseean's  story.  41 

out  of  shape  and  nature  by  the  tricks  of  society  and 
the  teachings  of  other  women.  It  is  this  for  which  I 
love  her  chiefly,  and  which  reconciles  me  to  so  much  of 
her  eccentricities  and  wilfulness.  I  suppose  she  treats 
you  only  as  she  treats  me  and  all  others.  The  truth  is, 
she  not  only  feels  her  power,  and  is  rash  because  of 
her  own  impetuous  spirit,  but  she  has  learned  to  distrust 
the  professions  and  attentions  of  gentlemen.  She  has 
met  with  flatteries  and  flatterers  at  Savannah  and 
Charleston,  and  has  learned  perhaps  to  despise  them, 
not  because  she  did  not  like  attention  and  homage,  but 
that  she  required  them  to  bo  interesting  as  well  as 
suppliant.  It  is  the  insipidity  of  beaux,  rather  than 
their  devotion,  that  her  bold  mind,  which  resents  the 
commonplace,  has  learned  to  distrust  and  to  contemn. 
Fortunately,  you  and  I  are  no  beaux,,  Miles;  but  she 
has  yet  to  discover  what  we  are.  That  she  will  find 
out,  if  time  be  allowed  her,  I  make  no  question.  I 
confide  in  her  sincerity  of  mind ;  in  what  seems  the 
very  wilfulness  of  her  heart ;  in  its  warmth,  its  impulse, 
and  the  shrewd  good  sense,  which  is  quite  as  apparent 
to  me  in  her  conduct  as  her  eccentricities." 

"Ah!  Randall,  you  need  to  fear  nothing,"  was  the 
somewhat  desponding  answer  of  the  other;  "  I'm  think- 
ing she  already  sees  you  with  kinder  eyes  than  anybody 
else." 

"  Scarcely,  Miles;  for  I  am  not  taking  the  course 
to  win  her  affections  suddenly.  I  confess  to  some  policy 
in  this  respect.  She  would  rate  me  with  the  rest,  if  I 
sought  her  like  the  rest.  I  must  approach  her  as  a  man, 
and  not  as  a  schoolboy." 

"  You  were  always  a  man,  Randall,  even  when  a 
schoolboy." 

"  I'm  not  sure,  Miles,  that  you  pay  me  any  compli- 
ment in  this  opinion.  My  consolation  is  that  it  is  not 
just.  Your  mannish  schoolboys  are  usually  destroyed 
by  their  precocity.  Still,  if  I  can  persuade  Geraldine 
that  I  am  a  man  now — " 

"  You  will — vou  will!"  said  the  other,  with  a  sigh. 
,4* 


42  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

"Nay,  nay,  Miles;  I  must  have  none  of  this  de- 
spondency. You  must  pursue  your  chase  with  as  much 
hope  and  ardor  as  decision.  As  I  have  said  already, 
I  am  not  taking  the  usual  course  for  success,  and  there 
is  one  evil  influence  particularly  at  work  against  me." 
"What  is  that?" 

"  Her  stepmother's  dislike  to  me,  which  flows  natu- 
rally from  the  slights  which  she  complains  of  at  the 
hands  of  my  mother.     My  mother,  who  comes  from  an 
old  stock,  and  a  very  proud  one,  dislikes  the  obtrusive 
and  bad  manners  of  Mrs.  Foster.     It  is  not  that  she  is 
of  humble   origin,  but  that  she  is  pert  and  presuming, 
and  has  made  several  efforts,  without  success,  to  find 
her  way  to  my  mother's  intimacy.     Besides,  Mrs.  Foster 
evidently  inclines  to  this  little  fellow,  Barry,  who  treats 
her  with  a  degree  of  deference  which  amounts  to  syco- 
phancy, and  who,  besides,  has  the  prospect  of  much 
greater  wealth  than  cither  of  us  could  possibly  hope  to 
acquire.     The  stepmother  must  have  succeeded  before 
this,  had  it  not  been  for  the  native  good  sense  and  the 
strong  will  of  Gcraldinc.     Yet  she  may  at  last — " 
"Who,  Gcraldino?     Never!     She  despises  Barry." 
"Very  likely;  indeed,  I  know  she  must;  but  that 
don't  materially  impair  his  chances,  should  circumstances 
favor  him.     Many  a  passionate  woman,  taken   in   the 
lucky  moment,  has  married  the  object  of  her  loathing'. 
This"  is  woman's  weakness.      But   we  needn't  linger  in 
this  discussion.     I  have  made  a  clean  breast  of  it.     You 
have  done  the  same.     What  next  '!    Why,  that  we  should 
pursue  our  objects,  Miles,  as  we  have  always  pursued 
them,   witli    candor,   witli    mutual    sincerity   and  love. 
Fair  play  between  us  will  always  keep  us  friends,  let 
who  will  get  the  lady." 

The  cordial  gripe  of  their  hands  which  followed  was 
as  an  oath  between  them.  Much  more  was  said,  which 
it  does  not  concern  us  to  repeat.  A  few  moments 
found  them  mounted,  both  on  blooded  steeds  of  the 
best  breeds  in  the  country,  and  on  their  way  to  the 


THE  tennesseean's  story.  43 

country  race-course,  not  yet  famous  in  the  sporting 
calendar,  which  was  honored  with  the  name  of  Ilillabec, 
after  an  ancient  tribe  of  Indians,  all  of  whom  are 
extinct. 


44  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 


CHAPTER  III. 

IIILLABEE   RACE-COURSE. 

In  the  more  thinly  settled  regions  of  the  South  and 
"West,  a  thousand  sports  are  resorted  to,  to  compensate 
the  want  of  society,  and  to  supply  equivalent  pleasures 
for  those  of  a  great  city.     On  public  days,  the  villages, 
or  hamlets  rather,   are  always   crowded  with   people. 
The  County  Court  brings  together  hundreds  who  rejoice 
that  they  have  no  business  within  its  precincts;  while 
on  days  of  sheriff  and  public  sales,  other   hundreds 
appear  within  sight  of  the   auctioneer's  hammer,  who 
have  neither  means  nor  wish  to  buy.     Muster-day  calls 
forth  its  hosts  in  addition  to  those  who  come  for  training; 
and  Charity,  availing  herself  of  the  popular  need,  opens 
her  frequent  fairs  for  philanthropic  purposes,  relying 
on  the  universal  desire  for  society  to  persuade  into  use- 
less  expenditure   those  whom  it  would   not  be   easy  to 
tempt  to  a  benevolence  for  its  own  sake.     Saturday,  in 
these  regions,  is  almost  as  much  a   holiday  with    the 
full-grown  farmer  as  it  is  with  the  schoolboy,  and  usually 
takes  him  to  the  nearest  place  of  gathering,  which  is 
usually  a  grocery,  under  the  pretence  of  laying  in  the 
supplies  for  the  week;  but  really  with  the  no  less  human 
motive  of  procuring  those  social  excitements  which  do 
not    always  result   in   the   elevation  of  his   humanity. 
Here,  he  rewards  the  patient  labor  of  five  days   at   the 
plough  with  potations  which   exhaust  much  more  cer- 
tainly   than    any    labor.      He    calls    for   his    quart    of 
whiskey,  which    lie    shares    with    comrades,    who    find 
similar  supplies,  and,  towards  evening,  he  may  be  seen 
wending  homewards,  balancing  himself  with   no   little 
difficulty  upon    his/steed,  with  ajug  well  filled,  banging 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'fl  PTORY.  45 

in  one  end  of  a  sack  across  his  saddle,  tlio  other  end 
befog  Btorcd  with  such  supplies  as  will  soothe  the  appre- 
hended angor  of  his  spouse.     It  is  not  unfrcquontly 
iho  ense  thut,  overtasking  Ids  capacity,  ho  imbibes  too 
many  potations  Tor  his  oqucstrianship,  and  man,  jug, 
mid  saddle  find  their  way  into  ditch  or  thicket,  while 
the  unincumbered  horse  gradually  crops  his  way  home. 
This,   fortunately,  is  but   an  occasional   history  now. 
There  was  a  time  when  it  was  much  moro  frequent,  and 
associated  with  other  practices — the  brutal  sculllc,  the 
vindictive  fight,  the  blasphemous  languago,  which  left 
our  hopeful  humanity  but  little  of  which  it  could  really 
boast.      Happily,  this  period  is  one  of  which  tho  memory 
grows  daily  more  and  more  imperfect.     The  sports  of 
the  people  of  the  South  and  West,  oven  along  the  border 
settlements,  are  of   a  more    grateful   character.     Tho 
horserace  is  that  which  moro  nearly  resembles  thoso  of 
the  past,  sineo  it  necessarily  brings   into  most  decided 
activity  tho  animal  tendencies  of  the  people.     Tt  is  hero 
that  tho  great  masses  provo  their  atlinity  with  tho  an- 
cient Saxon  family  of  Bull!     The  picnic  and  tho  fishing- 
party  will  suffice  for  girls  and  boys  in  the  season  of 
romance,  which  is  ono  simply  of  mutual  confidence  and 
hope;  but  tho  turf  for  all  parties,  at  all  seasons.     It  is 
hero  that  all  meet  as  upon  a  common  ground,  and  amidst 
a  thousand  inequalities  of  wealth  and  life,  show  and 
condition ;  no  ono  thinks  so  much  or  so  meanly  of  him- 
self as  to  bo  absent.     Few  think  of  themselves  at  all, 
at  such  a  period.     The  horserace  commends  itself  to  tho 
great  body  of  the  forest  population  more  than  any  other 
amusement.     It  is  an  image,  in  some  degree,  of  war.     It 
appeals  particularly  to  a  pooplo  scarcely  one  of  whom 
fails  to  keep,  and  not  one  of  whom  is  unoqual  to  tho 
most  excellent  management,  of  a  horse.     Commend  us, 
accordingly,  to  tho  Southern  turf.     Hero,  the  sport  is 
not  an  alVcctation.     It  is  enjoyed  with  a  zest.     Hero 
life  and  nature  speak  out  in  all  their  varieties  of  cha- 
racter.   Tho  dullest  peasant  looks  animation  as  tho  sleok 
coursers  wind  bencatn  his  sight.    His  eye  becomes  bright 


46  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR. 

and  knowing.     He  looks  at  head,  heels,  and  neck,  with 
the  eye  of  a  connoisseur.     lie  feels    the   breast  and 
shoulders  knowingly.     He  adopts  his  favorite,  and  then 
shouts  his  preference  in  defiance  to  all  comers.     lie  is 
ready  with  or  for  a  banter.     lie  is  prepared  to  stake 
his  earnings  of  a  year  upon  his  judgment.     His  greasy 
pocketbook  lies  ready  in  his  grasp.     His  bales  of  cotton 
are  folded  up  in  tens,  and  twenties,  and  hundreds,  wait- 
ing deliverance  or  companions  in  bondage.     He  is  no 
longer  a  person  of  drooping  and  grave  aspect,  drowsily 
going  forward  as  if  without  hope  or  purpose.     He  is 
now  all  life,  eager  for  opposition,  and  confident   of  suc- 
cess.    Nor  is   it  the   inferior  taste  and  understanding 
only  to  which  the  announcement  holds  forth  temptation. 
Education  here  is  not  construed  to  assume  the  total  sub- 
jection of  the  animal  nature,  and  the  elevation  of  the 
moral   at  the    expense   and    sacrifice  of    the   passions. 
The  excitement  which  arises  from  the  contemplation  of 
the  bold,  the  fleet,  the  strong  and  energetic,  is  supposed 
to  be  clearly  consistent,  within  certain  limits,  with  the 
laws  of  refinement  and  civilization  ;  and  the  young  dam- 
sel, who  will  prattle  sentiment  with   you  by  the  hour, 
quoting  freely  and  understandingly  from  the  pages  of 
Moore   and  Wordsworth,  yet  bounds  at  the  tap  of  the 
drum  which  warns  the  courser  to  depart,  and  glows  nt 
the  progress  of  the  contending  l>loo<.h  ;  her  soul  as  much 
excited  at  what  she  sees  as  the  young  dragoon  for  the 
first  time  jingling  his  spurs  in  the  heady  tempest  of 
the  fight. 

But  a  glimpse  at  the  race-course  of  llillabec  itself 
will  afford  us  a  much  better  idea  of  the  scene,  as  it 
ordinarily  appears,  than  we  could  possibly  convey  by 
any  process  of  generalization.  The  ground  is  chosen 
in  a  pine  barren,  which,  being  entirely  level,  and  free 
from  ridge  or  inequality  for  a  space  of  several  miles, 
renders  it  suitably  firm  and  hard  for  the  required  pur- 
pose. The  trees  are  cleared  away,  leaving  a  spacious 
amphitheatre  something  more  than  a  mile  in  circumfer- 
ence.    Within  this  space   the   course  is  laid  out  in  a 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  47 

circle,  anil  designated  by  ditches  running  parallel,  with 
a   track  of  eighty  feet  between  them.     The  original 
forests  surround  the  whole;  a  deep  green  girdle  of  mas- 
sive pines,  at  whoso   feet  have  sprung  up,  taking  the 
place  of  thoso  which  have  been  eradicated  from  the 
outer  edges  of  the  course,  a  narrow  belt  of  scrubby  oaks. 
Among    these,  you   sec  numerous    carts   and  wagons. 
These  contain  supplies  of  food  and  liquor.     Here  aro 
ginger-cakes  and  cider,  of  domestic  manufacture.     Hero 
aro  cold  baked  meats  in  abundance,  ham  and  "  chicken 
fixings,"   mutton   and  pork,  spread  upon  long  tables  of 
rough  plank,  and  waiting  for  customers.     On  one  hand, 
you  see   rising  the   smokes  of  a  barbacue  ;  a  steer  is 
about  to  be  roasted  entire  above  a  huge  pit,  over  which, 
by  means  of  a  stake,  he  hangs  suspended.     Steeds  arc 
fastened   in  every  thicket,   and   groups   of  saddles  lie 
beneath  every  tree.     Their  owners  arc  already  scattered 
about  the   turf,  while  hundreds  of  negroes  arc  ready, 
within  and  without  the  circle,  pushing  forward  wherever 
there  is  promise  of  novelty,  and  anxious  to  emulate  their 
betters  in  perilling  every  sixpence  in  their  possession 
on  the  legs  of  their  several  favorites.     There  is  a  yet 
greater  attraction  for  these   in   the   huge  white    tent, 
spread  at  one  extremity  of  the  area ;  over  which  hang, 
in  greasy  and  tattooed  folds,  the  great  stripes  and  stars 
of  the  nation.     The  attraction  here  is  a  novelty.     It  is 
a  company  of  circus-riders.     Their  steeds,  gayly  capa- 
risoned, have  already  gone  in  clamorous  procession  over 
the* course  to  the  sound  of  music;,  a  thousand  negroes 
have  followed  at  their  heels.     Their  exercises  begin  at 
the   closing  of  the  races,  which  cannot  possibly  take 
place  before  the  afternoon.     The  interval  to  these  is 
one  of  the  most  trying  anxiety ;  to  be  soothed  in  part 
only  by  the  events  of  the  race.     For  this,  the  prepara- 
tions are  actively  in  progress.     A  glance  at  the  opposite 
extremity  of  the  ring,  where  the  judges  have  a  rude 
but  elevated  structure,  not  unlike  a  Chinese   pagoda, 
shows  us  a  handsome  sprinkling  of  other  visitors,  on 
horse  and  foot.     Many  of  these  have  a  deeper  interest 


48  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

in  the  progress  of  the  day  than  arises  from  simple 
curiosity.  There  arc  the  sportsmen,  the  jockeys,  the 
owners  of  horses,  their  admirers,  riders,  and  those  who, 
in  some  way,  look  to  the  future  with  some  selfish  con- 
sideration. They  dart  about  in  largo  survey,  or  crowd 
in  groups  around  some  favorite  steed  or  speaker.  There, 
you  may  see  a  dozen  around  the  drum,  whose  office  it 
is  to  give  the  signal  which  sets  horse  and  man  in  motion  ; 
and  not  far  distant,  you  may  behold  the  amateur  fifer  that 
perambulates  merrily  by  himself,  discoursing  through 
his  instrument,  somewhat  imperfectly,  of  llobin  Adair 
and  ltoslyn  Castle.  Others,  again,  arc  more  busily 
and  officially  employed.  They  arc  weighing  steed  and 
rider,  measuring  the  track,  taking  down  bets  and  entries, 
and,  altogether,  looking  and  behaving  as  if  the  next 
movement  of  tho  great  globe  itself  depended  upon  the 
wise  disposition  which  that  moment  should  make  of  their 
affairs. 

Looking  beyond  this  circle,  and  the  prospect  is  equally 
encouraging.  The 'eye  naturally  falls  first  upon  tho 
imposing  cortege  of  the  higher  classes.  Here  you  per- 
ceive, in  coach,  carriage,  barouche,  and  buggy,  that  tho 
upper  ten  thousand  arc  tacitly  permitted  by  the  multi- 
tude to  form  a  little  community  to  themselves.  The 
vehicles  crowd  together,  as  if  in  sympathy,  the  carriage- 
poles  interlacing  ;  the  horses  withdrawn  and  fastened 
in  the  shade  of  neighboring  thickets.  Here,  seated  in 
their  carriages,  appear  the  ladies,  as  various  in  their 
ages  as  in  their  separate  style  of  beauty.  They  form 
close  compact  knots,  or  circles,  according  to  the  degrees 
of  intimacy  between  them,  and  jealously  force  out  all 
intruders  ;  leaving  such  avenues  only  as  will  permit  the 
approach  on  horseback  of  their  several  attendants  and 
gallants.  Showily  and  richly  dressed,  and  surrounded 
by  these  dashing  gentry  of  the  other  sex,  all  well  mounted 
and  eager  to  show  their  horsemanship,  they  give  to  the 
scene  a  gayety  and  brilliance  which  wonderfully  add  to 
its  life  and  animation.  Their  gallants  whirl  around 
them  with  anxious  attentions  ;  now  fly  oil'  to  ascertain 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  49 

the  course  of  events,  and  now  dash  back,  at  full  speed, 
to  report  progress.  They  describe  and  designate  the 
horses  to  the  delighted  fair  ones,  direct  tlicin  in  their 
choice  of  favorites,  and  lose  to  them  glove  and  ribbon 
with  the  happiest  gallantries.  You  may  note  the  em- 
blems and  badges  upon  each  fair  bosom;  these  are  white 
and  pink,  and  red  and  green;  they  designate  the  colors 
of  the  selectest  horses ;  and  beautify  in  this  way,  does 
not  feel  mortified  at  being  made  tributary  to  the  beast. 

The  more  numerous  multitude,  if  less  attractive  in 
their  exhibitions,  are  much  more  various  and  not  less 
imposing.  A  glance  to  the  right  confines  the  eye  to 
a  crowd  in  the  midst  of  which  a  wagon  appears,  sur- 
mounted by  a  red  streamer  which  waves  twenty  feet 
high  from  the  peak  of  a  pine  sapling.  The  shaft  is 
rigidly  held  in  its  perpendicular  by  the  embrace  of  a 
group  of  barrels,  from  one  of  which  the  more  abstemious 
may  obtain  a  draught  of  domestic  cider  or  switchel  ; 
while  from  another,  the  stronger  head  imbibes  his  mo- 
dicum of  whiskey  or  apple  brandy;  a  poor  Western 
apology  for  Irish  poteen,  which,  after  the  first  season, 
our  Patrick  learns  to  swallow  with  something  of  the 
relish  with  which  he  smacked  his  lips  upon  the  brown 
jug  in  his  native  island.  Other  wagons  and  Hags  appear, 
each  in  the  margin  of  the  thickets,  sheltered  by  its 
shade,  yet  not  hidden  from  the  eyes  of  the  thirsty  and 
hungry  citizen.  They  divide  themselves,  according  to 
their  experience,  between  the  several  wagons;  and  it's — 

"  Ha,  Uncle  Billy,  and  what  havo  you  got  for  a  dry 
throat  to-day  ?"     Or— - 

"  Thar  you  ar',  Daddy  Nathan,  as  bright  as  a  bead 
of  brandy,  always  bringing  something  for  a  tharsty  sin- 
ner l"     And  Uncle  Billy  responds  with  a  smile  : 

"  Yes,  Joel,  my  son,  and  it's  I  that's  never  too  old 
for  the  sarvice  ;" — or,  Daddy  Nathan  shouts  back,  with 
the  voice  of  a  "blood-o'nouns," 

"  And  what  would  you  hev',  you  great  jugbelly  with 
a  double  muzzle  ?     Ain't  I  here  for  the  saving  of  such 
miserable  sinners  as  you,  that  never  think  you're  half 
6 


50  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 


full  till  you're  fairly  running  over  and  can't  run  no 
more.  Ride  up,  and  see  if  you  ean  fin<l  the  way  to  your 
own  swallow.  Here's  the  stuff  that'll  make  you  open 
your  mouth,  though  your  eyes  never xseed  it;  as  a 
hungry  pike  jumps  up  for  the  bait,  jest  because  his  nose 
tells  him  it's  sartainly  out  somewhar'  in  the  pond." 

Then  comes  the  rugged  wit  in  answer,  fashioned 
after  the  same  model;  a  mild,  good-humored  banter; 
ending  with  a  summons  to  the  boys,  to  "  come  up  to  the 
rack,"  and  try  the  peach  or  apple  brandy,  the  whiskey 
or  the  cider,  each  according  to  his  taste,  of  the  uncle 
or  the  daddy. 

"Whose  treat?"  demands  two  or  three  in  the  same 
breath. 

"Who's  but  Joel  Xorris's?"  or  reteWithers's,  or  Ben 
Climcs's,  or  some  other  well-known  boy  of  the  masses, 
whom  they  have  learned  to  reverence  for  that  equal 
freedom  of  hand  which  enables  them,  with  just  the 
same  readiness,  to  bestow  buffet  or  beverage,  accord- 
ing to  the  mood  of  the  moment,  or  the  character  of  the 
provocation  given.  And  thus  the  groups  form  ;  and  the 
meeting  leads  to  the  drinking;  the  drinking  to  the  bet- 
ting ;  and  they  part,  or  group  themselves  together, 
busy,  from  the  moment  in  which  they  appear  upon  the 
field  ;  much  more  earnest  in  the  pursuit  of  fun  than  in 
the  prosecution  of  their  daily  tasks. 

He  must  be  of  difficult  taste,  indeed,  Avhom  such  a 
theatre  will  fail  to  satisfy.  Yonder,  upon  the  grass,  sit 
a  cluster  of  rustic  damsels.  They  are  only  spreading 
their  baskets  of  cakes,  gunjas,  as  they  call  them,  and 
boiling  huge  vessels  of  coffee.  Beyond  them,  at  a 
little  distance,  appear  others  of  the  sisterhood,  busy  in 
preparing  their  tables  with  plate,  knife,  and  fork.  "To- 
wards noon  you  will  sec  them  smoking  with  hot  dishes, 
and  well  surrounded  by  hungry  gamesters.  Cards  and 
dice  already  begin  to  interest  other  parties,  that  crouch 
away  in  remoter  places  along  the  skirts  of  the  wood; 
and  the  more  personal  matters  of  "poker"  and  "old 
Bledgo"  render  many  an  ardent  spirit  momentarily  in- 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  51 

different  to  the  approaching  horserace,  upon  which  ho 
has  no  sixpence  left  to  stake.  You  will  see  him  start 
to  his  feet  as  the  shouts  of  the  crowd  without,  and 
the  rush  of  the  horses,  announce  the  approach  of  the 
contending  steeds;  hut  a  glance  suffices;  and,  satisfied 
that  he  neither  wins  nor  loses  by  the  event,  he  sinks 
down  upon  the  turf  or  log,  and 'renews  the  game  of 
"brag"  with  fresh  nonclialancc  and  audacity. 

Look,  now,  at  the  ring  forming  within  the  wood,  where 
an  eager  circle  encourage  two  rivals  to  a  stand-up 
wrestle.  They  are  stripped  to  the  huff;  the  broad  breast, 
and  full,  rigid  muscle,  promising  a  noble  struggle.  They 
approach  with  equal  deliberation  and  good-humor,  and 
the  hug  is  fairly  taken.  They  pause,  and  each  lifts  the 
other  from  his  feet;  and  now  they  bend  to  it  and  wavo 
to  and  fro,  like  tall  saplings  shaken  adversely  by  capri- 
cious winds;  now  yield,  now  recover;  a  stern,  close 
issue,  very  doubtful  to  the  bystanders,  who,  soon  for- 
getting their  individuality,  unconsciously  follow  the 
wrestlers  in  all  their  contortions,  and,  before  they  know 
where  they  arc,  glide  into  the  ring  and  into  the  em- 
brace of  well-matched  opponents,  with  whom  they  tug 
and  tumble  about  without  a  single  word  of  preliminary. 
In  the  shade  of  yonder  avenue,  you  see  a  couple  at- 
tended by  their  admiring  followers,  coats  and  shoes  cast 
off,  hands  clasped,  and  about  to  dart  forward  in  a  foot- 
race of  a  hundred  yards.  Beyond  them,  still  farther  in 
the  wood,  you  are  called  upon  to  witness  a  trial  of  skill 
between  the  crack  rifles  of  two  adjoining  counties,  of 
whom  their  respective  friends  have  been  boasting  for 
several  seasons.  They  have  now,  for  the  first  time, 
been  brought  together.  A  race-turf,  like  that  of  Ililla- 
bee,  will  assemble  the  best  fellows  of  several  counties 
upon  extraordinary  occasions.  They  have  planted  a 
dollar  at  eighty  yards.  Could  a  shilling  be  seen  at 
that  distance,  the  smaller  coin  had  been  preferred. 

And  thus  the  field  is  laid  off  and  divided.  Thus  the 
parties  group  themselves  throughout  the  day,  except 
when  the  race  is  of  peculiar  interest,  when  all  small 


52  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY :  OR, 

matters  are  necessarily  merged  in  the  one  result.  But 
many  wander  about  nearly  listless,  who  depend  for 
their  pleasures  rather  upon  the  sports  of  others,  than 
because  of  any  direct  participation  with  them.  These 
sway  to  and  fro  at  every  summons  that  promises  no- 
velty or  excitement.  Now,  there  are  sounds  of  strife 
and  clamor,  that  declare  a  fight  ;  and  they  hurry  with 
open-mouthed  delight  to  the  scene  of  action.  Now,  a 
barrel  of  whiskey  rolls  from  the  wagon,  and  the  owner, 
attended  by  the  yells  of  a  delighted  circle,  prances  and 
rolls  over  it  to  his  own  confusion.  Now  a  table  of 
plank  yields  beneath  the  elbows  of  the  guests,  and  the 
bacon  and  the  pans  go  over  with  the  company  into  the 
sand;  and  now  an  ill-trained  horse  bolts  from  the  track, 
and  scatters  the  clustering  group  of  terrified  spectators, 
compelling  them  to  a  use  of  their  heels  not  less  eccen- 
tric than  his  own.  So  much  for  the  general  aspect  of 
the  race-course  at  Hillabee  on  the  memorable  day  in 
question.  But  it  is  high  time  that  we  should  be  more 
particular,  and  concentrate  our  regards  upon  those  per- 
sonages in  whom  our  reader  is  expected  to  take  the 
deepest  interest. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  53 


CHAPTER  IV. 

FLATS  AND  SHARPS. 

A  RACE-COURSE  lias  its  music ;  at  all  events,  we  are 
now  among  the  flats  and  sharps.  Here  you  see,  on  a 
small  scale,  some  of  those  characters  who,  on  a  more 
extended  field,  and  with  better  training,  might  become 
famous  financiers,  or  equally  famous  diplomatists.  Here 
you  may  encounter  some  inglorious  Rothschild,  and  wit- 
ness instances  of  petty  dexterity  in  policy  which  might 
honor  Metternich.  Look  you  now,  for  example,  at  the 
person  who  approaches  us.  His  shabby  exterior  and 
lounging  manner  would  hardly  fix  your  attention,  unless 
you  were  first  assured  that  there  was  a  meaning  under 
it ;  mark  him  closely,  and  you  will  discover  a  certain 
significance  in  his  eye  and  bearing  which  shows  that  he 
has  his  object.  He  is  not  the  stolid  indifferent  that  he 
seems  to  the  casual  observer.  His  eye,  shrouding  his 
glances  as  he  may  under  the  heavy  penthouse  of  his 
bushy  brows,  is  that  of  the  hawk,  as,  wheeling  aloft,  he 
casts  sidelong  glances  upon  the  covey  of  partridge  that 
crouch  along  the  bramble  thicket.  His  quiet,  cool,  and 
easy  carriage;  the  half  smile  that  plays  about  his  mouth, 
while  his  face  presents  a  dull,  unmeaning  gravity  ;  his 
manner,  at  once  listless  and  observant ;  his  evident  ac- 
quaintance with  everything  and  everybody ;  and  the 
fact  that,  while  he  seems  to  seek  nobody,  he  is  seldom 
himself  without  a  follower ;  all  declare  a  character  and 
talent  of  his  own.  But,  what  sort  of  talent  ?  The 
scene  in  which  he  appears  so  entirely  at  home,  and  the 
costume  which  he  wears,  present  us  with  a  clue  to  his 
secret.  He  is  one  of  the  heroes  of  the  turf.  This, 
though  on  a  somewhat  humble  scale,  is  the  scene  of  his 

5* 


54  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

victories.  lie  knows  every  race-course  and  horse  of 
heels  in  Georgia ;  knows  every  jockey,  and  his  dimen- 
sions ;  and,  a  well-known  sharp  himself,  his  constant 
study  is  to  extend  his  acquaintance  among  the  flats, 
who  are  too  numerous  in  every  country  to  be  so  easily 
canvassed.  His  province  is,  particularly,  horseflesh. 
He  knows  clean  heels,  at  a  glance.  He  reads  the  speed 
of  an  animal  in  his  eye,  and  its  bottom  in  its  quarters ; 
and  knows  the  art,  as  well  as  any  man,  of  so  disguising 
a  horse  as  to  deceive  the  eyes  of  other  judges.  This  is 
exclusively  his  world.  His  library  is  the  stables ;  his 
place  of  worship  is  the  race-course ;  his  prayer-book,  the 
little  dirty  envelop  of  loosely  folded  sheets,  rudely 
stitched  together,  in  which  he  notes  his  bets,  and  records 
his  obligations.  His  costume  speaks,  however,  for  no- 
thing of  his  method,  though  it  sufficiently  declares  his 
character.  His  trousers  are  loose;  hang  about  his  hips, 
without  suspenders,  something  like  a  sailor's  ;  and  are 
occasionally  jerked  up  for  the  purpose  of  a  brief  inter- 
view with  the  short  and  open  vest  that  hangs  somewhat 
distantly  above ;  the  legs  are  thrust  into  his  boot-tops, 
which  are  themselves  wofully  in  need  of  covering,  torn 
at  the  sides,  and  crushed  down  upon  the  ankles.  His 
hunting-shirt  has  seen  like  service  ;  the  fringe  is  dilapi- 
dated, the  cape  half  torn  away.  His  cap,  which  rests 
jauntily  on  one  side  of  his  head,  has  its  own  fractures; 
the  peak  of  it  Happing,  with  a  constant  threat  of  de- 
parture, over  his  left  eye.  The  vest  flies  wide,  in  con- 
sequence of  the  entire  absence  of  its  buttons.  His 
breast  is  partly  bare,  from  a  like  condition  of  his  shirt- 
bosom  ;  and  the  greasy  black  kerchief,  which  is  wrap- 
ped about  his  neck  like  a  rope,  with  the  ends  almost 
•hanging  to  his  middle,  has  suffered  the  shirt-collar,  on 
one  side,  to  escape  entirely  from  its  folds.  You  would 
suppose  him  the  poorest  devil  on  the  ground.  But  that 
is  his  policy.  He  is  a  chevalier  d' Industrie.  He  lives 
by  his  wits;  but  these  are  so  much  capital  ;  they  com- 
mand capital.  Note  him,  where  he  goes,  and  you  see 
that  he  is  still  followed  by  another,  whose  externals  are 


TIIE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  55 

quite  unlike  his  own.  This  is  a  tall,  good-looking 
stranger,  from  another  county;  well  dressed, — rather 
too  much  so, — and  with  quite  a  fashionable  manner, 
lie  finds  the  capital,  while  his  pilot  finds  the  wit.  Still, 
they  do  not  seem  to  work  together.  The  stranger  does 
not  too  closely  follow  on  the  heels  of  his  associate,  lie 
suffers  him  to  keep  ahead,  and  somewhat  distant,  but 
never  loses  him  from  sight.  lie  is  simply  convenient 
when  the  fish  is  to  he  taken,  and  sutlers  the  other  to 
proceed  after  his  own  designs  without  interruption  or 
communication.  Let  us  follow,  for  a  space,  our  first 
acquaintance.  How  quietly  and  successfully  he  makes 
his  way  among  the  crowd;  without  any  effort  at  doing 
the  agreeable,  he  is  yet  everywhere  received  as  a  favorite, 
lie  has  a  good-humored  speech  for  all,  and  knows  just 
the  subject  which  appeals  most  directly  to  the  fancies  or 
the  feelings  of  each.  He  is,  in  fact,  a  nobleman,  from 
whom  more  pretentious  persons  of  this  order  might  well 
receive  a  few  lessons. 

"Well,  Burg,"  he  says  to  one,  whose  ear  he  first 
tickles  with  the  end  of  the  whip  which  he  carries,  and 
who  turns  only  at  the  voice  of  the  speaker,  "so  *  Betsey 
AVheeler'  died  of  the  staggers?" 

"  Ah  !  Ned  ;  yes.     She  did,  poor  thing,  she  did  !v 

"  Good  heels  had  *  Betsey'  for  a  quarter  stretch.  .That 
was  a  most  beautiful  run  she  made  with  Latham's  '  Buz- 
zard.' " 

u  Worn't  it,  Ned?"  responded  the  man  addressed, 
with  a  delighted  expression  of  countenance,  as  he  clasped 
the  hand  of  the  new-comer.  "  Ah  !  she  was  a  critter. 
My  darter  hain't  got  over  the  loss  of  the  mar'  yet." 

"  She  was  a  mare  !"  was  the  emphatic  reply  of  Ned. 
"  She  hasn't  left  many  with  cleaner  heels  behind  her, 
Burg." 

The  latter  was  greatly  flattered. 

"Ah,  Ned,"  said  he,  "you're  the  man  to  know  when 
a  horse  is  a  horse  !" 

"  You've  got  her  filly  ?" 

"  Sold  her  to  Captain  Barry." 


56  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

"  All !  You  shouldn't  have  done  so.  Is  he  here 
to-day — Barry  ?" 

"Yes,  I  reckon." 

"Has  he  the  filly  yet?" 

"  Yes,  that  he  has  ;  and  will  run  her,  too ;  for  he 
counts  her  about  as  good  flesh  for  a  brush  as  any  four- 
year  old  in  the  county." 

"  If  she's  like  her  dam,  Burg,  she  can't  help  it !" 

"  As  like  as  two  peas  from  the  same  hull ;  only,  I'm 
thinking,  she  has  a  little  more  bone  than  'Betsey.'  " 

"So  much  the  better.     That's  where  'Betsey'  failed." 

No  more  was  said  between  the  parties.  Our  acquaint- 
ance passed  on :  the  next  moment  his  follower  came  up 
with  him,  sufficiently  close  to  catch  the  whispered  sen- 
tence— 

"  I  put  a  spoke  in  there  that'll  help  to  make  the 
wheel.  Barry's  a  fool!  and  Burg  will  tell  him  every- 
thing I've  said." 

The  other  falls  back,  and  our  jockey  pursues  his  way, 
until,  stopping  short,  he  applies  his  whip,  with  a  gentle 
cut,  to  the  shins  of  a  person;  who,  leaning  against  a 
sapling,  betrays  but  little  interest  in  what  passes.  He 
turns  gently  round  at  the  equivocal  salutation,  and,  as 
he  encounters  the  features  of  the  assailant,  his  words 
and  looks  of  defiance  give  place  to  those  of  banter  and 
good-humor. 

"Halloo,  there,  monkey!  ain't  you  afeard  of  that  tail 
of  your'n  getting  in  the  wolf-trap?" 

"No,  Jake;  for  I  know  you  hain't  got  the  teeth  to 
raise  the  skin  of  that  varmint." 

"Hain't  I,  then?  Just  you  try  it,  then,  with  another 
sort  of  look  in  your  face,  and  see  if  I  ain't  a  peeler." 

'•Will  you  peel?" 

"Won't  I,  then?" 

"Jake,  my  boy,  I've  come  here  to-day  to  strip  the 
skin  oft*  you  altogether." 

"You!     Tain't  in  your  skin  to  do  it,  Ned." 

"Yes,  or  there's  no  snakes.  I'm  here  with  the  best 
nag  at  a  heat  that  ever  was  seed  in  Hillabee." 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  57 

"  Oh,  shut  up  !     Whoro'a  the  cow  ?" 

"  She's  out  in  the  hushes ;  I'll  show  her,  'when  the 
time  comes.  They  call  her  '  Graystreak  ;'  and  she  does 
go  it  like  lightning.  Now,  didn't  I  hear,  from  some  old 
buzzard  that  never  found  out  the  value  in  a  horse  until 
he  come  to  he  carrion,  that  Lazy  Jake  Fisher  had  some- 
thing of  a  nag,  with  three  legs,  or  more  ?" 

"  Didn't  you  hear  ?  Yes,  that  you  did,  Ned  Ramsey ; 
ami  there  the  critter  stands  ;  '  Crazy  Kate,'  they  call 
her;  hut  she  does  her  running  sensible.  There's  no 
crazy  in  that.  She's  the  mare  to  strike  your  '  Gray- 
streak'  all  in  a  heap,  and  take  the  shine  out  of  her,  or 
any  animal  you  ever  crossed." 

"  What  !"  said  the  other,  following  the  direction,  and 
with  the  most  contemptuous  curl  of  the  lip,  and  wave  of 
the  uplifted  whip.  "What!  you  don't  mean  that  poor 
old  hay,  yonder,  that  looks  as  if  she  hadn't  shed  hair,  or 
tasted  corn,  since  the  bc^innin^  of  the  Seminole  war  ? 
Why,  Jake,  the  poor  beast  looks  more  like  lying  down 
on  her  last  legs,  and  begging  a  judgment  upon  her 
master.  You've  starved  her,  Jake,  I  reckon  ;  and  she 
only  keeps  on  her  legs  by  the  help  of  her  halter.  Just 
you  let  down  the  critter's  head  now,  and  all  natur' 
couldn't  keep  her  up  till  you'd  half  curried  her." 

"Say  no  more,  Ned,  till  the  run's  over.  We  always 
know'd  you  was  a  nice  person  to  say  hasty  things  of 
other  men's  cattle.  If  '  Crazy  Kate'  can't  stand,  it's 
because  she  prefers  to  run.  But  we'll  go  and  look  at 
this  'Graystreak'  of  your'n  ;  and  I'll  tell  you,  when  I 
set  eyes  on  her,  what  we'll  be  doing.  I  didn't  know  you 
had  such  a  horse.  When  did  you  get  her,  and  whar's 
she  from?" 

"  She  comes  from  Mississippi.  I  traded  for  her  with 
a  man  named  Myers,  that  brought  her  out.  But  she's 
to  pay  for  herself,  yit;  and  that's  ono  reason  why  I'm 
greedy  for  llillabeo.  So  get  ready  to  shell  out  hand- 
some." 

"  Yes,  empty  the  chis^t,  Jake  !  Go  your  death  on  tlio 
bay  mar',  old  fellow.     I  don't  reckon  she'll  find  her 


58  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

match  on  this  ground  to-day."     So   cried  one  of  his 
neighbors. 

"  I  reckon  you  think  yourself  a  judge  of  horseflesh, 
Owens?"  quietly  said  Ned  Ramsey. 

"  I  reckon,  then,  I  do.  I  ought,  by  this  time  !"  was 
the  answer. 

"  Well !  if  a  man's  judgment's  worth  anything,  it's 
worth  what  he's  got  in  his  pocket." 

"Guess  it  is;  and  I'm  willing  to  come  down  a  trifle 
on  Jake's  bay  mar',  though  I  never  seed  your  critter." 

"  That's  coming  out,  like  a  man.  But  you  shall  see 
her." 

"  On  sight,  on  seen,  same  to  me.  I'll  go  all  I've  got 
on  the  bay,  whether  or  no  !" 

"  That's  right !  into  him,  Charley  Owens.  He's  a 
suck,"  cried  one  of  the  bystanders. 

"He'll  dive,  if  you  shoot,"  said  another. 

"  A  suck  !  Yes  !  that's  it,"  responded  Ned  Ramsey, 
Very  coolly.  "Ready  for  any  bait,  boys,  with  a  swallow 
that  never  refuses.  I'll  dive  too,  that's  cla'r ;  but  you 
may  let  drive  first,  and  I'll  carry  off  your  load  if  I  can. 
Load  for  buck,  if  you  please.  The  larger  the  shot,  the 
better.  Hero's  'Graystreak'  agin  'Crazy  Kate,'  or  agin 
the  field.  AYho  cares '(  The  nag's  got  to  be  paid  for. 
Here's  steam  agin  wind  !  I'm  wanting  money  mightily. 
"Who'll  sweat  for  the  sake  of  charity  ?  Here  he  stands; 
the  Georgy  railroad  agin,  besides  a  line  of  stages. 
\\  liar  s  the  passengers  i 

"Into  him,  Charley  Owens!" 

"Deep  as  I  can  go,"  said  Charley,  pulling  out  a 
greasy  poeketbook,  and  laying  bare  its  contents ;  no 
great  matter;  in  bills  and  silver,  some  nine  dollars 
thirty-seven  cents,  chiefly  Georgia  and  Carolina  cur- 
rency. It  was  instantly  covered  from  one  of  the  pockets 
of  Ned  Ramsey,  who  cries  out  for  more  customers. 

"  But  whar's  the  gray  mar'  all  this  time  V  demanded 
Lazy  Jake. 

"It's  a  bite!" 
•     "A  bite  !     It's  your  bite,  then,"  answered  Ramsey, 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  60 

nt  tliis  outcry.  "  Yon'vo  jaw  enough,  T  reckon,  for  nny 
port  of  Into.  Ah  for  the  critter,  look  out,  boys,  thoro 
she  comes.  Yonder**  tho  gray;  a  foal  of  the  hurricane, 
sir'd  hy  n  streak  of  lightning. 

"  Hurrah  for  Ned  Ramsey;  ho  can  go  it!" 

"  Graystreak"  was  now  brought  uj>  by  a  groom. 

"  Thar  sho  stands,  ready  to  lly.  Thar's  legs  for  you, 
mid  a  head  and  nock  to  make  a  pretty  gal  jealous. 
There's  no  want  of  heels  whar  tho  sire  was  tho  light- 
ning. No  want  of  wind,  with  the  hurricane  for  a  dam  I 
Ain't  sho  a  beauty,  .Jake  ?" 

"  A  decent-looking  thing  enough,  hut  not  a  crease 
to  *  Crazy  Kate'  " 

"  You  say  it?     Well,  chalk  up  your  figure!" 

"  ('over  that  V." 

"  Thar  it  is,  and  I'm  willing  to  face  its  brother." 

"  It's  a  go !"  cried  a  huge-handed  fellow,  who  called 
Jake  "uncle,"  unfolding  a  greasy  bank-note  of  the  same 
denomination. 

"  What  tho  dickens!"  cried  another,  interposing: 
"can't  1  have  a  grab  at  some  .of  them  pretty  pietcrs? 
I  believe  in  Uncle  .lake,  too.  I've  seen  'Crazy  Kate's' 
heels  before,  at  a  three-mile  stretch,  and  L'll  back  her 
agin  a  five  myself." 

"Will  you! — you're  a  bold  fellow,"  answered  Ram- 
sey, as  he  began  to  fish  up  the  contents  of  his  pockets. 
It  seemed  low-water  mark  with  him,  and  his  bank-notes 
began  to  give  place  to  a  curious  assortment  of  commodi- 
ties, which  ho  brought  up  very  deliberately,  and  without 
any  blushing,  front  the  capacious  depths  of  two  enor- 
mous breeches-pockets.  There  wore  knife  and  gimlet 
and  (ishhook;  whistle,  button,  and  tobacco;  gun-screw, 
bottle-stopper,  and  packthread,  and  a  dozen  or  more  of 
pea-nuts.  It  was  only  here  and  there  that  the  pieces  of 
money  turned  up;  a  quarter  eagle,  a  few  Mexicans,  and 
a  couple  of  dollars,  in  small  silver,  making  their  appear- 
ance somewhat  reluctantly,  and  contrasting  oddly  enough 
with  the  other  possessions  of  our  jockey.  These  were 
noon  brought  togothor,  und,  the  sum  ascertained,  it  was 


60 


AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 


quickly  covered  by  friends  of  Jake  Owens,  who  had  a 
faith  in  his  creature.  Owens  was  quite  a  knowing  one 
in  the  estimation  of  his  friends,  and  so  indeed  was  Ram- 
sey;  but  "  Crazy  Kate"  had  shown  herself  a  "buster" 
and  her  very  logguh  appearance  led  the  crowd  to  expect 
a  great  deal  from  an  animal  whose  own  looks  promised 
so  little,  while  her  sagacious  owner  seemed  to  expect 
from  her  so  much.  Her  skin  really  looked  unhealthy; 
she  carried  her  head  low,  almost  between  her  legs ;  and 
her  eye  drooped  sadly,  as  if  with  a  consciousness  of  the 
disappointment  which  she  was  about  to  give  her  friends. 
Rut  all  this  was  regarded  as  deception  by  the  backers  of 
Uncle  Jake.  It  was  known  what  arts  the  cunning  sports- 
man employed  to  disarm  the  doubts  of  the  gullible  :  and 
the  matted  mane  of  "Crazy  Kate;"  the  coarse,  dis- 
ordered hair;  sorted,  rough  hide,  and  sullen  carriage, 
were  only  regarded  as  results  of  a  shrewd  training  and 
preparation,  by  which  the  more  completely  to  take  in  the 
"  flats."  Very  different  was  the  appearance  of  "  Gray- 
streak."  She  did  look  like  a  thing  of  speed  and  met- 
tle. She  was  clean-limbed  and  light  of  form,  with  a 
smooth,  well-rubbed  skin,  and  such  a  toss  of  the  head, 
and  such  a  bright  glitter  of  the  eye,  that  every  one  saw, 
at  a  glance,  that  her  own  conceit  of  her  abilities  was  not 
a  whit  less  than  the  conviction  of  her  master  in  her 
favor.  But  this  really  made  against  her,  in  the  opinions 
of  the  betting  portion  of  the  multitude,  most  of  whom 
had,  at  one  season  or  other  of  their  lives,  been  taken  in 
by  just  such  a  dowdy-looking  beast  as  that  of  Lazy  Jake 
Owens.  Ramsey  relied  upon  this  result,  or  the  appear- 
ance of  "  Graystreak"  had  been  less  in  her  favor. 

"  I  reckon,"  said  Ramsey,  looking  around  him,  "  that 
I've  hooked  all  the  bait  in  these  diggings." 

'flf  you  had  anything  that  a  chap  might  kiver,"  cried 
a  greasy  citizen,  thrusting  himself  forward,  and  holding 
out  a  couple  of  shinplasters,  of  single  dollar  denomina- 
tions. 

"  And  who  says  I  hain't  ?"  answered  Ramsey,  as,  with       I 


hie  tennesseean's  stohy.  Gl 

liis  forefinger  ami  thumb,  ho  drew  from  his  vest  pocket 
a  small  supply  of  similar  I  O  U's. 
"  Well,  kiver  them!" 

"  A  short  horse  is  soon  curried." 
"  Are  you  man  enough,  Ned  Ramsey,  to  curry  a  long 
one?"  cried  one  from  the  crowd,  who  now  pressed  for- 
ward and  appeared  amid  the  ring.  His  prcsenco  caused 
a  sensation.  It  was  well  calculated  to  do  so.  lie  was 
small  of  person;  a  lively,  dapper-looking  person,  seem- 
ingly of  gentle  birth  and  of  occupations  which  implied 
no  labor  ; — a  smooth,  pale  cheek,  and  a  bright,  restless 
blaek  eye.  His  hair  was  long,  and  fell  from  under  a 
green  cloth  cap,  from  which  hung  a  gay  green  tassel ; 
and  several  great  rings  might  be  seen  upon  his  fingers. 
But  the  rest  of  his  equipment  was  what  fixed  every  eye. 
It  consisted  of  a  close-fitting  jacket,  with  a  short  tail 
like  that  of  a  light  dragoon,  and  small-clothes,  all  of 
scarlet,  after  the  fashion  of  an  English  jockey,  and  his 
white-topped  boots  completed  the  equipment.  The  habit 
had  been  copied  from  an  English  print ;  and  a  good  leg, 
and  rather  good  figure,  though  petit,  had  justified,  in 
the  eye  of  vanity,  the  strange  departure  from  all  the 
customs  of  the  country. 

"  It's  Captain  Jones  Barry  "  says  one  of  the  specta- 
tors, in  an  under  tone,  to  another  who  had  made  some 
inquiry :  "  He's  rich  enough  to  make  any  sort  of  fool 
of  himself,  and  nobody  see  the  harm  of  it."  At  the 
same  moment,  it  could  be  seen  that  Ned  Ramsey  ex- 
changed significant  looks  with  the  well-dressed  stranger, 
who  had  been  his  shadow  through  the  morning,  as  if 
disposed  to  say,  "  This  is  our  man." 

"I  say,  Ned  Ramsey,"  cried  Barry,  "  are  you  man 
enough  to  curry  a  large  horse?  I've  seen  your  nag  ; 
she's  a  pretty  creature,  that's  true ;  but  I  know  some- 
thing of  Jake  Owens's  '  Crazy  Kate,'  and  I  don't  caro 
if  I  could  put  a  customer  on  her  heels,  against  your'n." 

"  You  don't,  eh!  well,  Squire  Barry,  you're  a  huckle- 
berry above  my  persimmon,  but  I  reckon  something  can 
be  done.     I  believe  in  *  Gray  streak,'  and  will  £0  my 


62  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

death  on  her.  'Twon't  take  much  to  bury  me,  that's 
true;  but  what  thar  is — " 

"  There!  can  you  roll  out  against  that  ?"  asked  Barry, 
as  he  laid  a  fifty  dollar  note  upon  his  palm. 

"'Twill  go  hard  to  drain  me  dry,  but  I  ain't  to  be 
bluffed,  neither ;  and  though  it  takes  from  what  I  put 
away  to  pay  for  the  nag,  here's  at  you!"  and  the  re- 
quired amount  was  brought  forth ;  but  this  time  it  came 
from  a  side  pocket,  in  the  coat  of  Ramsey,  who,  it  was 
observed,  seemed  to  find  some  difficulty  in  detaching  it 
from  its  place  of  security.  Lazy  Jake  Owens  was  not 
insensible  to  this  demonstration.  It  seemed  to  open  to 
him  new  views  of  the  case,  and  he  now  proceeded  to  re- 
examine the  strange  animal  upon  which  so  good  a  judge 
as  Ned  Ramsey  had  so  much  to  peril.  But  the  new- 
comer, whom  we  shall  know  hereafter  as  Squire  Barry, 
was  not  similarly  impressed  with  the  proceeding. 

"  Too  much,"  said  he,  "  for  '  Crazy  Kate,'  Nod  Ram- 
sey !  I  have  a  nag  of  my  own,  as  nice  a  little  bit  of  filly 
as  is  on  the  ground  to-day.  I  reckon  you  never  saw 
or  heard  of  her.  Her  name  was  '  Betsey  Wheeler,'  a 
crack  marc  of  this  county,  and  her  sire  was  a  New  Or- 
leans horse,  whose  name  I  now  forget." 

"I  know  the  mar'  you^peak  of,"  answered  Ramsey, 
looking  up,  but  without  appearing  to  discover  the  man 
Burg,  who  stood  behind  Barry,  and  to  whom  he  had 
spoken  of  this  same  mare  an  hour  before  in  terms  of  ex- 
ceeding admiration.  "  The  mar',  '  Betsey  -Wheeler,'  was 
famous  at  a  hunt.  I  can't  say  for  the  filly;  I  don't 
know  that  I  ever  seed  her.  But  you  can  tell  me  what 
about  her,  Squire  V" 

"  She's  mine,  and  I  believe  in  her ;  I  believe  in  her 
against  your  '  Gray  streak,'  there:  that  I  do!" 

"Well,  Squire,  you  have  a  right  to  believe  in  your 
nag;  she's  your  own,  and  you  know  her.  'Gray- 
streak's'  mine,  though  not  quite  paid  for  yit,  and  I've  a 
notion  that  I've  a  right  to  believe  in  her;  she's  got  the 
heels  to  believe  in.  But  what's  the  use  of  believing 
when  every  pictur  (bank-note)  that  you  have  has  got  its 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  63 

follow    already?     If  you  was  to  go    your   belief  very 
Btromji  1  couldn't  say  a  word  agin  it!" 

"  What  say  you  to  another  fifty?" 

"  It's  tough,  but  let's  sec  your  filly;  if  she's  much  liko 
her  dam,"  hesitating. 

"  What !  scared,  old  fellow  ?" 

"  No  !  not  exactly  skeared,  but  a  little  dubous  !  I 
know'd  the  dam;  she  was  a  clean-heeled  critter." 

Looking  up,  he  pretended  to  discover  Burg,  the  for- 
mer owner  of  the  filly,  for  the  first  time.  "  Ah!"  said 
he,  "  Burg,  you're  a  keener."  Barry  looked  gratified. 
He  exulted  in  the  notion  that  he  had  bluffed  the  bully  ; 
and  Ramsey  walked  forward,  with  a  side-long  air, 
switching  his  whip  as  he  went  with  the  manner  of  a 
man  half  discomfited.  He  was  pinned  suddenly  by  Lazy 
Jake  Owens,  who  had  just  returned  from  a  reinspection 
of  "  Graystreak." 

"Ned,"  said  the  latter  in  a  whisper,  calling  him 
aside,  "  I  see  your  game!  We've  got  but  three  V's  on 
this  brush;  if  you'll  let  me,  I'll  take  the  fence  and  say 
quits?" 

"  What,  hedge  ?"  said  Ramsey;  "  no  you  won't !" 

"  It's  as  you  please;  but,  if  this  bet's  to  hold,  you  don't 
do  Jones  Barry." 

"  You'll  not  put  your  spoon  into  my  dish,  Jake  ?" 

"  I  won't  be  dished  myself  if  I  can  help  it." 

"  Well !  I'll  let  you  off,  if  you'll  let  your  nag  run. 
Keep  your  tongue,  and  you  may  keep  your  V's." 

"  It's  a  bargain — mum's  the  word  !" 

"  Do  you  know  this  filly,  Jake?"  said  Ramsey,  half 
aloud,  as  he  saw  Barry  approaching. 

"  A  nice  critter  to  the  eye,  but  I  never  seed  her  run. 
Her  dam  was  a  beauty  for  a  mile  stretch  or  so." 

"  There  she  stands !"  cried  Barry  ;  "  I'll  back  her 
against  the  field  for  any  man's  hundred." 

"  I'll  take  you!"  quickly  responded  the  stranger,  who 
was  Ramsey's  shadow. 

"  Who's  he  ?"  inquired  Ramsey,  in  a  whisper  of  Barry 
himself. 


64  AS  GOOD  AS  A  comedy:  OR, 

"  I  don't  know  him  at  all,"  answered  Barry.  "  But 
I  reckon  he'll  show  his  money." 

"I'm  ready  to  cover,  sir,"  was  the  remark  of  the 
stranger,  showing  his  money  just  as  if  he  had  heard  the 
whispered  reply  of  Barry  to  Ramsey.  The  bet  was 
taken  down,  and  the  bill  covered  in  the  hands  of  a  third 
person.  Ramsey  did  not  linger  to  behold  these  pro- 
ceedings, but  occupied  himself  in  a  close  examination  of 
Barry's  filly.  The  eye  of  the  latter,  with  an  exulta- 
tion which  it  could  not  conceal,  beheld  the  grave  expres- 
sion in  that  of  the  jockey.  He  saw  the  head  of  the 
latter  shaken  ominously. 

"Isn't  she  a  beauty,  Ramsey?  I  call  her  the  *  Fair 
Geraldine,'  after  the  most  beautiful  lady  in  the  world." 

"  You're  right,  to  pay  the  filly  such  a  compliment. 
She's  the  most  sweetest  little  critter !  Will  you  sell  her, 
squire?" 

"  Sell  her;  no!  not  for  any  man's  thousand  dollars." 

"  You'll  not  get  that,  I  reckon.  But  she's  got  the 
heels  ;  that's  cla'r  !  she'll  run  !" 

"  Will  she?  well !     Can  she  do  <  Graystreak  V  " 

"N — o  !  I  don't  exactly  think  she  can." 

"  You  don't  ?  well !     Can  *  Graystreak'  do  her  ?" 

"YT-e-s !  I  reckon." 

"Y^ou  reckon?  well!  If  such  is  your  reckoning,  I  sup- 
pose you're  ready  to  match  your  mind  with  your  money. 
What'll  you  go,  on  the  match?" 

"Well,  squire,  you  see  I'm  quite  clear  up.  Bating 
what  I've  put  aside  to  pay  for  'Graystreak,'  I  don't 
suppose  I've  got  more  than  a  single  Mexican  or  two. 
I  might  raise  three,  or,  ^n>haps,  five  upon  a  pinch;  but 
I  shouldn't  like  to  £0  more." 

"Be  it  five,  then,"  said  Barry,  eagerly;  and  the  seem- 
ingly reluctant  pieces  were  fished  up  to  the  light  out  of 
the  assorted  contents  of  the  deep  pockets  of  the  jockey. 

"Now,"  said  Barry,  tauntingly  ;  "what's  the  value  of 
a  horse,  if  you're  afraid  to  risk  on  her  ?  Y'ou  say  you've 
got  money  to  pay  for  '  Graystreak  ?'  How  much  did  you 
give  for  her  ?" 


the  tennesseean's  story.  65 

-,  squire." 

"Well,  I  don't  care  to  know;  but  how  much  have 
you  made  up  towards  paying?" 

"  Well,  a  matter  of  seventy-five  or  eighty  dollars  left." 

"Which  might  he  a  hundred.  But  whatever  it  is,  Ned 
Ramsey,  I'm  clear  that  if  you  valued  the  heels  of  your 
horse  at  all;  if,  indeed,  you  were  not  frightened,  you'd 
see  it  all  covered  before  you'd  be  bantered  olf  the 
course." 

"Squire,  you're  a  little  too  hard  upon  a  fellow,"  was 
the  somewhat  deprecating  reply. 

44  Oh!  it's  the  turn  against  you,  then,  Ramsey,"  was 
the  retort  of  Barry.  "You  had  the  laugh  and  banter 
against  everybody  before.  Well !  you  can  taste  the  feel- 
ing for  yourself.  Now,  if  you're  a  man,  I  banter  you  to 
empty  your  pockets  on  the  match;  every  fip  down;  and 
I  cover  it,  fip  for  fip,  and  eagle  for  eagle.  I'm  your 
man,  Ramsey,  though  you  never  met  with  him  before." 

It  was  with  the  air  of  the  bully,  desperate  with 
defeat  and  savage  with  his  apprehensions,  that  Ramsey 
dashed  his  hands  into  his  bosom,  drawing  forth,  as  he 
replied,  a  pocketbook  which  had  hitherto  been  un- 
shown — 

"  I'm  not  to  be  bantered  by  any  man,  though  I  lose 
every  picayune  I  have  in  the  world.  I'm  a  poor  man, 
but,  make  or  break,  thar  goes.  No  man  shall  bluff  me 
off  the  track,  though  the  horse  runs  off  her  legs.  Thar, 
squire,  you've  pushed  me  to  the  edge  of  the  water,  and 
now  I'll  go  my  death  on  the  drink.  Thar!  Count!  Ef 
my  figuring  ain't  out  of  the  way,  thar's  one  hundred 
and  five  dollars  in  that  heap  !" 

"That's  the  notch,"  said  a  bystander,  as  the  bills 
were  counted. 

"Covered!"  cried  Barry,  with  a  look  of  exultation. 
He  had  obtained  a  seeming  victory  over  the  cock  of  the 
walk.  The  more  sagacious  "Lazy  Jake  Owens,"  how- 
ever, muttered  to  himself,  with  the  desponding  air  of 
one  who  was  compelled  to  acknowledge  the  genius  of 
the  superior : 

6* 


€6  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY!  OR, 

"  A  mighty  clever  chap,  that  Ned  Ramsey,  by  the 
hokey !  His  mar'  is  paid  for  this  day,  if  he  never  paid 
for  her  before." 

Barry,  cock-sure  of  the  result,  now  slapped  his  pocket- 
book  with  the  flat  of  his  hand,  as  he  lifted  it  over  his 
head,  and  cried  to  the  circle  around  him: 

"There  is  more  money  to  be  had  on  this  match, 
gentlemen.  Here  are  a  couple  of  bran  new  C's  (hun- 
dreds) ready  for  company.  Who  covers  them  against 
the  'Fair  Gcraldine?'  " 

The  stranger,  the  distant  shadow  of  Ramsey,  again 
modestly  approached  with  two  similar  bank-notes  al- 
ready in  his  hands.     The  bets  were  closed. 

"I  must  find  out  who  that  stranger  is,"  muttered 
Ramsey,  in  the  hearing  of  Lazy  Jake  Owens  and  Barry. 
The  latter  did  not  seem  to  hear  or  to  attend  to  him ; 
but,  as  he  walked  away,  Lazy  Jake  whispered  to  Ram- 
sey: 

"If  so  be  you  ain't  pretty  well  knowing  to  each  other 
a'ready,  Ned." 

The  latter  simply  drew  down  the  corner  of  his  eye, 
in  a  way  that  Lazy  Jake  understood,  and  the  parties 
dispersed  in  search  of  other  associates  and  objects.  The 
scene  we  have  witnessed  was  but  a  sample  of  that 
which  was  in  progress,  on  a  smaller  scale,  perhaps,  all 
over  the  field.     It  needs  no  farther  description. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  67 


CHAPTER  V. 

IN  WHICH  THE  FLEETNESS  OF  HORSES,  AND  THE  CAFRICES 
OF  WOMEN,  ARE  EQUALLY  CONSIDERED. 

We  left  our  two  sworn  friends  on  the  road,  rushing 
forward,  at  a  pleasant  canter,  for  the  race-course.  They 
were  within  a  mile  of  it,  when  they  were  joined  hy  ono 
who  came  forth  suddenly  from  a  private  avenue  through 
the  woods,  which  conducted  to  his  homestead.  The 
parties  at  once  recognized  each  other  as  old  acquaint- 
ances. /The  stranger  was  a  good-looking  person  of  thir- 
ty ;  not  "exactly  one  whom  we  should  call  a  gentleman, 
hut  a  frank,  hearty,  dashing,  good  companion,  such  as 
one  likes  to  encounter  at  muster-ground  or  hunting-club. 
He  was  simply  dressed  in  the  habits  of  the  country ; 
not  those  of  the  plain  farmer,  nor  those  of  the  profes- 
sional man.  A  loose,  open  hunting-shirt  of  blue  home- 
spun, with  a  white  fringe,  was  not  considered  a  habit  too 
picturesque  for  the  region,  and  it  sat  becomingly  upon 
the  large  frame,  and  corresponded  with  the  easy  and 
not  ungraceful  carriage  of  the  wearer.  Tom  Nettles 
was  a  character,  but  not  an  obtrusive  one;  a  man,  and 
not  a  caricature.  He  loved  fun,  but  it  came  to  him 
naturally ;  was  something  of  a  practical  joker,  but  his 
merriment  seldom  left  a  wound  behind  it;  his  eyes  were 
always  brightening,  as  if  anticipating  a  good  thing,  and 
they  did  not  lose  this  expression  even  on  serious  occa- 
sions. Tom  Nettles  was  much  more  likely  to  go  into  a 
fight  with  a  grin  on  his  visage  than  with  any  more  ap- 
propriate countenance.  But  let  him  speak  for  himself. 
"  Good  morning,  Miles ;  good  morning,  Hammond ; 
you're  on  the  road  something  late,  arc  you  not  ?" 

His  salutation  was  answered  in  similar  manner,  and 
Hammond  replied  to  his  inquiry : 


68  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

"  Something  late?  No!  We  are  soon  enough,  I 
fancy." 

"Quite  soon  enough  for  the  race,"  said  the  other; 
"hut  Jones  Barry  rode  hy  my  house  two  hours  ago,  and 
stopped  long  enough  to  tell  me  that  he  was  to  he  on  the 
ground  early  to  see  Miss  Geraldine  Foster.  lie  said 
you  had  hoth  made  the  same  promise,  and  he  was  hent  to 
have  the  start  of  you.  He  seems  to  think  it  a  rule  in 
love  matters,  as  in  a  barber-shop,  first  come  first  served, 
and  the  first  comer  always  the  hest  customer."  Randall 
Hammond  smiled,  but  said  nothing;  while  Miles  Hen- 
derson, taking  out  his  watch,  looked  a  little  anxious  as 
he  remarked : 

"  We  are  later  than  I  thought  for." 

"  Soon  enough,  Miles,"  said  Hammond,  assuringly. 
Kettles  continued: — 

"  But  you  should  see  the  figure  Barry  has  made  of 
himself.  He's  dressed,  from  head  to  foot,  in  scarlet,  and 
pretends  that  it's  the  right  dress  for  a  man  that  means 
to  run  his  own  horse.  He  says  it's  the  dress  of  one  of 
the  English  noblemen — I  forget  his  name — who  has 
grown  famous  on  the  turf.  He  owns,  you  know,  that 
clever  little  filly  of  '  Betsey  Wheeler,'  that  belonged  to 
Burg  Fisher.  The  dam  was  a  good  thing,  and  the  filly 
promises  to  be  something  more,  if  Barry  don't  spoil  her 
with  his  notions;  and  he's  full  of  them.  He  means  to 
run  the  filly  to-day,  and  has  christened  her  the  '  Fair 
Geraldine,'  after  a  young  lady  you  know,  both  of  you, 
I  reckon.  But,  though  he  may  get  the  lady,  if  he's  not 
wide  awake  he'll  be  chiselled  in  the  race;  for  Ned  Ram- 
sey is  out,  with  his  eye  set  for  game,  and  he's  too  old  a 
hand  at  the  game  not  to  do  a  young,  foolish  fellow  like 
Jones  Barry,  with  mighty  little  trouble." 

The  friends  allowed  their  companion  to  talk.  He  was 
a  person  to  use  the  privilege.  They  interposed  a  "no" 
or  "yes,"  at  intervals,  and  this  perfectly  satisfied  him. 
Hammond,  meanwhile,  was  good-humored  in  his  replies, 
and  quite  at  his  ease.  It  was  not  so  with  Henderson. 
lie  referred  to  his  watch  repeatedly,  and  more  than 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  69 

once  made  a  movement  for  going  forwards  at  a  pace 
more  rapid  than  that  into  which  they  had  fallen  after 
Nettles  had  joined  them.  But  his  companions,  on  the 
contrary,  seemed  both  equally  determined  not  to  second 
the  movement.  They  hung  back,  and  Hammond  point- 
edly said — 

"  Don't  hurry,  Miles.  This  good  little  fellow,  Barry, 
attaches  so  much  importance  to  his  being  first  in  the 
field,  that  it  would  be  cruel  to  disturb  his  prospects." 

Nettles  smiled.  lie  understood  the  speaker,  and  knew 
equally  well  his  character  and  that  of  his  companion. 

"  If  being  in  a  hurry,"  said  he,  "  would  win  a  lady, 
then  Barry's  the  boy  for  conquest.  But  there's  the 
mistake.  It's  my  notion  that  it's  the  last  comer  that's 
most  likely  to  do  the  safe  business,  and  not  the  first.  A 
young  girl  likes  to  look  about  her.  She  soon  gets  used 
to  one  face  and  the  talk  of  one  man,  and  likes  a  change 
that's  something  new.  I  wouldn't  be  too  late;  I  wouldn't 
Htay  oil'  till  the  very  last  hour;  and  I'd  always  be  near 
enough  to  be  seen  and  heard  of  now  and  then  ;  nay,  I'd 
like  to  be  caught  sometimes  looking  in  the  direction  of 
the  lady  ;  but  then  I'd  make  it  a  rule  never  to  bo  too 
soon  or  too  frequent.  It's  most  important  of  all  things 
that  a  man  shouldn't  be  too  cheap.  Better  the  girl 
should  say,  *  I  wonder  why  he  don't  come,'  than  'I  won- 
der why  he  does.'  " 

Our  philosopher  of  the  piny  woods  might  have  gone 
on  for  a  much  longer  stretch,  had  he  not  been  inter- 
rupted by  an  event  that  gave  a  new  direction  to  the 
party.  They  had  reached  a  bend  in  the  road  which 
gave  them  glimpses  of  another  which  made  a  junction 
with  it,  and  not  fifty  yards  off  they  discovered  the  car- 
riage of  Mrs.  Foster  coming  directly  towards  them. 
They  at  once  joined  it  and  made  their  respects,  Miles 
Henderson  taking  the  lead,  and  Hammond  and  Nettles 
more  slowly  following  at  his  heels. 

The  party  of  Mrs.  Foster  consisted  of  that  lady  her- 
self, her  step-daughter,  Miss  Geraldino  Foster,  and  her 
niece,  Sophia  Blane,  a  girl  of  twelve.     Mrs.  Foster  was 


YO  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

an  ill-bred,  pretentious  woman,  who  had  succeeded  the 
mother  of  Gcraldinc  in  the  affections  of  her  father,  at  a 
time  when  his  feeble  health  and  the  impaired  condition 
of  his  intellect  rendered  him  too  anxious  for  a  nurse  to 
be  too  scrupulous  about  a  companion,  lie  had  raised 
her  from  an  humble  condition  to  one  which  she  was  ill 
calculated  to  fill ;  and,  with  the  ambition  to  be  some- 
body, she  determined  to  carry  her  point  by  audacity 
rather  than  by  artj  She  was  a  bold,  forward  beauty  in 
her  youth ;  was  a  bolder  woman  now,  still  pleasing  in 
her  face,  but  no  longer  a  beauty ;  a  woman  given  to 
petty  scandals,  and  satisfied  with  petty  triumphs;  en- 
vious of  the  superior,  malicious  where  opposed,  and  in- 
solent when  submitted  to.  /What  was  defective  or  cen- 
surable in  the  manners  of  her  step-daughter  was  clearly 
referable  to  the  evil  influence  of  this  woman,  and  the 
doubtful  training  of  the  distant  boarding-school  to  which 
she  had  been  confided  at  a  very  early  period  of  her  life. 
That  she  was  not  wholly  spoiled  by  these  unfavorable 
influences,  was  due  wholly  to  the  native  excellence  of 
her  mind  and  hcart\  She  was  a  passionate,  self-willed 
damsel ;  not  easily  rendered  submissive  in  conflict  ;  ca- 
pricious in  her  tastes,  yet  tenacious  of  her  objects; 
delighting  in  the  exercise  of  power,  without  any  definite 
idea  of  its  uses  or  value';  and  by  no  means  insensible  to 
those  personal  charms  which,  indeed,  were  beyond  all 
question,  even  of  the  hostile  and  the  jealous.  But,  in 
opposition  to  these  evil  characteristics,  she  was  magnani- 
mous and  generous  ;  her  heart  was  peculiarly  susceptible 
to  treatment  and  impressions  of  kindness.  If  her  tastes 
were  capricious,  they  at  least  were  always  directed  to 
objects  which  were  delicate  and  noble  ;  if  she  was  pas- 
sionate, it  was  when  roused  by  sense  of  wrong  or  sup- 
posed injustice  ;  if  she  was  slow  to  submit  in  conflict,  she 
was  never  long  satisfied  with  a  victory,  which  a  calmer 
judgment  taught  her  was  undeservedly  won,  and  slio 
knew  how  to  restore  the  laurels  which  she  had  usurped, 
with  a  grace  and  a  sweetness  that  amply  compensated 
the  injustice.     Her  mind  was  vigorous  and  active,  and 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  71 

this  led  to  her  frequent  errors ;  for  it  was  »a  mind  un- 
trained, and  steadfast  and  tenacious  of  a  cause  which,  it 
was  yet  to  discover,  was  not  that  of  truth  and  justice. 
[^She  was  a  creature,  indeed,  of  many  contradictions;  a 
wild,  high-souled,  spiritual,  but  capricious  creature;  the 
very  ardor  of  whose  temperament  led  her  into  tumultuous 
sports  of  fancy,  such  as  only  shock  beyond  forgiveness 
the  staid  and  formal  being  to  whom  there  is  but  one 
God,  -whose  name  is  Fashion;  but  one  law,  the  record  of 
which  is  found  only  in  what  my  neighbor  thinks. 

Randal]  Hammond  was  by  no  means  insensible  to  her 
faults;  but  he  ascribed  them  to  the  proper  cause.  lie 
felt  that  she  was  a  character ;  but  a  character  which 
could  be  shaped,  by  able  hands,  into  that  of  a  noble 
woman  and  a  faithful  wife.  lie  looked  upon  her  with 
eyes  of  such  admiration  as  the  Arabian  casts  upon  the 
Splendid  colt  of  the  desert,  whom  he  knows,  once  sub- 
dued by  his  art,  he  can  manage  with  a  whisper  or  a 
silken  cord.l  But  he  strove — as  earnestly  as  the  Arab 
who  conceals  his  purposes,  and  scarcely  suffers  the  ani- 
mal whom  he  would  fetter  to  sec  the  direct  purpose  in 
his  eye — to  keep  his  secret  soul-hidden  from  the  object 
of  his  admiration.  lie  was  not  unwilling  that  she  should 
sec  that  she  had  awakened  in  his  bosom  an  interest,  a 
curiosity,  at  least,  which  brought  him  not  unfrequcntly 
to  her  presence,  but  he  strove,  with  all  the  success  of  a 
man  who  has  a  will  sufficiently  strong  to  subdue  and 
restrain  his  passions,  to  guard  his  eyes  and  his  tongue 
so  that  the  depth  of  his  emotions  could  not  easily,  or 
at  all,  be  fathomed.  It  is  sufficient  here  to  say  that 
Geraldine  Foster  was  not  insensible  to  his  superiority. 
She  had  very  soon  learned  to  distinguish  and  to  dis- 
criminate between  her  several  suitors ;  but  the  bearing 
of  Hammond,  though  studiously  respectful,  in  some  de- 
gree piqued  her  pride.  If  a  suitor,  he  was  not  a  ser- 
vant. If  he  spoke  to  her  earnestly,  it  was  the  woman, 
and  not  the  angel  he  addressed.  This  reserve  seemed 
to  betray  a  caution  which  no  maiden  likes  to  detect  in 
the  approaches  of  her  lover,  and  seemed  to  imply  a  de- 


72  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

ficiency  of  that  necessary  ardency  and  warmth  which 
was,  in  truth,  the  very  last  want  which  could  be  charged 
upon  this  gentleman.  Mrs.  Foster  first  insinuated  this 
doubt  into  the  bosom  of  her  step-daughter,  and  the  feel- 
ing of  the  consciously  underbred  woman  made  her  stu- 
dious in  keeping  up  the  suspicion.  She  was  not  satis- 
ficd  with  the  superior  rank  of  Hammond's  family;  was 
mortified  at  the  coldness  and  distance  of  his  mother, 
whom  she  well  knew  to  have  been  intimate  with  the  first 
wife  of  Mr.  Foster;  and,  though  the  peculiarly  respect- 
ful deportment  of  Hammond  himself  left  her  entirely 
without  occasion  for  complaint,  the  very  rigor  of  his 
carriage,  the  studious  civility  of  his  deportment,  by  re- 
straining her  freedom  with  his  own,  was  a  check  upon 
that  vulgar  nature  which  is  never  satisfied  till  it  can 
subdue  the  superior  nature  to  its  own  standards.  Mrs. 
Foster  could  say  nothing  against  Randall  Hammond ; 
but  she  could  not  conceal  her  preference  for  all  other 
suitors.  Miles  Henderson  was  decidedly  a  favorite;  but 
there  was  a  charm  in  the  idea  that  Barry's  fortune  could 
positively  "buy  the  Hammonds  out  and  out,"  that  in- 
clined the  scale  of  her  judgment  greatly  in  behalf  of  the 
latter.  But  we  are  at  the  course,  the  horses  are  taken 
from  the  carriage,  the  three  young  men  are  in  attend- 
ance, and  Barry  is  approaching. 

"Dear  me,  Captain  Barry,"  exclaimed  Mrs.  Foster, 
"how  splendidly  you  arc  dressed  !" 

"Is  that  your  uniform  in  the  militia,  Captain  Barry  ?" 
was  the  demand  of  Geraldine. 

"  They'd  set  him  up  for  a  scarecrow,  if  it  was,"  said 
Nettles  ;  "  and  he'd  have  to  treat  as  long  as  the  liquor 
lasted,  before  they'd  let  him  down." 

"  0  hush,  Nettles;  you're  always  with  your  joke  at 
everything  and  everybody.  I  wonder  what  there  is  in 
my  clothes  for  you  to  laugh  at?" 

"Not  much,  I  grant  you,  while  you're  in  'em,"  was 
the  reply.  "  But  answer  Miss  Foster.  She  wants  to 
know  what  uniform  it  is  you've  got  on." 

"Oh!  it's  no  uniform,  Miss  Geraldine.     This  is  the 


THIS  TKNNT.SSKKAN's  ST011Y.  73 

exact  suit  wont  by  the  Karl  ol'  Tuthum,  at  the  last  Don- 
castor  races." 

"You  don't  say  that  tho  Earl  of  Totham  sent  you 
his  old  clothes?"  responded  Nettles. 

"No!  no !"  said  Mrs.  Foster.  "I  understand.  Cap- 
tain Barry  has  adopted  a  dress  like  that  which  tho  Earl 
of  Totham  wore  at  tho  Doncastor  races.  Well !  I.  don't 
sec  what  there  is  to  laugh  at  in  a  costume  borrowed  from 
the  best  nobility  of  Europe." 

"But  who  is  tho  Karl  of  Totham?"  demanded  Ham- 
mond. "  1  know  of  no  such  title  in  the  English  peer- 
age" 

"No?  liut  it  may  be  in  the  Scotch,  or  Irish,"  said 
Mrs.  Foster,  anxiously. 

"  No.  It  belongs  to  neither,  liut  it  makes  no  great 
matter.  "We  are  in  a  free  country,  Captain  Barry,  and 
can  wear  what  garments  wc  please,  in  spite  of  tho  Eng- 
lish peerage." 

"  Ay,  and  in  spite  of  our  neighbors,  too,  Captain 
Barry,"  said  Gcraldine. 

"  Yes,  indeed!"  exclaimed  Mrs.  Foster,  exultingly. 
44  There's  many  of  those  who  decry  the  fine  equipments 
of  superior  fortune,  who  would  give  half  their  lives  to 
enjoy  them.  Now  1  think,  however  strange  it  appears 
to  our  eyes,  that  this  costume  of  the  Eari  of — what's  his 
name?" 

"  Tote-Hum  !  I  think,"  said  Nettles,  with  a  smirk; 
punning,  with  a  vulgar  accent,  upon  the  first  syllable. 
Tote,  among  the  uneducated  classes  of  the  South,  means 
"to  carry." 

"  Toteham !"  continued  Mrs.  Foster,  innocently. 
"  Well,  I  repeat,  this  beautiful  costume  of  the  Earl  of 
Toteham  appears  particularly  adapted  to  the  use  of  gen- 
tlemen who  are  fond  of  field  sports." 

Tho  eye  of  Barry  brightened.  Ho  looked  his  grati- 
tude. 

44  I  agreo  with  you,  Mrs.  Foster,"  answered  Nettles; 
"  the  red  would  not  sufl'er  from  an  occasional  roll  among 
the  soft  crimson  mire  of  our  own  clay  hills ;  and  as  our 
7 


74  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY :  OR, 

sporting  gentlemen  drink  deep  usually  before  they  leave 
the  turf,  the  prospect  is  that  they  become  deeply  ac- 
quainted with  the  color  of  the  hills  before  they  reach 
home." 

"0,  Mr.  Nettles!"  exclaimed  the  maternal  lady. 

"  Nor  is  the  advantage  -wholly  in  the  color,"  con- 
tinued Nettles,  with  great  gravity.  "The  cut  of  the 
coat  is  particularly  calculated  to  show  off  the  fine  person 
of  the  wearer.  The  absence  of  all  skirt  is  favorable  to 
the  horseman;  though  I  confess  myself  at  a  loss  to  guess 
what  use  to  make  of  that  little  pigeon-tail  dependence 
in  the  rear.  I  can  scarcely  suppose  it  meant  to  be  orna- 
mental." 

All  eyes  followed  the  direction  thus  given  them,  and 
one  of  Barry's  own  hands  involuntarily  clutched  the 
little  puckered  peak  which  stuck  out  in  the  most  comical 
fashion  above  his  hips.  Barry  began  to  suspect  that  he 
was  laughed  at,  and  Mrs.  Foster  interposed,  to  change 
the  subject. 

"  You  mean  to  run  your  horse  and  ride  him  3'our- 
self,  Captain  Barry  ?" 

"That  I  do,  Mrs.  Foster;  I  have  pretty  nigh  five 
hundred  on  his  heels,  and  I'll  trust  to  no  rider  but  my- 
self." J 

"Well,  that's  right;  that's  what  I  call  manly," 
said  Mrs.  Foster. 

"  You  have  certainly  a  very  beautiful  creature,  Cap- 
tain Barry,"  was  the  remark  of  Geraldine,  turning  from 
a  somewhat  subdued  conversation  with  Henderson,  to 
which  Hammond  was  an  almost  silent  partner.  "  You 
gentlemen,"  continued  the  fair  girl,  "  are  to  teach  me 
how  I  am  to  bet.  That  is,  you  are  to  give  me  your 
opinions,  which  I  shall  follow  as  I  choose.  See,  I  have 
a  world  of  ribbons  here,  and  am  prepared  to  wear  all 
colors.  Who  has  the  best  horses,  and  how  many  are 
there  to  run?" 

"  You  hear  of  one,  certainly,  Miss  Foster,"  said  Net- 
tles. 


the  tennesseean's  story.  75 

"Yes!  and  certainly  Captain  Barry  rides  a  very 
beautiful  creature." 

"  She  has  the  legs  of  an  angel,"  said  Barry. 

"  Better  if  she  had  its  wings,  I  should  think,"  -was  the 
immediate  remark  of  Geraldine. 

"  Very  good,  very  excellent,  Miss  Geraldine ;  cer- 
tainly, for  a  race,  the  wings  of  an  angel  might  be  of 
more  service  than  its  legs.  But  she  will  scarcely  need 
them.     Her  legs  will  answer." 

"  Should  she  lose,  Barry,  you'll  have  to  change  her 
name.  Do  you  know  the  name  of  this  beautiful  crea- 
ture?"— To  Miss  Foster.     She  answered  quietly — 

"  0,  yes  !  1  have  heard  how  greatly  I  am  honored ; 
and,  in  truth,  I  shall  feel  quite  unhappy  if  she  does  not 
win.  I  must  certainly,  at  all  hazards,  bet  upon  my 
namesake." 

uYou  may  do  it  boldly!"  said  Barry,  with  confi- 
dence ;   "  I'll  insure  your  losses." 

"Who'll  insure  you,  Barry?  Your  chances  will  de- 
pend upon  what  takes  the  field  !"  quoth  Nettles. 

"  Do  you  know  the  mare  of  Lazy  Jake  Owens,  that 
they  call  <  Crazy  Kate?'  " 

"I  do!  your  filly  can  trip  her  heels." 

"  I  know  that !  my  '  Glaucus'  shall  do  that.  He's 
here,  and  will  be  ridden  by  little  Sam  Perkins.  Well ! 
here's,  besides,  Vose's  'Grayshaft.'" 

'k  Pretty  good  at  a  quarter,  but — " 

"And  Biggar's  filly,  'Estella.'" 

"  Her  dam,  '  May  Queen  ;'  sire,  '  Barcombe  ;'  a  good 
thing,  but  wanting  bottom." 

"  Joe  Balch's  '  Nabob,'  Zeph.  Stokes's  '  Keener,'  and 
'  Flourish,'  a  gambol-looking  nag  from  Augusta,  or  there- 
abouts." 

"  I  know  them  all  except  the  last.  The  l  Fair  Geral- 
dine' ought  to  give  them  all  the  wind." 

"  She'll  do  it !" 

"But  these  arc  not  all  the  horses  out,  surely?" 

"  No !  there's  another  animal,  that  Ned  Ramsey 
claims.     I  never  saw  her  before,  and  don't  think  a  great 


76  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

deal  of  her  now  ;  they  call  her  '  Graystreak;'  she  comes 
from  Mississippi.  I  bluffed  Ramsey  so  tightly  that  T 
almost  scared  him  off  the  hill ;  but  I  brought  him  to  the 
scratch,  and  I  have  covered  for  him  to  the  tune  of  a  hun- 
dred and  more  on  the  match  between  '  Graystreak'  and 
'Geraldine;'  besides  something  like  half  the  amount  on 
Lazy  Jake's  mare  against  *  Graystreak.'  " 
"And  wherc's  this  '  Graystreak':'  " 
The  animal  was  only  at  a. little  distance.  The  pro- 
prietor, the  renowned  Ned  Ramsey,  was  busy,  at  the 
moment,  in  preparing  her  for  the  course.  The  eyes  of 
the  party  were  directed  to  the  beautiful  creature  in  ad- 
miration. She  shipped  to  the  sun  finely,  as  if  clad  in 
velvet.  Her  clean  limbs,  wiry  and  slender  ;  the  spirit  in 
her  eye,  and  the  airy  life  in  all  her  action,  at  once  fixed 
the  regards  of  so  good  a  judge  as  Nettles.  Nor  was 
Randall  Hammond  indifferent  to  the  beauty  of  her  form, 
and  the  promise  in  her  limbs. 

"This  fool  and  his  money  have  parted  !"  said  Nettles, 
in  a  whisper  to  Hammond.  "  Your  horse  is  the  only  one 
that  can  take  the  legs  from  this  filly,  and  it  would  give 
him  trouble !" 

The  answer  of  Hammond  was  unheard,  as  they  reap- 
proached  the  carriage  where  the  ladies  sat. 

"Well,  gentlemen  !"  said  Geraldine,  impatiently;  "I 
am  eager  to  be  busy.  Come,  let  me  have  your  judgment. 
What  horse  shall  1  adopt  as  my  favorite?" 

"Are  you  not  fairly  committed  to  your  namesake?" 
asked  Hammond,  witli  a  quiet  manner ;  his  eye,  how- 
ever, looking  deeply  into  hers.  She  answered  the  gaze 
by  dropping  hers  ;  replying  quickly,  as  she  did  so  :— 

"No,  indeed!  the  compliment  to  me  must  not  be 
made  to  lose  my  money  or  discredit  my  judgment.  For 
sure,  Captain  Carry  himself  has  no  such  design  to  injure 
me.  But  I  do  faney  the  beauty  of  his  horse,  and  if  you 
think  her  fleet,  Mr.  Hammond — " 
*   She  paused  : — 

"  The  '  Fair  Geraldine'  is  doubtless  a  very  fleet,  as  she 
is  a  verv  beautiful  creature!" 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  77 

"But,"  said  Nettles,  finding  that  Hammond  hesi- 
tated, "  that  strange  mare  you  sec  yonder  undressing, 
is  sure  to  beat  her." 

"  Sure  to  beat  her  !"  exclaimed  Barry,  who  drew  nigh 
in  season  to  hear  the  last  words.  "What'll  you  ao  on 
the  word?"  J      h 

"Horse,  house,  lands,  ox,  ass,  and  everything  that  is 
mine!" 

"Nay,  nay  !  to  the  point ;  look  to  your  pockctbook  !" 

"  Well,  if  you  will  have  it,  we'll  say  a  hundred  on 
the  match  ;  <  Graystreak'  against  any  horse  in  the  field, 
unless  Hammond  runs  his  'Ferraunt,'  and  then  <  Fer- 
raunt'  against  the  field  !" 

"  'Ferraunt!'  "  said  Barry;  "what,  the  large  iron 
gray  he  rides.  Why,  he  came  on  him!"  looking  to 
Hammond  inquiringly.  The  latter  had  yielded  his  horse 
to  his  groom,  and  was  now  sitting  on  the  box  of  the 
carriage,  the  driver  being  withdrawn  to  look  after  his 
horses.  "Ferraunt"  was  already  groomed,  and  resting 
in  the  shade  at  a  little  distance  under  the  charge  of  the 
servant.  The  finger  of  Nettles  pointed  where  he  stood. 
The  eye  of  Geraldine  at  once  followed  the  direction  of 
his  finger,  and  while  Barry  and  Nettles  arranged  their 
stakes,  and  withdrew  to  look  at  "  Ferraunt,"  a  short 
dialogue,  not  without  its  interest,  took  place  between 
herself  and  Hammond. 

"  Is  your  horse  so  very  fleet,  Mr.  Hammond,  as  Mr. 
Nettles  says  he  is?" 

"  lie  has  the  reputation  of  being  a  very  fast  horse, 
Miss  Foster;  indeed,  he  is  probably  the  fastest  on  the 
ground." 

"  Well;  you  mean  to  run  him,  of  course?" 

"  Why  of  course  ?" 

*'  Oh,  why  not  ?  To  own  a  race-horse,  indeed,  seems 
to  imply  racing.     What  is  the  use  of  him  otherwise?" 

"One  may  love  to  look  at  a  beautiful  animal  with- 
out seeking  always  to  test  his  speed;  at  all  events, 
without  seeking  to  game  with  it." 

7* 


78  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

"  To  game !     Is   not  that   a  harsh   expression,  Mr. 
Hammond?"    ' 

"  Perhaps  it  is,  since  gentlemen  have  not  often  the 
motive  of  gain  when  they  engage  in  this  amusement.  It 
is  as  a  noble  and  beautiful  exercise  of  a  beautiful  animal 
that  they  practise  this  recreation,  and  not  for  its  profits." 
"  Well ;  and  you  could  have  no  eye  to  the  gains, 
Mr.  Hammond?" 

"  No.  But  how  small  is  the  proportion  of  gentlemen, 
governed  by  such  principles,  to  those  who  usually  col- 
lect at  a  scene  and  on  an  occasion  like  this !  What  a 
greedy  appetite  for  gain  does  it  provoke  among  thousands 
who  have  no  other  object,  and  find  no  pleasure  in  the 
exquisite  picture  of  the  scene — in  the  glorious  conflict 
of  rival  blood  and  temperament — in  the  wild  grace  of 
the  motion  of  the  steeds — in  all  that  elevates  it  momen- 
tarily into  something  of  the  dignity  of  a  field  of  battle; 
who  think  only  of  the  wretched  results  which  are  to 
fill  or  empty  their  pockets.  And  of  those,  very  few 
can  afford  to  win  or  lose.  If  they  win,  they  acquire 
certain  appetites  from  success,  which  usually  end  in 
their  ruin ;  and  if  they  lose — though  more  fortunnte  in 
doing  so,  as  they  are  probably  made  disgusted  with  the 
pursuit — they  yet  rob  their  families  of  absolute  neces- 
saries, in  this  miserable  search  after  a  diseased  luxury 
for  themselves." 

"  I  confess  I  am  no  philosopher,  Mr.  Ilnmmond.  I 
don't  see  tilings  in  the  same  light  with  yourself,  and 
can  scarcely  believe  in  such  dreadful  consequences  from 
a  spoctncle  that  is  really  so  fine  and  beautiful." 

"  <  >h,"  said  Mrs.  Foster,  interposing,  snobringly;  "  oh, 
Mr.  Hammond,  you  get  all  those  queer  notions  from 
your  mother." 

••  You  will  permit  me  to  respect  the  woman  of  my 
opinions,  Mrs.  Foster?"  with  a  respectful  but  measured 
bow. 

"Oh,  surely.     She's  an   excellent  woman,  and  I  re- 
•  spect   her  very  much ;    but   her  notions  on  thi«  subject 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  70 

are  very  peculiar,  I  think ;  though,  in  her  case,  natural 
enough." 

This  was  said  with  a  degree  of  significance  which  did 
not  suffer  Hammond  to  misunderstand  the  speaker.  His 
face  was  instantly  and  deeply  suffused  with  crimson,  as 
he  felt  the  allusion  to  the  fate  of  his  father.  I  lis  head 
was,  for  the  moment,  averted  from  the  speaker.  In 
that  moment,  the  malicious  woman  whispered  to  her  step- 
daughter, "  At  him  again.  I  know  where  the  shoe 
pinches." 

A  slight  expression  of  scorn  might  have  been  seen  to 
curl  the  lips  of  Geraldine.  A  pause  ensued,  which  was 
at  length  broken  by  Hammond,  who  drew  her  attention 
to  a  showy  procession  of  the  pied  horses,  the  calico 
steeds  of  the  circus  company.  Some  comment  followed 
on  the  performances  of  the  troupe,  when  the  young  lady, 
in  the  most  insinuating  manner,  resumed,  with  Hammond, 
the  subject  of  his  own  horse. 

"  But,  Mr.  Hammond,  though  you  inveigh  against 
racing  as  a  practice,  you  can  have  no  objection  to  run- 
ning your  horse,  upon  occasions,  once  in  away,  as  much 
for  the  satisfaction  of  your  friends  as  with  any  other 
object.  Now,  I  am  quite  pleased  with  your  dark-look- 
ing steed.     What  do  you  call  him?'' 

"  'Fcrraunt.'  " 

"  Ah !  his  name  indicates  his  color.  He  seems  to  me 
a  military  horse." 

"  I  got  him  chiefly  as  a  charger." 

"  Oil,  yes;  I  forgot;  you  arc  a  colonel  of  militia. 
But,  for  a  charger,  you  need  an  animal  at  once  high- 
spirited  and  gentle." 

"He  is  both.     That,  indeed,  Miss  Foster,  is  the  cha- 
'  racter  of  all  high-blooded  animals.     The  rule  holds  good  I 
among  men.      The  most  gentle  are  generally  the  most  \ 
high-spirited — at  once   the  most  patient  and  the  most   . 
enthusiastic.     The  race-horse,  next  to  the  mule,  makes 
the  best  plough-horse." 

"  But  that  is  surely  a  contradiction :  the  mule  being 
the  most  dogged,  stubborn,  slow — " 


80  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

"  He  need  not  be  slow.  He  is  only  slow  when  broken 
and  trained  by  a  drowsy  negro.  But,  though  it  seems 
a  contradiction,  as  you  say,  to  employ  animals  so  utterly 
unlike  for  the  same  purposes,  and  to  find  them  nearly 
equally  good,  it  is  one  that  we  may,  and  perhaps  must 
reconcile,  on  the  principle  that  finds  a  sympathy  in  ex- 
tremes." 

"  Mr.  Hammond,  it  seems  to  me  that  alljhis  is  per- 
versely intended  to  divert  me  from  my  object."  A 
plnyful  smile  and  arch  manner  accompanied  this  remark 
of  the  young  lady.  "  But  I  am  as  perversely  resolved 
that  you  shall  not  escape.  Now,  then,  let  me  hear  from 
you.  Do  you  not  intend  that  '  Ferraunt'  shall  run  to- 
day?" 

"  I  really  do  not,  Miss  Foster.  I  came  out  with  no 
such  purpose." 

"I'm  ready  for  you,  colonel,"  was  the  remark  of 
Jones  Barry,  who  had  just  that  moment  reappeared 
with  Nettles.  "  I'm  not  afraid  of  your  '  Ferraunt,' 
though  Nettles  tells  me  he's  good  against  all  this  crowd. 
I'm  willing  to  try  him.  I  don't  believe  in  your  foreign 
horses,  when  they  come  to  this  country ;  the  climate 
don't  seem  to  suit  'em.  They're  always  sure  to  be  beat 
by  the  natives ;  and,  after  the  first  talk  on  their  arrival, 
you  never  hear  anything  said  in  their  favor,  and  you 
never  see  anything  they  do.  Now,  your  '  Ferraunt' 
comes  of  good  stock,  but  he's  awkward — " 

"  Awkward!"  said  Nettles;  uah!  Barry,  if  you  could 
only  dance  as  well." 

"  Well,  I'm  willing  to  sec  him  dance ;  and,  if  Col. 
Hammond  chooses,  I'll  go  a  cool  hundred  on  the  'Fair 
Geraldine'  against  him.     There's  a  banter  for  you." 
"  1  won't  run  my  horse,  Mr.  Barry." 
"What,  bluffed  off  so  soon  V"  said  Barry,  coarsely. 
"  Call    it  what   you  will,  Mr.  Barry  ;    1    don't  run 
horses." 

"  But,  Mr.  Hammond,  if  you  are  content  to  underlie 
his  challenge,  you  surely  will  not  be  so  uncourteous 
as  to  refuse  mine.      The  '  Fair  Geraldine'  against  4  Fer- 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  81 

raunt,'  for  a  pair  of  glove?.    T  must  maintain  the  reputa- 
tion of  my  namesake." 

44  The  4  Fair  Geraldine'  must  excuse  me,  if  my  cour- 
tesy will  not  suffer  me  to  accept  her  challenge." 
44  What !  you  pretend  that  your  horse  must  beat  ?" 
"  I  know  it,  Miss  Foster." 

"  And  what  if  I  say  that  T  don't  believe  a  word  of 
it  ?  that  I  equally  know  that  the  '  Fair  Geraldine'  is  the 
fastest  horse  ?  and  I  defy  you  to  the  trial  ?  There,  sir, 
my  glove  against  yours." 

This  was  all  sweetly,  if  not  saucily  said.  The  eyes 
of  Hammond  were  fixed  gratefully  upon  the  speaker; 
but  he  shook  his  head. 

"  You  must  forgive  me,  if  I  decline  the  trial  in  the 
case  of  my  horse.  But,  if  you  will  permit  me,  I  cheer- 
fully peril  my  glove  against  your  favorite  in  behalf  of 
4  Graystreak,'  yonder." 

44  No,  no,  sir  ;  your  horse,  your  4 Fen-aunt.'  " 
44  You  can't  refuse,  colonel,"  said  Barry. 
44  No,  Randall!"  said  Henderson. 
44  Impossible  !"  cried  Nettles;  who  was  anxious  to  see 
4  Ferraunt'  take  the  field." 

44  A  lady's  challenge!"  cried  Mrs.  Foster;  "  chivalry 
forbids  that  you  refuse." 

44 1  am  compelled  to  do  so,  Miss  Foster.  It  would 
give  me  pleasure  to  comply  with  your  wishes,  but  I  never 
run  my  horse,  oV  any  horse ;  I  never  engage  as  a  prin- 
cipal in  racing  of  any  kind." 

Nettles  and  Henderson  both  drew  Hammond  aside  to 
argue  the  matter  with  him.  They  were  followed  by 
Barry,  who  was  in  turn  followed  by  the  jockey,  Ramsey. 
Nettles  had  his  arguments,  which  were  urged  in  vain ; 
and,  when  Henderson  dwelt  on  the  claims  of  the  lady, 
Hammond  replied,  somewhat  reproachfully: 

44  You  know,  Miles,  that  I  shouldn't  run  a  horse,  were 
all  the  fair  women  in  the  world  to  plead." 

44  "Well,"  said  Barry,  44what  a  man  won't  do  for 
pleading,  he  may  do  for  bantering.     I'm  here  for  that, 


82  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

colonel,  and  I'll  double  upon  the  hundred  against  your 
foreign  horse." 

"  I  must  decline,  Mr.  Barry ;  I'm  no  racer,  and  will 
not  run  my  horse ;  but,  let  me  assure  you,  sir,  that  your 
marc,  though  a  very  clever  thing,  could  not  hold  her 
ground  for  a  moment  against  him." 

"  Easy  bragging,"  said  ltamsey,  with  a  chuckle, 
"  when  there's  no  betting." 

"And  as  easy  to  lay  a  horsewhip  over  a  ruffian's 
shoulder,  sir,  when  he  presumes  where  he  has  no  busi- 
ness." 

Ramsey  disappeared  in  an  instant ;  a  roll  of  the  drum 
followed,  giving  notice  of  the  approaching  struggle ; 
and  the  desire  to  sec  "Ferraunt"  on  the  ground,  gave 
place,  among  the  few,  to  the  more  immediate  interest 
which  belonged  to  the  known  competitors.  Barry  in- 
stantly hurried  off*  to  his  groom  and  stable ;  Nettles 
sauntered  away  to  the  starting-post,  while  Henderson 
and  Hammond  returned  to  the  carriage.  The  latter 
felt  that  the  manner  of  Gcraldinc  was  changed.  Her 
eye  met  his,  but  there  was  a  coldness  in  the  glance, 
which  his  instinct  readily  perceived  ;  but,  true  to  his 
policy,  he  suffered  it  to  pass  unnoticed ;  was  respectful 
without  being  anxious,  and  attentive  without  showing 
too  much  solicitude. 

"  You"  said  Gcraldinc  to  Henderson,  "you,  too,  I 
am  told,  ride  a  fine  and  licet  horse;  do  you  not  intend  to 
run  him  V* 

"  If  Miss  Foster  desires  it." 

"  Of  course    I  desire   it !     What  do    you   call    your 
horse  V" 
"Sorella!" 

"  Sorella  !  a  pretty  name.     Well,  how  docs  she  run  ? 
Is  she  fleeter  than  my  namesake?" 
"What  say  you,  Randall?" 

"  Oh,  don't  ask  him  !  He  will  say  nothing  that'll  please 
anybody.     What's  your  opinion?" 

4k  That  <  Sorella'  is  too  much  for  the  <  Fair  Gcraldinc  !'  " 
"  I'll  not  believe  it ;  and  I  transfer  to  you  the  dial- 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  83 

lcngc  that  your  friend  scorned,  or  feared  to  take  up. 
Which  was  it,  Col.  Hammond?" 

"Let  us  suppose  feared.  Miss  Foster!"  replied  Ham- 
mond, gently,  and  with  a  pleasant  smile. 

"  I  don't  know  what  to  make  of  you,  Col.  Hammond. 
I  wish  I  could  make  something  of  you.  But  I  despair ; 
I'll  try  no  longer  !" 

"  That  you  should  have  even  tried,  Miss  Foster,  is  a 
satisfaction  to  my  vanity." 

"  Oh,  don't  indulge  it.  It  was  not  to  give  you  any 
pleasure,  I  assure  you,  that  I  thought  to  try  at  all ;  only 
to  please  my  fancy,  and — " 

"  Still,  I  am  gratified  that  I  should,  in  any  way,  have 
contrihutcd  to  this  object." 

"Nay!  you  are  presuming;  you  torture  everything  I 
say  into  a  compliment  to  yourself.  But,  hear  me  !  if  you 
won't  run  your  horse  yourself,  let  me  run  him.  I'll 
ride  him.  I'm  not  afraid.  I'm  ambitious  now  of  taking 
the  purse  from  the  whole  field,  and  snapping  my  fingers 
at  their  Crazy  Kates  and  Graystrcaks,  and  even  their 
Geraldines.  Geraldine  against  Geraldine.  How  will 
Mr.  Barry  like  it,  I  wonder ;  and  that,  too,  at  the  cost 
of  his  hundreds.  Cool  hundreds,  I  think,  he  calls  them  ; 
cool,  I  supposc,'from  being  separated  from  their  compan- 
ions.    AVcll !  will  you  let  me  ride  your  '  Fen-aunt  ?'  ' 

"  If  you  will  suifer  me  to  place  him  at  your  service 
when  at  home,  Miss  Foster!" 

4k  No,  no !  I  want  a  /v/cc-horse,  not  a  saddle-horse  ;  I 
want  him  here,  not  at  home.  Don't  suppose  I'm  afraid 
to  run  him.  I'm  as  good  a  rider,  I  know,  as  almost 
any  on  the  ground,  and — But  say  !  shall  I  have  him  ?" 

"  I  dare  not,  Miss  Foster;  for  your  own  sake,  I  dare 
not.     But  I  feel  that  you  are  jesting  only — " 

"  No,  indeed  !  I'm  as  serious  as  I  ever  was.  I  don't 
know  what  you  mean  when  you  say  you  dare  not,  unless, 
indeed,  you  think — " 

"  Oh  I  don't  ask  Col.  Hammond  any  favors,  my  child, 
he's  so  full  of  notions  !"  the  step-mother  again  interposed, 
maliciously.     Geraldine  threw  herself  back  in  the  car- 


84  A8  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

riago  with  an  air  of  pique,  and  Henderson  looked  at 
his  friend  commiseratingly,  as  if  to  say  :  "  You've  done 
for  yourself,  forever  !"  The  other  seemed  unmoved, 
however,  and  preserved  the  utmost  equanimity.  There 
was  another  roll  of  the  drum ;  at  this  signal,  Henderson 
held  up  a  blue  ribbon  to  Miss  Foster,  who  drew  from  her 
reticule  a  crimson  cockade  with  which  the  ingenious  Mr. 
Jones  Barry  had  provided  her.  This  she  fastened  to  her 
shoulder,  acknowledging  her  sympathy  with  the  colors 
of  her  namesake.  Henderson,  in  another  moment,  disap- 
peared, glad  to  have  an  excuse,  in  the  commands  of  the 
lady,  for  showing  oft*  to  advantage  his  equally  fine  horse 
and  person. 


THIS  TENNESSISKAN'S  STORY.  85 


CHAPTER  VI. 

THE  HACK. — CROSS  l'Ultl'OSKS. 

Our  preliminaries  arc  all  adjusted,  and  the  moment 
approaches  for  the  conflict.     Tin*  eyes  of  nil   arc  now 
directed  to  the  central  point  From  which,  at  the  tap  of 
the  drum,  the  contending  horses  arc  to  start.    The  card- 
players  desert  their   log  beneath  the  shade-trees,  the 
greasy  pack  being  thrust  into  the  pocket  of  one  of  the 
company  till  the  more  immediate  object  of  interest  is 
ever.     The  rifle-shooters  lean  their  implements  against 
a  tree,  and  seek  the  common  point  of  attraction.     The 
cooks  leave  their  sccthing-vcssels ;  the  negroes  hurry 
from  their  horses;  all  parties,  high  and  low,  big  and 
little,  crowd  upon  the  track,  pressing  upon  the  ropes  that 
guard  the  little  space  assigned  to  the  running  animals, 
and  crowding  absolutely  upon  their  heels.     The  scenes 
that   wc    have   witnessed,   in   a    few  Striking    instances 
already,  are  in  progress  on  a  smaller  scale  every  where. 
Uets  are  freely  offered  and  taken,  now  that   the  horses 
are  uncovered  and  in  sight.    The  first  animal  that  stripped 
for  the  examination  of  the  judges,  was  a  largo  horse  of 
Jones  Harry's,  called  "  Glaueus,"  a  great-limbed  beast, 
that  promised  much  more  endurance  than  speed,  and  yet 
had   the  look  of  being  too  heavy  to  endure  his  own 
weight  beyond  a  reasonable  distance.     His  chances  lay 
in  the  fact  that  the  race  in  which  he  was  to  run  was  but 
a  single  mile,  and  his  legs  were  quite  sullicient  for  that. 
Yet  M  (Jlaucus"  did  not  seem  much  of  a  favorite. 
44  An  elephant!"  cried  one. 

4k  Looks  more  like  a  gin-horse  than  a  race-horse,"  said 
another. 

**  No  ;:<>,"  Hui'l  a  third. 
8 


86  as  aooD  as  a  comedy:  or, 

"  Slow  go,"  at  least,  quoth  Tom  Nettles,  addressing 
Barry  himself. 

"  Not  so  slow  either;  sure,  rather." 

"  Yes,  of  the  dust  from  other  heels,  if  not  of  his  own. 
I'll  take  '  Crazy  Kate'  against  '  Glaucus'  for  a  five, 
Barry ;  and  the  Mississippi  mare  against  him  two  to 
one;  say  ten  to  five." 

"  I'm  not  to  be  bluffed,  Nettles.     I'm  your  man !" 

"  Grayshaft,"  a  neat  little  creature  of  Dick  Yose's, 
next  vaulted  into  the  space,  and  underwent  the  usual 
peeling.     Light-limbed,  clean-legged,  and  with  a  good 
glossy  skin,   "  Grayshaft"  won  a  good  many  favoring 
voices.     "Estella,"  a  filly  of  Ralph  Biggar's;  "Nabob," 
"  Keener,"  and  "Flourish,"  were  severally  brought  for- 
ward, and  had  their  backers.     Each  of  them  had  some 
points   to  commend  them.     Some   told  in    length    and 
ease  of  legs ;  some  in  good  muscle,  in  general  carriage, 
in  beauty  of  shape,   in  eye,   head,   and    other    charac- 
teristics.    But  the  expression  of  admiration  was  much 
more  decided,  among  the  multitude,  when  "  Crazy  Kate" 
made    her    appearance    in    the    space.       Now    k"  Crazy 
Kate"   was  remarkable  for  showing  nothing  calculated 
to   persuade  the  casual   spectator  into   a   belief  in   her 
lleetness.     She  was,  in  truth,  a  very  vulgar-looking  beast, 
singularly  unmeriting  the  appellation  of  "  Crazy,"  as 
no  creature  could  possibly  have  looked  more  tame.    1  ler 
hair  was  coarse,   confused,   and  rough,  as  if  shedding; 
her  mane  was   matted,   and   an    occasional    cockle-burr 
could  be  seen  hangm"  among  the  bristles;  but  all  these 
signs  were  regarded  rather  as  the   cunning    devices  of 
the  old  jockey,  her  owner,  Lazy  Jake   Owens,  than   as 
at  all  indicative  of  her  qualities  of  speed  and  bottom. 
The   more   knowing   followers  of   the   turf  readily  dis- 
covered, through  all  these  unfavorable  indices,  the  slen- 
der limbs,  the  wiry  muscle,  the  strength   and  substance, 
which  denoted  good  blood,  agility,  and  lleetness.      The 
contrast  which  the   Mississippi   mare  presented   to  the 
ungainly  externals  of    "  Crazy   Kate,"   was  productive 
of  a  shout  in  her  favor.     "  Graystreak"  was  the  model 


THK  tennesskean's  stoky.  87 

of  a  fine  animal ;  perhaps  wanting  somewhat  in  height, 
hut  possessed  of  immense  capacity,  great  muscular  power, 
fine  color;  iu  limb,  notion,  muscle,  exhibiting  largely  the 
characteristics  of  high  blood,  speed,  and  great  endurance^ 
Her  skin  was  glossy,  her  eye  bright  nnd  steady;  and  she 
showed,  in  her  movement,  so  perfect  n  union  of  spirit 
and  docility,  thnt  you  felt,  n1  a  glance,  that  her  training 
had  done  lull  justice  to  her  hlood.  There  was  no  resist- 
ing the  impression  which  she  made.  Barry  himself  felt 
it ;  hut  he  relied  upon  the  known  cunning  of  Lazy  Jake 
Owens,  nnd  was  confident  thnt  still  greater  merits  lay 
beneath  the  unkempt,  uncomely  aspect  of  "Crazy  Kate/' 
Lazy  .lake  himself  seemed  ns  confident  ns  over;  feeling 
sure  in  the  private  engagement  with  Ned  Ramsey,  which 
Iiuulc  him  safe,  at  the  expense  of  all  his  backers. 

.*'  Vou  have  now  a  good  view  of  tho  horses  that  are  to 
run,  Miss  Foster,"  was  the  remark  of  Hammond,  ven- 
turing to  arouse  the  damsel  from  something  like  a  reverie. 
"  They  havo  already  examined  them,  and  weighed  the 
riders.  In  a  few  moments,  they  will  mount  and  he 
ready  for  a  start.  Sutler  me  to  throw  back  the  top  of 
your  barouche,  when  you  can  rise  and  sec  the  whole  field 
at  a  glance." 

"Oh!  do  so,  Mr.  Hammond,  if  you  please.  Where 
do  you  say  1  shall  look?"  (Jeraldine  eagerly  rose  us 
she  spoke,  and  while  Hammond  threw  hack  the  top  of 
the  carriage,  she  scrambled  forward  upon  the  seat  beside 
him,  using  his  shoulder  with  the  utmost  indifference 
during  the  proceeding. 

"  Your  favorite  does  not  run  this  race,  which  is  con- 
sidered a  less  trying  one  than  that  which  she  will  en- 
counter. It  is  for  a  single  mile  stretch  only,  and  repeat; 
and  many  a  horse  who  would  beat,  in  a  longer  conflict, 
would  probably  lose  in  this;  while  tho  winner,  here, 
would  be  nothing  in  a  contest  which  was  continued  for 
two  or  three  miles  at  a  stretch." 

"  And  which  of  these  horses  will  win  tho  raco ;  not  that 
dowdyish-looking  beast,  surely?" 

"  She  will  do  something  towards  it;  more  than  most  of 


88  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

them ;  for  the  rudeness  of  her  appearance  is  due  rather 
to  the  small  arts  of  her  owner,  than  to  her  native  defi- 
ciencies of  beauty.  She  is  not  a  handsome  creature, 
hut,  well  dressed,  would  be  far  from  ugly." 

"  Fine  feathers  make  fine  birds,  you  would  say," 
responded  Geraldine,  merrily,  with  a  smile  and  toss  of 
her  own  plumes. 

"Exactly:  but  this  poor  beast  is  carefully  disguised 
for  the  purpose  of  taking  in  the  simple,  who  look  to  ex- 
ternals only.  She  is  probably  second  best  of  the  horses 
in  the  ring." 

"And  the  first?" 

"  Is  that  sleek  and  quiet  animal  that  stands  imme- 
diately behind  her.  She  is  a  strange  creature  from 
Mississippi,  and  is  probably  the  best  nag  on  the  ground 
for  fleetness  and  endurance." 

"  Your  '  Ferraunt'  excepted?"  said  the  lady,  slyly. 

"My  'Ferraunt'  probably  excepted,"  was  the  some- 
what grave  reply. 

"  1  wish  you  would  run  that  horse,  Mr.  Hammond. 
For.  my  sake  you  might." 

This  was  said  in  somewhat  lower  tones  than  usual. 

"  For  your  sake,  Miss  Foster,  I  would  do  much ;  but 
there  is  a  reason — but,  hark!  they  are  preparing  for  the 
start.  You  see  that  rider  with  the  scarlet  jacket,  lie 
rides  the  horse  '  Glaucus,'  another  of  Mr.  Barry's  racers. 
You  see  there  are  several  horses  in  front,  with  different 
colors.  Stand  upon  the  seat,  and  you  will  better  sec 
them." 

She  adopted  the  suggestion ;  rose  to  the  prescribed 
elevation,  he  keeping  his  place  on  the  floor  of  the  car- 
riage, while  her  hand  rested,  as  if  unconsciously,  upon 
his  shoulder.  In  this  manner,  shading  her  eyes  with  the 
other  hand,  she  directed  her  gaze  upon  the  points  to 
which  he  severally  drew  her  attention. 

"  They  are  now  all  mounted.  The  white  jacket  and 
cap  is  the  Mississippian ;  the  blue  is  'Crazy  Kate.' 
Hark,  now!     The  word — they  arc  off!" 

A    thousand    %*  hurrahs"    from    the    multitude.     The 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  89 

excitement  in  the  bosom  of  our  damsel  was  scarcely 
less. 

"  They  go  !  they  are  gone  !  Oh  !  mamma,  do  you 
see  them  ?  How  they  dart — how  they  fly  !  Where  are 
they  now,  Mr.  Hammond  ?  I  do  not  see.  I  cannot  fol- 
low them  !" 

The  start  was  a  beautiful  one,  made  at  an  equal 
bound,  4k  Glaucus"  and  " Grayshaft"  taking  the  lead; 
"  Keener"  and  "  Flourish"  following  close,  and  "  Crazy 
Kate"  and  "  Graystreak,"  with  "Nabob,"  just  hanging 
at  their  heels.  Soon,  however,  the  position  of  the  parties 
fluctuated.  "  Flourish"  made  a  dash,  and  flung  her  tail 
in  the  face  of  "  Glaucus ;"  "Nabob"  went  forward  till 
he  locked  him,  and  was,  in  turn,  passed  by  "  Crazy 
Kate  ;"  the  Mississippi  mare  breezing  up  witli  a  gradual 
increase  of  velocity,  evidently  under  the  most  adroit 
management  of  rein.  "  Glaucus"  struggled  bravely 
against  this  new  adversary,  and  made  a  desperate  push, 
which  succeeded  in  throwing  "  Flourish  and  Nabob"  out 
of  the  lead;  but  "Crazy  Kate"  still  kept  ahead,  until 
her  backers  began  to  shout  their  exultation,  when,  to 
their  consternation,  the  Mississippian  flared  up  under  a 
single  application  of  the  whip,  and  shot  ahead  as  suddenly 
and  swiftly  as  an  arrow  from  the  bow.  She  passed  the 
string  just  a  quarter  of  a  length  in  advance  of  "  Crazy 
Kate,"  wlio  was  just  as  closely  pressed  by  "  Glaucus" 
and  "Grayshaft."  These  four  horses  seemed  only  so 
many  links  of  the  same  chain,  so  equally  close  did  they 
maintain  their  relationship  at  the  termination  of  the 
brush.  The  other  horses  were  considerably  in  the  rear. 
The  race  was  to  the  Mississippian,  and  the  flats  were  feel- 
ing in  their  pockets.  Lazy  Jake  Owens  was  somewhat 
scarce,  and  a  long  and  dubious  silence  succeeded  the 
wild  shouts  that  relieved  the  suspense  of  the  multitude. 
"  What  horse  has  won,  Mr.  Hammond  ?" 
"  ' Graystreak,'  the  Mississippian,  Miss  Foster!" 
"  But  not  greatly.  It  seemed  to  me  that  all  the 
horses  were  together.  If  he  won,  it  was  scarcely  by  his 
own  length." 

8* 


00  A8  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

"  It  sufficed :  but  lie  might  have  quadrupled  that  dis- 
tance. But  it  was  not  the  policy  of  his  driver  that  it 
should  be  so.  lie  is  modest,  lie  looks  rather  for  success 
than  triumph.  He  prefers  the  money  to  the  fame.  But 
the  greatest  contest  follows,  that  in  which  your  favorite 
takes  the  field." 

"  Yet  the  Mississippian  will  win,  you  say." 

"  Yes !  he  will  prove  too  much,  I  suspect,  for  your 
namesake.  lie  will  not  win  so  easily,  however.  Besides, 
Miles  Henderson  will  run  his  mare,  and  she's  a  bright 
creature." 

"<Sorella?' " 

"  Yes !  he  may  beat  her  ;  but  she  comes  of  the  same 
blood  with  '  Ferraunt,'  and  if  managed  rightly — " 

"It  depends  upon  the  rider,  then?" 

"  Greatly  !  and  I  will  see  Miles  on  the  subject." 

"Really,  Mr.  Hammond,  that  you  should  know  so 
much  about  horses,  and  yet  refuse  to  take  part  in  the 
struggle!" 

"  I  love  horses,  Miss  Foster;  I  delight  in  their  beauty, 
and  their  movements  are  grateful  to  me.  Perhaps  but 
for  certain  reasons,  which  concern  me  only,  1  should  be 
passionately  fond  of  racing,  and  frequently  engage  in 
it.  But  my  objections  are  insuperable.  I  da  re  not ! 
But  for  this  you  should  have  been  the  mistress,  this  day, 
of  all  the  movements  of  my  horse." 

He  disappeared  in  search  of  his  friend.  Mrs.  Foster 
sniggered,  as  he  went.  Seeing  her  step-daughter  looking 
seriously,  while  her  eyes  followed  the  retreating  form  of 
Hammond,  she  said: — 

"  It's  nothing  but  his  pride  and  arrogance  ;  it  was  so 
always  with  him,  and  with  all  his  family.  They  delight 
in  being  perverse.  His  mother  is  just  that  sort  of  per- 
son ;  a  cold,  formal,  conceited,  consequential,  old,  stiff- 
capped  somebody,  that  would  be  like  nobody  else.  As 
for  Randall  Hammond,  every  one  knows  that  he's  a 
tyrant.  He  thinks  he  ean  do  as  he  likes  with  women  ; 
that  they're  all  so  anxious  to  get  him,  that  they'd  submit 
to  any  dictation.      But   hell   find  himself  mistaken  vet. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  91 

Now  he  loves  you,  Gcraldine,  quite  as  much  as  he  loves 
or  can  love  anybody;  and  when  he  finds  he  can't  be 
master,  he'll  perhaps  be  willing  that  you  should  be  mis- 
tress; but  you'll  have  to  make  him  feel  that  he's  nobody 
first,     lie's  a  haughty,  cold — " 

"Oh!  hush,  mother;  you  know  that  you  don't  like 
him." 

"No!  I  don't;  not  a  bone  in  his  skin,  nor  his'old  mo- 
ther cither.  But  what  I  say  is  true.  You  sec  for  your- 
self, and  you'll  learn  to  sec  with  my  eyesbeforc  you  see 
anything  good  in  him  !" 

"  I  shall  scarcely  do  so  then.  But  the  man's  a  man. 
He  don't  change.  He's  firm ;  and  that's  something. 
lie  don't  flatter,  cither  ;  and  though  that  vexes  me,  yet  I 
don't  think  the  worse  of  him  for  it." 

"  Oh,  yes  !  and  he'll  hear  you  singing  yet — 

1  When  is  he  coming  to  marry  me?'  " 

"  No,  he  won't !  mother,  nor  any  man.  I  don't  care 
whether  I  marry  or  not.  I  don't  sec  that  marrying  is 
so  necessary  ;  and  I'm  positively  sick  of  hearing  women 
talk  of  marriage,  as  if  it  was  the  only  subject  in  the 
world  to  talk  about." 

"  And  so  it  is;  a  woman's  nobody  until  she's  a  wife  !" 

"  And  then  she's  o^e-body's  !" 

"  Yes  !  and  then  all's  safe  !  But,  if  you're  wise, 
you'll  marry  anybody  sooner  than  a  master." 

"  And  when  I  submit  that  any  man  shall  be  my  mas- 
ter, I  shan't  complain,  be  assured  of  it.  But  no  more  of 
it ;  for  here  comes  your  favorite,  Captain  Barry." 

"I  wish  he  were  your  favorite,  too.  lie's  the  man; 
you  can  manage  him  like  a  feather." 

"  A  feather,  then,  would  be  a  good  substitute  for  a 
husband !" 

"  Yrcs,  indeed,  if  it  adorns  one's  bonnet !" 

"Hush!" 

"  Well,  ladies !  you  sec  I've  been  unlucky,"  began 
Barry  ;  "  my  c  Glaucus'  just  lost  the  race  by  a  span.  Jim 
Perkins  rode  him  badly.      lie  held  in  where  he  should 


92  AS  GOOD  AS  A  comedy:  OR, 

have  let  out,  and  I  saw  him  looking  behind,  and  jerking 
in,  just  when  he  should  have  used  the  whip.  But  that's 
nothing.  I  didn't  count  largely  on  this  race.  In  the 
next,  however,  I'll  ride  'Fair  Geraldine'  myself,  and 
then  we'll  see  after  this  i  Gray  streak.'  You  saw  the 
run?  You  saw  that  the  '  Mississippian'  and  'Crazy 
Kate'  were  both  put  to  their  best  ?  Now  I  know  that 
<  Geraldine'  can  gallop  round  '  Glaucus'  at  his  speed. 
We'll  see  !" 

"  Well,  remember,  Mr.  Barry,  I've  a  fortune  in  gloves 
on  my  namesake." 

"  Never  fear  !  never  fear  !" 

"But  Mr.  Henderson's  going  to  run  his  '  Sorella.'  ' 
"  Yes ;  I  see  him  busy.  lie  stands  no  chance. 
4  Sorella'  is  sister  of  'Ferraunt;'  'Geraldine'  can  beat 
'em  both.  I  only  wish  we  could  get  Hammond  to  come 
out  with  his  iron  gray.  We'd  show  liini  !  We'd  take  the 
conceit  out  of  him  !" 

"What  can  be  the  reason  of  his  reluctance?" 
"Reason!"  exclaimed  the  mother;   "why,  there's  no 
reason,  but  his  pride.     lie  thinks  horscracing  vulgar." 

"  That  can  hardly  be  possible.  Indeed,  I'm  sure, 
from  what  he  said  to  me,  that  it  is  not  pride.  Besides, 
I'm  not  so  sure  that  I  can't  persuade  him  to  it  yet." 

4k  Indeed  !  you  may  give  up  that  notion,"  said  Barry. 
"  He  particularly  told  Nettles  and  myself  that  be 
wouldn't  run  his  horse  for  you  or  any  woman  breath- 
ing." 

"Said  he  that?"  demanded  Geraldine,  while  her  eye 
flashed  sudden  fires  of  indignation,  and  her  cheek  flushed 
with  the  feeling  of  a  slighted  pride. 

"To  be  sure  be  did;  not  twenty  yards  from  your  car- 
riage; and  when  Nettles  and  Henderson  were  telling 
him  that  he  could  no  longer  refuse,  after  you  bad  asked 
him." 

"  It  was  like  him  !"  said  the  step-mother.  "  I  hope 
you're  satisfied  now  !" 

The  daughter  was  silent;  and  Mrs.  Foster,  satisfied 
with    the   step   gained,  was  prudent  enough  to  say  no 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  93 

more.  Barry  ran  on  fur  some  time  longer;  but,  finding 
that  what  lie  said  was  little  heeded,  he  hurried  away  to 
the  stand,  and  to  make  his  preparations  for  the  next 
great  race. 

Meanwhile,  Hammond,  unsuspecting  the  evil  seed 
which  had  been  planted  in  his  absence,  had  sought  out 
Henderson,  in  order  to  give  him  counsel  in  relation  to 
the  race.  It  may  be  said  here,  that  Hammond  was  not 
only  an  excellent  judge  of  the  qualities  of  a  horse,  but 
that  he  particularly  knew  "Sorella."  lie  had  imported 
and  partly  trained  her;  and  she  had  been  his  gift  to 
Henderson,  some  time  before.  lie  now  took  the  latter 
aside,  and  said  to  him — 

"  You  arc  too  heavy  to  ride  '  Sorella'  yourself,  Miles, 
and  can  venture  little  against  this  Mississippi  filly.  I 
think  that  'Sorella'  can  beat  her  in  the  long  run,  but 
only  under  a  first-rate  rider.  Now,  do  you  go  over 
with  me  to  the  wagon  of  old  Nathan  Whitesides,  whom 
1  see  here,  and  we  will  get  his  son,  Logan,  to  ride  for 
you.  Logan  is  a  first-rate  rider,  and  has  had  frequent 
practice  with  *  Sorcila.'  He  knows  her,  and,  which  is 
quite  as  important,  she  knows  him.  He  is  one  of  the 
most  dextrous  jockeys  that  I  know,  though  he  seems  a 
simpleton.  If  any  one,  not  myself,  can  beat  '  Gray- 
streak'  with  'Sorella,'  it  is  Logan  Whitesides." 

The  boy  was  sought,  found,  and  employed.  A  few 
whispers  in  his  ear,  and  Hammond  left  the  parties; 
returning  to  the  carriage  of  Mrs.  Foster,  seemingly  no 
more  concerned  in  the  race  than  the  most  indifferent 
spectator,  lie  resumed  his  seat  quietly  on  the  box  of 
the  barouche,  but  not  before  discovering  that  a  change 
had  taken  place  in  the  manner  of  Geraldine  Foster. 
She  was  constrained  in  her  answers,  and  totally  incurious 
about  the  race.  Not  so  the  step-mother,  who  seemed  to 
grow  good-humored  in  due  degree  with  the  increased 
reserve  and  hauteur  of  the  damsel.  Hammond  was  a 
politician ;  he  did  not  appear  to  discover  any  changes, 
and  spoke  as  quietly,  and  offered  his  services  and  his 
information   as  unpretendingly  as  lie  had  done  before. 


94  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

/ 
His  manner  was  that  of  a  gentleman  who  had  nothing 
to  gain,  and  is  conscious  of  nothing  to  he  lost ;  but  who, 
in  obedience  to  habitual  training,  defers  gently  to  the 
sex,  and  shows  that  solicitude  for  the  graces  of  society 
which   makes  one    always   willing   to  contribute  to   its 
amenities.     It  is  not  to  bo  concealed,  however,  that  he 
took  advantage  of  the  frequent  provocations  afforded  by 
Mrs.  Foster,  to  make  himself  particularly  interesting. 
Without  effort,  he  betrayed  his  resources  of  reading  and 
observation,     lie   was  lively,  without   levity;    various, 
without    painstaking ;    and    copious,    without    Buffering 
himself  to  fall  into  tediousness.     Gradually,  the  ear  of 
Geraldinc  inclined  to  his  voice.     She  forgot,  in  his  con- 
versation, the  reported  rudeness  which  had  vexed. her 
pride ;  and,  by  the  time  that  the  preparations  were  com- 
pleted for  the  main  race,  she  was  again  on  the  seat  beside 
him.     Mrs.  Foster  had  not  calculated   on   this    result. 
She  was   chagrined  to  find  that  her   conversation   had 
brought  out  new  powers  in  their  companion,  which  could 
not  fail  to  place  him  in  favorable  comparison  with  his 
rivals ;  and  she  was  too  vulgar  a  woman  to  know  how 
to  repair   the  evil    unless  by  a  positive  rudeness,  for 
which  she  was  unprepared,  and  for  which  she  could  have 
no  excuse.     She  sat  silent,  accordingly,  leaving  the  field 
entirely  free   to   Hammond;  who,  finding  Geraldinc   a 
somewhat  pensive  listener  beside  him,  adroitly  addressed 
the  sentiment  which  was  uppermost  in  her  thoughts,  and 
confirmed,  still  more  profoundly,  the  impression  he  had 
made.     At  moments,  a  recollection  of  the  scandal  which 
she  had  heard  came  upon  her  with  a  twinge  ;  and  her 
brow  was  momently  clouded,  while  her  heart  sunk ;  but 
the  cloud  passed  away,  and  the  heart  grew  lifted,  as, 
watchful  of   every  movement,  yet  without   seeming  to 
be  so,  Hammond  took  care  so  to  direct  her  thought  from 
himself,  as  to  make  the  most  favorable  impression  of  self 
through  media  the  most  indirect.     We  will  not  attempt 
to  pursue  the  conversation,  which  depended  upon  turns 
of  expression,  tones,  and  glances,  which  mere  description 
must  always  find  indescribable. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  95 

The  excitements  of  the  race  interposed  to  give  variety 
to  the  conversation  between  the  pair.  Hammond  allowed 
nothing  to  escape  which  seemed  to  belong  to  his  duties 
as  cicerone.  Aware  of  the  preliminaries,  he  knew  at 
what  moment  to  direct  his  companion's  attention  to  the 
course. 

"  They  are  hastening  with  their  preparations  for  the 
race,  Miss  Foster,  and  if  you  will  rise,  as  before,  you 
will  enjoy  a  good  view  of  your  favorite.  She  is  certainly 
a  very  pretty  creature." 

"  Where  ?  "Where  ?"  and  the  damsel  rose  in  her  place, 
and  again  stood  upon  the  seat  above  her  attendant.  But 
this  time  her  hand  did  not  rest  upon  his  shoulder  as 
before. 

"  You  see  her   there,  just  beneath  the  stand  of  the 
judges.     She  is  certainly  a  beautiful  little  thing,  and 
comes  up  to  the  stand  handsomely." 
"  Then  you  think  that  she  will  win?" 
"  It  is  very  doubtful.     She  has,  at  least,  two  very 
formidable  competitors." 
u  The  Mississippi  ?—" 
"  And  <  Sorella.'  " 
"  Is  *  Sorella'  a  very  fast  animal  ?" 
"  She  teas,  six  months  ago." 
"But  now?" 

"  All  depends  upon  her  rider." 

4*  What  of  the  ugly-coated  beast — the  dowdy,  crazy 
something?" 

"  She  may  get  the  first  heat,  but  will  hardly  do  any- 
thing in  the  second.  She  wants  substance.  The  danger 
to  your  namesake  is  of  the  same  kind.  She  has  spirit 
and  fleetness,  but  not  sufficient  endurance.  For  a  single 
mile,  she  might  carry  herself  against  cither  of  these 
horses;  but  these  are  three-mile  races,  which  her  powers 
can  scarcely  undergo.  That  Mississippi  mare  is  a  model 
of  training.  I  see  where  she  stands,  sleek,  smooth,  and 
so  perfectly  at  home  ;  so  quiet ;  as  if  she  knew  her 
business  thoroughly,  and  regarded  it  as  done.  *  Sorella' 
has  work  before  her." 


96        .  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

"Does  Mr.  Henderson  ride  '  Sorella?'  " 
"  No.     I  have  persuaded  him  not  to  do  so." 
Geraldine  was  about  to  ask  the  reason,  when  a  nudge 
from  her  step-mother  behind  silenced  her  ;  and,  just  then, 
the  tap  of  the  drum,  and  the  voice  of  authority,  drew 
the  eyes  of  all  parties  to  the  starting-post. 


THE  TENNESSKEAN'8  STORY.  97 


CHAPTER  VII. 

SORELLA  AND  THE  GYPSY  JOCKEY. 

The  horses  entered  were  but  four  in  number.  These 
were,  our  Mississippian,  "Graystreak,"  ''Crazy  Kate," 
the  "  Fair  Geraldine,"  and  "  Sorella."  Tlie  former  was 
now  decidedly  the  favorite  of  the  field,  and  odds  were 
given  in  her  behalf.  Numerous  bets  were  offered  and 
taken,  and  the  excitement  on  the  turf  was  great,  and 
momently  increasing.  The  "Fair  Geraldine"  had  her 
backers,  and  so  had  "  Crazy  Kate"  and  "  Sorella."  But 
the  latter  was  little  known  among  the  regular  jockeys, 
and,  though  a  symmetrical  and  well-shaped  animal,  there 
were  none  of  those  salient  characteristics  in  her  appear- 
ance which  arc  apt  to  take  the  spectator.  It  was  seen 
that  she  was  fleet:  and  that  she  was  rather  bony,  seemed 
to  promise  something  for  her  hardihood.  Ned  Ramsey 
noticed  her  with  some  anxiety ;  and  the  watchful  Lazy 
Jake  Owens  observed  that  he  had  a  whisper  en  passant 
for  the  gentlemanly  stranger  who  had  so  freely  taken  the 
offers  of  Jones  Barry.  But  neither  Ramsey  nor  the 
stranger  declined  any  banters  against  "  Graystreak  ;" 
their  confidence  in  that  favorite  creature  being  in  no 
respect  impaired  by  the  presence  of  the  new  competitor. 
Of  course,  we  do  not  pretend  to  follow  and  describe  the 
varieties  of  feeling  and  interest  shown  by  the  spectators. 
How  they  perilled  their  money,  in  what  amount,  and 
upon  what  horses,  noways  concerns  our  narrative.  We 
may  mention,  however,  that  Miles  Henderson  had  a 
couple  of  hundred  and  a  few  odd  fives  invested  in  the 
credit  of  his  mare ;  while  our  friend  Tom  Nettles  was 
pretty  safe  in  taking  the  field  against  the  "  Fair  Geral- 
9 


98  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

dine"  and  "  Crazy  Kate,"  to  the  tune  of  two  or  three 
hundred  more. 

The  examination  of  the  horses  showed  them  off   to 
great   advantage.     "  Graystreak"   looked    sleek,   quiet, 
and  confident,  as  before.     "  Sorella"  was  a  meek  animal 
also,  with  just  such  a  twinkle  of  the  eye  as  shows  that 
there  is  no  lack  of  spirit,  with  all  the  meekness.     But 
the  "  Fair  Gcraldine"  stripped  to  the  survey  with  all  the 
consciousness  of  a  proud  and  petted  beauty.     Shi'  was 
restive   and  bright;  a  little  too  anxious  and  impatient, 
and  carried  her  head  with  a  toss  which  was  not  unworthy 
of  her  lovelier  namesake.     Her  appearance  compelled 
the  admiration  of  all  ;  and  many  were  tempted  to  bet 
upon  her  beauty,  who  did  not  consider  her  heels.     Her 
rider  now  was  .Junes    Barry  himself,      lie  was   really 
not  satisfied  that  Sam  Perkins  had  not  done  justice  to 
"  Glaucus;"  but,  whether  satisfied  or  not,  nothing  could 
possibly  have  prevented  him  from  doing  as  the  Karl  of 
Toteham  had  been  said  to  do  at  Doneaster. 

"Your  favorite  is  ready  for  the  race,  Miss  Foster! 
you  see  Mr.  Barry  takes  the  field  in  person  ;"  and  Ham- 
mond pointed  to  the  gaudy  figure  of  that  worthy,  as  the 
impatient  "Gcraldine"  wheeled  and  capered  beneath 
him. 

"The  white  is  'Graystreak,'  and  the  blue — " 

"Crazy  Kate!" 

"But  where  is  Mr.  Henderson's  rider?" 

"  lie  mounts  now — that  strange-looking  urchin  with 
a  yellow-spotted  bandanna,  wound,  gypsy  fashion,  around 
his  head,  without  a  jaeket,  with  his  shirt-sleeves  bared 
to  the  elbow,  and  his  suspenders  wrapped  around  his 
waist. 

"  What  a  strange-looking  creature!     Who  is  he  ?" 

"  One  Logan  Whitesides ;  a  knowing  lad  among 
horses,  who  is  particularly  well  acquainted  with  .'  So- 
rella.'  He  was  her  only  rider  when  she  was  under  train- 
ing, and  his  whisper  will  do  more  with  her  than  any 
other  person's  whip." 

*vAVas  it  that  he  might  get  this  boy  that   you  coun- 


TIIE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  99 

sellcd    Mr.    Henderson    not    to   ride    himself?"    .asked 
Geraldine,  with  some  interest. 

"  Yes  !  I  knew  that 4  Sorclla'  would  need  every  advan- 
tage in  a  contest  with  the  Mississippi  filly,  and  that  Miles 
was  quite  too  heavy  to  run  her  successfully  himself." 

Unconsciously,  the  girl  looked  pleased.  Hammond 
saw  the  expression,  and  mused  upon  it ;  particularly  as 
a  querulous  exclamation,  at  that  moment,  dropped  from 
the  hostile  step-mother.  But  the  proceedings  of  the 
course  drew  all  eyes  thither.  All  were  saddled,  the  word 
was  given,  and  away  they  went,  like  so  many  ambitious 
heroes,  into  battle. 

The    start  was   a   successful    one.     The   four   horses 
seemed  to  jump  oft'  together,  running  side  by  side  for 
a  while,  as  if  delighting  in  the  line  and  order  of  a  platoon 
charge.      Hut  soon  the  "  Fair  Gcraldino"  led  off,  taking 
the  track  for  a  quarter  of  a,  mile  ;  *'  Crazy  Kate"  laying 
herself  close  behind,  and  "  (Jraystreak"  and  "Sorclla" 
seeming  to  find  their  amusement  in  driving  the  two  before 
them.      Before  the   mile  was  two-thirds  traversed,  how- 
ever, "Crazy  Kate'    showed  symptoms  of  lagging,  ami 
"Sorclla"  dropped  her  with  a,  bound,  making  even  play 
between  the  "  Mississipphin"  and  the  "  Fair  Geraldine.  ' 
The  latter  continued  well  on,  not  needing  any  urgency 
of   her  rider,   until   the    clattering  heels  of   "Sorclla* 
and  "< Jraystreak,"  just  at  her  haunches,  impelled  her 
to  an  effort.     She  bridled  up  at  this  forwardness,  and  a 
slight   smack  of  the  whip  shocked  her  into  a  still  more 
indignant  determination  to  leavo  all  vulgar  companion- 
ship behind.     She  went  off  with  a  rocket-like  impulse, 
but  without    obtaining    her    object.       It   was    now  evi- 
dent   that    the  "  Mississippian  '    was    resolved    to    cut 
her   off  from   her  triumph,  and  her  rider  was  seen  to 
apply  the  thong  smartly  to  her  sides.     She  passed,  ac- 
cordingly, between  M  Sorclla"  nnd  the  object  of  her  am- 
bition, and  the  next  moment  found  her,  lock  and  lock,  in 
affectionate  embrace  with  tho  high-spirited   and  aristo- 
cratic beauty.    Vainly  did  the  latter  try  to  shako  her  off. 
All  her  efforts  only  served  to  keep  tho  two  in  this  position, 


100  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

when,  to  the  surprise  of  both,  a  shrill  whistle  from  the 
rider  of  "Sorella"  brought  that  mysterious  creature  with 
a  rush  between  them,  and  flinging  the  dust  in  both  their 
faces,  she  passed  under  the  string,  leaving  her  tail  hidden 
between  the  lifted  heads  of  the  two  emulous  competitors. 
"Crazy  Kate"  darted  into  the  allotted  limits  quite  in 
season  to  save  her  distance,  having  reserved  her  powers 
for  another  brush. 

The  race  was  a  beautiful  one.  The  several  merits  of 
the  first  three  horses  were  now  fully  displayed,  though 
the  extent  of  their  powers  of  endurance  could  only  be 
conjectured.  They  had  evidently  been  ridden  with  a 
due  regard  to  their  qualities ;  and  the  competition  was 
such  as  to  maintain  the  excitement  of  the  multitude,  and 
to  keep  them  in  suspense  till  the  very  last  moment.  A 
shawl  might  have  lapped  them  at  several  points  in  the 
race ;  and  an  ell  of  ribbon  might  have  circled  them  as 
they  darted  beneath  the  string.  It  was  clear  that  judg- 
ments were  to  be  revised.  "  Sorella"  had  been  under- 
valued. "  Crazy  Kate"  looked  better  than  ever,  and 
her  rider  was  known  to  be  a  first-rate  jockey ;  and  "  Cray- 
streak"  was  under  the  teaching  of  the  very  Machiavel  of 
the  Georgia  turf.  The  "  Fair  Geraldine"  had  behaved  too 
handsomely  to  have  lost  any  of  her  supporters  ;  and, 
whether  "  Graystrcak"  had  yielded  the  heat  through 
policy,  or  actually  lost  it  in  spite  of  all  his  efforts,  was  a 
very  doubtful  question,  even  among  the  knowing  ones. 
There  was  a  whisper  that  she  seemed  to  complain  in  one 
of  her  pins;  but  Tom  Nettles,  who  examined  her  closely, 
made  no  such  discovery.  Ned  Ramsey  showed  anxiety, 
however,  and  this  was  seen  by  "Lazy  Jake  Owens,"  as 
well  as  Nettles.  His  personal  care  of  his  horse  was  ex- 
emplary, and  his  efforts  to  enable  her  to  recover  and  cool 
off,  without  effort,  were  so  many  studies  for  the  youthful 
jockeys  who  were  crowding  about  and  emulous  of  his  re- 
nown. Jones  Barry  was  by  no  means  dissatisfied  with 
the  doings  of  his  mare.  She  did  not  seem  uneasy  or 
distressed;  cooled  off  naturally  and  soon,  and  was  ready 
for  the  second  trial  in  the  shortest  possible  space.      But, 


THE  TENNESSNEAN'fl  STORY.  101 

to  liavo  seen  tlio  affectionate  euro  of  "  Sorclla,"  which 
was  taken  liy  her  pvpMY  rider — how,  in  addition  to  tlio 
usua I  Btrip]iiii|2fi  mid  rubbings,  ho  wound  his  arms  about 
her  neck,  kissed  her  tin  if  she  hud  been  a  sweetheart,  and 
whispered  nil  sorts  of  pleasant  nonsenses  in  her  ears  ;  and 
how  the  filly  turned  to  him  with  a  knowing  gesture;  and 
how,  when  he  Htooped  to  rub  her  legs, her  nose  rested  Upon 
his  shoulders  with  a  sort  of  human  interest,  which  drew 
crowds  about  the  two  in  unaffected  admiration!  ;lt  real- 
ized, in  some  degree,  the  stories  that  we  hoar  of  tho 
Arabian  und  his  favorite  steed.  Logan  Whitesides  bad 
first  hud  his  ambition  lifted  by  his  employment  in  the 
training  of  "Sorclla."  She  was  a  first-love  to  him,  and 
it  would  have  come  nigh  to  break  his  heart  bad  he  not 
achieved  the  victory, 

"And  so  'Sorclia'  has  really  won  tho  victory?"  said 
(Jeraldiue  to  1  lauiiiiond,  as  he  returned  to  the  carriage 
after  a  brief  interview  with  Miles  Henderson, 

11  Tlio  heat  only — a  third  of  the  victory,  Miss  Foster, 
The\  are  now  preparing  for  the  second  trial." 

"You  are  a  witch  in  horses,  Mr,  Hammond,  But 
pray  what  did  you  say  in  that  short  whisper  which  1  saw 
you  give  to  Mr,  Henderson  and  bis  gypsy  boy?" 

Hammond  laughed  as  ho  replied  : — 

**  I  simply  instructed  him  that  his  policy  was  to  lo$6 
tht»  next  heat." 

Ml  don't. understand  you — lose!" 

"That  is,  not  attempt  to  win,  but  sillier  it  to  bo  tukon 
by  the  '  Mississippian.'  " 

"  And  why,  pray?" 

"  That  her  strength  in  the  third  beat  should  not  bo 
perilled  by  an  undue  effort  in  tho  second;  when,  as  most 
of  the  other  horses  will  put  forth  their  best  ability,  aho 
might  probably  peril  herself  for  nothing." 

"I  see,  1  see!  But  why  lose  to  the  *  Mississippian  ?' 
You  say  nothing  of  my  namesake  !" 

"  Your  namesake  has  done  her  best  already." 

"  You  don't  flatter,  Mr.  Hammond,"  suicl  tho  stcp- 
0* 


102  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

mother ;  "  I  do  believe  you  have  a  spite  against  that  ani- 
mal." 

"0  no,  Mrs.  Foster!  I'm  sure  you  believe~no  such 
thing.  She  is  a  sweet  and  beautiful  creature,  who  will 
do  all  that  is  in  her  power.  It  is  her  misfortune  that 
her  powers  are  overtasked.  Mr.  Barry  expects  too  much 
from  her.  lie  does  not  overrate  her  fleetness,  but  he 
overrates  her  endurance ;  and  he  will  distress,  and  proba- 
bly injure  her,  before  the  race  is  over.  So  far  from  a 
spite  against  her,  I  sympathize  with  her,  and  if  I  could, 
would  gladly  save  her  from  the  hard  work  which  is  before 
her." 

"Well,  I'll  never  believe  but  you  have  a  spite  against 
her.  You  believe  in  any  horse  on  the  ground  but  her. 
I'd  like  to  see  you  run  your  own  ;  but  I  suppose  it  would 
require  something  more  than  a  woman's  entreaties  to 
persuade  you  to  that." 

There  was  something  in  the  tone  with  which  these 
words  were  spoken,  not  less  than  the  words  themselves, 
which  grated  offensively  on  the  ears  of  the  person  ad- 
dressed; but  he  remained  silent,  and  in  a  few  moments 
the  preparations  for  the  second  heat  enabled  him  to 
divert  the  conversation  to  another  channel.  At  the  sig- 
nal given  by  the  drum,  Geraldine  again  stood  upon  the 
seat  of  the  carriage,  an  eager  spectator  of  the  issue.  The 
word  was  given,  and  the  start  was  again  beautiful ;  the 
four  steeds  seeming  to  lap  each  other,  whirling  away  for 
a  while,  in  a  sort  of  linked  movement,  which  showed 
them  all  as  if  locked  together  in  mutual  relationship. 
"  Crazy  Kate"  and  "  Geraldine"  were  soon  ngain  in  the 
lead,  as  if  by  mutual  consent  between  "Sorolla"  and 
"  Graystreak;"  swinging  forward  by  the  groups  of  spec- 
tators, the  wagons  and  the  tables,  east  and  west,  as  if 
waltzing  with  wings  at  both  feet  and  shoulders.  Merrily 
did  they  glide  away,  leaving  a  space  of  thirty  feet  or 
more  between  their  competitors,  who  appeared  perfectly 
content  to  jog  on  together  at  a  pace  which  inconvenienced 
neither,  yet  enabled  them  to  keep  always  within  speaking 
distance  of  the  livelv  things  in  front.     Thus  trailing  for 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  103 

the  first  mile  and  better,  they  suffered  the  game  to  bo 
played  by  other  bands,  only  piping  moderately  to  the  mu- 
sic.   But  soon  the  " Mississippian"  began  to  grow  restive 
under  restraint,  and  to  put  forth  a  much  more  ambitious 
leg  than  he  had  hitherto  shown.      lie  lifted  away  from 
"  Sorella,"  and  was  soon  upon  the  heels  of  the  two  ahead. 
A  few  bounds  enabled  him  to  separate  the  links  between 
them,  and  to  throw  himself  towards  the  back  stretch  of 
the  second  mile,  between  " Crazy  Kate"   and  her  fair 
competitor.      "Sorella"    made  a  similar  push  forward, 
and  soon  overcame  the  space  which  kept  her  from  the 
embrace  of  "  Crazy  Kate  ;"  but  whether  it  was  that  the 
latter  was  less  tempting  than  the  beauty  with  the  beauti- 
ful name,  she  did  not  prolong  the  tete-a-tetc  with  her, 
but  hurried  forward  to  a  more  select  meeting  with  the 
"  Fair  Geraldine ;"  perhaps  it  was  a  feeling  of  sympathy, 
which,  at  this  moment,  prompted  the  latter  to  forego  her 
exertions,  and  loiter  for  the  coming  up  of  one  who  sought 
her  so  closely.     Meanwhile,  the  ambitious  maid  of  Mis- 
sissippi darted  ahead  of  all  opponents,  and,  with  so  few 
tokens  of  civility,  as  to  provoke  the  emulous  efforts  of 
the  two  nearest  riders.     Jones  Barry  was  seen  to  apply 
the  whip  with  unkind  severity  of  hand,  to  the  tender 
flanks  of  his  favorite:   while  the  gypsy  boy  who  rode 
"[Sorella"  appeared  to  urge  her  forward  with  the  utmost 
seeming  anxiety,  but  without  the  use  of  any  weapon.     It 
was  now  perceived  that  the  "  Fair  Geraldine,"  as  if  under 
a  feeling  of  degradation,  no  longer  lifted  a  hopeful  and 
exulting  head,  nor  tossed  pridefully  her  luxuriant  mane. 
That  she  began  to  droop  was  evident  to  the  spectators, 
while  the  repeated  strokes  of  the  lash,  from  her  rider, 
betrayed  his  own  consciousness  of  a  fact  which  he  was 
quite  unwilling  to  believe.     These  exertions  still  gave 
her  headway  for  awhile,  but  it  was  at  the  expense  of  her 
heels.     She  gradually  relaxed  after  these  efforts,  and 
soon  had  the  mortification  to  find  "  Sorella"  quietly  work- 
ing ahead,  as  they  both  stretched  through  the  first  quar- 
ter of  the  third  mile.     Hammond  saw  with  satisfaction, 
that,  while    the  boy  who  rode  "Sorella"  appeared   to 


104  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

labor  anxiously,  he  used  no  whip,  or  only  appeared  to  do 
so,  while  the  beast  lifted  her  legs  freely,  and  set  them 
down  as  if  on  velvet.  The  crowd,  who  knew  nothing  of 
his  game,  now  looked  upon  it  that  she  shared  the  ex- 
haustion of  "  Geraldine,"  and  were  quite  deceived  by  the 
arts  of  her  rider.  Even  Ramsey  himself  counted  upon 
him  as  a  horse  "done  brown;"  and  whispered  to  Lazy 
Jake  Owens  that  the  race  was  won.  But  Lazy  Jake  was 
no  slouch  at  an  opinion  either,  in  the  matter  of  horse- 
flesh; and  he  answered,  in  the  common  proverb  of  war- 
ring in  the  South  :  "  Don't  whoop  before  you're  out  of 
the  wood."  But  this  heat  was  decided.  The  "  Mississip- 
pian"  had  shown  the  cleanest  heels,  taking  the  track  from 
all.  It  was  observed  that  "  Sorella,"  after  once  or  twice 
yielding  the  lead  to  the  "Fair  Geraldine,"  now  changed 
the  figure  entirely,  and  hastened  forward  so  as  to  throw 
herself  within  a  few  decent  bounds  of  kt  Graystreak,"  as 
the  latter  passed  in  under  the  string,  the  final  victor  of 
the  heat.  The  native  spirit  of  "  Geraldine"  did  not  suffer 
her  to  fall  behind  very  far,  though  it  was  evident  to  all 
good  judges  that  the  game  with  her  was  up  for  tbe  day  ; 
while  "  Crazy  Kate"  enjoyed  to  herself  the  Irishman's 
fun  of  driving  all  the  rogues  before  her.  Of  the  three 
winning  horses,  "  Sorella"  was  the  only  one  who  had  been 
economized,  and  tbe  excellence  of  her  jockey  enabled 
her  to  keep  this  important  fact  a  secret.  A  couple  of 
lengths  between  her  and  "  Graystreak,  and  twice  the 
number  between  her  and  "  Geraldine,"  left  the  minds  of 
the  multitude  still  in  that  condition  of  doubt  in  regard 
to  the  future  which  makes  equally  the  interest  of  race 
and  story.  The  betting  parties  were  still  hopeful ;  for, 
even  where  their  favorites  had  not  won,  they  came  so 
near  it,  with  the  exception  of  "  Crazy  Kate,"  as  to  leave 
nothing  certain  in  the  chapter  of  coming  events. 

Well  rubbed  and  groomed,  three  horses  showed  them- 
selves for  the  third  time  upon  the  track.  "  Crazy  Kate" 
has  withdrawn  in  dudgeon,  in  consequence  of  the  mani- 
fest neglect  with  which  her  companions  have  treated  her 
performances.     Her  backers   have   sullenly  yielded  up 


THE  TENNESSEEAN's  STORY.  105 

their  tin  to  the  numerous  friends  of  the  "Mississippian  ;" 
while   Ramsey,  and  the  unknown  gentleman,  have  been 
reminding  numerous  persons  of  certain  fives,  tens,  twen- 
ties, and  hundreds — including  our  friend  Jones  Barry — 
which  they  unwisely  perilled  on  the  heels  of  a  feminine 
creature   avowedly  non   compos.     This   pleasant   little 
episode  greatly  relieved  the  otherwise  tedious  interval 
between  the  second  and  the  last  heat.    The  "  Fair  Gerald- 
ine"  seemed  to  have  recovered  her  former  spirits,  as  she 
came  once  more  upon  the  turf;  and,  with  the  word  "  Go," 
she    led   off,    "  solitary   and    alone,"    as  she  had  been 
ambitious  to  do  on  all  previous  ocensions.     But,  after 
the  first  half  mile,  both  the  "Mississippian"  and  "Sorella" 
seemed  disposed   to  make  play,  and  to  show  that  both 
had  heels   of  wing  and  steam  when   the  exigency  was 
at   hand.     It  was   clear,  however,  that  the  two   latter 
waited  for  each  other.     They  knew  the  real  adversary, 
and  knew  exactly  when  to  terminate  that  deference  for 
the  beauty  who  now  led  them  which,  it  was  evident,  they 
had  yielded  rather  through  policy  than  admiration.     As 
the  first  mile  was  overcome,  they  gradually  swallowed 
space,  talang  the  wind  completely  out  of  the   sails   of 
"  Geraldine,"  passing  on  each  side  of  her,  and  closing 
up,  as  if  anxious  for  the  track.     Barry  at  once  put  on 
steam   with   a   heavy  hand,  but  no   application   to  the 
flanks,  in  the  case  of  one  so  tender,  could  possibly  fur- 
nish the   legs  with   the  proper  facility  for  flight.     The 
beauty  wanted  age  for  endurance.     "  Send  me  no  more 
boys,"  said  Napoleon  to  the  government  at  home  :   "  they 
only  fill  the  hospitals."     The  tender  years  of  "  Gerald- 
ine," her  delicate  training,  were  adverse  to  her  soldier- 
ship.    Famous   at  a  charge,  she   could  not  stand  the 
campaign.     The  two  veterans,  better  fortified  by  muscle 
and  training,  of  better  bottom  and  not  less  speed,  soon 
forged  ahead,  and  left  her  painfully  to  struggle  up  the 
hill   alone.     "  Graystrcak"   was   evidently  girdling  up 
her  loins  for  the  last  great  effort.    She  felt  the  necessity 
of  putting  all  her  soul  into  her  heels,  as  she  felt  that  she 
had  a  sterling  customer  beside  her,  one  who  took  a  deep 


106 

shot,  and  loved  long  reckonings.  There  were  bone,  and 
muscle,  and  speed,  to  be  overcome,  and  she  had  a  pride 
and  reputation  at  stake,  to  say  nothing  of  the  hundreds 
which  our  friend  Jones  Barry  no  doubt  found  cool  enough 
by  this  time.  There  was  evident  mischief  in  the  "  Missis- 
sippian."  Her  rider  glared  round,  in  his  white  uniform, 
at  the  queer  little  gypsy  rogue  who  kept  tenaciously 
with  him,  neck  and  neck,  as  if  measuring  their  mutual 
strength  for  the  last  great  struggle.  It  was  neck  or 
nothing  with  them  both.  Both  were  resolute  to  do,  or 
die.  The  gypsy  rogue  seemed  to  crouch,  at  moments, 
in  his  saddle,  as  if  to  take  the  leap  of  a  cougar  on  the 
fox,  and  his  heels  would  sink  slightly  into  the  sides  of 
his  creature,  as  if  embracing  her  with  a  love  which  found 
all  its  pleasures  in  hers.  Side  and  side  they  rode,  un- 
til, in  the  eyes  of  the  distant  spectators,  they  seemed  to 
resolve  themselves  into  a  single  man  and  horse.  The 
struggle  was  desperately  close.  It  was  your  purse  or 
mine,  as  they  darted  eagerly  towards  the  last  quarter 
stretch,  leaving  the  wind  behind  them,  and  seeming  to 
whiz  along  through  air,  as  a  bullet  from  the  cannon. 
"  The  bravest  held  his  breath  for  a  time."  flie  multi- 
tude pressed  forward  along  the  track.  Mouths  were 
open  wide  with  expectation  ;  eyes  dilating  beyond  their 
orbs,  with  delight  and  anxiety. 

"  How  beautiful !"  exclaimed  Geraldinc  Foster,  as  she 
grasped  the  arm  of  Hammond. 

"Beautiful!"  said  Hammond,  naturally  enough,  as 
he  gazed  into  her  eyes.  We  dare  not  look  with  him  while 
the  struggle  is  thus  at  its  height.  The  jockey  on  "  Gray- 
streak"  now  made  tremendous  efforts  ;  his  eye  fixed  on 
the  stubborn  little  gypsy,  as  if  to  note  the  opening  for 
an  advantage.  Neck  and  neck  they  still  clung  together, 
and  but  a  few  more  bounds  were  necessary  to  the  final 
achievement.  "Whitejacket"  gathered  himself  up  for  the 
last  issue,  and,  rising  in  his  stirrups,  with  the  whip  keen- 
ly and  rapidly  administered,  he  raised  the  head  of 
"  Graystreak"  for  the  final  bound  beneath  the  line. 
But  "  Nojaeket,"  our  little  gypsy,  knew  his  moment  also. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  107 

lie  gave  no  whip ;  lie  rose  not  in  the  saddle  ;  hut  crouch- 
ing, rather,  and  clinging  upon  her  neck,  he  whispered  a 
word,  a  single  word,  in  the  ear  of  "  Sorella,"  and  the 
noble  Arabian  went  out  of  the  lock  in  a  way  to  make 
an  arrow  wonder.  By  a  single  head,  she  passed  ahead 
of  her  resolute  competitor  ;  and,  as  her  triumph  was  be- 
held, the  big,  swollen  heart  of  the  multitude  relieved 
itself  by  a  shout  that  shook  the  field.  •  Then  our  gypsy- 
jockey  dropped  from  his  creature,  and  seized  her  about 
the  neck,  kissing  her  once  more  as  passionately  as  the 
lover,  for  the  first  time  successful.  He  felt  the  triumph 
as  much  more  precious  than  he  did  the  "  cool  hundred," 
one  of  the  several  that  had  been  transferred  on  this  oc- 
casion from  the  pockets  of  the  wealthy  Jones  Barry  to 
those  of  other  people,  with  which  Miles  Henderson 
rewarded  him  for  his  riding.  Then  might  the  multitude 
he  seen  following  the  horses — horse  and  rider — with  ex- 
ultation and  admiration.  Our  gypsy  was,  next  to  his 
horse,  the  wonder  of  the  field.  The  boys  scampered 
after  him  as  their  hero,  while  the  negroes,  everywhere 
exclaiming  as  he  came,  pointed  him  out  to  their  grinning 
companions,  as  "  Dat  little  Login  Whitesides  ;  da's  a 
debble  hese'f,  for  ride  !"  Glory  is  a  thing  of  various 
complexions ;  and  our  little  friend  Logan  was  quite  as 
well  satisfied,  no  doubt,  with  the  negro  form  of  compli- 
ment, as  with  that  which  issued  in  rounded  periods  from 
more  polished  lips.     Let  us  now  look  to  other  parties. 


108  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY 


CHAPTER  VIIL 

THE  GANDER  TOURNAMENT. 

The  excellent  lady,  Mrs.  Foster,  was  quite  dissatisfied 
at  the  result  of  the  race.  Perhaps  she  might  have  been 
still  more  so,  had  the  victory  been  obtained  by  "  Fer- 
raunt,"  instead  of  "  Sorella;"  by  the  horse  of  Hammond 
in  place  of  that  of  his  friend.  She  did  not  conceal  her 
mortification,  -which  vented  itself  in  expressions  of  strong 
sympathy  with  Jones  Barry,  even  in  the  presence  of  his 
conqueror.  He,  however,  either  was,  or  affected  to  be, 
wholly  indifferent  to  the  result.  He  had  various  excuses 
for  the  defeat,  which  he  could  ascribe  to  any  and  every- 
thing, always  excepting  his  mare's  ability  and  his  own 
riding. 

"  I'll  go  you  a  thousand  any  day,  Miles  Henderson, 
on  'Geraldine,'  against  'Sorella.'  I  know  what  my 
mare  can  do.  But  she  wasn't  groomed  properly.  That 
little  rascal  Sam  Perkins  would  give  her  water,  though 
I  told  him  not ;  and  he  girt  her  in  so  tightly,  that  the 
poor  thing  could  hardly  draw  a  decent  breath." 

"And  you're  a  little  too  heavy  for  your  mare,  Barry," 
added  Nettles ;  who,  having  pocketed  a  clever  share  of 
the  money  of  the  other,  could  afford  to  do  the  amiable. 

"There's  something  in  that,"  was  the  admission  of 
Barry.     "  But,  Tom,  didn't  I  ride  her  beautiful?" 

"  You  can  ride,"  was  the  liberal  acknowledgment  of 
the  other,  with  just  the  sort  of  emphasis  and  look,  in 
the  right  place,  to  render  the  admission  satisfactory. 

Meanwhile,  Henderson  and  Hammond  had  both  been 
conversing  with  the  ladies  ;  though  the  latter  could  not 
but  perceive  that  Geraldine  manifested,  in  his  case, 
a  more  than  usual  decree  of  reserve  and  distance.     He 


THE  TENNESSEEAN's  STORY.  109 

was  not  long  at  a  loss  to  what  influence  to  ascribe  this 
deportment,  since  Mrs.  Foster,  though  outwardly  civil, 
was  yet  not  altogether  capable  of  suppressing  all  shows 
of  that  spirit  by  which  she  was  secretly  animated  to- 
wards him.     True,  however,  to  his  maxim,  he  betrayed 
no  particular  concern,  but  was  only  the  more  studious 
to  overlook  none  of  the  formal  and  becoming  courtesies 
which  society  had  established  as  proper  from  the  one  sex 
to  the  other,     lie  was  not  only  scrupulously  polite  and 
attentive,  but  particularly  graceful  and  spirited.     His 
conversation  rose  in  force  and  animation  with  the  con- 
sciousness of  his  equivocal  position  ;  and  the  vivacity 
and  freedom  of  his  dialogue  and  manner  were  only  re- 
strained by  an  overruling  resolution  to  permit  to  him- 
self no  such  liberties  as  might;  incur  censure  or  provoke 
offence.    lie  played  the  diplomate  with  a  rare  excellence; 
and  Mrs.  Foster  leaned  back  in  the  carriage,  heartily 
vexed  with  a  person  whom  she  longed  to  wound,  yet  who 
gave  her  no  advantage ;  and  who,  in  spite  of  all  her 
malice,  still  contrived,  seemingly  without  exertion,  to 
win  the  ears,  and  compel  the  sympathies  of  her  protege. 
The  carriage,  meanwhile,  was    got   in   readiness ;  the 
horses  were  geared  in,  and  the  lady  proceeded  to  invite 
the  gentlemen  to  return  with  her  to  dinner.     Hammond 
and  Henderson  declared  their  pleasure  in  escorting  the 
ladies  home ;  while  Jones  Barry  and  Nettles  excused 
themselves  by  alleging  that,  with  them,  the  business  of 
the   day  was  very  far  from  being   over.     There  were 
several  races  yet  to  be  run.     "Glaucus"  was  again  to 
try  his  heels  against  some  other  nags,  which  were  yet 
to  be'brought  forward;  and  there  was  to  be  a  "scrub" 
race  for  sweepstakes,  in  which  more  than  twenty  horses 
had  been  already  entered.     The  interest  of  Nettles  in 
these  events,  though  he  ran  no  horse  himself,  was  not 
less  great  than  that  of  Jones  Barry,  while  his  profits 
were  likely  to  be  much  greater. 

"Besides,"  says  Barry;  "there's   the  circus,  Mrs. 
Foster,  the  circus;"  and  he  rubbed  his  hands.     "And 
I  never  saw  the  circus  in  my  life.     I'm  told  they  do  all 
10 


110  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

sorts  of  things.    There's  a  man  there  that  jumps  through 
the  eye  of  a  needle  !" 

"  Oh,  Mr.  Barry,  how  can  you  believe  such  non- 
sense?" 

"  It's  true,  by  the  pipers  !  here's  the  advertisement; 
here's  the  picture  itself;  the  man  and  the  needle." 

"  As  large  as  life  !"  said  Nettles. 

And  Barry  pulled  out  of  his  pocket  one  of  those  enor- 
mous bills  of  the  circus,  which  one  sees  at  times,  in  the 
South  and  "West,  covering  the  sides  of  a  court-house. 
As  he  held  it  up,  it  fairly  covered  him  from  head  to  foot. 

"  I  don't  see  why  he  shouldn't  jump  through  the  eye 
of  such  a  needle,  Mr.  Barry ;  the  needle  seems  a  great 
deal  larger  than  the  man." 

"  So  it  does,"   said  Barry. 

"  Oh  !  but  that's  only  to  show  it  to  the  people,  Miss 
Geraldine  ;  that's  only  the  picture  ;  for  I  saw  the  needle, 
the  real  needle  itself;  and  I  assure  you  that  it's  not 
much  larger  than  those  you  ladies  work  with.  It  isn't 
exactly  a  cambric  needle,  I  grant  you  ;  but  then  again, 
it's  nothing  near  like  a  bagging-needle." 

"  You  saw  it,  Tom  ?"   asked  Barry. 

"  To  be  sure  I  did  !"  was  the  reply. 

"  And  you  believe,  Mr.  Barry,  that  any  man  could 
go  through  such  a  needle?"   queried  Mrs.  Foster. 

"I  don't  see  how  he  can,"  said  the  other,  gravely; 
"it  would  break  out  the  eye." 

A  roar  of  laughter  from  Henderson  followed  this  ora- 
cular opinion,  of  which  Miss  Geraldine  herself  indulged 
in  a  moderate  imitation.  Mrs.  Foster  lay  back  in  the 
carriage,  frowning  and  mortified.     Nettles  continued: — 

"But  that's  not  all ;  the  clown  who  goes  through  the 
needle  uncorks  a  bottle  with  his  eye,  sets  fire  to  a  wheel- 
rocket  with  his  whiskers,  and  afterwards  swallows  his 
own  head." 

"Ah!  Tom,"  says  Barry,  "that  won't  do!  No- 
body can  make  me  believe  that.  It  may  be  that  he 
could  draw  a  cork  with  his  eye;  and,  as  for  setting  off 
wheelrockets  with  his  whiskers,  that,  I   suppose,  isn't 


TIIE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  Ill 

altogether  impossible;  but  I'll  be  d d  if  I  believe  a 

word  about  swallowing  bis  own  bead.  Swallowing  bis 
own  bead!  Why,  who  tbe  deuce  could  ever  think  of  do- 
ing such  a  tbing?  Ob  no,  Tom  Nettles;  that  cock 
won't  figbt !  It's  likely  be  may  make  a  show  of  doing 
something  of  tbe  kind,  by  sleight  of  hand.'' 

"  Of  mouth,  rather." 

"  Well,  mouth  then  ;  but  I  know  it's  all  make  b'lieve 
— don't  you  think  so,  Mrs.  Foster  ?" 

"  I  don't  think  about  it,  Mr.  Barry.  It's  all  trick 
and  humbug.  Circuses  are  all  vulgar  places.  I  have 
no  interest  in  them." 

"Vulgar!  why,  Lord  bless  you,  Mrs.  Foster,  tbe 
whole  country's  to  be  there.  Don't  you  see  tbe  car- 
riages coming  in  already  ?  There'll  be  a  matter  of  three 
hundred  ladies,  I  reckon." 

"Ladies,  indeed!"  said  the  lady.  "  Perhaps  so,  sir. 
We  sba'n't  be  among  them,  however.  Scipio,''  to  the 
driver,  "  are  you  ready?" 

"All  ready,  ma'am." 

"  Well,  Mr.  Barry,  we  leave  you.  Mr.  Nettles,  we 
shall  always  be  glad  to  see  you  at  the  lodge.  Gentle- 
men," to  Hammond  and  Henderson,  "  do  you  still  keep 
your  purpose  of  riding  with  us,  or  have  tbe  charms  of 
tbe  clown,  as  we  have  beard  them  described,  persuaded 
you  to  think  better  of  it,  and  stay  for  tbe  circus  ?" 

"  If  one  could  be  sure  that  tbe  clown  would  act  ho- 
nestly, and  really  make  a  gulp  of  his  own  head,"  mused 
Hammond,  with  gravity. 

Barry  looked  up  "bewildered,  his  mouth  wide  open,  as 
Nettles  proceeded  to  assert  that  tbe  thing  was  really 
done  in  a  most  lifelike  and  natural  manner;  though,  as 
the  clown  reappeared  always  the  next  day  with  his  head 
on,"  looking  quite  as  well  as  usual,  he  concluded,  with 
his  friend  Barry,  that  it  was  only  "  make  b'lieve,"  mere 
sleight  of  hand  or  mouth,  the  clever  trick  of  a  clever 
juggler — "though,"  added  the  speaker,  with  admirable 
gravity,  "it  certainly  takes  in  everybody — everybody 
believes  it." 


112  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY!  OR, 

"Drive  on,  Scipio,"  said  the  lady,  imperiously,  as  if 
anxious  to  escape  from  the  confiding,  yet  dubious  gaze 
of  Barry. 

The  carriage  whirled  away,  Hammond  and  Hender- 
son taking  opposite  sides,  the  former  beside  the  window 
near  which  Geraldine  sat,  while  his  friend  was  the  par- 
ticular escort  of  the  mother.  We  will  leave  them  on 
their  homeward  progress,  and  return  to  our  companions, 
Jones  Barry  and  Tom  Nettles. 

These  two  worthies  at  once  proceeded  with  proper 
diligence  to  business.     Under  the  counsel  of  the  latter, 
Barry  employed,  as  the  rider   of  "  Glaucus,"  the  little 
gypsy,  who  had  lifted   "Sorella"  so  handsomely  over 
the  track;  and  the  result  was  an  improvement  in  the 
events  of  the  contest.     But  it  is  not  our  purpose  to 
pursue  the  history  of  the  turf  at  Hillabec.     Ours  is  not 
a  racing  calendar,  and  we  must  leave  such  histories  to 
those  who  are  more  perfect  in  the  history  of  the  stud. 
It  is  enough  that  we  say  that  the  day  continued  one  of 
great  excitement  to  the  close.     Some  small  winnings,  at 
the  winding  up,  served  somewhat   to  console  Barry  for 
his  heavier  losses;  and   he  was   rendered  particularly 
happy,   as    Tom  Nettles  introduced  him  to    a    couple 
of  the  chief  men  of  the  circus,   by  whom  he  was  in- 
vited into  the  hippodrome  itself,  and  permitted,   while 
yet  the  day  lasted,  to   behold  the   vacant  scene  upon 
which  such  wonders  were  so  soon  to  be  enacted,     lie 
was  particularly  anxious  to   get   a  sight  of  the  clown, 
but  did  not  express  his  desire ;   as  he  felt  that  one  who 
was  destined  so  shortly  to  swallow  his  own  head   might 
very  naturally  desire  to  have  all  the  interval  to  himself, 
that  he  might  prepare  himself  for  the  impending  catas- 
trophe.    Here,  a   table   being   spread   extempore,  some 
cold  baked  meats  were  brought  forth  from  a  curtained 
interior;  and,  with  the  help  of  a  ham  and  a  loaf,  which 
Nettles  gathered  from  the  booths  of  one  of  his  acquaint- 
ance, and  a  stout  quart-decanter  of    French  brandy, 
which   the  equestrians  had  brought    with  them,  Jones 
Barrv  was  very  soon  reconciled   to   the  absence  of  the 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  113 

ladies.  The  decanter  was  soon  emptied  and  replenished, 
and  this  in  time  disappearing,  the  place  was  occupied 
by  a  couple  of  bottles  of  tolerable  wine.  Nettles  was 
fond  of  strong  drink,  but  he  had  one  of  those  indurated 
bends  which  could  bear  any  degree  of  soaking  without 
betraying  their  owners.  Jones  Barry  was  much  less  of 
a  veteran,  though  he  loved  good  liquors,  after  a  gentle- 
manly fashion.  Enough,  however,  that,  before  he  left 
the  table,  he  had  become  captious  and  somewhat  unruly ; 
and  it  was  only  by  adroit  management  that  Nettles 
could  conduct  him  out  of  the  tabernacle,  so  as  to  afford 
to  the  manager  an  opportunity  for  preparing  for  the 
performance  of  the  night.  In  the  open  air,  Barry  was 
more  manageable,  though  it  required  an  additional  sup- 
ply of  stimulus  to  keep  his  stomach  from  entire  subju- 
gation to  the  hostile  power  which  he  had  thrown  into 
the  territory.  Nettles  was  not  unwilling  to  indulge 
him.  lie  was  a  fellow  of  fun,  and  found  his  capital  in 
this  excellent  subject.  Ho  had  set  out  to  enjoy  a  spree, 
and  he  was  resolved  to  make  a  night  of  it.  An  hour's 
wandering  about  the  encampment,  for  such  had  the  race- 
course at  Ilillabec  become  for  the  occasion,  and  there 
were  a  thousand  ways  for  getting  up  and  letting  off 
steam,  to  employ  the  slang  phraseology  of  tho  region. 
Wagons  were  to  he  upset,  drunken  men  stripped,  the  tails 
and  manes  of  horses  cropped;  these,  with  other  practices, 
in  which  the  humorists  were  quite  as  "rough  as  ready," 
served  to  beguile  the  interval  between  the  close  of  the 
race  and  tho  opening  of  the  circus,  But  it  was  tho 
fortune  of  Jones  Barry  to  make  himself  conspicuous 
in  a  more  important  enterprise.  The  wanderings  of  our 
companions  in  search  of  adventures  led  them,  with  a 
crowd  of  others,  to  nn  amphitheatre,  about  throe  hun- 
dred yards  from  the  race-course,  where  they  witnessed 
a  sport  in  progress,  to  which  it  seemed  that  nil  they 
had  hitherto  beheld  was  mere  child's-play,  tamo  and 
spiritless.    This  was  a  M  Q 'andvr-pulUnp lu 

Header,  do  you  know  what  a  gander-pulling  is?     If 
you  do  not,  it  is  quite  as  well  that  vou  should  form  some 

10* 


114  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

idea  of  the  sources  of  pleasure  to  the  purely  vulgar  and 
uncultivated  nature.  Man  is  undoubtedly  a  beast,  un- 
less you  contrive  some  process  for  making  him  a  gentle- 
man ;  and  there  is  no  question  but  that,  as  he  has  a 
natural  appetite  for  recreation  and  pleasure,  if  you  do 
not  contrive  for  him  such  as  will  not  be  unacceptable  to 
the  Deity,  the  devil  will  more  liberally  provide  with 
such  as  will  make  the  man  acceptable  only  to  himself. 
Gander-pulling,  accordingly,  is  one  of  those  sports 
which  a  cunning  devil  has  contrived  to  gratify  a  human 
beast.  It  appeals  to  his  skill,  his  agility,  and  strength  ; 
and  is  therefore  in  some  degree  grateful  to  his  pride  : 
but,  as  it  exercises  these  qualities  at  the  expense  of  his 
humanity,  it  is  only  a  medium  by  which  his  better  qua- 
lities are  employed  as  agents  for  his  worser  nature. 
Gander-pulling  has  been  described  as  a  sort  of  tourna- 
ment on  horseback;  the  only  difference  is  that  the 
knight  has  a  {loose  for  his  opponent,  instead  of  a  per- 
son like  himself.  The  man  is  mounted  on  horseback, 
while  the  goose  is  mounted  upon  poles.  These  poles, 
or  saplings,  are  thrust  firmly  into  the  ground,  some 
twelve  feet  apart;  but  they  arc  united  by  a  cord  at  the 
top,  which  hangs  loosely,  while,  pendent  from  the  ex- 
tremity, the  living  gander  is  fastened  by  the  legs. 
Here  he  swings  his  head,  hanging  downwards  just  above 
the  path,  between  the  two  saplings,  and  just  high 
enough  to  be  within  reach  of  the  man  on  horseback. 
The  achievement  of  the  rider  is  to  run  his  horse,  at  full 
speed,  at  the  bird,  and,  grasping  him  by  the  neck,  to 
wringhis  head  off  as  he  passes  on.  This  is  not  so  easy 
a  performance.  The  neck  of  the  gander  has  been  pre- 
viously stripped  of  all  its  feathers,  and  has  then  been 
thickly  coated  with  grease  or  oil.  Nothing  can  be  made 
more  slippery ;  and,  shining  and  warming  in  the  sun, 
the  glittering  neck  of  the  unhappy  bird  looks  like  that 
of  a  young  boa,  for  the  first  time  practising  from  the 
bough,  under  which  he  expects  the  rabbit  or  the  rat  to 
glide.  To  increase  the  difficulty  of  the  exploit,  and  to 
prevent  any  unfair  delay  in  the'  approach  of  the  assail- 


Till?  TENNK88KKAN  H  BTOHY.  11 ft 

ant,  four  men  aro  stationed,  armed  with  flails  of  hickory, 
on  each  Bido  of  the  truck,  and  at  proper  intorvafs. 
ThcHo,  as  tho  horse  approaches,  lay  their  hickories  upon 
his  Hunks;  and  so  unmercifully,  as  not  only  to  mako  him 
go  headlong  forward,  but  frequently  to  make  him  bolt 
tho  track  in  order  to  escape  such  unfriendly  treatment 
The  courso  is  laid  out  on  the  exterior  of  a  circle  some 
two  hundred  Coot  in  diameter;  which  circuit  tho  rider 
must  necessarily  make  before  reaching  the  goose,  start- 
ing from   a  post  which  is  properly  watched  by  judges, 
lie  is  not  expected  to  go  at  full  speed  except  when  with- 
in twenty  yards  of  the  game.     Thus  guarded,  the  vic- 
tim is  not  so  easily  decapitated,     It  is  only  the  expe- 
rienced horseman,  and  the  experienced  sportsman,  who 
can  possibly  succeed  in  the  endeavor.    Young  beginners, 
who  look  on   the  achievement  as  rather  easy,  are  con- 
stantly haflicd;  many  find  it  impossible  to  keep  tho 
track ;  many  lose  the  saddle,  and,  even  where  they  suc- 
ceed in  missing  beneath  tho  saplings  without  disaster, 
they  citlicr  fail  altogether  in  grasping  the  goose,  which 
keeps  a  constant  fluttering  and  screaming;  or,  they  find 
it  impossible  to  retain  their  grasn,  at  full  speed,  upon 
the  greasy  ami  eel-like  neck  and  head  which  they  have 
seized.     Meantime,  their  failure  is  by  no  means  sauce 
for   the  gander.     The   tug,  from  which   ho  at  length 
escapes,  makes  him  feel  excessively  uncomfortable  while 
it  lasts.     The  oil  without  does  not  protect  him  from  se- 
vere sore-throat  within.     His  voice  becomes  hoarse  with 
screaming;   and,  long  before   his  head  is  fairly  off,  ho 
has  lost  those  nicer  sensihilities  which  teach  him  exactly 
how  tho  event  took  place.     The  beating  and  bolting  of 
the  horses,  the  emptying  of  tho  saddles,  the  failures  of 
tho  "pullers,"  the   screams,  and  wild  wing-flapping  of 
tho  bird — these  constitute  the  glory  of  tho  entertain- 
ment; every  point  iti  tho  tilting  being  watched  with 
eager  anxiety,  and  announced  with  screams  and  yells 
from  the  multitude,  which  form  no  bud  echoes  to  tho 
cries  of  tho  goose.         » 

So  much  for  the  sport  in  general.     It  had  boon  some 


116  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

time  in  progress,  when  Nettles  and  Jones  Barry  drew 
nigh.  The  moment  the  latter  beheld  the  scene,  he  at 
once  declared  himself  the  man  to  take  the  gander's  head. 
Nettles  was  very  far  from  discouraging  him  from  an  ad- 
venture which  promised  fun  ;  the  more  particularly  as 
his  companion,  if  not  absolutely  drunk,  was,  as  they 
phrase  it  in  Mississippi,  "in  a  state  of  betweenity,"  i.  e. 
neither  drunk  nor  sobei .  A  dozen  had  already  tried 
their  hands  without  success;  but,  evidi  utly,  to  the  per- 
fect disquiet  of  the  gander.  There  he  swung  aloft ;  his 
wings  napping  furiously  at  intervals,  and,  every  now 
and  then,  his  throat  pouring  forth  a  sharp  sudden  scream, 
the  moment  he  became  conscious  of  a  horse  in  motion. 
Barry  fixed  his  eyes  upon  the  shining  neck,  and  shook 
his  hands  at  the  bird,  the  fingers  spreading  out,  like 
claws,  as  he  cried  to  the  victim:  "  Here's  the  claws 
that'll  have  you  off,  my  beauty!  You're  shining  there 
for  me!     Who  goes  a  V against  Jones  Barry?     Who,  I 

say  ?  _    Let  him  show  himself,  and  be !" 

It  is  to  the  credit  of  Nettles  that,  though  willing  to 
see  the  fun,  he  would  not  sutler  his  companion  to  be 
fleeced.  He  interposed,  that  his  bets  should  be  trifles 
only,  though,  in  this  friendly  interposition,  he  incurred 
the  denunciations  of  the  person  whom  he  saved.  Al- 
ready had  he  paid  for  his  "matriculation,"  ami  little 
Logan  AVhitesides  was  dispatched  for  "Glaucus;"  for, 
though  fuddled,  Barry  was  not  prepared  to  employ  the 
"Fair  Geraldine,"  his  favorite,  for  such  ignoble  pur- 
poses. 

''Hurrah  for  Jones  Barry,"  said  Ben  Burg;  "He 
ain't  too  proud  to  jine  in  the  pleasures  of  the  poor 
man  !" 

"  lie's  jest  drunk  enough  for  any  sort  of  pleasure, 
poor  or  rich,"  was  the  comment  of  Lazy  Jake  Owens. 

"  I'll  lay  you  a  quarter,  Jake,"  said  Burg,  "  that 
he'll  take  the  gander." 

"  That'll  be  because  he's  near  kin  to  him,  then." 

"If  he  does,"  said  a  third,  "it'll  be  owing  to  his 
liquor.     He  couldn't  do  it  sober.'' 


TIIE  TENNESSEEAN'B  STORY.  117 

"  Shall  wo  go  a  quarter  on  him?"  said  Burg ;  a  con- 
scientious feeling  prompting  liirn  to  vindicate,  to  this 
extent,  the  ability  of  a  person  from  whom  he  had  con- 
trived to  borrow  a  couplo  of  half  eagles  but  a  few  hours 
before. 

"  Make  it  a  half,  Burg." 
"  l)-o-n-e  I"  said  the  latter,  rather  slowly. 
The  vulgar  look  with  respect,  even  while  they  sneer, 
at  the  doings  of  those  above  them  in  fortune  or  position. 
It  was  the  fortune  of  Jones  Barry  to  provoke  a  sensa- 
tion always  among  this  class  of  people.  They  watched 
and  waited  his  movements.  The  gander  obtained  a 
brief  respite,  while  the  boy  went  for  "Glaucus" — 
settled  down  into  a  drooping  quiet,  and  hushed  for  a 
period  his  screams.  Our  sprightly  little  gypsy  was 
not  long  before  appearing  with  the  horse.  He  was 
ready  saddled  and  bridled  for  the  heat,  and  it  was  with 
more  ambition  than  agility  that  our  hero  contrived  to 
vault  into  the  seat.  Then  it  was  that  the  uproar  grew. 
"  Hurrah  for  Barry  !"  cried  Nettles,  at  the  top  of  his 
voice. 

"Who  goes  a  picayune  against  Barry  ?" 
"Done,  with  you,  'Squire  Nettles." 
"And  here's  another!  He's  no  more  the  chap  to  take 
off  a  gander's  head  than  I  am  to  put  it  on." 
"  Hurrah  for  the  captain!"  cried  Burg. 
"  You  may  hurrah  till  your  throat  aches,  but  that 
goose  will  never  catch  that  gander,"  was  the  unseemly 
echo  of  Lazy  Jake  Owens. 

A  hundred  voices  joined  in  the  shouting.  The  boys 
rolled,  and  roared,  and  tumbled,  throwing  the  dust  up 
fifty  feet  in  air,  as  the  knight  of  the  goose  prepared 
to  make  his  passage  at  arms.  -The  men  with  the  flails 
did  not  need  to  use  their  hickories.  Barry  came  on  at 
full  speed,  and,  amidst  shouts  of  congratulation,  he  kept 
his  horse  steadfast  along  tho  track,  and  through  the  sap- 
lings, from  whose  united  tops  the  gander  was  suspended. 
The  bird  flounced  and  shrieked,  flapping  his  wings  with 
immense  violence.     Barry,  dropping  his  bridle  in  his 


118  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

excitement,  threw  up  both  hands,  and  grasped,  not  the 
goose,  but  the  rope  by  which  it  was  suspended.  The 
horse  passed  instantly  from  under  him,  and,  for  a  mo- 
ment, ho  hung  in  air,  the  wings  of  tho  gander  playing 
the  devil's  tattoo  rather  rapidly  upon  his  face,  breast, 
and  shoulders.  It  was  but  for  an  instant,  however.  The 
cord,  calculated  to  sustain  one  goose  only,  broke  under 
doublo  weight,  and  down  came  the  pair  together,  the 
gander  uppermost.  Never  had  such  a  scene  been  wit- 
nessed before,  in  the  whole  annals  of  gander-pulling, 
even  from  the  first  dawn  of  its  discovery  among  our  Eu- 
ropean ancestors.  The  field  rang  with' shouts  of  merri- 
ment ;  a  most  royal  delirium  seized  upon  the  republican. 
Some  rolled  on  the  earth  in  convulsions  ;  some  clapped 
their  hands  and  shouted;  while  the  boys  shot  off  their 
guns,  to  the  great  confusion  and  disorder  of  horseflesh. 
Barry  rose  half-stunned  and  thoroughly  bewildered. 
The  gander  had  revenged  himself  on  our  luckless 
adventurer  for  all  the  assaults  he  had  himself  sustained. 
His  wings  had  been  busy,  from  the  first  moment  of  their 
encounter  and  fall,  to  that  when  the  parties  were  sepa- 
rated, and  chiefly  upon  the  face  of  our  hero.  His  cheeks 
were  scraped  rather  than  scratched  ;  his  nose  and  mouth 
were  bleeding.  His  shirt  bosom  was  equally  torn  and 
soiled,  and  his  hair  was  lifted  in  as  much  disorder  as 
was  .Job's  when  he  beheld  the  vision  of  the  night. 
Nettles  came  to  his  relief,  and  had  his  face  washed, 
while  little  Logan  Whitesides  ran  after  and  recovered 
the  horse  "Glaucus."  Ludicrous  as  had  been  tho 
scene,  and  much  beyond  any  that  the  multitude  had 
expected,  they  were  still,  now  that  the  first  burst  of 
merriment  was  over,  in  no  mood  to  lose  their  usual  fun. 
The  gander  was  re-hoisted,  newly  greased,  and  set 
aloft,  screaming  with  new  disquiet  as  he  rose  in  air. 
There  were  twenty  gallant  youngsters  all  ready  to  un- 
dertake the  feat  at  which  Jones  Barry  had  so  inglo- 
riously  failed  ;  but  a  proper  courtesy  required  that  he 
should  be  permitted  to  recover  his  laurels.  But  when 
the  thing  was  proposed  to  him,  he  shook  his  head.    He 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  119 

had  not  quite  recovered  from  the  unavoidable  confusion 
of  ideas  which  resulted  from  the  twofold  influence  of 
the  cognac  and  the  concussion. 

"No,  I  think  not,"  said  he.  "Goose,  eh!  Nettles; 
•we've  had  dinner."  Such  was  the  seemingly  inconse- 
quential reply;  in  which,  however,  Nettles  detected  the 
latent  meaning. 

"  Yes,''  said  he,  "and  ate  very  heartily,  both  of  us; 
why  should  we  want  the  goose  ?" 

"Shall  we  go,  Tom?"  asked  Barry,  sobering  by  de- 
grees, and  feeling  rather  sham-faced. 

"No!"  said  the  other;  "here's  Meredith's  wagon. 
He  keeps  good  liquor;  we'll  take  a  consoler."  And  they 
went  aside  together  to  the  wagon,  where  they  both  ob- 
tained an  apple-toddy,  the  saccharine  property  being 
derived  from  the  best  mountain  honey,  while  the  apple- 
brandy was  as  good  as  ever  filled  up  the  corn-rows  at 
election  time.  Barry  felt  better  after  the  beverage, 
and  the  two  returned  to  the  gander-tournament  together. 
The  game  was  already  resumed  and  in  full  blast.  Three 
or  four  assailants  had  been  ba filed.  But  they  usually 
came  up  a  second  and  a  third  time  to  the  scratch.  The 
only  discouraging  circumstance  which  finally  arrested 
their  efforts  being  the  repeated  charges  for  new  entries. 
The  gander  was  one  of  fortunate  fates  ;  his  owner  was 
delighted  to  perceive  that  the  instincts  of  the  bird 
enabled  him  to  anticipate  the  moment  of  danger,  and  to 
exercise  his  most  rapid  movements,  just  as  the  grasp 
was  made  upon  his  neck,  lie  eluded  several  fingers; 
but  some  clutched  him,  and  the  "scrag"  paid  severely 
from  the  jerk  which  followed,  even  though  it  finally 
slipped  from  the  gripe  of  the  enemy.  But  his  voice 
was  suffering,  and  his  action  was  greatly  diminished. 
It  was  then  that  Nettles  found  himself  plucked  by  the 
sleeve,  and  drawn  aside  by  our  gypsy  boy,  Logan  White- 
sides. 

"Well !  what  now,  Logan?" 

"  Why,  Squire,  ef  you'll  only  ax  the  capper  to  let  me 


120  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

ride  '  Gloccus'  at  tho  gander,  I'm  a  thinking  I  can  ease 
off  that  head  thar,  ef  'twas  never  done  afore." 

Nettles  found  it  no  difficult  matter  to  persuade  Barry, 
and  almost  the  next  assailant  of  the  goose  was  our 
urchin.  lie  certainly  looked  less  like  one  to  "  ease  off 
the  head"  than  those  who  had  preceded  him.  lie 
was  the  smallest  of  all  the  adventurers  ;  rode  squat,  with 
a  stoop,  doubling  up  like  a  frog  or  monkey  on  the  leap. 
But  if  he  lacked  in  size,  he  was  possessed  of  rare  agili- 
ty. He  was  all  wire  and  spring  ;  and,  a  fact  not  gene- 
rally known,  he  had  been  trained  to  the  sport  in  another 
county,  and  when  much  younger.  His  ability  in  riding 
we  have  already  seen.  Nettles  was  a  judge  of  boys  as 
well  as  horses. 

"Who  covers  an  X  against  little  Lo^an  AYhitcsides." 

"  I'll  do  that  same,"  cried  Lazy  Jake  Owens,  and 
there  were  other  customers  for  similar  amounts.  Net- 
tles soon  found  that  he  had  nearly  a  hundred  upon  the 
fate  of  the  gander.     It  was  not  long  in  suspense. 

"  Go  ahead,  Logan!"  was  the  cry  of  Nettles. 

The  boy  obeyed  him.  The  boys  rushed  after  their 
hero  with  a  shout.  lie  himself  shouted,  and  the  de- 
scending Hails  of  tho  men  of  hickory  scarcely  grazed 
the  haunches  of  the  fleetly-hurrying  "  Glaucus."  In  a 
moment,  he  had  reached  the  foot  of  the  scaffolding  from 
tho  top  of  which  hung  the  victim.  The  bird  uttered 
tremendous  screams,  and  flapped  his  wings  wide  and 
heavily.  Then  could  the  gypsy  boy  be  seen  to  crouch, 
then  to  shoot  upwards  like  an  arrow,  and  the  next  mo- 
ment he  was  through  the  saplings,  bearing  aloft  the 
head,  windpipe,  and  all  of  the  gander  but  his  body; — 
the  segregated  throat  continuing  to  pour  scream  upon 
scream,  convulsively,  as  the  urchin  waved  the  head  of 
the  bird  in  triumph  over  his  own.  The  field  shook  with 
the  uproar  of  rejoicing,  and  little  Logan  AVhitesidcs  pro- 
mised to  become  the  hero  of  the  county.  He  won  not 
a  little  in  more  solid  coin  than  praises.  lie  too  had  his 
bets  abroad,  and  was  calling  in  his  fips  and  picayunes, 
his  bits  and  quarters,  from  a  considerable  space  around 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  121 

him,  while  Nettles,  with  equal  satisfaction,  was  remind- 
ing sundry  of  his  neighbors  of  a  certain  handsome  letter 
ot  the  alphabet  whose  name  was  X.  Barry,  too,  was 
in  a  Tiigh  state  of  exultation,  for  was  it  not  his  "  Glau- 
cus     by  whom  the  victory  was  won  ? 


11 


122  AS  GOOD  AS  A  comedy:  OR, 


CHAPTER  IX. 

HOW  TIIE  HERO  OF  THE  CIRCUS   MAY   SWALLOW    HIS   OWN 
OR  HIS  NEIGHBOR'S  HEAD. 

Altogether,  tho  events  of  the  day  had  not  tended 
to  soothe  the  humors  nor  satisfy  the  self-esteem  of  Mr. 
Jones  Barry.  The  first  excitement*  over,  by  which 
even  the  defeated  may  be  temporarily  sustained,  he 
began  to  reflect  upon  his  losses.  His  favorite  mare  had 
been  discredited ;  and  though  "  Glaucus' '  had  retrieved  in 
the  sweepstakes  the  honor  which  he  might  have  been 
supposed  to  have  forfeited  in  the  first  races,  yet  this 
could  in  no  respect  compensate  f6r  the  defeat  of  the 
''Fair  Geraldine,"  coupled  as  was  this  defeat  with  the 
loss  of  several  "cool  hundreds."  It  was  in  due  degree 
with  the  increasing  soberness  of  Barry,  that  he  began 
thus  moodily  to  meditate  events.  The  conflict  with  the 
gander,  which  had  left  him  with  a  head  and  neck  quite 
as  sore  as  his  moral  feelings,  had  somewhat  subdued  his 
vanity  ;  and  he  really  began  to  think,  as  people  had 
long  since  begun  to  say,  behind  his  back,  that  he  had 
been  making  a  great  fool  of  himself,  Reflections  such  as 
these,  were  they  allowed  to  continue,  would  probably 
almost  always  result  in  the  improvement  of  the  indi- 
vidual. But,  in  the  case  of  weak  persons,  who  have  been 
accustomed  to  avoid  and  escape  such  reflections,  and 
whom  fortune  and  circumstances  enable  to  do  so,  it  is 
scarcely  possible  for  such  a  mood  of  mind  to  continue  long. 
There  are  always  some  good-natured  friends  in  every 
fool's  circle,  to  assist  in  keeping  him  a  fool;  and,  by 
interposing  at  moments  when  self-esteem  is  beginning 
to  be  rightly  humbled,  they  succeed  in  silencing  the 
officious  monitor,  either  by  well-sugared  falsehoods  and 


THE  TENNESSEBAN'S  STORY.  123 

specious  flatteries,  or  by  doing  what  our  excellent  sports- 
man, Tom  Nettles,  conceived  it  proper  for  him  to  do  on 
the  present  occasion.  1  le  saw,  as  the  effects  of  the  apple- 
toddy  subsided,  that  Jones  Barry  was  about  to  sink  into 
sullenness,  which  he  regarded  as  a  sort  of  stupidity;  and 
he  knew  but  one  specific  in  all  such  cases,  and  that 
was  to  repeat  the  dose  which  had  been  found  already 
so  effectual ;  they  stopped,  accordingly,  at  a  wagon  on 
which  they  saw  conspicuous  a  pine  sapling  above  a 
barrel,  and  were  soon  gratified  with  the  beverage  they 
sought.  The  spirits  of  Barry  rose  with  the  draught. 
The  effect  was  so  pleasant  that  another  was  called  for, 
and,  by  the  time  that  the  two  had  reached  the  entrance 
of  the  hippodrome,  our  brave  gander-puller  avowed 
himself  as  expert  a  rider  on  double  horses  as  any  fellow 
in  the  circus. 

"It's  true  I've  never  seen  'em,  Tom,"  said  he,  "but 
I've  heard  of  them  often  enough.  Joe  Smith  used  to 
tell  me  of  what  he'd  seen  in  Savannah  and  Augusta. 
Now,  Joe  used  to  say  of  my  riding,  I  was  fit  to  be  in 
the  circus.  For  a  cool  hundred  now,  I'd  ride  against 
the  crack  fellow  of  this  company,  who,  I  suppose,  is  no 

great  shakes,  and  by ,  if  they  give  me  a  chance 

to-night,  I'll    challenge    the  whole  kit  and   boiling  of 
'em." 

"  Oh,  you  be  k d,  Barry,"  said  the  other,  irreve- 
rently :  "  you  arc  the  greatest  brag  I  ever  heard.  Let 
yourself  alone,  and  don't  be  trying  to  be  everything. 
You're  quite  enough  as  you  are.  You  are  a  good-look- 
ing little  fellow." 

"  Little  !"  exclaimed  Barry  :  "  By  gracious,  Nettles, 
I'm  as  good  a  man  as  you  are,  any  day." 

"  So  you  are,  but  not  as  big  !" 

"  Little  !  But  I  don't  suppose  you  meant  any  insult, 
Nettles,  for  you  said  '  good-looking  too.'  ' 

"So  I  did!  I  say,  you're  a  devilish  good-looking 
little  fellow ;  you're  rich,  and  have  everything  you 
want.  Y'ou  can  ride,  though  you're  quite  too  heavy 
for  <Gcraldine.'  " 


124  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

"Yet  you  say  I'm  little." 

"  Yes,  little  and  not  light.     You  see,  you're  a  sort 
of  chunk  of  a  fellow,  with  more  girth  than  legs,  and  a 
leotle  too  ambitious  for  your  weight,  Jones." 
"  You're  mighty  plain  spoken,  Tom." 
"  Why  yes  ;  friends  have  a  privilege,  you  know." 
"0  yes — to  be  sure ;  but  look  you,  Tom,  I  feel  mon- 
strous like  licking  the  best  friend  in  the  world,  when  he 
calls  me  little." 

"  Well,  you  don't  lick  me,  for  two  reasons ;  the  first  is, 
that  I  won't  let  you,  and  the  next  is,  that  you  won't  let 
yourself.  But  look  you,  Jones,  this  is  dry  talking,  and 
1  see  you're  in  bad  spirits ;  let's  look  after  some  good  ones. 
There's  a  wagon  there ;  I  reckon  we'll  find  something. 
Let's  take  another  drink,  and  we'll  be  fresh  for  tho 
circus." 

"Agreed,"  said  the  other;  and,  as  they  rolled  over 
to  the  opposite  side  of  the  road,  amid  a  confused  assem- 
blage of  carts,  carringes,  and  wagons,  >iho  unsteady 
gait  of  Barry  showed  but  too  certainly  that  tho  apple- 
toddy  had  been  already  too  potent  for  his  perpendicu- 
lar. 

"  Bide!"  said  he.  "  By  gracious,  Tom,  I  could  strad- 
dle a  barrel  of  peach,  and  make  it  streak  away  as  fast 
as  them  circus  fellows  make  their  horses." 

"  Humph  !  If  you  go  on  at  this  rate,  your  swallow 
will  be  as  good  as  the  clown's,  who  means  to  take  in  his 
own  head,  you  know." 

"And  you,  Tom,  you  a  fellow  of  sense,  to  believe 
that  cock-and-a-bull  story  !" 

"  Believe    what  you  please,  but    here's  the  liquor. 
Ho  !  there,  Gerdts — that  you  V 
Kettles  knew  the  whole  country. 
"  What's  left  of  me,  'Squire.    But  what'll  you  have  ? 
Here's  mountain-peach,  and  here's  apple." 

"  The  apple,  then,  with  a  bed  of  honey  for  it  to  dream 
upon.  I  stick  to  the  apple,  Jones ;  1  never  mix  my 
liquors  if  I  can  help  it." 

"What!"   cried  the  other,  with  a  grin;   "afraid! 


TI1E  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  125 

Tom  Nettles  ;  afraid  of  two  liquors  !  Halloo  !  there,  old 
Gerdts,  you  don't  know  me;  never  mind;  give  me  both  ; 
peach  and  apple;  who's  afraid?  Equal  parts,  old  still, 
and  no  slow  charcoal  dropping.  Ease  my  eye,  quickly; 
it's  strained  by  the  heavy  sunshine." 

Barry  was  becoming  pleasantly  perverse,  and  was 
in  the  very  humor  for  all  sorts  of  cross  purposes. 
When  conducted  with  some  difficulty  by  his  friend, 
they  entered  the  amphitheatre  where  they  had  taken 
their  dinner  that  day.  The  scene  was  now  changed  as 
if  by  magic.  The  place  was  thoroughly  lighted,  a  per- 
fect blaze  of  splendor,  which  showed,  conspicuously 
clear,  the  remotest  parts  of  the  pavilion.  The  seats, 
which  encircled  three-fourths  of  the  area,  were  occupied 
almost  entirely.  Our  two  friends  were  compelled  to 
take  places  on  the  lowest  bench,  and  within  a  foot  of 
the  small  rim  of  earth  which  had  been  heaped  up  around 
the  ring,  rather  as  a  mark  than  a  barrier.  There  was 
no  fence  to  keep  the  spectators  from  the  track,  and  to 
check  the  erring  vaultings  of  a  vicious  horse  and  an 
inferior  rider.  The  seats  were  divided  into  two  great 
and  equal  sections,  one  assigned  to  the  whites  and  the 
other  to  the  blacks.  They  were  raised  (a  rude  scaffolding 
of  plank)  to  the  very  eves  of  the  tent,  and  the  heads  of 
the  visitors  were  in  close  neighborhood  with  the  shaking 
canvas.  Hundreds  of  showy  damsels,  with  ribbons 
and  feathers  flying,  might  be  seen,  all  impatience  and 
sunny  smiles,  their  several  gallants  being  eager  in  de- 
scribing what  they  knew,  and  what  they  anticipated. 
Many  of  these  had  cornea  great  distance  to  the  sports 
of  Hillabee  ;  as,  in  ancient  times,  they  flocked  to  the 
amusements  of  the  tournament ;  and  for  the  same  rea- 
son, the  equal  desire  for  recreation  and  novelty,  and 
the  want  of  great  cities,  which  afford  these  habitually. 
The  dress  circle  was  eminently  well  filled.  The  girls 
and  boys  had  crowded  in  from  all  parts  of  the  country. 
Ancient  ladies,  who  had  heard  vague  tidings  of  the  cir- 
cus, or  had  probably  had  glimpses  of  such  a  vision  in 
their  youthful  days,  came  hither  to  revive  old  memories, 

11* 


126  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

or  to  gratify  long-cherished  desires.  The  old  gentle- 
men necessarily  accompanied  their  wives  and  kindred. 
The  farmer  was  curious  to  see  the  reality  of  those  spec- 
tacles of  which  great  pictures  had  already  been  made 
to  adorn  his  hamlet,  and  jockeys  naturally  came  wher- 
ever the  heroism  of  horseflesh  could  be  made  to  tell. 
The  negroes  were  not  less  curious.  Hundreds  were  in 
attendance,  from  all  quarters.  They  had  trudged  or 
trotted  on  foot,  on  mule,  in  wagon,  for  ten  or  fifteen 
miles  the  night  before,  to  see  sights  and  wonders.  Each 
was  in  his  best.  Bright  calicoes  flamed  on  every  side, 
to  the  very  summit  of  their  circumscribed  domain; 
and  all  was  hope  and  expectation,  as  Jones  Barry  and 
Tom  Nettles  made  their  appearance,  and  scrambled  to 
a  seat. 

They  were  not  kept  in  waiting  long.  The  spectacle 
soon  began.  Horses,  pied  and  spotted,  and  of  all 
colors,  made  their  nppcarance.  Children  rode,  women 
rode,  the  clown  rode,  and  it  was  all  sorts  of  riding.  Of 
course,  we  shall  not  pretend  to  describe  a  spectacle  with 
which  everybody  is  more  or  less  familiar.  Journeys  to 
Brentford,  Gilpin's  race,  and  several  other  pieces  were 
enacted.  The  equestrians  had  their  share  of  applause; 
but,  after  all,  the  glory  of  the  spectacle  was  in  that 
comical  fellow,  the  clown.  Buried  in  a  grotesque  and 
monstrous  Egyptian  mask,  his  face  thoroughly  concealed, 
and  so  artfully  that  its  location  could  not  exactly  be  de- 
termined, his  voice  seemed  to  come  from  some  vaulted 
and  hollow  apartment  below  the  ground.  His  antics 
were  indescribable.  His  jugglery  alone  must  demand 
our  attention,  as  it  somewhat  involved  one  of  our  acquaint- 
ance. It  happened  that  the  scene  required  our  clown 
to  take  wine  with  an  African  magician.  He  was  mo- 
mently expecting  him,  and  he  was  proceeding  to  show 
the  audience  how  he  should  bamboozle  the  magician,  and 
finally  "swallow  his  soul." 

"  Swallow  his  soul !"  exclaimed  Barry,  in  horror,  to 
Nettles. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  127 

"  He'll  do  it!"  said  the  other,  gravely.  "You'll 
see." 

"Here,  now,"  exclaimed  the  clown,  "is  a  brandy- 
cocktail  in  which  I've  buried  Mumbo- Jumbo's  soul. 
It's  the  most  beautiful  drink  in  the  world  ;  perhaps  you'd 
like  to  try  it?"  said  he,  and  he  very  courteously  pre- 
sented it  to  our  two  friends.  Barry  saw,  as  he  fancied, 
some  of  the  fine  cognac  of  which  he  had  partaken  freely 
in  that  very  place,  on  that  very  day;  and,  being  exceed- 
ingly thirsty,  he  innocently  and  incontinently  ex- 
claimed— 

"  I  don't  care  if  I  do — thank  you  !"  Speaking  thus, 
he  rose  and  put  forth  his  hand  ;  but,  by  an  adroit  move- 
ment, throwing  the  long  bunch  of  streamers  from  his 
fool's  cap  full  in  the  face  of  our  hero,  the  clown  gulped 
down  the  beverage  himself,  exclaiming — 

"  Perhaps  you'll  wait  till  you  can  get  it  !" 

The  audience  roared  with  delight.  Furious  at  his 
disappointment,  and  the  ridiculous  figure  which  ho  cut, 
Barry  at  once  mounted  the  clown ;  and,  at  the  first 
grasp,  tore  away  what  seemed  to  be  the  entire  head  and 
neck  of  the  unfortunate  jester.  With  this  terrible  evi- 
dence in  his  clutches,  he  looked  around  him  aghast, 
scarcely  daring  to  guess  tho  extent  of  his  achievement. 
The  clown,  meanwhile,  had  retreated  at  the  first  assault, 
and  before  Harry  could  recover  his  wits  and  equilibrium, 
for  he  could  not  well  anticipate  a  renewal  of  t no  conflict 
from  one  whoso  entire  caput  ho  carried  in  his  hand,  tho 
mountebank,  squatting  low,  darted  between  tho  legs  of 
our  hero  ;  who  had,  in  some  measure,  straddled  tho  littlo 
circuit  of  earth  by  which  the  ring  was  circumscribed. 
The  face  of  Barry  was  to  the  audience,  and  tho  assault 
of  the  clown  surprised  him.  Ho  was  lifted  from  his  feet 
before  ho  apprehended  danger;  and  his  assailant,  rising 
under  his  burden,  which  he  did  not  seem  to  feel,  trotted 
with  him  quite  across  tho  arena.  Barry  was  thus  car- 
ried forward  horizontally,  his  head  addressing  tho  white, 
and  his  heels  tho  negro  portion,  of  the  assembly* 

"Tom  Nettlos— Tom:"  was  all  that  tho  poor  fellow 


128  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

could  articulate,  but  lie  screamed  and  kicked  tremen- 
dously. His  efforts  were  wasted  on  the  air.  The  clown 
had  only  attained  his  great  flexibility  by  exercises  which 
had  imparted  the  most  wonderful  power  to  his  muscles, 
and  Barry  was  but  a  child  in  his  grasp.  His  struggle 
only  increased  the  fun.  The  audience  shrieked  "and 
howled  with  delight,  in  proportion  to  the  futile  efforts  of 
the  captive  ;  and  when  they  beheld  the  captor  hurry 
with  his  prey  to  the  negro  side  of  the  house,  and  saw 
him  pitch  the  unfortunate  gentleman  headlong  into  the 
arms  of  a  great  fat  negro  wench,  one  of  the  most  enor- 
mous in  the  assembly,  who  sat  trickling  with  oleaginous 
sweat,  on  the  third  tier,  one  would  have  thought  the 
whole  pavilion  would  have  come  down  with  the  delirious 
shouts  of  the  multitude. 

"  Here's  an  abolitionist  for  you,  mother  Possum-fat !" 
cried  the  clown,  as  he  plumped  poor  Barry  into  her 
embrace. 

"I  no  want  'em  !"  cried  the  woman,  shuffling  herself 
free  from  the  burden.  Barry,  rolling  out  of  her  lap,  con- 
tinued to  roll  down  the  successive  tiers,  until  he  came 
plump  into  the  soft  bed  of  sand  and  sawdust,  which  had 
been  prepared  for  a  very  different  animal.  Furious  with 
rage,  he  rose  to  his  feet,  and,  seizing  a  pole  with  which 
one  of  the  equestrians  had  been  balancing,  he  darted 
headlong  at  the  offending  clown. 

"Hurrah,  red-jacket!  Hurrah,  clown!"  were  the 
several  cries  of  the  audience.  "Hurrah,  Captain!" 
was  the  more  cordial  shout  of  recognition  and  encour- 
agement from  those  who  personally  knew  our  hero: 
u  that's  being  into  him  with  a  long  pole,  indeed  !" 

But  the  clown  had  no  idea  of  meeting  such  an  enemy, 
armed  in  such  a  fashion;  ami,  eluding  the  tremendous 
blow  and  thrust  with  which  Barry  addressed  hi.s  ribs, 
he  vaulted  clear  over  the  shoulder  of  the  latter  and  dis- 
appeared behind  the  screen  which  sheltered  the  actor 
from  the  audience.  His  enemy  thus  out  of  sight,  the 
furious  champion  proceeded  to  wreak  his  vengeance  upon 
the  inanimate  objects  around  him.     The  scene  in  which 


THK  TKNNBSSRBAN'fl  8T0HY.  120 

tho  clown  wn»  to  have  tricked  tho  African  magician 
out  of  Ilia  soul  was  ii  most  oxniiiHito  pardon  of  Bagdad. 
There  were  stands  of  beautiful  llowors,  vases  of  groat 
magnitude,  statues,  and  several  rich  things  l»y  way  of 
ornament  and  decoration,  which,  seen  through  the  mo- 
dimn  of  distance,  or  by  the  aid  of  flickering  lights, 
looked  to  he  very  proeious,     There  was  also  a  sort  of 
close  bower,  a  framework  draped  with  silk,  in  which 
the  cunning  down  had  placed  n  Bleeping  beauty.     She 
was  not  the  smallest  part  of  the  temptations  with  which 
the  sold  of  the  magician  was  to  he  entrapped,     Barry, 
with  his  pole,  had  already  thrown  down  one  or  two  of  the 
wooden  llower-vnses,  with  their  precious  contents,  and 
his  nolo  now  descended  upon  the  bower,  which  a  singlo 
stroke  served  to  precipitate  to  the  ground.     To  the  sur- 
prise of  the  nssailant,  not  less  than  the  assembly,  up 
sprang  from  the  ruins  a  most  beautifully  dressed  damsel ; 
young,  pretty,  and  habited  liko  a  Sultana*     It  was  for- 
tunate, indeed,  that  the  weight  of  the  polo  had  not 
fallen  upon  her,     But  it  has  grazed  sufficiently  closo  to 
arouse  all  her  fury  ;  not  waiting  an  instant,  h)\o  darted 
upon  oar  hero,  and,  drawing  the  little  stiletto  which  she 
wore  as  a  part  of  her  Oriental  costume,  lie  might  have 
been  made  to  pay  seriously  for  his  frolic;  for  the  rngo 
of  the  woman  was  apparent  in  her  closely  set  teeth  and 
her  llro-gleaining  eyos,     Hat  Harry  seized  her  arm,  us 
she  struck,  and  dropping  his  polo  stood  only  on  the  de- 
fensive.    The  farce  began  to  look  greatly  like  tragedy, 
The  enraged  woman  now  shrieked  and  struggled..    Ilcr 
husband  rushed  out  from  the  interior,  armed  with  an 
axe.     The  clown  again  mado  his  appearance,  followed 
by  the  whole  troupe,  each  seizing  whatever  weapon  offered 
us  he  came.     There  were  sailors,  and  Turks,  and  magi- 
cians, and  even  little  Cupid's  urchins,  two  feet  high, 
whom  papa  and  mamma  were  thus  assiduously  training 
in  the  way  they  should  not  go.     These  all  confronted 
our  unlucky  jockey  with  the  most  uncompromising  fury 
in  their  looks,     lie  had  spoiled  the  proceedings,  thrown 
tho  assembly  into  tho  most  admired  disorder,  and  it  was 


130  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

justice  only  that  doornail  him  to  a  condign  punishment. 
But,  it'  they  were  formidable,  Barry  now  no  longer 
stood  alone.  Tom  Nettles  was  by  his  side,  and  the 
long  pole  which  Barry  had  discarded  was  in  his  grasp. 

"  Hillabee  boys,"  he  cried  aloud,   "bring  out  your 
hickories!" 

Twenty  vigorous  youngsters  sprang  out  at  the  sum- 
mons, and  ranged  themselves  on  the  side  of  the  ama- 
teurs. Great  clubs  of  knotted  hickories  were  already 
flourishing  high  ;  and,  forgetting  his  late  danger,  Jones 
Barry  already  felt  that  he  was  a  hero.  He  still  main- 
tained his  grasp  upon  the  Sultana,  and  seemed  disposed 
to  carry  her  off  as  the  captive  to  his  bow  and  spear, 
when  the  cool  voice  of  Nettles  commanded  him  to  let 
her  go.  lie  did  so  ;  and  the  sleeping  beauty,  now  wide 
awake,  darted  into  the  arms  of  the  magician,  who  was 
her  husband,  upon  whose  bosom  she  sobbed  convulsively, 
as  at  a  providential  escape  from  a  great  danger.  Thus 
the  parties  stood,  confronting  each  other;  both  looking 
firm  and  fierce  enough,  and  threatening  trouble.  Not 
only  did  the  whole  troupe  of  equestrians  range  them- 
selves for  battle  under  the  leadership  of  the  clown,  but 
one  of  the  horses  coolly  marched  in,  covered  with 
panoply,  and,  thrusting  his  head  over  that  worthy's 
shoulder,  seemed  to  promise  him  suflicient  backing,  and 
in  truth  looked  very  formidable.  It  was  a  scene  ;  the 
clown,  as  a  matter  of  course,  opposed  himself  to  Barry, 
who,  armed  with  a  pole,  looked  aghast  at  the  twofold 
conflict  before  him,  in  the  threatening  aspect  of  both 
horse  and  rider.  But  Nettles  fortunately  knew  the  head 
men  of  the  company.     lie  said — 

"My  friends,  this  is  altogether  a  mistake,  which  I 
can  easily  explain,  and,  I  trust,  easily  reconcile.  There's 
no  fun  in  fighting,  though  we're  by  no  means  afraid,  as 
you  may  see,  to  meet  any  number  of  men  or  horses. 
But  there's  no  real  cause  of  quarrel  between  us;  and 
if  you're  agreed,  we'll  separate  our  forces.  The  boys 
of  Hillabee  will  retire  to  their  seats,  keeping  their 
hickories  warm,  lest  we  should  want  them  again ;  and 


THE  tennesseean's  story.  131 

the  gentlemen  of  the  circus  will  go  on  with  their  exer- 
cises as  before.  In  the  mean  time,  Mr.  Barry  and  my- 
self will  retire  with  the  manager  here,  and  -we'll  adjust 
the  difliculty  in  private  together."  A  suggestion  so 
politic  was  acceptable  to  all  parties,  though,  once  on  the 
ground,  the  Ilillabee  boys  did  not  relish  the  idea  of  re- 
turning without  having  done  something  glorious  by  way 
of  showing  how  well  their  destructive  faculties  had  been 
developed.  Barry  was  a  little  scrupulous  about  entering 
the  mysterious  sanctum  to  which  thc'clown  and  the  Sul- 
tana had  retired,  but,  having  great  confidence  in  Nettles, 
and  being  assured  by  the  great  coolness  and  confidence 
of  the  latter,  he  followed  him  and  the  manager  into  the 
place  of  retreat.  Here  he  found  himself  amidst  a  motley 
group.  Horses  were  staring  them  in  the  face  on  all 
hands.  Some  of  the  equestrians  were  already  mounted. 
Here  in  one  corner  was  a  trunk  and  box ;  there  a  table 
and  chair  ;  and  there  a  chest ;  and  there  a  bundle  ;  and 
there  the  uniform  of  a  giant;  and  there  the  dozen 
masks  and  jackets  of  the  clown.  There,  too,  re- 
covered from  the  dust  and  danger  of  the  arena,  was 
the  unlueky  colossal  mask  and  headdress  which  our 
hero  had  torn  off  from  his  enemy  at  the  first  encounter. 
Nettles  walked  in  with  the  air  of  a  man  perfectly  at 
home. 

"And  now,"  said  he,  "Diavolo,"  addressing  the 
clown,  "  let  us  begin  the  work  of  peace,  as  you  begun 
the  war.  Prepare  us  one  of  those  excellent  brandy 
cocktails  with  which  you  tempted  my  friend  to  despe- 
ration. Had  you  known  the  diabolical  thirst  that's 
been  troubling  both  of  us  the  last  three  hours,  you'd 
have  known  'twas  quite  as  much  as  your  head  was 
worth  to  mock  us  with  anything  half  so  delightful. 
Quick,  now  ;  and  let  there  be  peace  between  us !" 

The  arrangement  promised  to  be  satisfactory  to  all 
parties.  The  cocktails  were  speedily  prepared ;  pre- 
pared in  a  nice-looking,  brass-bound  bucket,  of  dimen- 
sions to  guarantee  a  sufficient  taste  of  the  beverage  for 
all   the   troupe.     The   bowls  were   filled;    hands  were 


132  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

shaken ;  eyes  glistened ;  and,  with  the  consent  of  the 
magician,  his  lovely  Sultana  freely  bestowed  the  kiss  of 
peace  upon  our  hero.  The  example  was  gratuitously 
followed  by  the  clown,  whose  embrace  and  salutation 
were  distinctly  stamped  upon  the  front  of  Barry,  in 
unequal  decorations  of  vermilion  and  burnt  cork.  Their 
embraces  seemed  to  affect  the  dextrous  Tom  Nettles 
with  a  serious  delight. 

44  How  beautiful,"  said  he,  "  is  it  to  behold  brethren 
thus  dwelling  in  amity  together !  AVhat  a  spectacle ! 
It  is  necessary  that  the  audience  should  see  it ;  that 
they  should  see  that  this  is  no  mockery ;  but  that  the 
foes  have  freely  exchanged  forgiveness.  Another 
draught  from  the  bucket,  gentlemen,"  said  he,  address- 
ing Barry  and  the  clown,  "  and  then  go  forth  that  the 
people  may  witness  those  beautiful  embraces." 

Barry  had  no  scruples  about  the  dram,  but  he  rather 
hung  back  at  the  proposal  for  the  embrace  in  public. 
His  reluctance  disappeared  with  the  draught.  He 
swore  that  Diavolo  was  the  best  fellow  in  the  world, 
and  made  the  finest  cocktails ;  and,  with  an  arm  about 
each  other's  waist,  each  bearing  a  cocktail  in  hand,  they 
emerged  from  the  canopy  into  the  area,  and  drank  to 
each  other,  and  the  audience.  If  war  exulted  in  the 
previous  scene,  philanthropy  was  proportionally  happy 
now.  The  audience  were  ravished.  The  old  ladies 
wept.  The  old  men  thought  it  just  as  well ;  and  the 
negroes  were  perfectly  well  satisfied ;  wondering  only  a 
little  to  behold  a  man  drinking  with  such  a  capacious 
swallow,  who  had  so  recently  been  deprived  of  his  head. 
All  seemed  perfectly  well  satisfied  but  young  Ilillabcc, 
from  whom  some  discordant  hisses  were  heard  to  rise, 
while  the  unemployed  hickories  were  made  to  clatter 
against  the  sides  of  the  benches. 

"  There's  a  drop  yet  in  the  bucket,"  whispered  the 
clown  to  his  new  comrade.  The  hint  was  not  lost  upon 
Barry.  He  returned  to  the  sanctum,  where  he  found 
his  friend  Tom  Nettles.  There  they  remained  till  the 
performances  were  over,  and  the  crowd  departed  ;  when 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  133 

they  "were  invited  to  a  hot  supper  with  the  troupe,  in 
the  great  area  of  the  pavilion.     The  invitation  was  not 
to  be   disregarded.     The   equestrians    lived  well ;  and 
Barry  and  his  friend  were  both  hungry.     But,  were  it 
liot  so,  the  wishes  of  the  latter  would  scarcely  have  had 
any  weight  upon  our  delighted  hero,     lie  had  been  the 
hero  of  the  night,  though  after  a. somewhat  doubtful 
fashion,  it  is  true ;   but  he  had  been  conspicuous,  and 
had  come  out  of  the  scene  with  applause.     Of  course, 
he  could  not   doubt  that  it  was  his  appearance  which 
was   so  warmly  welcomed  when   he   had  come  forth  in 
the  embraces  of  the  clown.     The  clapping  and  shouting 
seemed  to  him  the  most  grateful  sounds  to  which  ho 
had  ever  listened  ;   and  the  brandy  cocktails  were  the 
most  delicious  of  mortal  beverages.  It  was  a  night  of  glo- 
rification.   The  supper-table  was  spread.    His  friend  was 
placed   on   one  side  of  the  manager  ;   he  occupied  the 
other.     Beside  him,  sat  the  lovely  wife  of  the  magician, 
whose  graciousness  never  even  provoked  the  frowns  of 
her  mysterious  lord.     At  first,  Jones  Barry  felt  a  little 
squeamish  on  this  subject.     AVhenshe  gazed  so  tenderly 
in  his  eyes,  and  suffered  her  finger  to  rest  so  impres- 
sively on  his  wrist,  he  felt  a  dubiousness,  and  looked 
his  doubts  at  the  husband.     But  he  knew  not  the  indif- 
ference of  professional  magic  to  those  mortal  subjects. 
The  latter  saw  everything  without  discomposure  ;  and, 
after  a  Httle  turn  of  hesitation  and  doubt,  our  hero  de- 
livered himself  up,  soul   and  body,  to  all  the  intoxica- 
tion of  a  conviction  that  he  had  won  the  heart  of  this 
most  beautiful  of   all    the   creatures  of  Faery.     They 
drank  together,   and   whispered  together.     The  hours 
waxed  late.     Barry  sang  a  comic  song,  at  the  instance 
of  Nettles,  and,  at  the  conclusion,  was  more  delighted 
than    astounded,    as   his  Sultana,    throwing   her    arms 
about  his   neck,  and  seating  herself  in  his   lap,  in  the 
face  of  all  the  assembly,  called  him  the  finest  little  fel- 
low in  the  world,     lie  did  not  know  how  he  should  re- 
compense such  devotion,  but  by  forcing  a  great  ring  from 
his  upon  her  finger.      She  coyly  suffered  him,  in  a  mo- 
12 


134  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

ment  after,  to  transfer  the  diamond  breastpin  from  his 
to  her  bosom.  He  put  it  there  himself;  and  all  this 
the  magician  saw  without  seeming  to  regard  it  as  in  any 
wise  improper.  The  next  morning,  Barry  found  him- 
self where  ho  had  supped,  sleeping  upon  one  of  the* 
benches,  with  a  bundle  of  straw  under  his  head,  and 
one  of  the  horse-cloths,  green  and  scarlet,  spread  above 
his  body.  Tom  Nettles,  as  ho  opened  his  eyes,  was  to 
bo  seen  standing  with  the  manager  at  a  little  distance, 
and  mixing  a  couple  of  rosy  anti-fogmatics. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  135 


CHAPTER  X. 

THE  HUMORS  OF  THE  CIRCUS. 

Barry  was  not  the  man  to  suffer  from  headaches; 
but  his  stomach  -was  one  that  needed  to  be  fortified  by 
tonics.  The  sight  of  his  friend,  when  lie  discovered  the 
occupation  in  which  he  was  engaged,  fully  aroused  him. 
He  was  on  his  feet  in  an  instant,  jerking  up  his  trousers, 
and  approaching  Nettles  with  the  haste  ot  a  person  who 
fears  that  he  may  come  too  late.  But  there  were  some 
particulars  in  which  Nettles  never  abandoned  his  com- 
panion. He  was  emphatically  what  young  people  call 
"  a  good  fellow,"  and  good  fellowship  implies  the  neces- 
sity of  assisting  your  friend  and  facilitating  his  ready 
attainment  of  all  desirable  indulgences.  In  making  an 
anti-fogmatic  for  himself,  he  had  not  forgotten  his  com- 
rade. There  was  a  huge  vessel  before  him,  where  the 
beverage  stood  in  waiting,  and  Tom,  Jones  Barry,  and 
the  manager  of  the  amphitheatre,  were  soon  engaged  in 
a  hob-a-nobbing  match  that  didn't  stop  at  a  single  stoop. 
Barry  declared  himself  quite  happy.  He  had  enjoyed 
a  pleasant  dream  of  the  magician's  wife,  and  he  natu- 
rally inquired  after  her. 

"  Look  in,"  said  Tom  Nettles,  with  a  smirk  to  the 
manager  which  Barry  did  not  perceive,  while  he  point- 
ed the  latter  to  the  sanctum  where  the  reconciliation 
had  taken  place  the  night  before.  AYithout  a  moment's 
hesitation,  our  little  hero  followed  the  finger,  and  found 
himself  in  the  lady's  dressing-room,  her  toilet  only  be- 
gun, and  she,  in  the  most  loose  undress  in  the  world, 
employed  before  the  broken  mirror  which  hung  from  ono 
of  the  uprights  of  the  tent.  Barry  was  astounded, 
and  would  have  started  back;  but  she  saw  him  in  the 


13G  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

glass,    find,  wheeling   round,  at   once  summoned  him, 
though  in  the  very  sweetest  accents,  to  approach. 

u  You  are  just  in  time,"  said  she;  "  1  wanted  some- 
body to  lace  my  jackets." 

"Jackets!"  exclaimed  Barry,  aghast. 

"  Yes,  to  be  sure !  Come  now,  you're  a  nice  little 
fellow,  I  know.  Let  me  see — you  have  small,  fingers. 
Show  yourself  diligent,  and  help  me  to  fix  myself. 
That  man  of  mine  never  gives  me  any  assistance. 
There  he  sleeps.  Look  at  him.  lie  will  snore  till  noon, 
and  never  fairly  wakens  till  it's  time  to  dress  for  the 
performance." 

She  pointed  to  the  end  of  a  wagon  that  appeared 
under  a  corner  of  the  tent,  from  which,  sure  enough, 
the  ears  of  Barry  detected  a  very  decided  snore.  But 
this  did  not  encourage  him.  He  was  utterly  astounded 
at  the  new  duty  required  at  his  hands.  In  all  his  ex- 
perience, he  had  never  before  laced  a  woman's  corsets 
— or  unlaced  them  ;  and  he  scarcely  knew  how  to  under- 
stand the  Sultana.  But  seeing  his  hesitation,  Sultana- 
like,  she  stamped  her  little  foot,  and  repeated  her  orders. 
She  did  not  leave  him  long  doubtful  that  she  was  in 
earnest. 

"Come,"  said  she,  "what  do  you  wait  for?  Is  it 
because  you're  bashful?  Well!  at  your  age!  But  you 
needn't  be,  here!  We  know  a  thing  or  two!  we've  nofalso 
modesty  here,  I  assure  you.  A  leg's  a  leg,  with  us.  We 
talk  plainly,  and  are  not  the  worse  for  it.  We  don't 
make  a  fuss  about  shadows  as  long  as  we  keep  the  sub- 
stance; and  indeed,  it's  only  those  who  have  lost  the  sub- 
stance that  do.  Come,  stir  yourself,  and  there's  a  kiss 
to  begin  with,  by  way  of  recompense." 

A  few  moments  found  our  hero  awkwardly  busy  with 
the  waist  of  the  Sultana.  While  thus  engaged,  the 
manager  and  Tom  Nettles  came  in. 

"That  woman,"  said  the  manager  aloud,  "has  tired 
out  every  member  of  the  troupe  in  lacing  her.  She 
will  have  her  waist  brought  within  the  narrowest  com- 
pass, and  she  breaks  her  cords  daily  in  trying  to  make  it 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  137 

smaller.  There's  not  a  hand  among  us  that  she  has 
not  made  sore  in  the  abominable  work,  and  now  she 
take*  to  our  visitors." 

"And  why  not?"  said  the  Sultana,  with  the  air  of  the 
orient.  "Is  he  not  rewarded?  It  is  not  often  he  is 
permitted  to  study  a  good  model." 

"A  little  too  round,  madame,"  said  the  manager. 

"Too  round!"  screamed  the  Sultana. 

"Not  a  bit,"  said  Tom  Nettles,  coolly  interposing  to 
span  the  waist.  "  An  exquisite  union  of  symmetry  and 
strength." 

"Strength!"  demanded  madame. 

"Yes,  to  be  sure;  strength  is  necessary  to  grace,  even 
in  a  woman.  It's  the  mistake  of  too  many  of  the  sex 
that  an  air  of  feebleness  is  supposed  to  imply  delicacy. 
It  is  rather  the  reverse.  I  wish  to  see  vigor  with  grace; 
and  a  woman  ought  to  seem  as  capable  of  a  fine  wrestle 
as  of  a  fine  sentiment." 

"I've  a  great  mind  to  trip  your  heels  for  that,"  said 
the  Sultana,  pertly. 

"And  if  I  am  to  take  a  fall,  I  should  wish  for  no 
worse  embrace  than  yours.  But  I  leave  Barry  to  the 
danger.  He's  a  better  wrestler  than  myself,  and  it 
strikes  me  that  his  lacing  begins  to  look  much  more  like 
hugging.     Beware,  Jones,  or  I'll  tell  your  sweetheart." 

Barry  blushed  to  the  roots  of  his  hair. 

"lias  he  a  sweetheart?  Is  he  in  love?"  demanded 
the  Sultana. 

"The  dancrer  is  that  he  is  in  love  with  more  than  he 

o 

can  manage.  Yesterday  ho  loved  but  one  woman. 
What  lessons  you  have  taught  him,  since  that  time,  may 
be  guessed  from  the  way  he  performs  the  present  opera- 
tion. Ilis  lacing  is  very  like  embracing  ;  and,  if  he 
goes  on  at  this  rate,  he'll  be  for  a  wrestle  in  earnest." 

"And  if  he  is,"  said  the  magician,  suddenly  thrusting 
his  head  upward  from  the  tail  of  the  wagon,  "I'll  en- 
gage that  Nell  can  throw  him,  or  any  man  in  company." 

"Nell!  Oh,  you  wretch!"  cried  the  Sultana. 
"Nell !"     She  was   Madame  Zerlina,  in  the  bill  of  the 

12* 


138  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

performance.  "Was  ever  such  a  monster!  How  he 
takes  a  woman's  name  in  vain  !  Do  some  of  you  give 
him  his  dram,  his  phlegm-cutter,  his  antifogmatic,  or 
whatever  else  he  calls  it,  that  he  may  sober  himself  to  a 
civil  way  of  speaking." 

"  Ay,  Nell,  bring  it  yourself." 

The  wife  seized  a  tumbler  that  stood  on  a  chest  beside 
her,  and  held  it  to  Nettles,  who  filled  it  from  the  flagon 
which  had  been  brought  in  by  the  manager.  She  darted 
away  the  next  moment  to  her  magician,  without  seeming 
to  remember  that  Barry,  who,  in  his  clumsiness,  was 
still  busy  at  the  strings  of  her  bodice,  was  compelled 
to  follow  after  her,  or  lose  the  ends  of  the  cord  which 
had  been  confided  to  his  care. 

"  There,  you  !"  she  cried,  thrusting  the  drink  into  his 
clutches. 

"  Isn't  she  a  beauty  ?"  said  the  magician,  with  a  leer 
to  Barry,  as  he  took  the  liquor.  Barry  could  only 
smile  and  simper,  and  look  silly. 

" Beauty  !"  said  she;  "too  much  of  a  beauty  for  you. 
That's  the  way  he  flatters  a  woman,  with  Beauty!  Beauty! 
on  his  lips,  said  half-asleep,  and  his  mouth  opening  on 
the  quart-pot,  which  alone  made  him  waken  up.  You 
don't  talk  of  my  beauties  now,  but  you  feel  them." 

"Yes,  indeed,"  said  Nettles,  "and  he'll  stay  feeling 
them  all  day  if  you'll  let  him." 

"Oh,  Tom!"  murmured  Barry  with  a  grin. 

"Don't  you  mind  him,"  said  the  Sultana.  "Have 
you  done  now.  There  !"  she  exclaimed,  wheeling  about 
and  grasping  the  unsuspecting  Barry  in  her  arms,  giv- 
ing him  an  embrace,  before  releasing  him,  that  half  took 
away  his  breath.  "  There,  that's  your  reward.  It  isn't 
often  a  fine  woman  bestows  a  squeeze  upon  her  sweetheart, 
and  I  only  do  it  now  to  show  you  what  your  friend 
means, when  he  says  that  the  beauty  of  a  woman  means 
vigor  as  well  as  grace.  If  you'd  like  to  try  the  wrestle 
alter  the  squeeze,  say  the  word,  and  I'm  ready  for  you." 

"And  I'll  go  a  hundred  on  Nell  ngainst  "the  field," 
cried  the  husband,  from  the  wagon. 


the  tennesseean's  story.  139 

"  Oh,  beast  there,  with  your  Nell,"  cried  the  heroine, 
indignantly.  ''I've  done  everything,  I've  even  thrashed 
him,  to  teach  him  good  manners,  but  it's  so  much  love 
and  labor  thrown  away.'' 

"But  how  about  the  wrestle?  Who  takes  me  up?" 
demanded  the  husband.  The  Sultana  herself  looked 
about  her  with  the  eye  of  a  challenger.  She  was  still 
only  dressed  in  part,  and  her  fine  bust  and  figure  af- 
forded not  a  bad  idea  of  Cleopatra.  Her  breasts  seemed 
breaking  through  the  very  partial  restraints  upon  them, 
and  her  arms,  partly  bare,  were  admirably  white  and 
rounded,  revealing  that  equal  union  of  muscular  and 
flesh  development  which  crowns  the  person  with 
strength,  without  lessening  its  beauty.  By  this  time, 
however,  the  admiration  of  Jones  Barry  had  in  some 
degree  given  way  to  misgivings  and  apprehension.  His 
sense  of  the  beauty  of  the  woman  was  somewhat  im- 
paired by  his  disquiet  at  her  boldness.  The  privileges 
to  which  he  had  been  admitted  had  certainly  shown  no 
warmth  or  feeling  on  her  part,  and,  in  fact,  she  had 
treated  him  rather  like  a  boy  than  a  man.  He  was 
awed  and  abashed  by  her  manners,  rather  than  de- 
lighted with  her  charms ;  and  the  single  squeeze  which 
she  had  so  gratuitously  bestowed  upon  him  was  quite 
sufficient  to  satisfy  him,  without  desiring  the  wrestle. 
He  accordingly  said  nothing,  while  Nettles,  with  exem- 
plary coolness,  quietly  remarked  that  "  he,  perhaps, 
should  have  no  serious  objection  to  the  trial,  could  he 
be  sure  of  fair  play,  but  as  he  had  never  found  that 
from  a  woman  yet,  he  was  not  disposed  to  incur  any  un- 
necessary risk." 

By  this  time  one  of  the  subordinates  made  his  ap- 
pearance, announcing  breakfast  in  the  amphitheatre. 
Nettles  gallantly  assisted  the  lady  in  completing  her 
toilet,  and  this  affair  adjusted,  he  gave  her  his  arm, 
and  conducted  her  into  the  temple.  He  was  followed 
by  Barry,  who  felt  nothing  but  envy  at  the  ease  and 
readiness  with  which  his  friend  performed  the  duties  of 
the  courtier.     The  equestrians  played  the  part  of  hosts 


140  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

with  great  liberality  and  good-humor,  and  the  meal  lin- 
gered for  more  than  an  hour,  in  which,  "while  the  cates 
■were  various  and  ample,  they  constituted  but  a  minor 
portion  of  the  attraction.  The  coolness,  readiness, 
great  resource,  experience,  and  anecdote  of  these  per- 
formers furnished  an  unfailing  subject  of  "wonder  to 
Barry.  They  seemed  to  know  everything  about  the 
world,  and  some  of  them  seemed  quite  at  home  on  the 
subject  of  books.  Zerlina,  our  Sultana,  or  "Noll,"  as 
the  magician,  her  husband,  persisted  in  calling  her, 
•was  quite  a  dabbler  in  literature.  She  was  read  in  the 
dramatic  poets,  and  had  an  ambition  for  the  stage, 
•which  some  mysterious  influence  prevented  her  from 
seeking  to  gratify.  She  made  frequent  exhibitions,  at 
the  entreaty  of  Nettles,  of  her  powers,  while  reading 
favorite  passages,  and  thus  increased  the  degree  of  awe 
and  admiration  which  Barry  already  entertained  for 
her.  Her  civilities  were  somewhat  less  free  than  they 
had  been  the  night  before,  but  they  were  still  such  as 
a  matron  might  readily  bestow  upon  a  moderately  grown 
boy.  Poor  Barry,  though  pleased  with  much  of  this 
sort  of  petting,  was  yet  humbled  by  it  !  and  it  was  with 
something  of  a  feeling  of  relief  that  he  received  a  hint 
from  Nettles  that  it  was  time  to  depart.  The  troupe 
were  to  exhibit  another  night  at  Ilillabee,  as  the  mul- 
titude, though  diminished,  was  still  sufficiently  large  to 
compensate  the  performance.  There  were  extemporary 
races  throughout  the  day,  but  generally  with  common 
horses.  To  these  neither  Barry  nor  Nettles  greatly 
inclined,  and  their,  separation  from  their  hosts  of  the  hip- 
podrome was  pretty  much  a  leave-taking  of  the  field. 
Nettles  had  known  the  manager,  the  magician,  and  the 
fair  Zerlina,  some  time  before,  and  they  parted  as  old 
friends.  The  Sultana  squeezed  Barry's  hands  with  a 
frank  earnestness,  as  she  bade  him  good-by,  telling  him 
he  was  a  nice  fellow,  and  she  should  always  remember 
him  by  his  gifts,  pointing  to  his  ring  and  breastpin. 
It  was  with  a  twinge  that  our  hero  heard  this  speech. 
He  thought  sulkilv  of  the  half-maudlin  tenderness  of 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  141 

the  night  before,  in  which  lie  had  been  beguiled  of 
jewels  that  he  would  prefer  to  sec  on  very  different 
fingers.  The  thoughts  of  Nettles,  in  some  degree,  took 
the  same  direction  with  his  own.  As  they  rode  together 
homeward,  and  when  they  had  fairly  emerged  from  con- 
tact with  the  multitude,  the  former,  with  a  quizzical 
smile,  said  to  Barry — 

44  1  say,  Jones,  what  the  d — 1  would  your  sweetheart, 
the  fair  Geraldine,  have  said,  could  she  have  seen 
you  sitting  in  the  lap  of  our  Nelly,  eh?" 

"  I  didn't  sit  in  her  lap,  Tom  ;  she  sat  in  mine." 

44  So  much  the  better  for  the  sight !  What  would 
she  have  said,  or  what  could  you  have  said,  had  she 
suddenly  plumped  in  upon  you  when  Nelly  was  in  your 
lap,  her  arm  about  your  neck,  and  giving  you  that  smack 
of  the  lips,  which  seemed  to  you  like  wine  from  heaven  ? 
You  got  drunk  almost  instantly  after  it.  You  hugged 
her  like  a  hero,  until  sho  couldn't  stand  it  any  longer, 
and  broke  away,  as  if  sho  feared  somo  harm  from  her 
magician  husband. '' 

44  Oh  !  1  didn't,  Tom.  Now  don't  you  bo  telling  that 
nonsense  about.'* 

"  I  low  can  I  help  it,  Jones,  my  good  fellow?  Tho 
joke  is  quite  too  good  to  be  lost.  For  the  ono  smack, 
the  moment  you  had  tasted  it,  you  gave  her  a  dozen, 
till  she  gave  in  and  cried  4'nough  !  'nough  !'  as  fervently 
as  tho  fellow  whose  sockets  are  filling  fast  with  sand 
from  his  enemy's  fingers  ;  and  such  a  squcozo  about  tho 
body  that  sho  fairly  heaved  again,  though  pretty  well 
uscil  to  tight  bracing." 

"  Never,  Tom;  never!" 

"  Hut  it's  a  true  bill,  Jones.  Then,  you  sung  a  co- 
mic song;  and,  in  trying  to  get  on  tho  table  for  a  Yir- 
ginny  reel,  you  slipped  over  into  tho  sawdust,  and  lay 
there  with  a  gurgle  in  your  throat,  as  if  you  were  try- 
ing to  drink  and  sing  at  tho  same  moment.  You  don't 
know,  I  suppose,  who  laid  you  out  upon  tho  benches?" 

"No,  Tom,  I  don't." 

"  Who,  but  Nell  and  myself?     Sho  took  your  arms, 


142  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

and  I  your  feet,  and  we  swung  you  up,  saying,  all  the 
while — 

*  "Warn  yo  once,  warn  ye  twice, 
Warn  ye  thrice,  and  away, 
And  away,  and  away,  ye  go!' 

She  brought  the  horse-cloth  and  spread  over  you,  and 
the  clown  delivered  a  sermon  over  you,  in  which  he 
said  that,  though  a  small  man,  your  skin  and  stomach 
were  capable  of  stretching  to  a  brandy  cocktail  as 
readily  and  extensively  as  those  of  any  man  he  ever 
saw;  and  not  one  of  us  said  a  word  against  it.  You 
were  treated  gloriously,  Jones,  and  you  were  glorious  ; 
but  what  would  the  fair  Geraldine  say  to  it  all ':" 
"  By  gracious,  Tom,  she  musn't  hear  of  it !" 
"Had  she  only  seen  you  lacing  the  jackets!  Ha! 
ha!   ha!" 

"  Tom,  my  dear  fellow.  Tom  Nettles" — 
"  Looking  for  all  the  world  like  a  great  boy,  with  his 
big  eyes  spreading  at  the  sight  of  an  apple-tree  filled 
with  fruit,  yet  trembling  to  think  of  the  steel-trap  lying 
quiet  in  the  grass  below.  Oh !  Jones,  Jones,  if  ever 
a  man  looked  at  a  woman  greedily,  it  was  you,  this 
morning." 

"Now,  Tom!  Tom!  Don't!  Never!" 
"I'll  swear  it !  You  did!  Jones,  I'm  afraid  you're 
a  bad  fellow  among  the  women.  You  ought  never  to 
think  of  Geraldine  Foster.  She,  at  least,  ought  never 
to  think  of  you.  Yrou  don't  deserve  her.  She's  too 
good  fur  you.  You'll  make  a  bad  husband.  And  I 
can't  think  of  suffering  her  to  marry  in  the  dark.  She 
must  know — "  < 

"  Tom,  my  dear  fellow.  Honor  bright !  But,  I  see 
you're  only  joking." 

"  Joking,  indeed  !  No!  no!  There's  only  one  thing 
that  will  prevent  me  from  interfering,  and  that  is — " 
He  paused. 

"Eh!     What?" 


THE  TENNBSSEEAN'S  bTOKY.  143 

"  That  there's  no  sort  of  use  for  it,  as  there's  no  sort 
of  danger  that  she'll  ever  marry  you." 

"  And  why  not,  I  wonder  V" 

"  Why  not!  When  you  prefer  to  stay  hero  at  a 
horserace,  to  seeing  her  homo.  When  you  let  her  go 
off  under  the  escort  of  your  rivals,  while  you  go  a  gan- 
der-pulling. When  the  circus  is  more  grateful  to  you 
than  her  company ;  and  when,  not  content  with  the 
performances  of  other  people,  you  take  another  man's 
wife  into  your  lap,  and — ' 

"Hut,  Tom,  she  don't  know;  sho  won't  know — " 

M  Thcso  things  are  sure  to  leak  out;  and  when  it's 
known  that  you  gave  this  pretty  woman  your  ring  and 
brenstpin,  and  promised  to  remember  her  as  long  an  you 
lived—" 

"  N.i,  I'll  bo  k d  if  I  did." 

"And  L'll  be  k d  if  you  didn't!"  responded  the 

tormentor. 

"Tom,  by  the  blazes,  you're  no  friend  of  mine,  or 
you  wouldn't  talk  so.  But,  1  know  you  of  old.  You 
only  do  it  to  worry  mo.     You  won't  blub*" 

11  Well,  suppose  I  don't?  >Viuit  chance  do  you  stand 
with  tin*  fair  (Jeraldino  when  you  noglect  her  so,  and 
when  you  have  such  chaps  as  Kan.  Hammond  and  Miles 
Henderson  against  you?" 

11  I  don't  care  a  curse  for  Hammond.  She  shows  him 
less  favor  than  all  the  rest.  She's  cross  to  him ;  and, 
for  that  matter,  it  don't  seem  to  me  that  he  cures  a 
curse  for  her." 

11  Don't  you  believe  it!" 

"  Well  I  lot  him  come.  It  costs  nothing,  and  it  comes 
to  nothing.     She  don't  care  for  him." 

**  I'm  yot  so  sure  of  that !" 

"  She  don't  show  it,  at  least.  She's  more  shy  of 
him,  by  far,  than  she  is  of  mo  or  Henderson." 

"Tile  shyness  is  in  his  favor.  Was  Nelly  shy  of  you? 
No,  indeed*!  She'd  kiss  you  in  sight  ol  fifty  peonle. 
But,  you  only  bo  saucy,  more  than  she  is  prepared  to 
sullor,  and  she'd  us  soon  dirk  you  us  drink,    lhil  very 


144  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

shyness  of  Geraldine  Foster  shows  a  feeling  that  she 
wants  to  hide.  It's  the  same  as  saying,  '  This  man  is 
something  to  me.'  He  has  an  effect  upon  her,  and  let 
him  but  pursue — " 

"  But  he  don't  pursue." 

"  lie  don't!  You  don't  know  Ran.  Hammond;  and 
I  tell  you,  Jones  Barry,  that  if  any  man  of  you  three 
ever  marries  that  girl,  it's  Han.  llammond.  I  know 
something  of  him,  and  I  know  something  of  woman,  and 
if  he  isn't  already  as  deep  in  her  heart  as  you  were  in 
your  cups  last  night,  though  without  getting  drunk  by 
it,  then  I'm  not  one  of  the  Nettles  family." 

"  AVell!  that's  speaking  sure  ;  for  you  are  one  of  the 
Nettles  family,  and  make  yourself  known  wherever  you 
go  for  a  real  son  of  the  bush,  if  it's  only  by  the  feeling 
you  produce.  But  you  don't  raise  my  skin,  Tom ;  for, 
between  us,  I  feel  pretty  sure  that  the  game  is  to  be 
mine." 

"Ah!  Ila!  well!" 

u  The  mother  promises  me — " 

"  The  mother  !  You're  more  likely  to  marry  the 
mother  than  the  daughter.  But  it  isn't  the  mother,  ex- 
actly ;  and  Mrs.  Foster  has  no  such  influence  over  her 
husband's  child  as  to  say  how  that  cat  shall  jump.  If 
ever  there  was  a  woman  who  had  a  will  of  her  own, 
it's  that  girl  Geraldine  Foster.  I'm  thinking  that  the 
mother  favors  you;  but  I  don't  believe  she  can  do  much 
for  you,  unless  the  daughter  is  a  weaker  vessel  than  I 
think  her." 

"  Well  !  only  you  don't  blab  about  this  circus  busi- 
ness, Tom — " 

"  I  don't  know  how  I  can  keep  in,  Jones.  It's  too 
good." 

"  Oh,  by  gracious,  Tom,  you  must  !  I'll  be  hanged 
if  I  wouldn't  fight  my  own  brother,  if  he  told  upon 
me." 

"  YTes,  but  you'd  hardly  fight  me,  Jones,  for  you 
know  I'd  kill  you  ;  and  then  you'd  lose  your  fortune, 
your  sweetheart,  and  everything  else.     No  !  you  won't 


som 

rv 


THE  TENNE8SEEAN'S  fiTOHV.  145 

fight  mc,  Jones ;  and  if  you  talk  in  that  sort  of  way,  1 
shall  have  to  come  out  with  tho  story.  I'll  have  to  go 
to  Mrs.  Foster.  I'll  havo  to  say,  1  must  seo  Miss  Gc- 
raldino.  Then,  Til  up  and  show  her  ahout  tho  la]),  and 
tho  squeeze,  and  the  kisses,  and  the  lacing,  and  tho — " 
Tom,  stop!  By  gracious,  you  must  stop.  ] lore's 
ebody  coming  after  us  !" 

The  conversation,  thus  interrupted,  it  is  not  our  ob- 
ject to  pursue.  Nettles  had  no  other  purpose  in  what 
he  said  than  to  annoy  his  companion,  though  the  opin- 
ions which  he  expressed  with  regard  to  the  superior 
chances  of  Hammond  in  the  pursuit  of  Geraldine  Foster, 
in  comparison  with  the  two  competitors,  were  honestly 
entertained.  lie  dined  that  day  with  Barry,  who  kept 
bachelor's  hall,  and  who  recurred  to  the  subject  after 
dinner.  Here  again  Nettles  repeated  his  opinion.  Bar- 
ry did  not  seem  satisfied  that  he  should  do  so ;  and,  in 
the  course  of  tho  conversation,  betrayed  something  of 
a  hostile  feeling  towards  Hammond,  which  tho  other  was 
surprised  that  he  should  entertain. 

44 Somehow,"  said  he,  "he  crosses  me  at  every  step. 
He  bought  that  place  of  Wingard's,  though  he  knew  I 
wanted  it — " 

"But  didn't  he  want  it  too?" 

"  I  suppose  he  did,  but — " 

44  But  you  overslept  yourself,  having  been  drunk  at  my 
house  the  night  before,  and  didn't  get  to  the  sale  in  time." 

44  Yes,  true  !  and  the  fellow  got  it  for  half  the  money 
1  was  willing  to  give." 

44  More  lucky  for  both  of  you,  perhaps." 

44  Then  he  gives  Miles  Henderson  this  bloody  marc, 
that  takes  4  Geraldine'  off  her  heels — " 

44  But  you  bought  4  Geraldine'  after  he  had  given 
<Sorella'  to  Miles— " 

44  That's  true ;  but  he  advises  him  to  run  her,  and  tells 
him  how  to  do  it." 

44  He  did  ono  and  not  the  other,  and  did  only  what 
any  other  might  have  done,  and  nobody  have  cause  to 
13 


146  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

be  angry.     The  truth  is,  Jones,  you  are  in  too  bad  a 
humor  to  do  Ran.  Hammond  justice." 

"  And  if,  as  you  say,  he  stands  the  only  chance  with 
Geraldine  Foster,  sha'n't  I  have  good  cause  to  be  in  a 
bad  humor?  Now,  you  see,  though  you  prove  to  me 
that  all  his  influence  upon  my  successes  comes  up  na- 
turally enough,  yet,  somehow,  when  you  find  a  man 
always  in  your  way — taking  the  start  of  you  himself — 
helping  his  friends  to  do  so — crossing  you  at  this,  and 
beating  you  at  that — the  worse  from  his  not  trying  to 
do  so ;  it  looks  as  if  he  were  your  born  enemy.  You 
can't  help  feeling  as  if  he  was.  But,  I  tell  you,  I'll  not 
stand  much  more  crossing;  and  some  of  these  days,  if 
things  get  worse,  Ran.  Hammond  and  Jones  Barry  will 
have  to  ask  the  question,  before  witnesses,  which  is  the 
better  man." 

"  Pshaw  !  pshaw  !  You  haven't  drank  quite  enough, 
Jones,  for  a  sensible  judgment  in  this  matter.  A  few 
glasses  more  will  give  you  the  right  pitch  for  thinking. 
Now,  let  me  tell  you,  I  won't  have  you  make  a  judy  of 
yourself  in  this  fashion.  Hammond's  a  man  whom 
you'll  do  well  to  have  no  quarrel  with.  He's  an  ugly 
customer.  He'll  be  slow  to  take  his  gripe — won't  do  it, 
as  long  as  he  can  decently  help  it ;  but  when  he  does, 
he  takes  hold  like  a  bulldog,  and  never  lets  go  till  his 
teeth  meet  in  the  flesh.  Y'ou're  a  fool,  Barry.  You 
have  fortune,  and  good  liquors  ;  enjoy  yourself  in  all 
sorts  of  ways  ;  keep  blooded  horses  and  run  races ;  a 
fine  parcel  of  gamebirds,  and  enjoy  the  cockpit  like  the 
Napoleon  of  Mexico.  YTou  keep  the  best  of  wines,  and 
are  not  afraid  to  drink  them  ;  you  can  ride,  run,  and 
fight,  and  enjoy  yourself  in  all  three  ways,  in  one  day — 
now  with  a  goose,  and  now  with  a  clown  ;  and  have,  be- 
sides, a  devilish  keen  eye  for  the  women,  so  that  you'll 
be  thinking  of  one  seven  miles  off,  while  another's  in 
your  lap." 

"  No  more  of  that,  Tom  ;  pass  the  bottle  ;  and  if  you 
say  so,  we'll  send  out  for  a  few  larks  and  make  a  night 
of  it." 

"  Agreed  ;  a  night  of  it." 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  147 


CHAPTER  XL 

A  maiden's  vow. 

Leaving  our  good  companions  to  make  a  night  of  it, 
lot  us  follow  the  footsteps  of  the  party  from  which  we 
turned  to  pursue  the  more  devious  progress  of  the  pair 
with  whom  we  have  so  long  loitered.  We  have  seen  that 
the  ladies  were  well  attended  in  their  departure  from 
the  race-course.  On  this  ride,  our  two  gallants  neces- 
sarily did  their  utmost  to  make  themselves  agreeable. 
Without  being  in  anywise  remarkable  for  his  talent, 
Miles  Henderson  was  a  very  pleasing  and  amiable  gen- 
tleman, lie  could  converse  rationally  and  gracefully, 
but  without  ever  rising  into  those  subjects,  or  those  por- 
tions of  a  subject,  upon  which,  to  converso  well,  most 
persons  must  first  have  learned  to  think  independently 
for  themselves.  But,  in  the  ordinary  language  of  com- 
monplace and  society,  Henderson  could  always  be  re- 
spectable; and,  being  an  observing  man,  he  had  gathered 
a  sufficient  supply  of  material  for  chitchat  to  ena- 
ble him,  usually,  to  prove  interesting  to  ordinary  com- 
panions. We  have  seen  him  taking  that  side  of  the 
carriage  upon  which  sat  Mrs.  Foster.  This  lady  was 
comparatively  young.  She  had  succeeded  to  the  arms 
and  name  of  Mr.  Foster  at  early  womanhood,  and  when 
he  needed  a  nurse  rather  than  a  wife.  She  had  survived 
him,  without  altogether  surviving  her  youth.  A  good 
natural  constitution,  vulgar  health,  a  lively  temper,  and 
an  exquisite  feeling  of  satisfaction  with  herself,  had 
served  to  keep  her  in  good  bodily  condition.  She  was, 
in  other  words,  a  buxom  widow,  fair,  fat,  and  forty ; 
who  did  not  wholly  forget  herself  in  taking  care  of  the 
fortunes  of  her  step-daughter.     She  was  vain  and  giddy; 


J*U  AS  OOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

and,  though  satisfied  that  the  devotion  of  Miles  Hender- 
son, not  less  than  that  of  Randall  Hammond,  was  wholly 
given  to  Gcraldine,  she  was  not  the  less  satisfied  with  the 
external  homage  which  she  incidentally  received  in  con- 
sequence. Sometimes,  indeed,  she  seemed  to  forget  the 
claimsof  her  step-daughter  wholly,  and  exhibited  adegrcc 
of  satisfaction  at  these  attentions  of  the  suitors,  and  an 
anxiety  to  monopolize  them,  which  frequently  occasioned 
a  smile  among  these  parties.  It  was  one  of  her  causes 
of  dissatisfaction  with  Hammond,  that  he  never  suffered 
her  to  misconstrue  his  attentions.  Approaching  her 
always  with  profound  civility,  his  address  and  style  of 
conversation,  when  directed  to  her,  were  never  of  a  kind 
to  suffer  her  to  be  in  any  degree  forgetful  of  the  fact 
that  she  had  a  daughter  as  well  as  Jephthah ;  and  the 
way  to  have  won  the  heart  of  such  a  woman  was  to  have 
shared  with  her,  in  some  degree,  a  portion  of  that  devo- 
tion which  most  women  value  beyond  all  other  posses- 
sions, even  where  they  do  not  design  to  secure  or  keep 
tho  worshipper.  Hammond,  perfectly  aware  of  her 
character,  knew  exactly  what  she  wanted.  ]*ut  he  was 
too  proud  a  person  to  make  any  sacrifices  to  her  vulgarity 
or  vanity,  lie  was  one  of  those  men  who  feel  that  the 
course  of  true  love  not  only  does  not  usually,  but  that  it 
cannot,  in  the  nature  of  things,  often  run  smoothly;  and 
frit  sure  that  a  portion  of  his  triumph  must  ensue  from 
the  capacity  of  his  future  wife  to  rise,  through  affection, 
superior  to  the  discouragements  of  prejudice  and  domestic 
opposition.  He  was,  perhaps,  not  unwilling  to  be  known 
to  Gcraldine  through  the  medium  of  doubts  which  no- 
thing but  real  affection  would  attempt  to  overcome  ;  and 
some  knowledge  of  her  character  persuaded  him,  indeed, 
that  this  was  really  the  most  politic  course  for  the  attain- 
ment of  his  object.  Accordingly,  we  have  seen  him 
betraying  what  would  seem  a  degree  of  indifference  to 
the  game,  which  he  did  not  feel.  lie  showed  no  anxiety 
to  take  or  keep  possession  of  the  field  ;  no  feverish 
desire  to  hold  his  ground  in  the  presence  of  rivals  ;  but, 
on  the  contrary,  a  calm  and  courteous  readiness  to  share 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  149 

all  his  opportunities  with  others  ;  and,  indeed,  to  forego 
them  wholly  on  occasion,  giving  way  to  the  advances 
of  those  who  were  notoriously  his  rivals.     Mrs.  Foster 
was  greatly  at  a  loss,  for  awhile,  to  understand  the  policy 
of  this  seeming  indifference ;  but  her  instincts  enabled 
her  to  discover  the  truth,  which  her  reasoning  faculties 
never  could  have  attained ;  the  more  particularly  as  she 
found  that  Gcraldine  Foster,  flattered  by  the  constant 
devotion  of  her  suitors,  was  somewhat  piqued  by  tho 
dignified  refusal  of  Hammond  to  engage  in  the  common 
struggle.     With  a  vulgar   policy,  the  mother's  object 
now  was   to  impress  upon  our  heroine  an  idea  of  tho 
arrogance  of  Hammond;  his  pride,  which  refused  the 
ordinary  civilities  which  all  lovers  are  prepared  to  be- 
stow ;  and  an  insolent  consciousness  of  superiority,  which 
made  him  always  anxious  to  deny  the  service  which  gal- 
lantry, and  a  sincere  affection,  would  be  only  too  happy 
to  perform.     His  refusal  to  run  his  horse  at  Ilillabee, 
as  we  have  seen,  was  one  of  the  instances  which  she 
found  to  produce  the  desired  impression  upon  the  mind 
of  her  protege.     To  a  certain  extent  she  had  succeeded 
in  producing  this  impression.     The  proud  and  haughty 
spirit  of  Geraldinc  Foster,  conscious  of  her  charms,  and 
accustomed  to  the  devotion  of  the  other  sex,  and  the 
envy  of  her  own,  was  mortified  at  the  little  seeming 
power  which  she  possessed  over  almost  the  only  man 
whom  she  had  ever  really  desired  to  subdue.     She  felt 
his  strength,  his  superiority.     Her  attention,  when  ho 
spoke,  acknowledged  it ;  her  anxiety  for  his  coming  de- 
clared it,  even  to  herself ;  and  the  growing  feeling  of 
her  dependence  upon  him  made  his  apparent  indifference 
only  the  more  offensive  to  her  vanity  and  painful  to  her 
heart.    Tho  step-mother  had  worked,  not  unsuccessfully, 
upon  these  feelings  ;  but  Gcraldine  was  so  much  a  crea- 
ture of  impulse  that  the  work  of  months  might  be  undono 
in  a  moment.     A  happy  accident  might  bring  the  lovers 
together  in  explanation,  and  mutual  sympathies,  sudden- 
ly rendered  active,  and  seeing  under  the  influence  of 
favoring  circumstances,  might  render   the  determined 

V6* 


150  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OH, 

will  of  Geraldino  such  an  ally  of  her  heart  as  to  defeat 
forever  the  subtle  designs  of  the  hostile  mother.    It  was 
the  game  of  the  latter,  therefore,  to  provoke  disgust  in 
the  mind  of  the  girl,  to  annoy  her  pride  into  resentment ; 
and,  seizing  upon  some  particular  moment  of  mortifica- 
tion, to  forco  her  into  engagements  which  should  he  fatal 
to  the  hopes  of  Hammond.     Her  labors  to  this  point 
had   produced    pique   only,    and   not   disgust    in   the 
bosom    of   Geraldino ;    and   this   feeling,    Mrs.  Foster 
had  the  sense  to  understand,  was  rather  favorable  than 
otherwise  to  the  hopes  of  the  lover.    It  declared  his  pos- 
session of  a  power,  already,  in  the  heart  of  the  capri- 
cious beauty,  which  felt  his  neglect  rather  as  a  loss  and 
a  denial,  than  as  provocation  of  scorn  ;  and  the  step- 
mother trembled  as  she  saw  that  it  was  far  easier  for 
Geraldino  to  feel  the  alleged  neglect  and  indifference  of 
Hammond  than  to  defy  or  to  resent  it. 

If  he  was  not  altogether  conscious  of  the  sort  of  game 
Mrs.  Foster  was  disposed  to  play  and  was  playing,  his 
own  was  one  that  tended  greatly  to  overcome  and  baflle 
it.     His  plan  of  operations  has  been  already  sufficiently 
described.     It  consisted  simply  in  the  maintenance  of 
the  most  dignified  civilities,  and  in  foregoing  no  courte- 
sies, in  performing  them  with  a  grace  as  perfect  as  pos- 
sible, and  in  studying  how  to  interest  the  object  of  his 
attentions,  without  seeming  to  be  engaged  in  any  such 
study,  or  to  possess  any  such  interest.     If  the  plan  was 
wisely    conceived,  it    was    as    dcxtrously    carried    out. 
Randall  Hammond  was  no  ordinary  man.     Ho  was  a 
person,  emphatically,  of  character  ;  with  a  strong  will 
and  fiery  passions ;  but  a  stern,  methodical,  and  well- 
ordered  judgment,  which  enabled  him  to  subdue  himself 
at  the   required  moment,  and  reject  from  his  eyes  all 
the  disguises  of  prejudice,  and  from  his  tongue  all  the 
impetuous  resolves  of  passion.     lie  was  never  more  for- 
tunate in  his  game  than  when  escorting  the  ladies  from 
Hillabee.    We  have  seen  with  what  temper  both  of  them 
left  the  ground.     Mrs.  Foster,  quite  dissatisfied  with  the 
results  of  the  racing — as  they  not  only  left  her  favorite 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  151 

beaten,  but  proved  the  correct  judgment  of  Hammond 
in  an  exercise  in  which  he  did  not  himself  indulge  ;  and 
Geraldine,  piqued  and  offended  at  the  perverted  lan- 
guage reported  of  Hammond,  so  conclusively  confirming 
the  representations  of  Mrs.  Foster,  and  so  disrespectful, 
seemingly,  to  Geraldine  herself.     Hammond  soon  dis- 
covered that  something  was  wrong,  and  having  sufficient 
clues  to  the  character  of  Mrs.  Foster,  and    perfectly 
aware  of  her  feeling  for  himself,  he  readily  understood 
that  the  mischief  was  in  her.     But  there  was  no  way 
to  make  a  direct  issue,  and  he  was  not  one  of  that 
feverish  race  who  refuse  to  leave    anything   to   time. 
He  was  content  to  pursue  his  own  game  as  if  nothing 
had  happened,  and  to  make  himself  agreeable  in  spite 
of  his  enemy.     His  resources  were  all  accordingly  put 
in  exercise,  and  even  Henderson  wondered  at  the  exhi- 
bition of  conversational  powers  which  he  never  dreamed 
that  his  friend  possessed.     But  friends  are  generally  the 
last  to  appreciate  the  powers  of  one  another,  since  they 
seldom  recognize  those  feelings  of  mutual  provocation  by 
which  alone  they  can  be  made  to  develop  themselves. 
Gradually,  Geraldine  forgot  her  pique  and  disquiet,  in  the 
delight  which  she  experienced  at  the  racy  remark,  the 
keen  point,  the  pleasant  anecdote,  contained  in  the  con- 
versation of  her  companion;  and  it  was  with  feelings  of 
vexation,  at  beholding  a  progress  that  she    could  not 
prevent,  that   Mrs.  Foster  threw  herself  back  in  tho 
carriage,  and  surrendered  herself  to  a  protracted  spell 
of  silence  and  bad  humor,  answering  Henderson  only 
in  monosyllables,  and  compelled,  in  spite  of  herself,  to 
listen  to  the  dialogue  which  seemed  equally  to  show  tho 
indifference  of  both  the  parties  to  all  her  intrigues. 

The  cavalcade  reached  the  residence  of  Mrs.  Foster 
in  this  manner :  Geraldine,  if  not  perfectly  reconciled 
to  Hammond,  forgetting  for  the  moment  all  her  causes 
of  complaint ;  Miles  Henderson  a  little  dulled  by  what 
he  saw  of  the  success  of  his  friend,  but  reconciled  to 
his  own  apparent  decline  of  fortune  by  the  conviction 
that  his  fortunate  rival  was  indeed  his  friend;  while 


152  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

Mrs.  Foster  brooded  over  other  schemes  for  fomenting 
anew  the  displeasure  of  her  step-daughter. 

"Foster  Lodge"  was  a  place  of  considerable  beauty. 
The  immediate  approach  to  it  was  through  a  broad 
avenue,  nearly  a  mile  in  length,  guarded  and  overshad- 
owed from  each  side  by  the  stateliest  elms  and  oaks. 
The  dwelling  stood  upon  a  gentle  eminence,  with  a  broad 
and  sweetly-sloping  lawn  of  green  on  each  side  of  the 
avenue,  extending  nearly  to  the  public  road.  The 
house  was  half  shaded  by  great  trees,  a  modest  dwell- 
ing of  two  stories,  with  a  piazza  fronting  the  avenue, 
the  roof  of  which,  concealed  by  a  parapet,  was  sustained 
by  six  great  columns,  that  rose  up  majestically  from  the 
basement  to  the  upper  story. 

Dinner  was  in  waiting  when  the  parties  arrived. 
Ham  and  turkey  smoked  upon  the  board,  and  there 
were  birds  and  fowl,  eggs  and  milk,  and  the  usual  va- 
riety of  vegetables,  so  certain  to  be  found  in  all  good 
farmsteads.  Mrs.  Foster  was  an  economist.  She  was 
a  farmer's  daughter ;  a  poor  one  too  ;  and  had  been 
early  taught  in  lessons  of  thrift  and  painstaking.  These 
she  had  not  forgotten  in  her  improved  fortunes.  In- 
deed, thoy  were  her  virtues.  Her  estates  thrived  in 
her  hands ;  and,  if  not  a  good  tutor  for  tho  daughter, 
she  was  a  very  good  nurse  of  her  property.  This  was 
ample,  if  not  large.  Jt  was  the  misfortune  of  Mrs. 
Foster  that  she  did  not  esteem  it  ample.  This  was  one 
of  her  reasons  for  preferring  Jones  Barry  to  either  of 
her  present  guests.  The  fact  of  his  greater  wealth,  and 
that  feebler  character  which  made  him  subservient  to 
Mrs.  Foster's  humors,  were  the  chief  sources  of  that 
favor  which  lie  had  found  in  the  good  lady's  sight. 

Dinner  passed  oil'  pleasantly.  Hammond  continued 
in  the  same  humor  which  had  accompanied  him  from 
the  race-course.  Even  Mrs.  Foster,  herself,  was  some- 
times compelled  to  smile  at  his  sallies  ;  and  when  she 
did  not,  it  was  only  from  the  annoying  conviction  that 
they  were  rapidly  undoing  all  her  work.  It  was  night 
before  the  party  rose  from    table,  ami  a  short  interval 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  153 

was  afforded  for  promenading  in  the  piazza  before  tea  . 
was  set.  This  was  followed  by  music.  Gcraldine  sang 
and  played  like  an  angel ;  this,  at  least,  was  the  open- 
mouthed  declaration  of  Jones  Barry,  in  her  own  hearing  ; 
and  both  Henderson  and  Hammond  were  endowed  with 
rich  and  tolerably  well-trained  voices.  They  accom- 
panied the  lady  ;  while,  at  intervals,  they  resumed  tho 
conversation,  either  with  herself  or  the  step-mother. 
It  was  eleven  o'clock  before  any  of  the  party  seemed 
to  suspect  the  flight  of  Time,  and  then  they  were  only 
apprised  of  the  fact  by  Hammond  rising  to  take  his 
leave. 

"But  why  not  stay  all  night?"  was  the  frank  de- 
mand of  Gcraldine.  Mrs.  Foster  addressed  tho  same 
inquiry  to  Henderson.  The  latter  looked  to  Hammond 
entreatingly ;  but,  true  to  his  policy,  he  declared  the 
necessity  for  being  at  home  early  in  the  morning ;  and 
he  had  promised  his  mother,  who  would  sit  up  and  ex- 
pect him,  to  return  that  night.  He  had  five  miles  to 
ride. 

"But  you,  Miles,"  said  he  to  his  friend,  "you  need 
not  ride.     You  can  stay." 

This  speech  again  worried  both  mother  and  daughter. 
It  seemed  strange  that  one  who  really  loved  a  lady 
should  encourage  a  rival  to  keep  possession  of  her  ear, 
and  should  give  him  opportunities.  But  Henderson 
felt  ashamed  of  the  weakness  which  prompted  him  to 
take  advantage  of  the  permission;  and,  somewhat  despe- 
rately, declared  his  purpose  to  ride  also.  He  had  en- 
gagements also  which  required  his  early  rising ;  and,  in 
short,  the  gentlemen  soon  took  their  departure  together; 
the  ladies,  one  of  them  at  least,  sinking  down  upon  the 
sofa  with  an  air  of  sullen  disappointment. 

"A  cold,  haughty  upstart!"  was  the  exclamation  of 
Mrs.  Foster. 

"  Who,  mother  !  of  whom  do  you  speak  ?" 

"  Of  whom  ?  Why  Hammond.  He  is  not  capable 
of  any  feeling  but  pride.  He  is  pride  and  ambition  all 
over.     He  love !     He  has  no  more  heart  than  a  mill- 


154  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

Btone,  and  seems  to  look  upon  women  only  as  so  many 
creatures  made  to  wait  upon  man,  and  minister  to  his 
wants  and  pleasures." 

"  Well !  I  wonder  how  it  is  you  can  see  things  in  this 
light.  Now,  really,  Mr.  Hammond  seems  to  me  to  bo 
equally  a  man  of  feeling  and  sense.  lie  speaks  like 
one.  He  doesn't  throw  about  him  his  sentiments,  and 
he  wastes  no  professions  on  the  air ;  but  he  gives  to 
every  subject  the  proper  sympathy  that  it  seems  to  re- 
quire;  and  it  can't  be  denied  that  he  can  discuss  the 
greatest  variety  of  subjects,  and  in  the  most  interesting 
manner." 

"  Oh  !  he  has  subtlety,  and  wit,  and  cunning  !'' — 

"  Cunning  !  Well,  that  is  the  very  last  word  which 
I  should  ever  have  used  in  speaking  of  Mr.  Hammond. 
I  see  no  proof  of  it.  He  is  too  frank,  too  bold  a  man, 
to  be  cunning ;  and  is  particularly  free  from  it,  I'm 
sure,  in  dealing  with  ladies.  Who  ever  hears  him  com- 
pliment one's  singing  or  playing,  except,  perhaps,  by 
his  attention  ?" 

"  That's  his  cunning  !" 

"  Well,  I  confess,  1  like  it  better  than  that  silly  art- 
lessness  which,  whether  you  play  well  or  ill,  rewards 
you  with  the  same  undiscriminating  ilattery.  But  he 
goes  further,  lie  has  told  me  plainly,  on  more  than 
one  occasion,  where  I  made  a  false  note,  or  sung  with 
false  emphasis,  or  blundered  in  any  respect ;  for  his  ear 
is  quite  as  good  as  his  opinion  is  honest." 

"  That's  his  cunning  again  !  He  sees  that  you  dis- 
like the  common  talk,  and  he  changes  it  to  suit  you." 

"  Something  more  than  that,  mother.  What  did  he 
say  to  both  of  us  last  week  about  gentlemen  proffering 
themselves,  as  a  matter  of  gallantry,  to  pick  up  a  lady's 
glove,  or  handkerchief,  running  "across  the  floor  to  do 
so,  when  it  lies  at  her  own  feet,  and  she  might  pick  it 
up  herself?" 

"Well,  and  he  is  only  a  cub  for  his  opinions.'' 

"  On  the  contrary,  mother,  I  think  he  is  quite 
right.     I  quite  agree  with  him,  that  it  is  enfeebling, 


THE  TENNESSEEAN's  STORY.  155 

and  so  enslaving,  women,  to  do  for  them  those  tilings 
which  it  is  proper  for  them,  and  easy,  to  do  for  them- 
selves; that  it  makes  us  improperly  dependent  upon 
men,  when  we  expect  them  to  serve  us  in  any  besides 
substantial  and  weighty  labors,  which  it  is  inconsist- 
ent with  the  nature  of  our  sex  to  undertake  ;  that  it 
impairs  the  dignity  of  the  man,  and,  while  putting 
woman  into  a  false  position,  renders  him  capricious, 
and  makes  her,  in  the  end,  the  victim  of  a  tyranny." 

"  All  an  artful  notion  to  excuse  his  own  cubbislmess 
and  want  of  gallantry.'' 

"  Well,  now,  mother,  you  certainly  can  reproach  him 
for  no  want  of  courtesy  and  civility  throughout  the 
day.  lie  has  been  with  us,  the  only  gentleman  who 
never  left  us  during  all  the  racing." 

"  That's  his  policy,  lie  stuck  to  you,  as  a  matter 
of  course.'' 

"  Vet,  in  the  same  breath,  you  describe  him  ns  lack- 
ing in  the  usual  devotion — as  being  too  proud  and 
haughty,  and — " 

"I  see,  Miss  Gcruldinc  Foster,  that  your  heart's  set 
upon  this  match.  1  see  that  you'll  throw  yourself  into 
his  arms  whether  ho  will  or  no — " 

"  What  you  say,  mother,  let  me  tell  you,  is  not  likely 
to  prevent  me.  Jiut  there's  no  danger  of  that.  1  con- 
fess, 1  think  him  a  very  superior  man  to  any  of  my 
other  suitors.     You  can't  deny  his  superiority." 

"  By  no  means ;  he's  a  wit,  and  a  colonel  of  militia, 
and  they  talk  of  sending  him  to  the  legislature  or  Con- 
gress; and,  I  suppose  a  young  lady  can't  do  better  than 
to  fling  herself  headlong  into  the  arms  of  so  promising 
u  person.  JJut  1  can  tell  you  this,  Miss  Foster,  that, 
when  1  was  of  your  age,  the  man  who  swore  that  lie 
knew  no  woman  for  whom  he  would  run  his  horse,  and 
that,  too,  when  the-  young  lady  ho  was  courting  was  en- 
treating him  to  do  so,  would  bo  courtesied  out  with  a 
4  No,  sir,  I'm  obliged  to  you,  but  beg  to  bo  excused.'  " 

14  1  don't  know  that  M\\  Hammond  is  socking  me, 
mother,  and  it's  very  cerium  ho  is  not  courting  me;  but 


156  AB  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

this  I  can  tell  you,  that,  if  ever  he  should  do  so,  he  shall 
be  made  to  swallow  that  speech.  He  certainly,  before 
he  gets  this  hand,  shall  run  a  race  for  it — he  shall !" 

44  Will  you  stick  to  that?"  demanded  the  mother, 
eagerly. 

u  Will  I  not!  It's  a  vow;  chango  it  who  can."  And 
the  elevated  form,  the  flashing  eye,  and  extended  hand, 
lifted  upward  as  she  uttered  this  rash  resolution,  to 
which  the  keen  cunning  of  the  mother  had  goaded  her 
impulsive  spirit,  presented  a  fine  subject  for  the  drama- 
tic painter. 

"  Only  stick  to  that,  Geraldine,  and  you'll  test  his 
passion!  You'll  see  which  he  thinks  of  most;  this  lady 
of  his  love,  or  his  iron  gray.  I  tell  you,  his  soul  is  lull 
of  mule-pride ;  he's  as  obstinate  in  what  he  says  as  if 
the  whole  world  was  bound  to  givo  way  to  him." 

"  I  sba'n't  give  way  to  him!  He'll  find  me  as  firm 
and  proud  as  himself.  He  shall  run  his  horse;  he  shall 
race  whether  he  likes  it  or  not,  if  he  has  any  hope  of 
me.  But  he  does  not  think  of  me,  mother.  I'm  sure 
you're  mistaken." 

Tins  was  said  with  an  air  of  despondency,  as  the 
maiden  threw  herself  upon  the  sofa  and  covered  her 
face  with  her  hands. 

"And  what  if  he  does  not?"  responded  the  mother; 
"  you  surely  are  not  so  badly  oft'  for  beaux  that  you 
need  care  whether  he  cares  or  not.  I  don't  think  ho 
cares  much  for  anybody  but  himself.  I  tell  you,  he's 
too  proud  for  love  of  any  woman,  as  you  may  suppose, 
when  he  openly  declares  that  he  will  not  run  his  horse 
for  all  the  favors  of  the  sex.  Only  you  stick  to  your 
vow,  and  you'll  see  what  his  love  will  come  to." 

"  He  shall  do  it,  if  he  seeks  heart  or  hand  of  mine. 
He  shall  do  it,  he  shall!"  We  may  add  that  the  ex- 
cellent mother  did  not  suffer  her  to  forget  the  vow. 


THE  TKNNESSKUAN'S  BT011Y.  1/j7 


CHAPTER  XII. 

TOUGHNESS  or  THK  TKNDEll  GENDER. 

We  must  skip,  without  notice,  t lie  events  of  several 
weeks,  in  which  but  little  apparent  progress  was  made 
on  any  hand.    The  parties  mot   frequently,   now   at 
church,  now  at  evening  assemblages  of  friends,  unci  still, 
us  before,  very  frequently  at  tliu  dwelling  of  our  hero- 
ine.    Ilaudall  I Lammond  continued  his  policy,  though 
with  u  misgiving,  which  gradually  increased  with  the 
increase  of  his  passion ;  and  an  eye  loss  anxious,  and  a 
mi  ml  less  excitable  than  that  of  (icraldi.no's,  would  have 
readily  detected,  at  particular  moments,  the  proofs  of 
this  strengthening'  interest.     But  what  with  her  own 
feelings  engaged  in  the  issue,  and  the  continued  and 
perverse  hostility  of  Mrs.  Poster  to  tin*  claims  of  our 
hero,  sho  was  kept  in   the  same  dogged  mood  towards 
him    in    which    we   have   beheld   her   while    taking   the 
strange  vow  recorded  in  the  preceding  chapter.     Jlo 
saw  and  felt  the  influence,  but  was  without  any  means 
to  meet  and  to  contend  with  it;  unless  by  the  exercise 
of  the  same  patience  which  ho  had  hitherto  displayed, 
and  the  unwearied   exhibition  of  those  talents  and  re- 
sources which  had  rendered  him  still  agreeable  in  her 
eyes  in  the  teeth  of  all  her  prejudices.     I  lis  mother,  it 
may  be  mentioned  in    this    place,   had  expressed  her 
doubts  of  the  propriety  of  his  seeking  in  marriage  tho 
hand  of  Gcrahlino  Foster.     Of  the  young  lady,  herself, 
the  venerable  dame  knew  nothing,  except  from  hearsay; 
and  rumor  rather  exaggerated  defects  than  acknowledged 
virtues.     The  objections  of  Mrs.  Hammond  lay  to  the 
stop-mother,  whom  she  knew  as  a  pert  housekeeper  em- 
ployed in  a  neighboring  family,  when  she  was  promoted 
14 


158  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

by  Foster,  then  sinking  with  a  feeble  constitution,  and 
equally  feeble  mind,  into  imbecility.  She  regarded 
her  inlluence  over  the  step-daughter  as  vicious  and  dan- 
gerous, and,  whatever  might  be  the  individual  endow- 
ments of  the  girl,  she  insisted  upon  their  abuse  and  per- 
version in  the  hands  of  such  a  guardian.  We  have  seen 
that  she  is  right  in  some  measure;  but  she  overrated 
the  influence  of  the  one,  and  underrated  the  powers  of 
resistance  of  the  other.  The  girl,  in  reality,  in  many 
respects,  controlled  the  woman.  The  latter,  conscious 
of  low  birth  and  inferior  education,  though  naturally 
clever,  was  submissive  to  the  daughter  in  most  social 
respects ;  and  it  was  only  where  the  latter  was  necessa- 
rily diffident,  as  in  the  case  of  her  affections,  that  she 
exercised  any  inlluence  over  her  sufficiently  powerful 
to  baflle  the  impulses  of  her  own  judgment.  In  affairs 
of  the  heart,  or,  rather,  where  young  persons  are  called 
upon  to  decide  between  two  or  more  favorites,  the  adroit 
suggestions  of  third  parties  have  always  more  or  less 
weight.  The  mind  distrusts  itself  but  too  frequently 
when  the  affections  are  busy  with  its  decisions;  and  it  is 
because  of  this  fact,  that  we  find  so  many  of  that  perni- 
cious class  called  match-makers  in  the  world.  They 
interpose  when  the  will  of  the  interested  person  is  at 
fault.  They  profess  friendship,  and  it  is  at  such  a  time 
that  the  poor  heart  longs  for  such  a  succor.  They  in- 
sinuate doubts,  or  suggest  motives,  and  determine  the 
scales,  for  or  against  a  party,  by  such  arguments  or  in- 
nuendoes as  are  most  likely  to  influence  the  feeble  nature 
which  relies  upon  them.  Mrs.  Foster's  hold  upon  Ge- 
raldine,  in  this  matter,  lay  in  the  morbidly  active  pride 
of  the  damsel.  This  she  contrived  to  goad  and  irritate 
by  daily  suggestions,  in  which  the  most  innocent  move- 
ments of  Hammond  were  perverted.  The  fear  of  Mrs. 
Hammond,  with  regard  to  her  inlluence  upon  Miss  Fos- 
ter, went  still  farther.  She  dreaded  lest  she  should 
govern  her  in  all  respects ;  lest  she  should  have  tutored 
all  her  moods  and  feelings  by  the  low  moral  standards 
by  which  the   step-mother  herself  was  influenced ;  and 


aim  tennesseean's  story.  151) 

have  made  her  equally  selfish  and  presumptuous  with 
herself;  coarse  in  her  aims,  narrow  in  her  opinions; 
jealous  of  the  worth  which  she  never  sought  to  emulate; 
and  ambitious  of  society,  not  for  its  real  advantages  of 
mutual  training  and  attrition,  hut  for  its  silly  displays 
and  petty  ostentations. 

We  need  not  repeat  that,  in  these  apprehensions,  Mrs. 
Hammond  labored  under  error;  hut  she  did  not  the  less 
entertain  them.  A  long  and  serious  conversation  with 
her  son,  the  day  after  his  return  from  the  races  at  llil- 
lahee,  was  devoted  to  this  subject.  In  this  conversation, 
she  freely  declared  her  objections  to  the  match  with  such 
a  person,  related  all  that  she  had  heard  of  Oeraldine, 
and  told  her  son  all  that  she  knew  of  the  step-mother, 
concluding  with  an  earnest  entreaty  that  he  would  look 
in  some  other  quarter  for  the  exercise  of  his  affections. 
She  was  even  good  enough  to  mention  the  names  of  two 
or  three  young  ladies  of  their  acquaintance,  whose 
charms  were  considerable,  and  against  whom  there  lay 
no  such  objections  as  she  entertained  for  Miss  Foster. 

But  the  son,  though  grateful  for  this  counsel,  as  frankly 
told  his  mother  that  it  fell  upon  unheeding  senses;  that 
he  was  really  and  deeply  attached  to  Geraldinc  ;  that 
he  was  not  blind  to  her  faults,  and  knew  her  to  bo 
equally  proud  and  eccentric;  but  her  pride,  he  said, 
arose  from  a  high  spirit,  sensible  only  of  right  purposes, 
ami  her  eccentricities  were  the  growth  of  a  superior 
intellect,  under  an  irregular  education,  and  were  duo  in 
some  degree  to  a  consciousness  of  independence,  falsely 
founded,  perhaps,  of  the  circle  in  which  she  moved. 
Like  other  lovers,  Hammond  expressed  the  opinion  that 
her  eccentricities  would  certainly  be  cured  by  marriage, 
particularly  under  the  admirable  domestic  system  which 
lie  was  prepared  to  establish.  For  the  step-mother,  he 
had  nothing  to  say.  lie  had  certainly  no  defence  to 
offer.  She  was  pretty  much  the  woman  that  his  mother 
had  described  her.  Besides,  she  was  evidently  hostile 
to  himself.  But  her  influence  over  her  step-daughter 
was  nothing.     If  exercised  in  any  way,  it  was  only  in 


160  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

opposition  to  himself,  and  he  could  readily  understand 
how  she  might  operate  successfully  by  artifices,  particu- 
larly in  dealing  with  a  person  who  was  herself  truthful 
and  unsuspicious,  where  she  might  never  attain  any  in- 
fluence by  open  authority.  He  continued  by  repeating 
the  assurance  to  his  mother  that  he  felt  too  much  in- 
terested in  the  lady  to  forego  his  attentions,  but  that  he 
should  watch  her  conduct  narrowly,  and  not  risk  his  peace 
upon  any  object  to  whom  sucli  objections  could  apply 
as  those  which  she  had  urged.  He  concluded  by  ex- 
pressing his  desire  that  his  mother  would  visit  Mrs. 
Foster,  and  see  the  young  lady  for  herself.  There  was 
no  good  reason  why  she  should  not  do  so.  It  is  true 
she  did  not  like  Mrs.  Foster,  but  if  people  visited  only 
those  whom  they  liked,  society  would  be  almost  empty 
of  individuals.  Mrs.  Foster  had  called  upon  her,  and 
had  invited  her  to  her  house.  True,  she  might  remem- 
ber her  as  a  pert  housekeeper,  but  she  was  now  a  house- 
holder; and  if  pert  in  this  capacity,  it  was  a  fault  which 
could  be  charged  upon  a  thousand  others.  At  all  events 
Mrs.  Foster  was  no  worse  than  her  neighbors,  so  far  as 
the  world  was  permitted  to  see.  And  to  recognize  her 
as  everybody  else  did,  would  in  no  degree  impair  the 
ancient  position  which  Mrs.  Hammond  held  in  the  pub- 
lic esteem.  If  any  other  reason  were  wanting,  it  was 
undoubtedly  to  be  found  in  the  probability  of  her  son 
establishing  an  alliance  with  this  very  family,  when, 
as  a  matter  of  course,  all  difference  of  relative  position 
must  be  overthrown  forever. 

The  worthy  old  lady  sighed  as  she  acknowledged  the 
truth  of  these  reasonings,  and  prepared  to  submit  to 
them.  At  an  early  day  her  carriage  was  ordered,  and 
Mrs.  Foster  was  confounded  when  she  heard  that  the 
equipage  of  the  stately  old  lady  was  in  progress  up  the 
avenue.  This  was  a  triumph  to  her  vanity  which  would 
have  been  eminently  gratified,  but  that  it  seemed  to 
operate  against  her  project  of  marrying  her  daughter  to 
Barry.  One  of  her  favorite  topics  of  denunciation, 
where   Hammond  was  concerned,  was  his  own  and  his 


tut:  tennesseean's  story.  1G1 

mother's  arrogance  ;  and  the  neglect  of  the  latter  to 
return  her  visits  was  an  argument  lor  the  truth  of  her 
assertions.  But  neither  Geraldine  nor  herself  was  in- 
sensible to  the  compliment  paid  by  this  visit.  Mrs. 
Hammond  was  at  the  very  head  of  society  in  that  neigh- 
borhood. Her  position  was  unquestionable.  Hers  was 
one  of  the  oldest  families  ;  and  the  dignity  which  she 
maintained,  along  with  the  virtues  of  benevolence  and 
hospitality — to  speak  of  no  other  of  the  Christian  chari- 
ties— all  of  which  were  eminently  conceded  to  her,  ren- 
dered her  quite  as  much  beloved  as  respected.  It  had 
been  rather  injurious  to  Mrs.  Foster's  pretensions  in 
society,  that  Mrs.  Hammond  had  not  recognized  them. 
That  she  did  so  now,  at  this  late  day,  was  undoubtedly 
something  gained  ;  but  the  perverse  pride  in  her  heart 
prompted  a  feeling  of  resentment  at  the  visit  so  long 
deferred,  and  she  suddenly  exclaimed  to  Geraldine — 

"  We  won't  see  her.  She  has  taken  her  time  about  it, 
and  we  will  take  ours.  Let  Clara  go  and  tell  her  we 
are  not  at  home." 

"  No,  indeed,  mother  !  that  won't  do.  You  will  gain 
nothing  by  it ;  for  people  will  only  say,  you  have  done 
it  for  spite.  Mrs.  Hammond  is  not  a  woman  to  be 
slighted.  However  we  may  feel  her  neglect  of  us,  she 
is  a  lady  of  worth  and  character  ;  and  1  can't  think  of 
showing  her  any  resentment.  Besides,  1  feel  none.  I 
remember  her  when  she  used  to  visit  my  own  dear  mo- 
ther, though  I  was  but  a  child  ;  and  I  have  heard  father 
speak  of  her  as  his  friend,  when  he  needed  friendship. 
Indeed,  I  have  heard  that  she  lent  him  a  large  sum  of 
money  to  save  his  mills ;  and,  in  the  settlement  of  the 
alfairs  of  the  estate  with  Lawyer  Griffin,  I  see  the  re- 
payment only  took  place  the  year  before  my  father  died. 
No !  she  has  had  some  reason,  I  suppose,  for  keeping 
away,  and  that  she  comes  now  shows  that  these  reasons 
exist  no  longer.  We  must  see  her.  I  feel  nothing  but 
respect  for  Mrs.  Hammond." 

This  was  said  in  a  way  to  silence  opposition.  But 
the  step-mother  had  the  last  word,  framed  in  a  fashion 

14* 


162  AS  GOOD  AS  A  comedy:  OR, 

that  she  had  been  too  much  accustomed  to  employ  of 
late  to  forego  very  readily. 

"  It's  just  as  you  will,  my  dear.  You  have  very 
good  reasons  for  what  you  say ;  but  I  rather  think  that 
if  your  heart  did  not  incline  so  much  to  seeing  the  son, 
your  reasons  wouldn't  be  half  so  good  for  seeing  the 
mother.  Take  care  now ;  I  see  what's  coming.  You 
will  be  overawed  by  the  consequential  old  woman,  until 
you  submit  to  the  consequential  young  man,  and  then 
good-by  to  all  your  freedom.  I  know  you,  Geraldine 
Foster ;  you'll  be  imposed  upon  by  the  high  heads  of 
these  people,  until  you  forget  all  your  resolutions." 

"  And  I  tell  you,  mother,  that  you  know  nothing 
about  Geraldine  Foster,  if  you  think  she  is  to  be  im- 
posed upon  by  anybody.     I  am — ' 

"  Well,  hush  now,  before  the  old  witch  hears  you. 
She's  coming  into  the  parlor  now." 

Geraldine  muttered  something  about  the  improper 
use  of  the  epithet  old  witch,  and  Mrs.  Foster  sniggered 
at  the  rebuke.  The  affairs  of  the  toilet  proceeded  in 
silence,  and  the  daughter  was  the  first  who  was  ready 
to  descend. 

"  She  shall  wait  for  me,''  said  the  mother,  proceeding 
very  leisurely.  Geraldine  left  the  room,  and  descended 
to  the  parlor.  She  felt  a  little  awe,  certainly,  as  she 
entered  the  room  and  encountered  the  tall,  stately  form 
of  the  venerable  woman,  with  her  dark  dress,  and  her 
formal  mob  cap.  But  the  benevolent  manner,  and  the 
sweet  tones  of  the  old  lady's  voice  reassured  her. 

"  I  know  you,  my  child,  by  your  dear  mother.  She 
was  my  intimate  friend.  She  was  a  kind  and  loving 
person.  You  have  her  eyes  and  mouth.  Your  fore- 
head and  nose  are  your  father's,  and  you  are  tall;  like 
your  father  also.  Your  mother  was  rather  short,  but 
she  was  so  well  made  that  she  did  not  seem  so,  unless 
when  standing  close  to  others.  If  you  have  her  heart, 
my  child,  as  you  certainly  have  all  her  beauty — " 

The  old  lady  squeezed  the  hands  of  the  girl,  but 
failed  to  see  the  humid  witnesses  which  were  gathering 


the  tennesseean's  story.  163 

in  her  eyes.     Those  of  the  speaker  were  already  wet. 
The  sympathies  of  the  two  were  becoming   active,  and 
Mrs.   Hammond  had  already  reproached    our   heroine 
with  having  failed,  since  her  return  home,  after  a  lapse 
of  several  years,  to  seek  out  one  of  her  mother's  most 
intimate  friends ;  and  Geraldine,  who   had   been  kept 
from  doing  so  only  by  the  perverse  influence  of  her  step- 
mother, was  awkwardly  seeking  to  account  and  apolo- 
gize for  the  neglect,  when  the  door  was  flung  wide,  and 
Mrs.  Foster  sailed  into  the  room,  blazing  in  her  best 
silks,  and  making  as   formidable  a  show  of  trinkets  as 
if  she  were  the  belle  of  the  evening.     At  her  appear- 
ance, the  whole  manner  of  Mrs.  Hammond  seemed  to 
change.     She  drew  up   to  her  fullest  height   her  tall, 
erect  person.     Her  eye  assumed  a  severe  simplicity  of 
gaze,  which  entirely  changed  its   expression  ;  and  her 
reception  of  the  new-comer,   Geraldine  could  not  but 
remark,  was  singularly  unlike  that  which  had  met  her 
appearance.     The  truth  is,  the  absence  of  simplicity, 
the   obtrusive   ostentation   of  Mrs.  Foster's   manner,  a 
mixture  at  once  of  dignity  and  assumption  which  was 
neither  confidence  nor  ease,  brought  out  all  the  native 
superiority  of   her   visitor.     Besides,  she  remembered 
her   as  the  usurper,  foisting  herself  by  cunning  upon 
the  weakness  of  a  dying  man,  and  succeeding  to  a  posi- 
tion in  society  for  which  her  training  and  education 
had  not  prepared  her.     The  first  meeting  between  the 
two,  already  prepared  to  be  belligerents,  was  productive 
of  impressions  which  strengthened  their  mutual  dislikes 
and   distrusts.     Mrs.   Foster  was    boisterous   and   con- 
fident ;  talked  recklessly,  as  if  her  purpose  had  been  to 
show  nothing  but  scorn  of  all  the  usual  modes  of  think- 
ing- and  feeling,  all  the  forms  and  manners,  which  her 
guest  had  been  wont  to  hold  in  reverence.     The  deport- 
ment of  Mrs.  Hammond  was  the  reverse  of  this ;  but 
it  was  so  full  of  a  dignity  jealous  of  assault,  and  reso- 
lute against  intrusion  ;  so  cold  in  its  stateliness,  so  stern 
in  its  simplicity,  that  our  heroine,  though  vexed  at  the 
bearing  of  her  step-mother,  was  not  less  chilled  and 


164  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

offended  by  that  of  her  visitor.  We  need  not  detail  the 
progress  of  the  interview.  The  call  was  a  very  short 
one,  and  the  parties  separated  mutually  dissatisfied. 
Mrs.  Hammond,  chafed  with  the  impertinence  of  Mrs. 
Foster,  and  disposed  to  see  in  Geraldine  (who  had  been 
very  quiet)  nothing  but  the  susceptible  creature  whom 
the  step-mother  had  fashioned  in  all  respects  to  resem- 
ble herself;  while  the  latter,  though  not  exactly  satisfied 
with  herself,  was  yet  confirmed  in  all  her  grudges  and 
ancient  hostilities,  as  she  felt  the  cold  supremacy  of 
that  bearing  which  she  had  bullied,  without  being  able 
to  forsake  or  overcome. 

"  There,"  said  she  to  Geraldine,  when  her  visitor  had 
been  bowed  down  the  steps;  " there  you  have  her  in  full; 
the  queen  of  Sheba,  with  her  head  in  the  elouds  and 
her  feet  among  the  stars.  {She's  as  proud  as  Lucifer. 
You'd  have  a  fine  chance  with  her  as  a  mother-in-law. 
She'd  rule  you  with  a  rod  of  iron.  l)o  you  smile,  it's  a 
look;  do  you  laugh,  it's  a  scold;  would  you  dance,  it's  a 
sermon  ;  and  so  day  by  day,  until  you're  broken  down 
with  the  sulks  and  sours  :  no  milk  could  keep  sweet 
long  under  that  face  of  vinegar." 

Geraldine  was  silent.  She,  too,  had  been  disappointed 
the  visit.  She  could  see  that  there  was  something 
wrong  in  the  carriage  and  language  of  her  mother;  but 
unfortunately,  her  ear  had  become  too  much  habituated 
to  the  modes  of  speech  and  thinking  of  the  latter  to 
feel,  in  full  force,  the  improprieties  of  her  conduct;  and 
she  regarded  the  stern  deportment  of  Mrs.  Hammond  as 
totally  unprovoked  by  anything  that  had  taken  place. 
She  was  quite  ignorant  of  that  past  history  of  the  step- 
mother which  their  visitor  knew  too  well,  and  it  was 
really  in  some  degree  as  the  sincere  friend  of  Geral- 
dine's  own  mother  that  the  soul  of  the  old  lady  revolted 
at  her  substitute.  But  this  the  young  lady  was  yet  to 
learn.  She,  as  we  have  said,  was  silent;  while  Mrs. 
Foster  ran  on  in  a  strain  cunningly  calculated  at  once 
to  express  her  own  hostility  and  to  alarm  the  fears  of 
Geraldine.     She  painted  the  tyrannical  mother  of  Ham- 


THE  TENSESSEEAN'S  STORY.  165 

mond  subduing  all  the  spirit  of  his  young  wife,  of  any 
wife  whom   he  should  bring  home;  restraining  all  her 
innocent  desires,  chiding  her  sentiments,  and  keeping 
her  in  such  a  bondage  to  her  antiquated  notions,  as 
would  effectually  quell  all   her  sweetest  impulses,  and 
embitter  all  her  youth  with  the  mere  caprices  of  author- 
ity.    From  the   mother  she  passed,  by  a  natural  tran- 
sition,  to   the    son.       He    was   the    true    child   of  his 
mother  ;   cold,   stern,  unbending,   despotic.      She   was 
eloquent  on  this  theme  ;  she  recalled  and  dwelt  upon, 
with  perverse  ingenuity,  every  incident  that  could  servo 
for  its  illustration,  and  it  was  only  when  she  broke  down 
with  utter   exhaustion  that  she   was   content   to   stop. 
Poor  Geraldine  said  nothing.     She  was  certainly  im- 
pressed by  what  she  heard.     The  speech  of  Mrs.  Foster 
was  not  without   ingenuity.     Yet   the   girl  thought  of 
Hammond  with  kindly  feelings.     It  was  only  when  her 
temper  was  roused  that  she  was  disposed  to  side  com- 
pletely   with    her    cunning    and    dishonest  counsellor. 
Somehow,  she  could  not  concur  with  her  now,  even  in 
respect  to  the  stately  mother.     Though  chilled  to  the 
heart  by  the  progress  of  the  interview,  she  yet  remem- 
bered tlie  sweetness  with  which  it  had  begun. 

How  different  had  been  the  deportment  of  the  old 
lady  before  her  step-mother  made  her  appearance! 
How  kindly  had  she  spoken  ;  with  what  affectionate  re- 
membrance did  she  seem  to  dwell  on  the  personal  appear- 
ance and  the  virtues  of  her  mother;  and,  surely,  she 
had  seen  the  gathering  tears  in  her  soft  blue  eyes  at 
the  very  moment  when  she  felt  that  her  own  were  filling. 
Whence,  then,  the  change?  how  could  the  appearance 
of  her  step-mother  have  effected  it  ?  There  was  a  mys- 
tery in  this,  and  the  aroused  heart  of  Geraldine  brooded 
over  it;  and  daily,  with  an  increasing  pleasure,  did  she 
remember  the  sweet  words  and  the  sad  tears  which  the 
mother'  of  Hammond  had  shared  with  herself  when  the 
two  were  alone  together. 


166  AS  GOOD  AS  A  comedy:  OR, 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

ROME  TALK  OE  MARUIAGE. 

But  an  event  was  now  at  hand  which  was  calculated 
to  divert  tho  thoughts  of  Geraldine  Foster  into  other 
channels.  Her  seventeenth  birthday  was  approaching, 
a  period  of  immense  importance  to  all  young  damsels. 
It  was  destined  to  be  regarded  as  such  in  the  present 
instance.  Already,  for  more  than  a  month  previous, 
the  rumor  had  gone  abroad  through  the  neighboring 
country,  of  a  great  fete  to  be  given  at  the  "  Lodge." 
Supplies  for  the  occasion  were  already  making  their 
appearance.  "Wagons  from  Savannah  and  Augusta, 
laden  with  good  things,  were  seen  arriving,  and  public 
expectation  was  on  tiptoe  for  the  event.  In  due  season 
our  young  men  were  all  honored  with  invitations  to  the 
birthday  fete.  Mrs.  Hammond  was  also  included  in 
this  compliment,  though  Mrs.  Foster  was  pleased  to  say, 
while  her  step-daughter  was  penning  the  invitation,  that 
she  knew  "very  well  that  the  haughty  old  hag  would 
never  come  again."  She  was  mistaken, »as  we  shall  see 
hereafter.  The  truth  is,  as  regards  herself  and  her  own 
feelings,  it  never  would  have  been  the  wish  of  Mrs.  Ham- 
mond to  darken  the  doors  of  a  lady  like  Mrs.  Foster, 
for  whom  she  could  never  feel  esteem  ;  but  the  case  was 
altered  in  respect  to  Geraldine.  She  regarded  tho 
latter  as  the  innocent,  though  perhaps  misguided  child 
of  a  very  dear  friend,  and  on  this  account  alone  she 
was  prepared  to  treat  her  with  solicitous  considera- 
tion. There  was  yet  a  better  reason.  Mrs.  Hammond 
had  now  satisfied  herself  that  the  affections  of  her  son 
were  really  engaged  to  the  maiden  ;  too  deeply  engaged, 
indeed,  to  render  prudent  any  farther  exhortations  and 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  167 

warnings  on  her  part.     She  resolved,  therefore,  instead 
of  discouraging  with  a  vain  importunity  his  pursuit  of 
the  ohject,  to  yield  herself  to  his  cause,  and  contribute, 
as  far  as  it  -would  be  becoming  in  her,  to  the  promotion 
of  his  wishes.     She  distinguished,  accordingly,  between 
the  girl  and  the  silly  step-mother  ;  and,  while  revolting  at 
the  offensive  frivolities  and  forwardnesses  of  the  latter, 
was  prepared  to  take  the  other,  as  the  future  wife  of  her 
son,  to  her  most  affectionate  embraces.     This  determi- 
nation led  her  to  accept  an  invitation  which  she  other- 
wise might  have  treated  with  indifference.     It  must  not 
be  supposed,  however,  because  we  find  Mrs.  Foster  speak- 
ing hi  offensive  terms  of  Mrs.  Hammond,  that  the  visit 
of  the  latter  had  been  disagreeable  to  her,  or  that  she 
had  failed  in  returning  it.    This  was  very  far  from  being 
the  case.     "While  she  disliked  to  meet  with  the  old  lady, 
from  a  real  feeling  of  inferiority,  and  from  a  painful  con- 
sciousness that  Mrs.  Hammond  knew  more  of  her  real 
history  than  anybody  else  ;  she  yet  felt  the  importance, 
in  a  social  point  of  view,  of  appearing  to  maintain  an 
intimacy  with  one  of  a  rank  so  unquestionable.      She 
soon,  with  Gcraldine,  returned  the  visit  in  which  she  had 
behaved  with  so  much  insolent  familiarity  ;   and  was  re- 
ceived with  the  sweet  benignity,  mingled  with  dignity, 
which  so  becomes  a  well-bred  lady  in  the  character  of  a 
hostess.     Gcraldine  could  not  but  feel  the  superiority  of 
bearing  in  this  venerable  representative  of  a  passing  age, 
to  that  to  which  she  was  accustomed;  and  could  scarcely 
reconcile  the  gentleness  and  meekness  of  the  old  lady's 
manner  and  tone  with  that  which  was  so   commanding 
in  her  carriage  and  so  impressive  in  what  she  uttered. 
True  to  her  decision,  and  regarding  the  possible  relation 
in  which  the  maiden  might  yet  stand  in  regard  to  her 
son,  Mrs.  Hammond  was  particularly  anxious  to  please  her 
younger  visitor.    While  the  three  ladies  traversed  the  gar- 
den, which  was  a  very  ample  and  beautiful  one,  she  loiter- 
ed with  the  younger  of  the  three,  and  again  renewed  the 
subject  of  her  intercourse  with  her  mother.    The  garden 
itself  afforded  a  sufficient  reason  for  recalling  the  subject. 


168 

Mrs.  Hammond's  taste  for  flowers  had  been  greatly  in- 
fluenced by  the  superior  sympathies,  for  these  lovely 
creations,  of  the  first  Mrs.  Foster;  and  it  was  in  the 
power  of  the  former  to  indicate  to  Geraldine  a  fact,  of 
which  she  was  now  for  the  first  time  made  conscious, 
that  the  garden  at  the  4i  Lodge"  had  been  laid  out 
exactly  of  the  size  and  plan  of  that  which  she  now  ex- 
amined. Its  fate,  however,  had  been  very  different. 
"While  the  latter  was  blooming  in  full  perfection  and 
variety,  the  former  had  grown  into  a  waste  with  weeds. 
Geraldine  only  resolved  to  make  amends  to  the  memory 
of  her  mother  by  restoring  her  favorite  fruits  and  flowers. 
The  judicious  manner  of  Mrs.  Hammond,  the  equal 
delicacy  and  adroitness  with  which  she  had  again  man- 
aged to  speak  to  the  young  girl  of  her  mother,  and  to 
show  the  tender  interest  which  she  herself  felt  for  her 
memory,  were  by  no  means  thrown  away  upon  the 
daughter,  who  was  sensibly  touched,  as  well  by  the 
manner  as  by  the  matter  of  her  venerable  hostess.  Mrs. 
Foster  beheld  this  with  some  disquiet,  and  more  than 
once  contrived  to  divert  the  conversation  to  other  ami 
far  less  interesting  topics.  She  herself  was  treated 
with  the  greatest  deference,  Mrs.  Hammond  being  at 
pains,  for  the  sake  of  the  ward,  to  treat  the  guardian  as 
if  she  fully  deserved  to  be  such  a  custodian.  At  the  end 
of  an  hour,  the  visitors  were  prepared  to  depart,  and 
Randall  Hammond  made  his  appearance  just  in  time  to 
see  the  ladies  to  the  carriage. 

A  few  days  after  came  the  invitation  to  the  fete. 

"You  will  go,  dear  mother,  will  you  not  ?M  was  the 
inquiry  of  Hammond,  uttered  in  pleading  accents.  She 
was  disposed  to  plague  him,  and  expressed  herself 
doubtfully. 

"  I  don't  know.  I  am  old.  These  night  parties  are 
not  good  for  me,  and  I  don't  enjoy  them." 

"But,  for  my  sake,  mother." 

"  I  don't  know  but  that,  for  your  sake,  I  ought  to 
stay  away.  I  am  half  afraid  to  give  any  encourage- 
ment to  this  pursuit." 


Til IC  TKNNKHMWAN'h  STORY.  160 

u  Oh,  don't  say  ho,  mothor ;  don't  think  so." 

"  Oh,  but  I  must  think  no,  Randal)/1  said  the  old 
lady,  with  real  gravity  ;  M  for  1  confess  1  am  not  satis- 
fied that  Gerald  ino  Foster  is  the  lady  for  you.  That 
foolish  stop-mother  has  dono  her  best  to  spoil  her." 

"  But  she  is  not  spoiled." 

"  Perhaps  not.  Of  that  I  can  say  nothing  ;  but  what 
docs  the  world  say  ?" 

44  Mere  scandal,  I  warrant  you." 

"  Nay,  nay,  Randall ;  wo  can't  so  easily  dismiss  tho 
popular  report.  Wo  hear  every  day  of  her  eccentri- 
cities; of  her  riding  wild  horses  without  a  saddle,  leap- 
ing high  fences,  and  even  threatening  John  Kstes  with 
horsewhip  and  pistol." 

"  Pshaw,  mother !     How  ridiculous  !" 

"  Ridiculous,  it  may  he,  but  not  wholly  wanting  in 
truth.  Our  old  neighbor,  Jacob  Barnes,  tells  mo  that 
lie  has  it  from  Peter  Kstes,  the  brother  of  John." 

M  Bo  assured,  a  wholesale  falsehood.  This  John 
Kstes  was  the  overseer  for  Mrs.  Foster,  and  was  dis- 
missed by  her  for  neglect  and  insolence.  He  no  doubt 
revenges  himself  by  all  sorts  of  falsehoods.  Ho  is  a 
worthless  fellow,  1  know ;  but  if  1  hear  him  at  his  slan- 
ders, let  him  but  cross  my  path  with  them,  and  I'll — " 

"  Come,  come,  Randall  f  none  of  that.  You  are 
only  too  ready  to  take  up  the  cudgels  for  other  people. 
You  are  not  yot  authorized  to  be  the  champion  of  Mrs, 
Foster  or  Geraldino  ;  and  I'm  afraid,  as  1  hear  tho 
story,  that  the  young  lady  can  be  her  own  champion, 
ami  will  be  apt  to  reject  your  assistance.  Barnes  says, 
on  tho  report  of  Peter  Kstes,  that,  when  John  Kstes  de- 
manded his  full  year's  wages,  Mrs.  Foster  ordered  him 
from  tho  house;  and  ho,  not  scorning  in  a  hurry  to  obey 
her,  Miss  Geraldino  threatened  him  with  tho  horse- 
whip, and  seemed  disposed  to  use  it.  At  all  events,  as 
Barnes  phrases  it,  John  Kstes,  in  fear  of  bodily  danger, 
made  oft'  in  double-quick  time.  There's  no  doubt  some- 
thing in  it." 
b    15 


170  as  aooD  as  a  comedy:  or, 

"  Yes !  no  doubt  he  deserved  the  whip  for  his  inso- 
lence; and  in  her  indignation  she  told  him  so." 

11  But  Estes  reports  that  she  got  her  father's  pistols, 
and  said  she  was  not  afraid  to  use  them ;  and  professed 
to  be  as  expert  with  them  as  any  man." 

"  Pshaw !  another  exaggeration,  quite  as  easily  ex- 
plained. How  naturally  would  a  young  woman  wish 
that  she  were  a  man  to  pistol  an  insolent  fellow  who 
dared  to  bully  her  at  her  own  fireside  !" 

"  Still,  my  son,  you  would  prefer  that  such  a  speech 
should  be  made  by  Mrs.  Foster  rather  than  the  daugh- 
ter?" 

"  I  don't  know  !  I  don't  see  any  harm  in  this  expres- 
sion of  a  strong  and  becoming  indignation  by  a  young 
lady.  Gcraldinc  is,  no  doubt,  high-spirited  and  im- 
pulsive. Perhaps,  too,  she  may  be  called  and  con- 
sidered eccentric,  as  she  undoubtedly  possesses  talents. 
But  I  have  seen  nothing  in  her  conduct  which  can  at 
all  justify  these  stories ;  and  I  ask  you,  dear  mother, 
whether  you  have  ?" 

"  You  know,  my  son,  that  I  have  seen  her  very  sel- 
dom since  she  was  a  mere  child." 

"  Ah  !  mother,  the  long  and  short  of  it  is,  that  you 
would  rather  see  me  married  to  that  stately  dowd,  Miss 
Arabella  Mason,  or  that  cold  Grecian,  your  amiable 
beautv,  now  rapidly  becoming  an  ontioue,  Miss  Jane 
Ilallett,  or—" 

"  Kandall,  these  arc  young  ladies  whom  I  very  much 
esteem,"  said  the  mother,  gravely.  "Either  of  them, 
in  my  opinion,  would  make  you  a  much  safer  wife,  if 
personally  less  beautiful,  than  Gcraldinc  Foster.  But  I 
have  no  prejudice  against  her.  On  the  contrary,  if  I 
were  not  stunned  and  alarmed  by  what  I  hear  of  her 
wiklness,  I  should  prefer  that  she  should  be  your  wife 
in  preference  to  anybody  else.  You  have  heard  me 
speak  of  her  mother,  who  was  very  dear  to  me.  Had 
she  been  so  fortunate  as  to  enjoy  her  mother's  guar- 
dianship, instead  of  that  of  the  coarse,  weak  woman 
who  succeeded  her,  I  should  have  had  no  apprehensions. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  171 

I  offer  no  opposition  to  your  pursuit.  You  arc  of  age, 
and  I  only  entreat  that  you  do  not  allow  the  beauty, 
and  the  more  piquant  attractions  of  the  young  lady's  wit, 
to  blind  you  to  her  deficiencies.  I  will  go  to  the  fete, 
since  you  wish  it ;  nay,  I  had  meant  to  go  before  you 
spoke  to  me,  if  it  were  only  to  show  how  readily  I  can 
sacrifice  my  own  scruples,  whenever  such  sacrifice  be- 
comes necessary  to  my  son's  happiness." 

"  Thanks,  dear  mother,  many  thanks  !  You  will  not 
regret,  you  will  not  repent,  your  indulgence.  You  will 
see  Geraldine  in  better  aspects,  the  more  you  know 
her.  These  reports  are  mere  silly  exaggerations,  easily 
raised  upon  a  vivacity  of  character,  and  a  freedom  of 
carriage,  which  are  not  common  to  our  country  damsels. 
I  think  as  little  of  the  step-mother  as  you  do  ;  but  I 
doubt  whether  Mrs.  Foster  can  greatly  influence  Geral- 
dine.    She  is  quite  too  independent  for  that." 

"No  doubt,  provided  the  attempt  to  influence  is 
apparent,  but  this  is  very  doubtful.  People  like  Mrs. 
Foster,  sprung  from  a  low  condition  to  one  for  which 
they  are  unfit,  are  very  apt  to  exercise  habitual  cun- 
ning, and  they  operate  their  ends  with  secrecy;  while 
persons  of  very  independent  temper,  like  Geraldine, 
particularly  where  they  pride  themselves  on  their  inde- 
pendence, are  very  apt  to  be  taken  in  by  the  very  per- 
sons who  affect  to  acknowledge  their  want  of  power. 
Art,  in  this  way,  operates,  by  successful  subtleties,  in 
blinding  the  judgment  of  superior  will ;  and  the  more 
stubborn  the  person,  the  more  easily  deluded  when  in 
contact  with  such  an  agency.  This  I  suspect  to  be  the 
true  relation  between  the  two.  Mrs.  Foster  I  know  to 
be  artful  in  a  high  degree.  She  had  never  succeeded  in 
becoming  the  wife  of  Henry  Foster,  but  for  the  practice 
of  her  housekeeper-cunning." 
"Mother,  you  are  harsh." 

"  Randall,  you  are  right !  But  it  is  in  your  cars  only 
that  I  speak  these  opinions,  and  they  are  meant  to  guard 
you  from  mishap.     If,  as  I  suppose,  you  are  resolute  to 


172  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

address  Geraldine,  I  warn  you  that  Mrs.  Foster  is  se- 
cretly working  against  you." 

"  Ha  !  how  do  you  know  it  V* 

"  I  know  her;  she  cannot  but  work  against  you,  being 
what  you  are  ;  and  the  report  goes  that  she  openly 
favors  this  little  person,  Barry." 

"  You  hear  that  too  from  this  old  chronicler,  Jacob 
Barnes?" 

"  Barnes  is  a  simple  and  an  honest  creature,  who 
reports  tilings  just  as  he  hears  them.  But  his  reports, 
Randall,  and  my  opinions,  are  only  to  be  valued  as  they 
teach  caution.  Pursue  your  object  steadily,  if  you  will, 
but  with  an  eye  open  to  the  degree  of  influence  which 
this  lady  exercises  over  her  ward.  By  this  you  may 
judge  whether  you  can  succeed  with  the  one,  without 
regard  to  the  prejudices  of  the  other.  I  should  bo 
sorry  to  seo  my  son  rejected,  even  where  I  would  not 
have  him  seek." 

This  concluded  the  conversation,  which  was  inter- 
rupted by  the  arrival  of  Miles  Henderson.  He  too  had 
received  his  invitation  for  the  fete,  and  he  came  over 
to  consult  with  Hammond  in  regard  to  it.  The  two 
friends  wandered  out  into  the  fields,  and,  under  the 
shade  of  quiet  trees,  they  conferred  frankly  about  their 
mutual  feelings  and  prospects.  There  were  no  reserves 
between  them;  and,  without  hesitation,  Henderson 
showed  his  friend  the  draft  of  a  letter  to  Geraldine,  in 
which  he  had  made  his  proposals.  The  letter  he  him- 
self designed  to  give  her,  at  some  favorable  opportunity, 
on  the  day  or  evening  of  the  fete.  This  festivity  con- 
templated a  picnic  in  the  woods,  and  by  the  banks  of  a 
small  fishing-stream  and  mill-seat  called  Gushlynn;  and 
at  evening,  music,  dancing,  and  other  sports  at  tho 
"  Lodge,"  and  in  the  grounds,  which  were  to  be  lighted  up 
for  the  occasion.  All  these  arrangements  had  already 
transpired,  and  were  freely  discoursed  of  by  the  multi- 
tudinous mouthof  rumor.  Henderson  did  not  doubt  that 
he  should  find  more  than  one  fitting  occasion,  during 
the  day  or  night,  on  which  to  present  his  billet  cT  amour. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  173 

"  It  is  very  well,  Miles ;  fairly  and  properly  'written. 
For  my  part,  I  have   to   move  -with  caution.     I  am  too 
decidedly  the  object  of  Mrs.  Foster's  dislike  not  to  feel 
howdoubtful  are  all  my  chances;  for,  though  I  some- 
times fancy  I  have  made  a  favorable  impression  upon 
Geraldine,  yet  her  changes  are  very  sudden,  and  she  is 
yet  so  young  as  not  to  feel  the  importance  of  shaping 
her  conduct  consistently  after  deliberate  resolve.     I  do 
not  deceive  myself  as  to  the  danger  which  I  stand  from 
this  caprice,  which  may  invite  and  beguile,  only  that  it 
may  deny  and  contemn  ;  not  that  I  suppose  Geraldine 
the  woman   to   behave  thus  with  any  previous  design. 
But  she  is  so  much  the  creature  of  impulse,  and  is  so 
likely  to  be  governed,  in  some  degree  at  least,  by  that 
spiteful  mother-in-law,  that  I  feel  more  and  more  dubious 
the  more  closely  I  approach  the  subject.     It  is  barely 
possible  that  I,  too,  shall  propose  to  her  on  the  day  of 
the  fete.     This  will  depend,  however,  entirely  on  the 
temper  which   she  appears  to  be  in,  and  upon  the  sort 
of  opportunity  which  is   afforded  me.     Of  late,  Mrs. 
Foster  seems  disposed  to  keep  watch  upon  me,  and,  by 
her  constant  presence,  to  baflle  everything  like  private 
or  interesting  conversation  with  Geraldine.     I  can  only 
deal  in   common-talk   and  generalities,  which  lead    to 
nothing/' 

"  Which  lead  to  a  great  deal,  Randall.  Your  gene- 
ralities have  always  a  meaning  in  them.  I  see  that 
Mrs.  Foster  watches  you  more  closely  than  she  does  any- 
body else,  and  that  only  proves  to  me  that  she  considers 
you  the  most  dangerous.  'But  you  make  more  out  of 
the  restraint  than  anybody  could  beside  yourself.  It's 
evident  enough  that,  though  you  talk  generalities  only, 
as  you  call  them,  they  are  such  particularities  to  Geral- 
dine that  she  gives  them  the  best  attention;  and,  if  you 
don't  seem  to  say  anything  meant  especially  for  her  ear, 
it's  very  certain  she  appropriates  it  all  more  eagerly 
than  any  other.  The  truth  is,  Randall,  I'm  more  jeal- 
ous of  you  than  ever,  and  this  is  the  very  reason,  that 
you  get  on  so  successfully  in  fixing  the  interest  of  Ge- 


174  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

raldine  in  spite  of  the  clear  dislike  and  the  crossplays 
of  the  step-mother.  ,  I'm  only  going  to  propose  now,  to 
get  my  answer.  I  don't  see  that  I've  the  least  chance 
or  hope.  She  treats  me  civilly,  and  Mrs.  Foster  is  a 
great  deal  more  kind  to  me  than  she  is  to  you ;  but, 
after  all,  though  I  try  hard  to  find  a  meaning  in  this 
civility,  it  amounts  only  to  this,  that  I  don't  behave 
amiss,  and  the  attention  of  a  young  fellow  is  never  dis- 
agreeable to  a  miss.  But  the  suspense  and  anxiety  vex 
me,  and  so  I'm  going  to  make  an  end  of  it,  and  either 
make  the  spoon  or  spoil  the  horn." 

"  With  such  feelings,  Miles,  I  should  not  propose; 
but  the  subject  is  one  which  I  dare  not  undertake  to 
counsel  you  upon.  You  will,  of  course,  do  as  you 
please." 

"  Oh  !  I'm  sworn  to  give  in  this  paper.  There  may 
be  more  hope  than  I  have  reason  for.  A  man,  who  is 
really  in  love,  can't  always  see'his  chances  for  himself; 
and  Geraldine  Foster  is  the  first  and  only  woman  I've 
ever  seen  that  I  really  wished  to  marry.  I'll  try  her, 
at  all  events  ;  and  if  nothing  better  comes  of  the  trial,  it 
will  at  once  put  an  end  to  my  anxiety." 

"  Be  it  so,  Miles.  You  near  what  I  tell  you.  I 
shall  prepare  no  letter.  I'll  leave  it  to  circumstances 
to  determine.  If  opportunity  offers,  and  she  seems  fa- 
vorable, ten  to  one  that  I  shall  declare  myself.  If  not, 
I  have  only  to  keep  quiet  and  wait  a  better  season." 

"Yes;  but  you  may  wait  too  long.  'Sposc  she  takes 
me?" 

"  My  dear  Miles,  she  couldn't  take  a  better  fellow. 
Next  to  myself,  I  should  rejoice  to  see  you  in  possession 
of  the  prize." 

"  But  suppose,  seeing  no  chanco  of  you,  and  tired  of 
waiting,  she  takes  this  beauty,  Barry?" 

"  Then  he's  welcome  to  her,  and  she  wouldn't  be  the 
woman  for  me.     I  should  rejoice  in  my  escape." 

44  Randall,  you're  a  cursed  sight  too  proud." 

"  No,  Miles,  I  only  put  a  proper  value  upon  a  wife. 
The  girl  who  is  in  such  haste  to  get  a  husband  as  to 


the  tennesseean's  story.  175 

marry  any  that  offers  rather  than  lose  a  chance  is  worth 
no  man's  having." 

"  I  don't  know  but  you're  right." 
"While  upon  this  fruitful  subject,  let  us  pass  from  tho 
two  friends  to  another  of  the  parties  to  our  story,  whoso 
feelings,  about  this  period,  were  similarly  concerned 
with  the  fair  Geraldinc,  and  the  approaching  festivities. 
Sunday  was  usually  chosen  by  our  excellent  acquaint- 
ance, Jones  Barry,  for  his  dinners.  He  was  then  apt 
to  call  in  his  acquaintance,  to  see  his  friends,  and  mako 
a  day  of  it.  He  never  denied  himself  on  these  days. 
He  was  a  bachelor,  a  man  of  wealth,  and  enjoyed  a  cer- 
tain degree  of  impunity.  He  at  least  assumed  that 
one,  whose  behavior  was  so  uniformly  good  during  the 
week,  should  be  permitted  his  enjoyments  on  the  Sab- 
bath. Of  course,  we  quarrel  with  no  man  for  his  opin- 
ions. We  are  indulgent,  and  only  propose  to  show  his 
practice  under  them. 

Jones  Barry  had  a  clcverish  cook,  who  could  make 
mock  turtle  to  perfection,  and  dress  a  haunch  of  venison 
to  the  equal  satisfaction  of  epicure  and  hunter.  He 
loved  good  things,  and  never  stinted  himself  at  any  time; 
but  it  was  on  Sunday  that  he  particularly  laid  himself 
out  to  be  happy.  The  first  day  of  the  week  had  como 
in  which  the  birthday  fete  of  Miss  Foster  was  to  be 
celebrated.  He  had  several  guests  that  day,  and  an 
excellent  dinner.  There  was  our  old  friend,  Nettles, 
among  the  former,  to  whom  one  end  of  the  table  was 
assigned.  Joe  Blake,  Dick  Moore,  and  Tom  Lechmere 
formed  the  rest  of  the  company.  The  dinner  passed  off 
gloriously.  When  the  cloth  was  removed,  the  host, 
raising  his  glass,  cried — 

"  Fill,  gentlemen,  and  drink  to  the  health  of  the  fair 
Geraldine." 

"Lady  or  filly?"  inquired  Nettles. 

"Come,  Tom,  don't  be  disrespectful.     She  may  yet 
be  my  wife." 

Nettles  repeated  the  question. 

"Lady  or  filly,  Jones?" 


176  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

"You're  a  beast,"  cried  Barry;  "drink  before  I  send 
the  bottle  at  your  head.'' 

"Do  nothing  of  the  kind,  I  beg,  until  you've  emptied 
it  at  least.  But  still  let  me  ask.  I  drink,  you  see;  for 
it  matters  not  much  to  your  friends  whom  you  marry; 
but  which  is  it,  Jones?  Wo  know  you  love  the  lady,  at 
least  you  say  so,  and  it's  very  certain  to  everybody  that 
you  really  love  the  mare.  Now,  if  a  Roman  emperor 
made  one  of  his  mares  a  divinity,  and  fed  it  on  silver 
crowfoot  and  golden  ears,  handsomely  cracked  in  a 
marble  basin,  there's  no  reason  why  a  Georgia  planter 
shouldn't  promote  his  filly  by  marriage." 

"Pshaw!  that's  all  nonsense  about  the  Roman  em- 
peror." 

"True,  every  bit  of  it,  except  that  I  have  my  doubts 
about  the  gender  of  the  beast.  But  tell  us  truly.  Out 
with  it  like  a  man.  Are  you  to  be  married  to  the  fair 
Geraldine?" 

"To  the  lady,  perhaps.'' 

"Is  it  fixed?" 

"Not  exactly,  but  so  nigh  there's  no  fun  in  it." 

"Ah!  then  you  have  proposed,  Jones?" 

"No — not  to  Geraldine  herself,  but  the  mother  goes 
for  me." 

"But  that's  not  the  daughter." 

"It's  something  towards  the  election." 

"Don't  believe  a  word  of  it,  Jones,"  answered  the 
reckless  Nettles.  "It's  like  your  racehorse  calculations, 
lou'll  be  beaten  when  you're  most  certain." 

"And  who's  to  beat  me,  do  you  think?" 

"Why  Ran.  Hammond,  to  be  sure." 

"He!  lie  stands  no  more  chance  than  my  grandmother. 
Why,  Mrs.  Foster  hates  him  as  she  does  poison." 

"What  of  that?  I  can  tell  you  she  wouldn't  hate  him 
long,  if  he  was  willing  to  marry  her  instead  of  the  daughter. 
But  her  hate  don't  hurt.  That  girl  has  a  will  of  her 
own,  if  ever  woman  had;  and  Madam  Foster's  dislikes 


won'j;  help  your  likes,  I  can  tell  you. 
k4She  as  good  as  tells  me  I'm  sure 


of  Geraldine." 


THE  TENNESSEEAN's  STORY.  177 

"Many  a  slip  betwixt  the  cup  and  the  lip.  Now  look 
you,  Jones,  my  boy ;  I  like  you  well  enough;  your  din- 
ners are  excellent,  and  you  keep  the  best  wine  decidedly 
in  the  country." 

"Do  you  really  think  so,  Tom?     You  are  a  judge." 

"You  do — only  you  keep  it  always  too  near  your  own 
plate." 

"There  it  is— Blake,  hand  that  bottle  to  the  ox." 

"Ox!  well,  I  suppose  it  is  because  I'm  an  ox  that 
you  offer  me  a  horn." 

"Take  two  of  them,  that  you  may  be  finished." 

"But  I'll  not  finish  there/' 

"Go  ahead!" 

"Well,  as  I  was  saying,  I  like  you  and  your  dinners 
well  enough.  You're  a  good  fellow  in  your  way,  though 
you  have  too  great  fondness  for  women  of  the  circus." 

"Tom!  Tom!  mum!     Honor  bright,  old  fellow." 

"Out  with  it,  Nettles!"  was  the  cry  of  Joe  Blake,  and 
the  rest. 

"  Another  time,  boys,  another  time.  Let's  see,  where 
was  I?  Ah!  I  was  saying, — but,  to  begin  fair,  I'll  give 
you  a  toast.     Fill,  if  you  please." 

"Fill,  gentlemen,"  said  the  host.  "Fill  to  Tom 
Nettles,  charged." 

"Here's  to  Ran.  Hammond;  a  stiff  fellow,  perhaps, 
but  a  real  man  and  a  true  gentleman." 

Jones  Barry  gulped  and  swallowed  with  the  rest. 

"I  drink,"  said  he.  "I  can  afford  it.  I'm  not  afraid 
of  anything  Ran.  Hammond  can  do  in  this  affair." 

"You're  not!  Well,  mark  my  words;  this  girl's  for 
him,  and  not  for  you ;  and  better,  let  me  tell  you,  that 
he  should  marry  her,  and  not  you.  Better  for  us  as 
well  as  you." 

"And  why,  pray?": 

"Why,  then,  let  me  tell  you.  She'd  be  your  master 
in  no  time,  and  she'd  rule  you  with  a  rod  of  iron.  No 
more  dinners  on  Sunday,  boys.  No  more  wine  for  good 
fellows ;  and,  instead  of  our  excellent  friend,  Jones  Barry, 
presiding  where  he  does — now  running  a  fine  horse,  now 


178  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

opening  a  fine  bottle,  now  jerking  at  a  gander's  gullet, 
and  now  sitting  in  a  Sultana's  lap — " 
"  Mum,  Tom,  mum  !" 

"  I  say,  instead  of  this,  look  at  the  poor  fellow,  afraid 
to  say  his  soul's  his  own !  He  gives  no  dinners,  boys, 
for  his  wife  finds  no  pleasure  in  our  company  ;  he  opens 
no  wine,  my  boys — his  wife  keeps  the  keys  ;  he  pulls  no 
gander's  neck,  since  his  wife  makes  him  tender-hearted 
by  pulling  his  ;  and,  instead  of  sitting,  now  and  then, 
in  the  lap  of  a  pretty  woman  at  the  circus,  drinking 
apple-toddy,  he  hates  the  very  sight  of  a  pretty  woman, 
as  it  tells  him  that,  instead  of  a  mistress,  he  has  got  a 
master.  No,  no,  boys  !  I  say  the  fair  Geraldine  to 
Ran.  Hammond  ;  he  can  tame  her  ;  and  if  our  friend 
Jones  must  have  a  wife,  let  her  be  the  fat,  laughing  girl, 
that  serves  the  bar  at  old  Hiram  Davy's  corner ;  who 
sweetens  the  toddy  with  her  smiles  instead  of  sugar; 
and  when  she  says,  '  Is  it  to  your  liking,  sir  ?'  makes  it 
go  down  like  a  blessing.  She's  the  girl,  boys,  for  Jones 
Barry  ;  and  I  drink  the  health  of  Susannah  Davy,  and 
may  good  fellow  never  get  a  smaller  armful  !" 

"  Armful,  you  snake  in  the  grass !  Why  she's  a 
houseful ;  she  weighs  three  hundred  if  she  weighs  a 
pennyweight." 

"  Three  hundred  !  Jones,  that's  a  scandal.  I  was 
at  the  last  weighing  ;  two  hundred  and  forty-five,  and 
the  stillyard  on  a  perfect  level — not  a  grain  more. 
You  couldn't  get  a  better  wife, if  happiness  is  what  you 
aim  at." 

All  these  sallies  produced  their  appropriate  merri- 
ment. But  we  need  not  pursue  our  good  fellows  through 
their  midnight  orgies.  Enough  that  Tom  Nettles 
floored  his  host,  and,  after  seeing  him  solemnly  laid 
out  on  the  rug  before  the  fireplace,  he  coolly  took  pos- 
session of  Barry's  own  couch,  which  the  latter  did  not 
seem  greatly  to  affect.  The  rest  of  the  company, 
towards  the  small  hours  of  the  morning,  were  similarly 
disposed  of. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'8  STORY.  179 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

TIIE  BIRTHDAY    FETE. 

The  decision  of  Miles  Henderson  was  precisely  that 
of  Jones  Barry.  He  had  prepared  himself,  under  the 
special  instructions  of  Mrs.  Foster,  to  make  his  propo- 
sals to  the  fair  Geraldine,  on  the  occasion  of  her  birth- 
day. That  excellent  lady,  the  step-mother,  had  several 
private  conferences  with  this  favored  suitor,  without  the 
knowledge  of  the  young  lady.  In  these  conversations, 
she  particularly  encouraged  his  hopes,  and  enjoined 
upon  him  the  experiment  during  the  progress  of  the 
festivities.  She  did  not  tell  him  upon  what  she  had 
based  her  calculations  of  success,  probably  with  some 
just  apprehensions  in  regard  to  his  prudence  ;  but  she 
might  have  trusted  him  ;  for,  in  all  his  revelations  to 
his  companions  over  the  bottle,  he  never  yielded  up 
his  secrets  entirely.  He  still  kept  something  to  him- 
self, following  the  counsel  of  Burns — which  even  Tom 
Kettles,  who  wormed  a  good  deal  out  of  him  without 
seeming  to  design  it,  could  never  succeed  in  extracting 
from  his  tongue.  It  is  probable  that  the  calculations 
of  Mrs.  Foster  were  not  remarkable  for  their  profundity ; 
yet  they  might  have  been  sufficient,  for  all  that,  for 
the  purpose  she  had  in  contemplation.  She  probably 
designed  nothing  more  than  so  to  vex  the  capricious 
pride  and  impulse  of  Geraldine,  with  respect  to  Ham- 
mond, as  to  make  her  disgust  him  by  her  eccentricities ; 
and  the  scheme  was  a  good  one,  so  far  as  it  was  founded 
upon  a  pretty  correct  knowledge  of  the  character  of  both 
persons.  But  the  affaires  de  coeur  of  young  people  are  so 
much  influencedby  chance  and  circumstance — some  would 
say  Providence — that  the  nicest  calculations  of  cunning 


180  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

are  apt  to  fail  at  the  moment  of  exigency ;  and,  with 
some  knowledge  of  this  danger  from  casualties,  our  ex- 
cellent step-mother  was  more  than  usually  careful  in 
devising  the  events  as  well  as  the  picnic  and  the  supper. 
How  she  did  this,  or  tried  to  do  it,  it  is  not  exactly  ne- 
cessary that  we  should  show  ;  and  wo  must  not  antici- 
pate actual  events  by  speculating  upon  their  features 
and  family  likenesses  while  they  are  yet  in  the  womb 
of  the  future.  Enough  that  all  parties  had  completed 
their  arrangements  for  the  birthday,  which  at  length 
dawned  to  the  awakening  of  many  and  conflicting  anx- 
ieties. 

The  sun  smiled  brightly  and  beautifully  that  morn- 
ing, without  a  cloud;  and,  as  the  purpose  of  the  ladies 
at  the  "Lodge"  was  to  make  "a  day  of  it,"  the  company 
began  to  appear  right  early.     They  came  from  a  con- 
siderable  distance,  Mrs.  Foster  having  been  at  pains 
to  invite  the  most  remote  acquaintances,  in  order  that 
the  display  should  not  be  thrown  away  upon  few  and 
inferior  judges.     Her  preparations  had  been  conceived 
on  a  scale  which,  however  rustic,  was  unusually  liberal 
for  that  region  of  country.     Supplies,  as  we  have  seen, 
had  been  pouring  in  for  some  time  previous.    A  number 
of  violins,  clarionets,  and  tambourines  had  been  em- 
ployed, and  a  volunteer  drummer  made  his  unexpected 
appearance  with  the  rest,  assuming  thatnomusical  noises 
were  objectionable  at  a  charivari.     In  one  sense,  it  was 
a  charivari  that  was  in  progress ;  but  our  opinion  is, 
though   no   censure  was  passed  upon  his  conduct,  that 
the  drummer  was  decidedly  guilty  of  presumption .    As  if 
troubled  with  some  suspicions  of  the  same  sort,  he  mo- 
destly withdrew  his  performances   to   a  distance,   and 
only  within  earshot  of  the  house.     Here,  upon  a  small 
mound,  which  had  probably  been  an  Indian  tabernacle, 
and  which  was  surrounded  with  a  clump  of  pines,  he 
threshed  away  with  his  merry  sticks  to  the  delight  of 
those  who,  in  carriage  or  buggy,  were  passing  up  the 
avenue.     The  horses  danced  with  delight  as  they  heard 
the  inspiriting   clamor,  and  the  attempts  to  run  away 


TUK  TKNNllShKilAN'ri  hTUllV.  181 

only  gave  more  life  to  tlio  proceedings,     The  drum  be- 
canto,  in  a  littlu  time,  too  uhoI'uI  i'oi*  dismission. 

Mrs,  Hammond  arrived  at  an  early  hour.  Hor  son 
did  not  then  accompany  hor.  Ho  was  governed  in  this 
delay  by  motives  which  wo  may  conjecture  from  what 
wo  have  heard  him  nay,  on  a  provioun  occasion,  to  his 
friend  Henderson.  It  was  hi*  policy  not  to  seem  too 
unxious.  J I  is  mother's  motive  Tor  coming  curly  wan 
that  she  might  not  stny  lata.  She  did  not  come  Hook- 
ing amusement,  and  she  designed  returning  homo  before 
the  day  was  out.  It  was  in  compliment  to  the  lady, 
>vho  might  yet  bo  her  son's  wife,  that  she  came  at  all. 
She  was  received  respectfully  by  Uoraldino,  and  civilly 
enough  by  Mrs.  Foster.  Tin*  latter  was  too  greatly  in 
her  gb>ry  not  to  seem  amiable  that  day.  Her  vanity 
was  in  full  exercise,  to  enable  her  to  play  hor  part  with 
suavity  and  grace. 

Of  course,  v>o  cannot  pretend  to  describe  the  person* 
present.  They  were  very  numerous,  not  less  than  two 
hundred  and  fifty  having  been  invited.  All,  certainly, 
did  not  attend  :  hut  then*  were  some  who  came  without 
being  conscious  of  the  necessity  of  being  asked;  ami 
these  were  usually  the  most  conspicuous  and  active  in 
their  attentions  to  themselves  and  one  another.  Our 
amiable  friend  Miles  Henderson,  and  our  humorous 
friend  Jones  Barry,  arrived  at  the  same  moment;  tho 
latter  accompanied  by  his  Mephistophcles,  Tom  Nettles. 
It  was  with  a  slight  shade  upon  her  brow  that  Goral- 
dine  observed  that  Henderson  came  alone.  She  had 
looked,  as  a  matter  of  course,  that  Hammond  would  ac- 
company Henderson.  Her  mother  saw  the  expression 
in  her  countenance,  and  remarked,  in  an  under  tone,  as 
Miles  rode  up — 

"  So,  his  friend's  not  with  him.  I  doubt  if  lie  comes 
at  all.  His  pride  would  scarcely  allow  him  to  do  any- 
thing which  seemed  to  do  us  honor." 

"  Jhit  his  mother's  here,"  whispered  Gcraldine. 
"  To  spy  out  the  poverty  of  the  land,  and  to  go  home 
and  sneer.     We  havn't  such  a  display  of  plate  as  the 
16 


182  A8  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

Hammonds  can  set  out;  and  she  will  have  her  say  about 
the  difference  between  old  times,  when  she  was  every- 
body, and  now  when  other  people  want  to  be  some- 
body." 
.  *'  Mother,  you  are  too  harsh !" 
"  Too  harsh  !  Well,  you  can  make  up  for  it  by  being 
too  tender  !  "We'll  see  yet  if  the  soft  heart  of  the 
woman  proves  too  weak  for  the  arrogant  pride  of  the 
man." 

The  daughter  felt  the  imputation,  and  turned  away 
with  an  expressive  smile  upon  her  lips.  The  mother 
knew  the  meaning  and  the  value  of  that  smile,  and  she 
was  satisfied.  Pride  was  the  weakness  of  Gcraldino ; 
and  upon  this  characteristic  the  cunning  woman  played. 
She  knew  that  while  she  kept  this  feeling  sore  and 
irritable,  her  schemes  were  in  no  danger ;  and  she  knew 
enough  of  Hammond's  character,  and  suspected  enough 
of  his  policy,  to  believe  that  he  would  be  more  likely  to 
increase  this  irritability  of  her  daughter's  mood  than 
to  soothe  or  overcome  it.  We  shall  see  whose  politics 
were  the  wisest. 

The  greater  portion  of  the  company  having  arrived, 
the  grounds  began  to  be  filled  with  groups,  detaching 
themselves  from  the  mass,  each  for  the  gratification  of 
his  or  her  peculiar  sympathies.     Some  of  the  younger 
damsels  might  be  seen  swinging  or  skipping  rope  under 
the  shade-trees,  with  a  fair  sprinkling  of  dapper  young 
lads  to  devour,  with  greedy  looks  of  love,  their  several 
movements    and  devices.     Here  and  there,  along  the 
avenue,  might  be  seen  a  whizzing  ball,  in  the  hurling 
of  which  the  youngsters  were  the  performers,  and  the 
ladies  were  lookers  on;  while  tables,  spread  convenient- 
ly, offered  cakes  and  lemonade  as  refreshments  to  the 
languid  and  exhausted.     But  anon,  the  drum  gave  the 
gratuitous  signal,  and  the  clarionet  and  violin  led  the 
way  for  a  procession.     The  swing  and  rope  were  aban- 
doned in  a  moment,  the  ball  received  its  last  cast.     The 
youth  of  both  sexes  came  together,  and  paired  off,  by  a 
very  natural  movement,  which  showed  how  sympathetic 


the  tennesseean's  story.  183 

were  the  instincts  of  both  parties ;  and  away  they 
march  in  a  procession  which  led  through  a  beautiful 
avenue  of  oaks  and  cedars.  It  was  at  this  moment,  and 
while  our  young  friend  Jones  Barry,  being  plucked 
by  the  sleeve  by  Mrs.  Foster,  was  breaking  away  from 
the  society  of  Tom  Nettles,  and  rushing  forward  to 
offer  his  arm  to  Geraldine,  that  Randall  Hammond  was 
seen  suddenly  to  glide  from  under  a  clump  of  shade- 
trees,  near  the  avenue,  and  anticipate  his  intentions. 
Geraldine  certainly  did  not,  in  her  countenance,  reflect 
the  spite  which  was  apparent  in  the  visage  of  the  mo- 
ther, at  this  moment,  to  Tom  Nettles,  wlio  muttered  to 
himself  with  that  sort  of  grin  and  chuckle  which  the 
man  of  mischief  puts  on  when  he  sees  sport. 

"It  sticks,  old  lady,  does  it?  and  so  it  should.  Ran. 
Hammond  is  the  lad  to  conquer  both  of  you." 

I  lis  sneer  and  feeling  did  not  prevent  him  from  play- 
ing the  gallant  with  the  very  lady  whose  vexation  had 
so  much  pleased  him.  While  the  anger  was  yet  quiver- 
ing on  her  lip,  he  drew  nigh,  and  with  the  sweetest 
smile  in  the  world,  and  the  nicest  compliment,  he 
tendered  her  his  arm  ;  which,  as  he  was  a  most  comely 
person  and  a  moderately  young  bachelor,  the  judicious 
lady  at  once  frankly  accepted. 

"Really,"  said  he,  "Mrs.  Foster,  you  are  in  every 
respect  fortunate.  The  day  is  just  the  day  for  such  a 
fete,  and  it  is  no  discredit  to  the  company  to  say  that 
it  is  worthy  of  your  arrangements.  I  need  not  say  that 
they  are  worthy  of  any  company.' ' 

"Oh,  Mr.  Nettles,  you  overwhelm  whilo  you  delight 
me!" 

"  True  in  every  respect,  my  dear  madam.  I  never 
saw  so  excellent. and  large  a  collection  of  fine  people 
before  in  the  county.  I  could  scarcely  have  thought, 
indeed,  that  the  county  could  boast  of  so  many  fashion- 
able-looking people." 

"  Nor  does  it,  Mr.  Nettles!"  answered  the  lady,  with 
a  delighted  smile.  "In  some  instances,  I  have  gone  out 
of  the  county  for  my  guests." 

"That  explains  it,"  said  he,  quietly,  as  if  assured 


184  AS  GOOD  AS  A  comedy:  or, 

and  satisfied.    "Miss  Foster,"  he  continued,  "  is  a  beau- 
tiful creature.      They  would  make  a  noble  couple." 

The  motion  of  his  hand  was  in  the  direction  of  Geral- 
dine  and  Hammond,  who  were  just  wheeling  out  of  sight 
in  a  turn  of  the  avenue.  The  remark,  which  he  well 
knew  was  wormwood  to  his  hearer,  remained  unanswered. 
Nettles  was  a  man  to  dash  his  bitter  usually  with  some 
sweet  ;  though,  pcrhnps,  the  bitter  was  apt,  finally,  to 
preponderate. 

"  lint  it  is  the  misfortune  of  young  persons,  who  have 
no  guardians  sufficiently  their  seniors  to  command  their 
veneration,  to  be  perverse  in  such  matters.  I  should 
fear  that  Miss  Foster  is  too  decidedly  your  companion 
to  be  sensible  of  your  authority." 

"  There  is  some  truth  in  what  you  say,  Mr.  Nettles, 
though,  as  her  proper  guardian,  I  ought  not  to  confess 
it.  But,  the  fact  is  that,  when  I  yielded  to  the  entrea- 
ties of  Mr.  Foster,  I  was  but  a  child  myself." 

The  words  passed  through  the  brain,  but  did  not  find 
their  way  to  the  tongue  of  Nettlos  :  "  Pretty  well  grown, 
and  honestly  twenty-eight,  if  old  grandmother  Crowell 
knew  anything  about  it."  lie  did  not  suffer  any  pause 
for  reflection,  as  he  answered — 

"  The  county  proverb  is  a  true  one,  I'm  afraid,  Mrs. 
Foster." 

"What  proverb,  Mr.  Nettles?" 

"  That  which  says  that  the  mothers  are  only  the  elder 
sisters  of  the  daughters,  and  that  the  widows  are  always 
in  the  way  of  the  virgins!" 

"  lint  you  don't  believe  it,  Mr.  Nettles  ?" 

"At  this  moment,  I  have  every  reason  to  do  so;" 
and  the  grateful  lady  was  not  unconscious  of  the  slight 
contracting  pressure  upon  her  own  of  the  arm  in  which 
it  rested.  The  thought  irresistibly  forced  itself  upon 
her — 

"  IJow  strange  that  Mr.  Nettles  shouldn't  have  thought 
of  a  wife.  Certainly,  it's  high  time  for  him  to  do  so,  if 
he  ever  means  to  get  one." 

Nettles  was  a  famous  mocker,  but  we  must  follow  the 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  185 

company  rather  than  the  conversation.     The  procession 
continued  through  most  delightful  groves,  all  the  way 
to  the  mill-seat  of  Gushlynn.     On  the  route,  the  young 
people  sported  like  so  many  kids.     Conspicuous  among 
these  was  Jones  Barry;  who,  playing  his  antics  directly 
in  the  sight  of  Geraldine  Foster,  might,  if  he  had  been 
sufficiently  observant  and  sagacious,  have  seen  upon  her 
countenance  a  scorn  quite  as  expressive  as  that  with 
which  Michal  saluted  David  when  she  saw  him  dancing 
along  the  highways.     Geraldine,  in  respect  of  pride,  was 
no  bad  representative  of  Saul's  daughter.     Barry  was 
the  centre  of  a  bevy  of  fat  girls,  whose  dimensions  some- 
what reminded  him  of  the  barkeeper's  daughter,  whom 
Kettles  had  counselled  him  to  choose  for  a  wife.     It  was 
evident  that  he  was  not  less  a  favorite  among  them, 
because  he  consented  to  play  antics  in  their  sight.     He 
might  have  had  his  choice  among  them,  without  leaving 
the  rejected  any  better  satisfied,  or  worse  off.     Miles 
Henderson  revolved  near  Geraldine,  but  as  an  escort  to 
one  of  the  Baileys,  a  quiet,  dignified   girl,  one  of  the 
three  or  four  whom  Mrs.  Hammond  was  not  unwilling 
that  her  son  should  espouse.     The  procession  passed 
forward,  the  music  still  vibrated  along  the  groves,  and 
soon  the  groups   began  to  arrive  at  the  beautiful  place 
chosen  for  the  picnic,  the  fine  park  of  open  pines  which 
spread  along  at  the  foot  of  the  falling  waters  of  Gush- 
lynn.     This  was  an  abandoned  mill-seat,  the  great  dam 
and  lloodgate  of  which  were  still  maintained  in  repair; 
the  former  being  a  broad  carriage-track,  overgrown  on 
each  side  and  perfectly  shaded  by  great  evergreens,  the 
water-oak,  the  cedar,  and  several  other  trees;  while  the 
lloodgate  afforded  a  pretty  and  picturesque  fall  of  water, 
whose  torrents  were  always  making  a  pleasant  murmur 
for  the  groves.     Above  the  dam  lay  an  immense  sheet 
of  several  thousand  acres,  several  feet  deep,  of  water; 
while  below,  the  falling   surplus  found   its  way,  after 
passing  the  wreck  of  the  old  mill-house,  into  a  sweet  little 
lake,  which  was  sufficiently  deep  for  midsummer  bathing. 
This  too  was  surrounded  by  an  ample  shade  of  evergreens, 

10* 


186  AS  GOOD  AS  A  comedy:  OR, 

andthefow^nsewi/t'presentedoneof  thoselovely  pictures 
of  united  elevation,  water,  and  shade-tree  which,  after  all, 
present  the  most  durable  materials  for  the  landscape 
painter.  J  lore  then,  along  the  mill-dam,  in  the  shade  of 
the  pine  woods  below,  and  at  intervals  around  the  reserve 
and  the  lakelet  of  discharged  waters,  our  company  dis- 
persed themselves,  each  after  his  own  fashion  seeking 
pleasure.  Here  again  the  swing  was  found,  as  well  of 
rope  as  of  great  grape-vines  on  which  the  young  dam- 
sels reclined,  and  in  which  they  were  rocked  occasionally 
by  the  eager  hands  of  the  dutiful  young  men.  Here, 
too,  the  ball  was  again  put  in  requisition  among  the 
more  athletic,  who  darted  through  the  wide  green 
avenues  in  graceful  flight,  or  hurried  in  pursuit,  with 
good-natured  fury.  Some  of  the  young  ladies  did  not 
scorn  to  engage  in  the  play,  though  it  was  observed 
that  all  who  did  so  had  previously  taken  the  precaution 
of  wearing  short  frocks  and  ample  pantalettes.  These 
nice  little  appendages  of  the  petticoats,  it  was  perhaps 
censoriously  remarked  by  some  of  the  elder  maidens, 
were  worn  quite  gratuitously  by  several  who  in  no  other 
way  could  be  suspected  of  being  still  in  miniature  girl- 
hood. But  this  matter  does  not  concern  us.  It  may 
be  well,  however,  to  state  that  Geraldine,  whatever 
might  have  been  the  imputations  upon  her  eccentricity, 
was  not  seen  to  participate  in  any  of  these  wilder  exer- 
cises, though  her  excellent  step-mother  frequently  urged 
it  upon  her,  and  stoutly  seconded  the  entreaties  of  our 
friend  Barry,  who  challenged  her  to  a  match  at  rope- 
skipping.  That  the  eye  of  Hammond  and  his  mother 
were  both  upon  her,  all  the  while,  with  some  curiosity, 
did  not  discourage  Mrs.  Foster  from  her  object.  On 
the  contrary,  somewhat  stimulated  by  seeing* that  they 
watched  the  daughter,  she  was  more  than  ever  anxious 
to  persuade  her  to  the  exhibitions  of  the  hoyden.  Wo 
have  already  some  knowledge  of  her  policy.  It  did  not 
succeed  in  this  instance,  even  though,  stung  by  refusal, 
she  said  bitterly,  as  she  turned  away  from  the  girl:. 
"  Well,  you  are  perhaps  right.     1  see  that  the  Queen 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  187 

of  Sheba,  ami  her  wise  Solomon,  arc  both  watching  you. 
They  would  never  countenance,  1  suppose,  any  such  in- 
nocent practices." 

The  high-spirited  girl  was  half  tempted  to  whirl  away 
upon  the  rope,  or  to  seize,  and  wing,  and   pursue   the 
ball,  as  she  heard  this  imputation  upon  her  courage,  but 
she   too    had    her    reilcctions,  and    prudently   forbore. 
Indeed,  she  now  began  to  feel,  not  only  that  she   had 
something  at  stake,  but  that  her  step-mother  was  neither 
the  most  wise  nor  the  most  disinterested  of  counsellors. 
Barry,  sustained  by  her  guardian,  she  began  to  feel  was 
something  of  a  bore;  and  she  was  conscious  of  a  purpose, 
which  she  now  perforce  maintained,  which  would    suf- 
ficiently try  the  sense  of  propriety  as  well  in  Hammond 
as  his  mother.     But  of  this  hereafter.      It  is  certain 
that  she  refused  to  do  the  graces  on  the  skipping-rope, 
or   the  fairies  in  pursuit  of  the  flying  ball.     She  con- 
ducted herself  with  a  demureness  which,  while  it  vexed 
her  mother,  was  quite  satisfactory  to  other  parties;  and 
Mrs.  Hammond  returned  home,  at  an  early  hour  in  the 
day,  much  better  reconciled  to  the  object  of  her  son's 
admiration  than  she  was  before  she  came. 

Meanwhile,  the  business  of  the  day  proceeded  with 
pleasure,  as  it  had  begun.  Dinner  was  spread  under 
the  shade  of  the  great  trees  ;  a  well-considered  repast, 
in  which  the  provision  was  ample,  and  in  good  taste. 
In  this  matter,  Mrs.  Foster  received  no  small  assistance 
from  her  daughter,  who  had  brought  to  her  knowledge 
the  refinements  of  the  ancient  and  elegant  city  of  Savan- 
nah. When  one  of  the  plain  country  ladies  of  the  past 
generation  beheld,  for  the  first  time,  a  display  of  silver 
forks,  and  silver  fish  and  butter-knives,  she  exclaimed, 
with  looks  of  genuine  apprehension,  "  I  reckon  the 
widow  must  have  broke  Savannah  !" 

The  fruits  of  the  West  Indies  had  been  brought  to 
grace  the  repast.  There  were  oranges  and  lemons, 
plantains  and  bananas,  pineapples  and  cocoanuts.  There 
were  preserved  fruits  and  foreign  cordials,  and  a  very 
generous  supply  of  champagne  ;  a  beverage  which  mobt 


188  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

effectually  entrapped,  to  their  overthrow,  sundry  per- 
sons who  had  never  drank  any  beverage  of  similar 
flavor  more  grateful  than  "persimmon  beer."  Our 
friend,  Jones  Barry,  through  the  agency  of  Mrs.  Foster, 
was  a  conspicuous  person  in  the  order  of  the  exercises. 
He  was  rather  a  volunteer,  when  the  champagne-corks 
were  to  be  sprung,  his  whole  soul  being  surrendered  to 
the  happiness  of  seeing  the  young  ladies  start  with  sur- 
prise at  a  sound  which  was  so  unwonted  from  such  a 
source.  We  must  add  that  his  practice  was  scarcely  so 
innocent  when  he  busied  himself  in  decoying  the  same 
simple  damsels  to  such  free  draughts  of  the  liquor  as 
rendered  them  scarcely  less  ridiculous  than  himself. 
That  mischievous  creature,  Tom  jXettlcs,  was  busy, 
however,  in  playing  upon  Barry  the  same  game  which 
he  played  upon  the  girls,  and  he  watched  with  no  little 
pleasure  the  uncertain  strides  which  the  latter  took 
among  the  several  groups  which  he  haunted,  while  his 
voice  equally  increased  in  thickness  and  rapidity.  These 
ludicrous  proceedings,  however,  were  about  to  undergo 
a  change.  There  is  scarcely  any  human  pleasure,  as 
we  know,  which  can  be  considered  certain  for  three 
hours  together.  Our  hero,  Barry,  in  the  midst  of  his 
merriment,  suddenly  remembered  that  he  had  a  serious 
business  before  him ;  a  look  and  a  whisper  from  Mrs. 
Foster  drew  his  attention  to  Geraldine,  who  had  wan- 
dered off  with  Miles  Henderson  to  the  ancient  mill-site, 
and  was  now  to  be  seen  at  the  extremity  of  one  of  the 
remaining"  beams  or  sleepers.  The  torrent  ran  at 
considerable  depth  below.  Beside  her,  stood  Miles 
Henderson.  He  seemed  about  to  leave  her;  and,  with 
the  words,  "Now's  your  time,"  Mrs.  Foster  left  Barry 
to  pursue  his  purpose. 

Barry,  who  was  a  creature  of  simple  impulses,  imme- 
diately started  away,  and,  in  his  passage  up  the  mill- 
dam,  met  Miles  Henderson  returning  alone.  Poor 
Miles  had  given  in  his  petition,  but  without  waiting  or 
seeking  for  a  present  answer.  He  only  implored  that 
Miss  Foster  would  read  his  billet  at  the  first  opportu- 


the  tennesseean's  story.  189 

Hi ty,  and  communicate  her  reply  as  soon  as  possible. 
He  muttered  something  about  anxiety  and  suspense;  but 
he  was  rather  unintelligible  to  himself,  and  lie  could  not 
trust  himself  to  be  more  explicit,     lie  was  crossing  the 
mill-bank  quietly,  without  seeking  to  attract  attention, 
and  was  just  about  to  descend  to  the  plain,  when  Barry 
appeared  below.     The  latter,  however,  perceiving  the 
object  whom    he  was  pursuing  to  be  still  lingering  at 
the  end  of  the  great  sleeper  which  crossed  the  chasm, 
one  end  resting  upon  the  bank  and  the  other  upon  the 
opposite  foundations  of  the  mill-house,  proceeded  to  take 
the  shortest  route  for  reaching  her,  and,  instead  of  keep- 
ing the  bank,  he  darted  aside,  and  was  in  a  few  moments 
seen  upon  the  sleeper.     The  height  was  a  dizzy  one,  and 
so  was  the  head  of  the  daring  suitor.    Miss  Foster,  seeing 
his  approach,  hastily  thrust  the  note  of  Henderson  into 
her  besom.     At  this  moment,   and    when  he  was  half 
way  across  the  passage,  he  began  to  fumble  in  his  own 
bosom,  and  before  he  or  anybody  could  conjecture  his 
peril,  he  toppled  suddenly,losthisbalance,and  went  over, 
kicking  and   floundering  with  ineffectual  struggles,  into 
the  boiling  waters  below.     Fortunately,  they  were  deep 
enough  to  break  his  fall,  which  was  some  twelve  or  fifteen 
feet,  and  he  disappeared,  headforemost,  in  the  petty  gulf. 
Geraldine   screamed   aloud,   for   she   saw  the  accident 
instantly,  and  the  scream  was  echoed  by  a  dozen  other 
pretty  damsels  on  the  opposite  side.    It  required  but  a  few 
moments  to  make  the  event  known  among  the  crowd, 
and  twenty  seconds  had  not  elapsed  before  Tom  Nettles 
and  Randall  Hammond  had  made  their  way  to  the  edge 
of  the  lake,  where  l>arry  was  now  struggling  with  very 
ineffectual  efforts,  his  wine  being  diluted,  seemingly,  to 
the  entire  defeat  of  his  energies,  by  the  disproportionate 
quantity  of  the  inferior  liquid  which  he  had  swallowed 
after  it  perforce.     A  couple  of  long-pointed  poles  hap- 
pened to  be  convenient,  and  were  seized  in  the  same 
instant  by  Hammond  and   Nettles.     With  these  they 
fished  the  poor  fellow  up  by  his  clothes,  to  the  bank, 
the  mischievous  Nettles    contriving,  more    than    once, 


190  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

by  seemingly  awkward  movements,  to  thrust  him  down 
into  the  lake  just  when  he  expected  to  be  out  of  it.  It 
was  in  vain  that  Hammond  honestly  labored  to  get  the 
gallant  upon  his  legs.  It  happened,  unfortunately  for 
Barry,  that  his  head  lay  nearest  to  Nettles  ;  and  the 
wilful  agitation  of  the  latter,  with  his  pole  thrust  into 
the  breast  of  Barry's  coat,  succeeded  in  giving  him  seve- 
ral severe  dips  before  he  was  finally  extricated. 

"Whoo!  Tom!  What  the  devil,  man  !  would  you 
drown  me  in  a  mill-pond  V 

"  No,  Jones,  my  dear  fellow  ;  but  I'm  quite  nervous 
at  your  situation — quite." 

And,  as  he  spoke,  the  head  of  the  unfortunate  took 
another  plunge,  at  the  very  moment  when  Hammond 
was  drawing  him  ashore  by  the  leg.  lie  came  forth 
looking  aghast,  shook  himself  like  a  water-dog,  and  it 
was  then  seen,  for  the  first  time,  that  he  held  a  letter 
clasped  in  his  hand. 

"Why,  Jones,  what  have  you  got  there  ?"  demanded 
Nettles. 

"A  letter  !"  and,  with  the  words,  he  cast  his  eye  up 
to  the  head  of  the  mill-seat,  as  if  still  looking  for  Ge- 
raldine.     But  she  was  no  longer  in  sight. 

"  A  letter  !  Where  the  deuce  did  you  get  it  ? — at 
the  bottom  of  the  lake  ?" 

"Don't  ask  me,  old  fellow.  I'm  no  better  than  a 
heathen  icicle.  I'm  chilled  to  the  heart.  Get  me  into 
the  bushes,  and  bring  me  a  bottle  of  champagne." 

"  A  good  brandy-toddy  would  be  better,"  said  the 
other,  while  he  hurried  off.  Hammond  then  conducted 
him  into  the  woods,  while  he  summoned  his  servant  to 
go  off  for  fresh  clothing. 

"Won't  you  go  home  yourself,  Barry  ?"  demanded 
Nettles,  when  he  returned,  having  first  administered  his 
drink. 

"  No  ;  I  feel  better  now.  I  shall  be  dry  soon.  Here, 
Tony — [to  the  boy  in  waiting] — kindle  up  a  fire,  and 
let  me  know  what  the  natural  feeling  of  dry  breeches 
is.     What  a  d d  affair  it  is  !" 


THE  TENNESSEEAN's  STORY.  191 

"Dreadful!"  said  Nettles.  "  But  that  letter, 
Jones?" 

"Oh!  if  you  must  see  it,  there  it  is." 

Nettles,  reading  the  address — 

"  To  Miss  Geraldine  Foster,"  &c. 

At  these  words,  Hammond  disappeared,  leaving  the 
two  friends  together.  It  was  night  when  they  showed 
themselves  again,  Barry  looking  as  happy  as  if  nothing 
had  happened,  and  ready  for  all  the  grateful  intricacies 
of  the  Virginny  reel. 


192  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 


CHAPTER  XV. 

THE  EVENING  OF  TIIE  DAY. 

Mrs.  Foster  was  greatly  discomfited  at  the  disaster 
of  her  favorite.  She  contrived,  however,  to  keep  her 
countenance  ;  an  effort  of  which  her  daughter  was  not 
capable.  She,  as  well  as  most  of  the  young  damsels,  as 
soon  as  it  was  discovered  that  Barry  was  in  no  danger, 
laughed  outright  at  his  predicament,  and  were  extremely 
amused  and  interested  at  the  way  in  which  he  was  fished 
out  of  the  pond;  the  particular  part  taken  by  Nettles  in 
this  delicate  operation  being  very  intelligible  to  most  of 
them.  II is  disappearance  in  the  bushes  was  followed 
by  a  movement  of  the  whole  party.  The  day  had  passed 
with  great  satisfaction  to  most  of  the  company,  and  even 
this  accident  did  not  materially  abate  the  general  satis- 
faction. The  dinner  was  excellent  ;  the  cates,  wands, 
the  wines  and  dessert,  in  especial,  were  equally  new  and 
grateful  to  the  popular  palate  ;  and  it  was  with  height- 
ened feelings  of  enjoyment,  and  heightened  expectations 
also,  that  the  guests  listened  to  the  signal  of  the  drum, 
which  announced  the  return  to  the  homestead.  With 
flying  colors  and  triumphant  music,  the  gay  cavalcade 
moved  forward  ;  but  in  order  very  different  from  that 
in  which  they  came.  There  was  now  more  life  and  im- 
pulse, and  less  formality.  People  are  more  at  home 
usually  after  the  wine  and  walnuts  ;  and  the  chatter  was 
incessant,  the  laughter  wild,  and  not  a  few  pranks  and 
petty  excesses  were  practised  on  the  return  route  among 
the  younger  people.  Hammond  did  not  now  escort  Miss 
Foster.  He  left  that  pleasant  duty  to  other  gallants, 
of  whom  the  fair  damsel  had  a  liberal  supply.  Hender- 
son also  kept   aloof,  feeling   quite   too  anxious  and  too 


THE  TKNNKSSKKAN'S  STORY.  193 

much  intorcstod  in  tho  result  of  his  application  to  risk 
himself  near  the  person  who  hold  his  futo  in  her  hands. 
Tlio  return  of  tho  party  was  happily  timed  to  bring  thorn 
into  tho  grounds  about  tho  "  Lodge,"  just  about  dusk.    A 
fairy  scene  greeted  the  eyes  of  tho  guests  as  they  now 
drew  nigh.     A  hundred  altars  seemed  to  llaiue,  at  in- 
tervals, among  tho  trees  and  along  tho  great  avenue. 
Here  rude  elevations  had  been  made  of  clay  and  sand, 
upon  which  piles  of  dry  combustible  pine  had  been  accu- 
mulated, ami  which  were*  now  all  blazing  brightly,  in 
sharp,  upWard-darting  tongues  of  fire.     Tho  rich  illumi- 
nation lighted  up  the  scene  less  softly  and  brightly,  in- 
deed, but  even  more  picturesquely  than  the  moonshine; 
and  tho  happy  groups  wandered  through  various  path- 
ways over  which  the  blazing  brands  cast  a  rich,  red  lustre, 
that  eminently  enlivened  the  rude  forests,  and  made  tho 
particular  trees  stand  forth,  each  like  a  frowning  giant. 
The   admiration   of  the  company  was  unanimous,  and 
Mrs.  Foster  exulted  in   a   triumph  which  she  did  not 
inform  any  of  her  guests  was  duo  wholly  to  tho  fancy 
of  her  step-daughter.    .For  that  matter,  the  entire  scheme 
of  the  day  belonged  to  the  latter.    All  that  was  fanciful 
and  picturesque  in  the  design  originated  in  her  taste  and 
invention.     Tea   was    served,  as    tho    party   wandered 
among  tho  trees  in   the  park.     The   tables  which  had 
borne  lemonade  and  cakes  in   the   morning,  were  now 
covered  with  hissing  urns  and  fairy-like  cups  of  china; 
and  here  the  pledges  for  partners  were  given  for  tho 
dances  which  were  to  follow.    After  the  pleasant  fashion 
of  the  peasants  in  tho  south  of  Europe,  gay  squadrons 
prepared  to  dance   under  the  shade-trees,  and  by  tho 
light  of  tho   pine-blazing  altars.     Others,  more  consi- 
derate of  domestic  forms  and  health,  prepared  to  occupy 
the  great   hall,  the  parlor,  and   piazza  of  the  dwelling- 
house.     Tho  music  was  already  in  full  discourse,  and 
tho  groups  whirling  in   tho  dance,  when  Nettles  and 
Barry  made  their  appearance.    Tho  latter  had  been  for- 
tunate, taxing  the  full  speed  of  his  horse  "  Glaucus;" 
the  tk  Fair  Geraldine"  being  in  too  great  esteem  to  be 
17 


194  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

used  for  common  purposes,  in  getting  from  home  a  fresh 
supply  of  snugly-fitting  garments.  His  long-tailed  blue, 
and  shining  gold  buttons,  made  a  conspicuous  figure  in 
the  assembly,  particularly  when  contrasted  with  his  pan- 
taloons, of  the  most  delicate  velvet  buff.  Mrs.  Foster 
saw  his  return  with  delight.  The  good  lady  had  begun 
to  be  apprehensive  of  the  game.  She  was  afraid  that 
the  ridiculous  attitude  in  which  he  had  been  placed,  his 
somerset  from  the*  sleeper  into  the  lake,  and  the  un- 
happy floundering  which  followed  there,  had  disgusted 
her  daughter.  She  was  also  by  no  means  a  satisfied 
spectator  of  the  frequent,  though  brief  and  broken 
sketches  of  conversation  which  had  taken  place  between 
Geraldine  and  Hammond.  The  reappearance  of  Barry, 
restored  in  appearance,  and  looking  rather  attractive, 
was  refreshing.  She  drew  him  privately  into  an  inner 
room,  and,  while  she  served  him  with  a  dish  of  tea  from 
her  own  hands,  she  could  not  forbear  breaking  forth 
with — 

"  Really,  Barry,  how  could  you  make  yourself  so  ridi- 
culous ?" 

"  Ridiculous  !"  he  exclaimed,  sipping  the  beverage  ; 
"I  ridiculous,  ma'am?" 

"  Such  a  ridiculous  situation,  I  mean  !'' 

"Perilous,  you  mean?" 

"  Yes  !  it  was  perilous.  But  how  did  you  come  to 
fall  ?     What  carried  you  out  on  that  sleeper  V9 

"  I  reckon  the  champagne  had  something  to  do  with 
it ;  champagne  and  love  together." 

"Love?" 

"  To  be  sure  !  "What  else  ?  "Wasn't  Miss  Geraldine 
at  one  end  of  the  log,  and  alone  ?  Didn't  you  give  mo 
the  hint,  and  wasn't  this  the  letter?" 

Here  he  showed  the  luckless  epistle,  which,  full  of  fiery 
virtue,  might  be  supposed  to  have  been  well  tempered 
by  its  subsequent  saturation,  like  a  hissing  blade  of  Da- 
mascus in  the  sacred  waters  of  the  Baraddee.  Mrs. 
Foster  seized  the  neatly-folded  epistle  in  her  hands. 

"  Give  it  to  me  !     1  will  deliver  it  myself,  this  very 


TIIE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  195 

night.  Meanwhile,  do  you  go  out  and  make  yourself 
agreeable  with  the  young  ladies.  Don't  be  too  particular 
with  Gcraldine.  Only  let  her  see  you,  and  see  that  you 
can  make  yourself  agreeable  to  others.  Dance  with  that 
Miss  Berric  ;  flirt  as  much  as  you  can  with  Miss  Dooly. 
Either  of  them  would  be  glad  to  snap  you  up.  Let  her 
see  that  !  There's  several  others,  Miss  Iligbcc,  Ellen 
Mairs,  and  Sophronia  Ricketts,  all  of  whom  will  be  glad 
to  have  you  'squire  them.  Only  don't  be  rash,  don't 
venture  any  strange  thing,  and  all  will  go  right.  I'll 
deliver  the  letter !" 

"Well !  I  thank  you  very  much,  for  I  was  beginning 
to  feel  quite  squeamish  about  it.  I'm  a  little  afeard  that 
Hammond's  getting  on  rather  fast!" 

"  lie  !  never  fear.  He  has  dropped  too  many  stitches 
for  him  to  take  up  in  a  hurry.  Will  you  have  some  more 
tea?" 

"  I  shouldn't  care  if  I  had  something  stronger." 

"  Oh  !  you  mustn't  think  of  any  such  thing  now.  I 
can  give  you  stronger  tea." 

"Well;  if  there's  nothing  better.'' 

"  Taste  that,"  said  the  hostess,  spooning  him  from  a 
cup  which  the  servant  handed  ;  and  the  scene  was  a 
good  one  for  the  painter.  Barry,  like  an  overgrown 
boy,  sitting  back  in  his  chair,  while  the  fair  widow — by 
no  means  old  or  uncomely — cup  and  saucer  in  one  hand, 
and  spoon  in  the  other,  fed  him  with  the  smoking 
beverage. 

"  Prime  !"  said  he,  with  an  air  of  satisfaction.  Then 
taking  the  cup,  he  dashed  it  off  with  something  less  of 
appetite  than  resolution ;  and,  abruptly  darting  from 
the  chamber,  hurried  out  to  seek  a  partner.  Mrs. 
Foster  followed  him  with  eager  interest,  and  was  at 
length  pleased  to  see  him  sprightly  whirling  it  with  the 
bouncing  Rebecca  Floyd.  It  was  with  no  dissatisfac- 
tion that  she  beheld  Miles  Henderson  dancing  with 
Gcraldine.  It  was  somewhat  strange  that  she  enter- 
tained no  such  fears  of  this  young  man  as  of  his  friend. 
He  was  quite  a  worthy  and  a  very  lovable  person;  tall, 


196  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

graceful,  good-looking,  very  amiable,  and  tolerably  well 
off'  in  point  of  fortune.  But,  somehow,  these  qualifica- 
tions never  occasioned  a  fear ;  though  they  were  in  all 
respects,  but  that  of  fortune,  very  far  superior  to  any 
of  the  possessions  of  her  favorite.  She  kept  the  couple 
in  sight  till  the  dance  was  over ;  and  then  hurriedly 
summoned  Geraldine,  in  a  whisper,  to  the  inner  room, 
but  not  before  Hammond  had  succeeded  in  engaging 
her  for  the  country  dance  that  followed ;  the  silly  and 
highly  objectionable  custom  of  securing  partners  for 
many  dances  ahead,  not  then  prevailing  as  it  does  now — 
certainly  not  "  in  these  diggings."  When  the  two  were 
safely  together  in  the  snug  little  apartment,  where 
Barry  but  a  little  while  before  had  sipped  his  tea, 
Mrs.  Foster,  with  a  very  triumphant  air,  thrust  the 
letter  of  that  worthy  into  the  hands  of  the  young  lady. 

"  There  !     There's  something  for  you." 

"What's  this?" 

"An  offer!" 

"  Indeed  !  Here's  a  pair  of  them,  then,  I  suppose," 
said  the  maiden,  somewhat  coolly,  as,  for  the  first  time, 
she  took  from  her  bosom  the  billet  of  our  friend,  Hen- 
derson. u  First  come,  first  served,"  and  she  proceeded 
to  break  the  seal  of  the  latter. 

"  Who's  that  from  ?"  asked  the  step-mother,  with 
some  anxiety. 

"  Miles  Henderson.     He  gave  it  me  at  the  mill." 

"Oh,  well!"  and  the  good  lady  seemed  relieved  as 
the  daughter  proceeded  in  its  perusal.  This  done,  she 
laid  it  quietly  on  the  table ;  Mrs.  Foster  taking  it  up 
and  going  over  it  as  soon  as  she  had  laid  it  down.  The 
perusal  of  Jones  Barry's  declaration  followed,  on  the 
part  of  the  person  to  whom  it  was  addressed,  and  Mrs. 
Foster  watched  Geraldine's  countenance  with  increas- 
ing curiosity,  while  pretending  to  examine  Henderson's 
letter.  But  she  gathered  nothing  from  the  face  of  our 
heroine.  She  read  the  one  epistle,  as  she  had  done  the 
other,  with  a  singular  calm,  amounting  to  indifference ; 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  197 

and,  handing  it  to  the  mother,  begged  her  to  take  care 
of  both. 

"But  what  will  you  say?  What  aro  you  going  to 
do  ?     You  accept  V 

"  There's  no  hurry  !  I'm  not  in  the  humor  now  to 
think  of  these  things.  The  gentlemen  deserve  that  I 
should  think  of  their  offers  respectfully." 

"  Oh,  certainly  !     But  Barry  ?" 

"  Mr.  Jones  Barry  must  learn  to  wait  as  well  as  his 
neighbor,"  was  the  quiet  reply;  and  at  that  moment 
Gcraldine  was  relieved  from  further  questioning  by  the 
entry  of  Miss  Betsy  Graystock,  who  bounced  in  to  say 
that  Mr.  Randall  Hammond  was  looking  for  his  partner, 
the  country  dances  being  about  to  begin.  It  was  with 
some  chagrin  that  Mrs.  Foster  saw  the  promptness  with 
which  her  protege  hurried  out  after  this  notice  ;  and  her 
disquiet  increased  as  she  watched  the  couple  through 
all  the  mazes  of  the  dance  that  followed.  It  was  her 
endeavor  to  keep  these  parties  continually  in  sight, 
while  they  remained  together ;  but  this  was  not  alto- 
gether possible,  consistently  with  her  cares  and  duties 
as  hostess.  Her  attention  was  finally  called  oft'  to  some 
domestic  arrangements  ;  and,  while  she  was  engaged  in 
the  inner  room,  the  dance  ceased.  Returning  to  look 
after  her  charge,  as  soon  as  the  confusion  of  shifting 
groups  could  possibly  allow,  she  was  a  little  displeased 
and  distressed  to  find  that  they  were  now  nowhere  in 
sight.  It  was  not  her  policy  to  afford  to  Hammond — 
whose  influence  over  Gcraldine  she  really  began  to  ap- 
prehend— any  unnecessary  opportunities ;  and,  seizing 
Barry  by  the  arm,  she  sent  him  off,  with  a  whisper,  to 
look  for  Gcraldine  in  one  direction,  while  she  set  off 
herself,  in  another,  to  detect  the  whereabouts  of  her 
supposed  companion. 

Hammond,  meanwhile,  had  readily  persuaded  Geral- 
dine  to  a  promenade  under  the  shade-trees  along  the 
avenue.  They  were  not  alone  in  this  measure.  The 
gay  groups,  most  of  them,  after  dancing,  had  taken  a 
similar  direction  ;  and,  as  the  night  was  pleasant,  they 

17* 


198 

might  be  seen  straying  away  through  the  various  groves, 
glimpsing  here  and  there  through  the  prolonged  vistas, 
their  white  garments  gleaming  spiritually  under  the 
flickering  lights  from  the  numerous  blazing  pyres  of 
pine  wood,  which  the  watchful  care  of  the  negroes  in 
attendance  from  time  to  time  supplied  with  fuel.  The 
search  of  Barry  and  Mrs.  Foster  was  not  an  easy  one, 
to  examine  these  various  groups  and  trace  out  the  par- 
ticular couple  among  the  scattered  flocks  that  wound 
about  capriciously  in  every  turning  of  the  wood.  It 
was  still  more  difficult,  when  the  object  of  Hammond — 
perhaps  not  unobserved  by  his  companion — was  tempo- 
rary secrecy  and  seclusion,  lie  led  her  away  from  all 
other  sets,  and,  in  the  doubtful  light  of  a  half-decaying 
pile,  and  under  the  friendly  shadows  of  a  venerable 
oak  which  had  lived  long  enough  to  know  how  to  keep 
secrets,  and  was  probably  too  deaf  to  hear,  our  hero 
mado  his  declaration.  lie  spoke  in  warm  and  touching 
language,  evidently  with  a  full  and  feeling  heart,  but 
still  in  accents  of  a  firm  and  dignified  character.  The 
imperfect  light  did  not  suffer  him  to  perceive  the  emo- 
tion which  his  proposals  occasioned  on  the  cheeks  of 
the  damsel  ;  but  he  felt  her  hand  tremble  in  his,  and 
her  reply  was  slow.  For  some  moments,  indeed,  a  pro- 
found silence  followed  his  speech,  and  his  heart  began 
to  sink  with  a  feeling  of  dread  and  disappointment,  for 
which,  it  must  be  confessed,  he  found  himself  very  im- 
perfectly prepared.  But,  with  some  abruptness  in  her 
manner,  as  if  her  reply  was  the  result  of  a  real  effort, 
and  was,  indeed,  foreign  to  the  genuine  feeling  which 
was  at  her  heart,  she  somewhat  surprised  him  by  say- 
ing— 

"  I    am    honored,    Mr.    Hammond,   by  your    offer, 
and—" 

There  was  a  pause,  when  she  again  began — 
"  You  have  heard,  no  doubt,  Mr.   Hammond,  that   I 
am  a  very  thoughtless,  a  very  whimsical,  a  very  capri- 
cious, a  very  eccentric  girl,  and,  in  truth,  I  am  so.     I 
have  been  very  foolish,  and  my  foolish  resolutions  some- 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  199 

times  trouble  me,  as  they  do  in  this  instance.  But  the 
kind  and  complimentary  declaration  which  you  have 
made  reminds  me  of  one  of  my  own,  and  I  am  half 
ashamed  to  tell  you  what  it  is." 

"  Indeed  !  But,  dear  Miss  Foster,  you  cannot  doubt 
that  I  will  be  the  most  indulgent  of  all  judges — " 

"  Oh,  surely,  as  far  as  it  is  possible ;  but  your  de- 
claration makes  you  an  interested  one,  and  my  resolve 
concerns  this  very  declaration." 

"  Indeed  !"  with  an  air  of  some  surprise. 

"Yes,  indeed !"  and  there  was  now  some  little  pique 
mingled  in  with  the  lady's  embarrassment ;  "  but  it 
concerns  not  only  your  proposals,  sir,  but  those  of  other 
persons.  You  must  know,  sir,  and  I  do  not  mention 
the  fact  except  from  the  necessity  of  tho  case,  that 
yours  is  the  third  offer  of  marriage  which  I  have  had 
to-day." 

"  Then,  Miss  Foster,  I  am  to  understand  that  I  am 
too  late?"     This  was  said  rather  proudly. 

"  Not  so,  Mr.  Hammond.  You  are,  on  the  contrary, 
rather  quick.  I  have  as  yet  determined  on  neither, 
and  a  rash  resolution — a  foolish  vow — makes  it  impos- 
sible that  I  should  determine  directly.  I — I  have  been 
very  foolish,  sir." 

The  poor  girl  seemed  really  very  much  embarrassed. 
Her  sympathies  were  all  with  Hammond ;  but  her  pride 
had  been  committed,  and  it  was  still  watchful  and  re- 
sentful. Hammond  perceived  and  felt  for  her  embar- 
rassment. 

"  If  I  knew  what  to  say  or  what  to  do  I"  said  he. 
"  If  I  could  only  conjecture  tho  cause  of  your  embar- 
rassment !" 

And  ho  hesitated.  Tho  pride  of  the  girl  came  to 
her  relief. 

"  I  have  been  very  foolish,  no  doubt ;  but  that  is  no 
reason  why  I  should  be  cowardly.  I  must  risk  the  re- 
proach of  being  whimsical  and  ridiculous;  but  you  shall 
know  all.  Mr.  Hammond,  your  horse  '  Ferraunt'  is,  you 
tell  me,  the  fastest  horse  in  the  country?" 


200  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

Iler  companion  was  confounded.  This  question, 
seemingly  so  absurd,  was  put  with  all  imaginable  se- 
riousness ;  nay,  with  something  like  a  vehement  earnest- 
ness, while  the  speaker  looked  directly  up  into  the  face 
of  the  person  she  addressed,  as  if  anxiously  awaiting 
his  answer.     He  was  bewildered. 

"  Really,  Miss  Foster,  you  surprise  me.  What  can 
the  speed  of  my  horse  have  to  do  with  the  matter?" 

"  A  great  deal — a  great  deal.  Only  tell  me,  is  it 
not  so?  Is  not  '  Fen-aunt*  the  fastest  horse  in  the 
country?  In  short,  can't  he  beat  Mr.  Henderson's 
4  Sorella,'  and  the  '  Geraldine,'  my  namesake,  of  Mr. 
Barry's?" 

"  Such  is  my  opinion.  Nay,  without  an  accident,  I 
am  very  sure  of  it.  But  really,  Miss  Foster,  you  must 
again  permit  me  to  express  my  surprise  at  the  ques- 
tion." 

"  Oh,  I  know  that  you  think  me  very  ridiculous,  and 
I  am  so — I  am  so,"  answered  the  girl,  now  laughing 
playfully  and  wildly,  as  if  with  a  heart  fully  relieved  of 
a  burden. 

"  Forgive  me,  sir,  I  am  but  a  child ;  seventeen  only, 
to-day.  Forgive  me  ;  but  will  you  spare  me  to-night  ? 
Suffer  me  to  convey  to  you  my  answer  in  writing." 

She  gave  him  her  hand  as  she  spoke.  He  seized  and 
conveyed  it  to  his  lips,  and  the  action  was  in  noways  re- 
buked. But  it  was  witnessed.  Mrs.  Foster  broke  ii\,  at 
this  moment,  with  "  Geraldine,  Geraldine  !  my  daughter, 
you  are  wanted.'' 

"I  am  with  you,  mother;"  and  she  whirled  away 
with  the  intruder,  who  had  barely  time  to  say,  "  What 
do  I  see,  Geraldine?"  when  Jones  Barry  came  up  to 
entreat  the  hand  of  the  latter  for  the  next  cotillon,  and 
to  relieve  her  from  the  necessity  of  answering  a  very 
awkward  question. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  201 


CHAPTER    XVI. 

THAT  LAST   DRINK  AND  DANCE,  AND   WHAT   CAME  OF  IT. 

We  must  premise  that,  when  dispatched  by'  Mrs. 
Foster  in  search  of  Geraldine,  Jones  Barry  did  not 
proceed  directly  upon  his  mission.  He  was  diverted 
from  this  object  by  his  friend  Tom  Nettles,  who  ap- 
peared to  have  been  seeking,  and  who,  seizing  him  by 
the  arm,  drew  him  to  the  rear  of  the  building  with  a 
look  and  manner  of  very  mysterious  confidence. 

"  Jones,"  said  he,  "  champagne  is  an  excellent  crea- 
ture, and  so  is  sherry.  I  like  them  very  well  in  their 
way.  But  they  seem  to  me,  in  comparison  with  our 
good  old  Georgia  drinks,  like  the  dessert  to  the  solid 
feast.  The  nuts  are  good,  the  raisins,  cakes,  and  al- 
monds; but,  after  all,  my  boy,  give  me  a  genuine  haunch 
of  venison,  a  good  smoking  ham,  and  a  fat  turkey,  or  a 
pair  of  ducks.  So  with  these  wines.  I  acknowledge 
champagne' to  be  a  fiery,  well-bred  gentleman  ;  but  he 
is  too  uniformly  genteel  and  delicate.  I  want  more 
solid  argument  than  he  can  give  me,  and  so  I  turn, 
when  I  can,  to  a  sober  whiskey-punch,  a  brandy  cock- 
tail, or  a  peach  or  apple  toddy." 

"  But  you  can't  get  any  of  them  here,"  said  Barry, 
eagerly. 

"  Can't  I?  Leave  Tom  Nettles  alone  for  finding  out 
where  the  weasel  sleeps.  This  fellow  Abram,  who 
serves  as  a  sort  of  major-domo  in  the  widow's  house- 
hold— By  the  way,  Jones,  the  widow  would  suit  you 
better  than  the  daughter  ;  she's  a  better  armfull.  Don't 
you  think  so?" 
"  She  looks  well." 
"  Ay,  and  would  wear  well,  old  fellow." 


202  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

"  She  would,  indeed." 
"  Think  of  it.     It's  worth  a  thought." 
"  It's  too  late  now." 

""What!  are  you  engaged  to  the  daughter?" 
"  I  suppose  you  may  say  so.     It's  as  good  as  that. 
I'vo  handed  in  the  letter." 

"  IMi-e-w  !  Don't  halloo  till  you're  out  of  the  wood." 
"But  to  the  liquor.  Ahram — " 
"  Oh,  Abram  :  yes  !  Well,  that  AbranTs  a  fellow 
after  one's  own  heart ;  and,  whether  you  marry  the 
daughter  or  the  widow,  I  hope  you'll  give  him  to  me. 
Feeling  the  want  of  the  stronger  spirit,  I  said  to  him  : 
1  Abram,  this  is  a  pleasant  fellow,  this  champagne,  to 
say  a  word  to  at  coming  and  at  parting,  but  he  don't 
seem  to  answer  so  well  through  a  long  visit.  Now, 
haven't  you  something  in  the  shape  of  a  plain,  homely, 
sensible  old  Georgia  drink,  that  won't  foam,  and  hiss, 
and  sparkle  when  you  speak  to  it?'  Upon  which  the 
fellow  whispers  to  me :  '  Old  master  had  a  jimmyjohn 
of  mighty  fine  peach  in  the  garret,  and,  since  he's  gone, 
we  never  uses  it.'  'Abram,'  says  I,  'your  master  was 
a  sensible  man  when  alive,  and  I  hope  was  sensible 
enough  when  he  died  to  go  to  a  place  of  good  spirits. 
God  bless  him,  and  us.  Abram,  my  lad,  can  you  get 
us  a  look  at  that  jimmyjohn?'  " 

"Well?"  demanded  Barry,  somewhat  eagerly. 
"  AVell !     Here  it  is,  and  here's  Abram,  and  here's 
a  few  fellows  like  yourself,  ready  to  take  a  toss  at  the 
tankard." 

They  had  now  reached  an  apartment  in  the  basement 
of  the  building,  where  a  few  rude  tables  sustained  a 
world  of  crockery,  cups,  plates,  and  glasses,  such  as  had 
already  been  used  above  stairs.  On  one  of  these  tables 
stood  the  ancient  demijohn,  covered  with  antique  dust 
and  honoring  cobwebs.  Honey,  water,  cups,  and 
tumblers  were  in  readiness,  and  nothing  was  to  be  done 
but  drink.  Even  the  beverage — a  suiheient  quantity — 
had  been  mixed  in  anticipation  by  the  judicious  Nettles, 
and   the  beaker,  that  was  thrust    into  Barry's  grasp, 


TIIE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  203 

glittered  to  the  brim,  with  equal   strength   and  sweet- 
ness.    In  the  taste  of  the  sweet,  he  did  not  recognize 
the  potency  and  excess  of  the  strength,  and  it  was  with 
a  royal  mind  that  he  now  broke  away  from  the  group 
of  drinkers  to  continue  his  search  after  Gcraldine.     We 
have  seen  at  what  moment  and  under  what  circum- 
stances he  found  her.      As  he  left  Nettles  and  his 
companions,  a  loud  laugh  attested  the  conspiracy. 
"  lie  has  it,"  cried  Nettles. 
u  A  most  mortal  shot,"  said  Dick. 
"It'll  floor  him,  sure,"  said  Ned. 
u 'Twould  floor  a  bullock,"  muttered  Peter;   and, 
with  these  calculations,  they  all  scattered  in  pursuit  of 
their  victim,  with  a  view  to  watching  the  results. 

Meanwhile,  unsuspicious  of  danger,  and  with  a  con- 
fidence in  himself  gradually  increasing  as  the  peach 
began  to  "blossom''  in  his  veins,  Jones  Barry  led  his 
partner   triumphantly  to  the   hall,  where  the  dancers 
were  rapidly  assembling  from  all  quarters.     The  com- 
pany had  begun  to  thin  ;  the  hour  was  becoming  late  ; 
the  old  people  had  pretty  much  departed,  except  those 
inveterate  appetizers  who  will  wait  through  the  tedious 
rounds  of  dancing  in  which  they  do  not  share,  in  order 
to  partake  of  the  supper,  in  which  they  never  fail  to 
insist  upon  something  more  than  their  share.     It  is  not 
every  day,  with  these,  that  Paddy  kills  his  favorite 
cow,  and"  they  make  the  most  of  the  event  when   he 
docs.     There  they  sat  or  stood  about  the  room,  wait- 
ing anxiously  the  close  of  the  last  cotillon.      Mean- 
while,  the  music  sounded  merrily,  and   the    dancers 
began  to  vault  and  whirl.     Jones  Barry  and  Gcraldine 
found  themselves  confronted  by  Tom  Nettles  and  Polly 
Ewbanks — Polly  being  the  most  portly  of  all  tho  fair 
people  assembled — as  ignorant  of  the  dance  as  a  horse, 
and  as  clumsy  as  an  elephant.     But  Polly  had  a  rather 
pretty  face,  and  though  sho  felt  doubtful  of  tho  sort  of 
display  which  hor  legs  would  make,  she  was  willing  to 
peril  them  rather  than  lose  tho  chanco  of  a  market  for 
tier  face.     With  rosy  red  checks,  and  a  rolling,  swim- 


204  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

ming  motion,  like  a  great  Dutch  galliot  in  a  heavy, 
swelling  sea,  Polly  went  to  and  fro,  very  Imperfectly 
steadied  by  the  arm,  and  hand,  and  counsels  of  he"r 
partner.  "Why  the  deuce,"  was  the  thought  of  Barry, 
"did  Tom  Nettles  choose  such  a  woman  for  his  partner, 
when  so  many  so  much  more  comely  and  compatible 
could  be  had?"  But  Tom  had  his  reasons.  There  was 
mischief  in  his  eye,  only  perceptible,  however,  to  his 
comrades,  one  of  whom  was  in  the  same  set  with  our 
couple,  while  the  others  were  eagerly  and  anxiously 
looking  on.  But  Jones  Barry  had  neither  the  time, 
nor  was  he  in  the  mood,  to  make  reflections.  The 
peach  began  to  pouch  upon  the  territories  of  his  brain. 
lie  leaped  high,  he  vaulted,  whirled,  wheeled,  clapped 
his  hands,  and  at  length  seemed  about  to  reach  that  con- 
dition of  extase  in  which  certain  virgins  under  religious 
inspiration  have  attained,  by  which  they  can  stand  upon 
the  air  and  dance  upon  nothing,  without  the  aid  of  any 
unseemly  ornaments  about  the  neck.  Geraldine  began 
to  be  disquieted  ;  but  her  situation  admitted  of  no  "ex- 
trication. She  felt  its  annoyances  the  more  as  she 
beheld,  at  a  little  distance,  the  grave,  sedate,  and  cir- 
cumspect eye  of  Randall  Hammond  fixed  upon  the 
proceedings.  But  the  confusion  grew.  First,  there 
was  some  little  awkwardness  in  Tom  Nettles  himself. 
He  wheeled  to  the  right  when  he  should  have  gone  left, 
and  when  the  figure  called  him  to  cross  over,  he  sent 
his  partner  into  the  arena.  She  was  constantly  blun- 
dering; but  this  Jones  Barry  was  now  becoming  too 
happy  to  perceive.  Though  a  very  fair  dancer  himself, 
Ins  errors  soon  became  apparent.  Yet  he  was  correct- 
ing Nettles  all  the  while. 

"  Wrong,  Tom  ;  to  the  right  about !  Now  we  go ! 
How  it  blazes  !  Whoop  !  She  flies  !  Glorious,  Tom; 
eh?"  and  he  strove,  while  speaking,  to  bestow  a  signi- 
ficant look  with  those  eyes  which'were  momently~be- 
coming  more  and  more  small.  Round  he  went,  whirling 
his  partner  with  him.  Round  went  Tom  Nettles,  with 
his  nearly  round  partner,  her  enormous  sides  seemin^  to 


TIM;  TKNNKHBHMAN'fl  6TUUY.  20f> 


swoop  and  force  bark,  at  the  same  moment,  ovory  ob- 
joct  of  the  circle. 

"  Wrong,  Mr.  Barry,"  said  Gcraldine,  as  lie  darted 
forward  with  a  bound  after  the  leviathan  beauty. 

11  Not  a  bit  of  it  I"  ho  criod,  with  a  hiccough. 

"  Here  I"  said  Mettles  to  Polly  Kwbanks. 

*'  There  !"  ho  cried,  in  the  next  moment. 

"  Now  !"  he  muttered,  an  ho  whoelod  her  forward, 

"  Hero  !"  as  ho  whirled  her  back.  Her  faco  was  as 
red  as  the  sun  at  Betting,  after  a  hard  day's  travel  in 
hot  wouthor,  Jler  breath  eamo  and  went  without  leav- 
ing her  very  sure  of  its  coming.  Harry  grew  more  and 
more  happy;  made  all  sorts  of  movements,  to  all  points 
of  the  compass;  and,  at  length,  while  all  was  buy,/,  and 
bustle,  and  confusion,  u  terrible  concussion  was  heard. 
He  had  come  in  conflict  with  Polly,  in  one  of  his  orratio 
moments,  and  the  event  was  precisely  such  as  might  be 
anticipated  from  the  encounter  of  the  (Mirth  with  the 
tail  of  the  great  comet.  It  was  more  than  a  comet's 
tail,  comparatively  speaking,  that  which  overthrew 
Jones  J  lurry  ;  but  down  ho  went,  his  legs  pawing  com- 
pletely from  under  him,  and  between  the  uplifted  feet 
of  Polly,  elVeeting  that  catastrophe  which  the  mere 
jostle  with  him  had  not  occasioned,  Down  she  went 
also,  in  the  midst  of  the  ring,  which  spread  out  on  all 
sides  to  make  the  space  which  her  dimensions  rendered 
necessary,  and  with  a  Bquall  that  shook  the  house  to 
its  centre.  There  was  no  describing  the  scene — the 
terror,  the  screams,  the  disquiot. 

M  Hack  to  back  !"  cried  Marry,  now  fairly  drunk,  and 
sending  out  his  legs  as  well  as  he  could,  with  their 
movements  somewhat  cramped  by  the  pilo  which  the 
fair  Polly  still  continued  to  present,  as  a  sort  of  fortress 
against  all  his  efforts. 

11  Help  me  up,  for  mercy's  sake  !"  was  the  imploring 
entreaty  of  the  fat  unfortunate.  Nettles  tried  honestly 
to  do  so,  but  his  laughter  deprived  him  of  all  his 
strength;  and  it  was  left  for  Randall  Hammond;  who, 
at  tho  first  signal  of  tumult,  extricated  Gcraldino  from 
18 


206  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

the  ring,  to  Jo  this  friendly  office  for  the  confounded 
maiden,  whose  hurts  and  alarm  had  not  made  her  for- 
getful and  indifferent  to  the  awkward  exhibition  which 
she  had  made,  particularly  in  falling,  an  event  rendered 
utterly  unavoidable  from  the  fact  that  Barry's  feet 
came  between  her  legs  at  the  moment  when  she  was 
whirling  upon  a  single  pin.  The  dance  broke  up  in  the 
rarest  confusion,  Barry  being  borne  out  by  Nettles, 
with  the  assistance  of  some  oihcr  of  the  conspirators ; 
having  hurt  his  head,  as  it  was  fabled,  with  striking 
against  the  floor.  But  the  blow  came  from  the  "  peach" 
out  of  that  antique  " jiinmyjohn,"  which  Abram  had 
so  unwisely  discovered  among  his  old  master's  treasures. 
The  unfortunate  gallant  was  taken  to  an  outhouse,  and 
snugly  put  to  sleep  upon  a  straw  heap  ;  his  last  intelli- 
gible words  being:  "  Back  to  back  !  back  to  back,  Miss 
Polly  !" 


Tin:  tennesbeban'b  stoiiv.  207 


CHAPTER  XVII. 


AS  STUliUOKN  AS  A  MULK 


That  night  Jones  Barry  slept  ut  the  "Lodge."  The 
excellent  hostess,  who  but  tuo  justly  suspected  his  con- 
dition, having  made  the  proper  inquiries  after  the  depar- 
ture of  her  guests,  soon  ascertained  where  his  treache- 
rous friend.  Nettles,  had  bestowed  him,  and  had  him 
borne  to  a  comfortable  chamber,  lie  himself  seemed  to 
have  been  unconscious  of  the  transition.  It  is  the  tradi- 
tion, which  Nettles  traced  up  to  Abram,  that  the  only 
words  spoken  by  him,  when  disturbed  for  removal,  were 
the  same  which  he  had  last  spoken  in  the  ball-room  : 
"Back  to  back,  Miss  Polly."  The  next  day  at  a  late 
hour,  on  opening  his  eyes,  he  found  Abram  in  waiting. 
Codec  and  toast  were  brought  him  in  his  chamber  ;  for 
his  offences  were  readily  forgiven  by  his  indulgent  host- 
ess, and  no  attentions  were  withheld.  She  gave  him 
every  opportunity.  lie  came  forth  at  noon,  looking 
very  much  ashamed  of  himself,  with  only  a  confused 
recollection  of  what  had  taken  place.  He  said  not  a 
syllable  about  the  peach-brandy,  but  the  good  house- 
keeper had  already  extorted  a  confession  from  Abram. 
This  she  kept  to  herself;  and,  in  conversing  with  him 
about  the  accident,  she  generously  threw  all  the  blame 
upon  poor  Polly  Ewbanks. 

"  She's  so  monstrous  fat,  and  so  mighty  clumsy,  that 
I  wonder  she  ever  shows  herself  among  young  people  at 
all.     But  how's  your  head  now,  Mr.  Barry?" 

"  Prime!  'Twould  be  better,  I  think,  if  I  had  a  little 
something  to  settle  my  stomach.  I  ate  too  many  sweet 
things  last  night." 


208  AS  GOOD  AS  A  comedy:  OR, 

"  Perhaps  they  put  too  much  honey  in  your  peach!'' 
said  the  widow,  slyly. 

"  Peach,  oh !  I  do  recollect  drinking  a  little  with 
Nettles.  By  the  way,  Mrs.  Foster,  a  little  of  that  stuff, 
it's  a  fine  old  liquor,  wouldn't  be  amiss." 

"On  the  principle,"  retorted  the  widow,  "so  well 
known  among  you  gay  young  men,  that  the  hair  of  the 
dog  is  always  good  for  the  bite." 

"  Ah  !"  said  the  offender,  "  I'm  afraid  you  know  every- 
thing, Mrs.  Foster.  You're  quite  too  knowing  ;  yes,  you 
are  !" 

"  We  know  enough  to  be  indulgent,  Mr.  Barry. 
"What  say  you  to  the  peach  ?" 

His  assent  was  not  hard  to  obtain,  and  while  Mrs. 
Foster  compounded  the  peach  toddy  with  honey,  she 
gave  him  the  gratuitous  information  that  "  poor  dear 
Mr.  Foster  was  quite  fond  of  his  peach-dram.  I  made 
it  for  him  regularly  twice  a  day,  Mr.  Barry  ;  once  about 
this  hour,  and  once  just  before  he  went  to  bed." 

"What  a  dutiful  wife!"  was  the  reflection  of  Barry, 
as  he  heard  these  words,  and  followed  the  graceful  move- 
ments of  the  widow.  He  remembered  the  words  of  Net- 
tles: "Not  a  bad  armful,  indeed  !"  His  further  reflec- 
tions were  arrested  by  her  presentation  of  the  spoon,  as 
she  had  administered  the  tea  the  evening  before,  but 
now  filled  with  a  very  different  beverage. 

"  How's  that  to  your  liking?" 

"  It's  the  very  thing.  Ah  !  you  know  the  way  to  a 
man's  heart  !" 

The  answer  to  this  compliment  was  arrested  by  the 
sudden  entrance  of  Geraldine. 

"You  here,  Mr.  Barry  V" 

"  I'm  never  anywhere  else  !"  said  he,  quite  gallantly. 
"  How  are  you  this  morning,  Miss  Geraldine V 

"  I  should  rather  ask  after  your  health  !"  was  her 
quiet  but  sarcastic  answer.  "  Y'ou  were  in  the  chapter 
of  accidents-yesterday.     How's  your  head  ?" 

"  Much  better,  I  thank  you  !  If  my  heart  were  only 
half  so  well!" 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  209 

"  Your  heart !  bless  me  !  what's  the  matter  with 
that  V" 

"  Ah  !  the  pain — " 

"  A  pain  in  your  heart !  Docs  it  come  and  go,  Mr. 
Barry  ?" 

"No!   It  stays!" 

"  Then  you  ought,  by  all  means,  to  consult  a  surgeon. 
There's  nothing  more  dangerous.  You  may  go  oft*  in  a 
minute.  If  you  will  allow  me  to  advise,  I'd  set  out  for 
Savannah,  -without  a  moment's  delay.  Nay  !  I'd  go  to 
New  York,  and  see  the  celebrated  Doctor  Physick." 

"No!  no!  Miss  Geraldine,  no  physic  forme.  It's 
not  a  pain  that  physic  can  cure.  You,  "Miss  Geraldine, 
you  can  do  more  for  me  than  any  doctor." 

"  I  !  in  what  manner?" 

Barry  looked  about  him.  Mrs.  Foster  had  left  the 
room.     He  drew  his  chair  a  little  closer. 

"  You  got  a  letter  from  me,  yesterday  V* 

"  Last  night,  sir,  yes  !" 

"  Last  night,  yes." 

There  was  a  moment's  silence.  At  length  Geraldine, 
throwing  aside  the  ironical  manner  which  she  had  been 
employing,  and,  without  any  disquiet  in  her  air,  said 
frankly — ■ 

"  Mr.  Barry,  I'm  very  much  obliged  to  you  for  the 
favorable  opinion  which  you  have  of  me."  He  bowed 
and  smiled.  "  But,"  she  continued,  "  I  have  made  a- 
vow  that  no  man  shall  have  my  hand  unless  he  wins  it." 

"Wins  it?" 

"  Yes  !  Now,  sir,  you  have  a  beautiful  horse  which 
you  have  done  me  the  honor  to  call  after  me.  You  have 
said,  a  thousand  times  in  my  presence,  that  this  horse 
is  able  to  beat  any  in  tlio  county.  If  this  be  the  case, 
sir,  you  are  able  to  win  my  hand,  and  I  put  it  upon  the 
speed  of  your  horse  to  do  so." 

"I  did  think,  Miss  Geraldine,  that  my  filly,  could 
outstretch  any  other  horse  in  the  county,  but  you  your- 
self saw  that  she  was  beaten  by  '  Sorella.'  " 

44 Yes;  but  you  told  me  that  she  was  barely  beaten, 
18* 


210  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

and  only  in  consequence  of  previous  fatigue  and  your 
own  too  great  weight  as  a  rider,  in  comparison  with  the 
rider  of  'Sorella,'  who  was  a  mere  boy.  Now,  I  tell 
you,  in  the  same  day  when  I  was  honored  with  your 
proposals,  I  received  those  of  Mr.  Henderson  and  Mr. 
Hammond." 

"And  what  do  they  say  to  this?" 

"They  have  not  yet  been  answered.  My  answer 
goes  to  each  of  them  to-day.  You  will  communicate 
with  them.  You  will  arrange  with  them  for  the  trial 
of  speed,  and  the  day  of  the  contest  shall  be  the  day  of 
the  wedding." 

"Miss  Geraldine,  permit  mo  to  say  that  you're  a 
most  strango  young  person." 

"  I  am  afraid  so,  Mr.  Barry,  but  I  can't  help  it.  I've 
made  this  strange  resolution,  and  I  can't  break  it. 
You're  at  liberty  to  enter  the  field  or  not,  at  your  plea- 
sure, and  that  you  may  freely  enjoy  this  freedom,  1  beg 
leave  to  hand  you  back  this  letter." 

"Oh!  I'll  try.  I'm  not  afraid.  If  Miles  Henderson 
has  to  ride  l Sorella,'  I'll  be  sure  to  beat  him  on  '  Geral- 
dine.' I  don't  know  what  sort  of  a  horse  is  that  of  Kan. 
Hammond's.  They  say  he's  a  top-goer,  but  I'm  not 
afraid.     I'm  ready.     I'll  try  for  it." 

"Then,  sir,  you  will  see  and  confer  with  them.  In 
this  paper,  you  have  my  conditions,  which  I  had  drawn 
out  to  send  you,  not  expecting  to  see  you  here.  Suffer 
me  now  to  wish  you  good  morning." 

"It's  most  deuced  strange!"  was  the  beginning  of  a 
soliloquy  which  the  entrance  of  Mrs.  Foster  arrested. 
lie  immediately  proceeded  to  unfold  the  answer  which 
he  had  received  ;  an  unnecessary  labor,  since  the  ami- 
able widow,  from  a  neighboring  closet,  had  listened  to 
every  syllable.  He  was  surprised  to  see  her  looking 
so  well  pleased,  and  expressed  his  astonishment  ami 
his  apprehensions. 

"Fear  nothing!"  was  the  consoling  assurance  of  the 
widow.  "  This  requisition  of  Geraldino's,  in  fact,  leaves 
the  ^rame  entirely  in  your  hands." 


the  tennesseean's  story.  211 

"How's  that?  That  beast  of  ahorse  'Sorella'  has 
already  beaten  'Geraldine.'" 

"You'll  be  able  to  walk  the  course!  They'll  not 
run!  This  fellow,  Hammond,  is  as  proud  as  Lucifer. 
He  will  bounce  outright  at  the  proposition,  as  an  insult; 
and  if  ho  didn't,  his  mother  wouldn't  let  him  run,  for 
she's  as  proud  as  the  devil's  dam.  Between  'em,  they'll 
look  upon  Geraldine  as  little  better  than  insulting  'em; 
I've  managed  that.  In  fact,  I've  put  her  upon  the 
whole  scheme;  so  that,  if  she  really  had  any  preference 
for  cither  of  these  men,  she  might  kill  off  her  own  chances 
in  your  favor." 

"It  doesbrightcn,"saidhe,  "butwhat  of  Henderson?" 
"He'll  do  just  as  Hammond  tells  him — just  as  Ham- 
mond docs.     There's  no  fear  of  him.     Only  you  take 
care  to  say  that  you  ivill  run;  say  so  from  the  beginning, 
and  make  your  .arrangements,  and  leave  the  rest  to  me." 
"But  when's  the  day?" 

"That's  to  be  left  for  those  to  determine  who  enter 
for  the  prize.  The  marriage  is  to  take  place  on  the 
evening  of  the  day  when  the  race  is  decided.  In  other 
words,  you're  to  start  from  a  fixed  point  at  a  certain 
hour,  on  a  certain  day,  the  competitors  all  together,  and 
he  who  first  comes  up  to  the  door  of  the  "Lodge"  may 
claim  the  lady.  I  am  to  know  the  day,  and  the  wed- 
ding feast  shall  be  prepared,  and  the  parson  shall  be  in 
readiness." 

"It's  a  new  way  of  doing  business." 
"It's  the  way  for  you,  so  see  to  it;  and  don't  let  out 
to  Nettles  or  anybody  what  I  tell  you  of  my  calculations, 
for  then  they  might  come  to  other  resolutions,  if  it  was 
only  to  balk  us.  If  they  once  thought  I  had  anything 
to  do  with  it,  they'd  most  certainly  do  so;  for  then 
they'd  think  that  Geraldine  was  directed  what  to  do  by 
me." 

Wc  need  not  linger  with  these  parties.  If  Jones 
Barry  was  confounded  by  the  answer  received  to  his 
proposals,  what  was  the  astonishment  of  Miles  Hender- 
son and  Hammond?     The  letter  to  the  former  was  a 


212  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

simple  but  respectful  one.  It  declared  the  resolution  of 
the  lady,  and  forbore  all  expression  of  feeling  or  opin- 
ion. Ho  sallied  off  with  it  to  Hammond.  The  latter 
read  it,  and  mentioned  that  he  had  also  received  an 
answer  to  his  application,  the  purport  of  which  was  the 
same.  lie  did  not  show  the  letter,  however,  and  it  was 
-with  a  secret  pleasure  that  he  remarked  a  material 
difference  in  the  style  and  wording  of  the  two  letters. 
While  that  to  Henderson  merely  declared  her  determina- 
tion, in  simple  terms,  as  if  written  without  an  effort, 
showing  the  writer  to  be  comparatively  indifferent  to 
the  feelings  which  she  might  provoke,  that  to  himself 
was  distinctly  apologetic  in  its  tone.  While  her  requi- 
sition was  precisely  the  same  in  both  the  letters,  she 
was  here  prepared  to  show  something  like  a  regret  that  it 
had  been  made.  "I  deem  it  right  to  say,"  was  the 
language  in  one  place,  "if  only  in  justice*  to  myself, 
that  it  is  rather  in  obedience  to  a  resolution,  perhaps 
rashly  made,  but  which  I  must  still  hold  inviolate,  that 
I  attach  so  singular  a  condition  and  qualification  to  my 
assent,  particularly  where,  as  in  the  present  instance, 
the  application,  as  I  am  well  aware,  does  me  so  much 
honor." 

This  may  have  been  ironically  said,  but  it  was  more 
grateful  to  the  self-esteem  of  Hammond  to  fancy  other- 
wise :  and  though  vexed  and  wondering  at  the  absurdity 
of  the  requisition,  it  was  somewhat  grateful  to  discover 
such  a  decided  difference  in  the  language  employed  in 
Henderson's  letter,  and  his  own.  Besides,  he  recollected 
with  feelings  of  satisfaction  the  inquiries  which  the 
young  lady  had  made  the  night  previously  as  to  the  speed 
of  his  horse.  All  this  made  it  sulhcicntly  apparent  to 
his  vanity  that  she  desired  his  success;  and  yet  the  re- 
quisition was  not  the  less  offensive  to  all  Ins  ideas  of 
propriety. 

"  To  choose  her  husband  according  to  the  legs  of  his 
horse  !"  said  Henderson,  with  praiseworthy  indignation. 

"  It  is  astonishing  !  there  is  some  mystery  about  it," 
said  Hammond. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  213 

"  To  put  us  on  the  same  footing  -with  that  silly 
creature,  Barry  !"  exclaimed  the  one. 

"  The  mother  is  at  the  bottom  of  it,"  responded  the 
other. 

"  What  is  to  he  done  ?"  cried  Henderson.     "I'll  be 

d d  if  I'll  run  a  race  to  get  a  wife.     If  it's  in 

the  heels  of  my  horse  that  she's  to  find  my  merits,  I 
shall  be  at  a  loss  where  to  look  for  hers." 

"  Very  well  said,  Miles,  and  quite  spirited.  But,  as 
you  say,  what's  to  be  done  ?  that's  the  question.  Now, 
I'll  tell  you  what  I  think.  I  propose  to  go  and  see 
Miss  Foster  in  person,  and  to  talk  the  matter  over  with 
her,  showing  all  the  absurdities  of  this  requisition,  and 
the  ridiculousness  of  the  position  into  which  it  will 
throw  all  parties.  I  think  she  may  be  persuaded  to 
hear  reason,  for  I  am  disposed  to  think  that  the  whole 
affair  originated  with  the  step-mother.  "What  she  pro- 
poses to  effect  by  it,  unless  it  be  merely  to  astonish  the 
natives — a  thing  grateful  enough  to  her  silly  vanity — 
it  is  impossible  for  me  to  conjecture.  Now,  without 
pressing  Miss  Foster  on  my  own  account,  I  propose 
simply  to  argue  the  matter  with  her;  to  show  her  how  it 
will  appear  to  the  public;  and  endeavor  to  impress  upon 
her  how  uncertain  will  be  the  securities  of  domestic 
happiness  where  the  tie  is  based  upon  such  conditions. 
What  think  you,  Miles?  Such  was  my  purpose  before 
you  came." 

"  Has  your  mother  heard  of  it — have  you  told  her?" 

"  No  ;  and  I  don't  mean  to  tell  her ;  for  I  know  that 

she  would  at  once  require  mc  to  withdraw  my  proposals. 

She  would  never  forgive  Geraldinc  for  what  she  would 

regard  as  an  insult." 

"  And  so  do  I  consider  it.  But,  as  you  say,  she  may 
be  led  by  that  woman,  her  step-mother,  who  is  as  mis- 
chievous as  a  young  puppy.  I  don't  know  but  your 
plan  is  the  right  one.  You  go  to  her.  You  can  talk 
with  her.  I'll  ride  over  to  Nettles's  during  the  morning, 
and  meet  you  hero  again  at  dinner." 

"Very  good,"  was  the  reply,   and  off  the  parties 


214  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

posted.  To  Nettles,  Henderson  unfolded  his  troubles  ; 
but  that  quiz  could  afford  no  consolation.  The  mys- 
tery was  entirely  beyond  his  solution.  He  thought  the 
affair  comical  in  high  degree,  and  concluded  that  the 
principle  onco  adopted — that  of  running  a  race  for  a 
wife — would  completely  revolutionize  the  concerns  of 
riage. 

It  would  certainly  discourage  me  from  the  attempt 
to  change  my  condition.  I  prefer  running  rigs  to  run- 
ning races  ;  and  if  I  thought  ever  so  much  of  a  woman,  I 
shouldn't  thank  her  for  admiring  the  legs  of  my  horse 
more  than  she  did  my  own  ;"  and,  with  these  words,  he 
extended  the  favorite  limbs — showing  a  handsomely- 
turned  thigh,  calf,  and  ankle — and  stroked  them  with 
the  complacency  of  a  bachelor  whose  frequent  escapes 
from  the  snares  of  the  sex  have  sufficiently  shown  his 
value. 

Meanwhile,  the  eyes  of  the  widow  Foster  beheld  our 
hero,  Randall  Hammond,  wheel  into  the  avenue  and 
come  cantering  gently  up  to  the  entrance  of  the 
"Lodge."  She  hurried  to  the  chamber  of  Geraldine, 
whom  she  found  already  acquainted  with  the  fact.  Shu 
did  not  perceive  that  the  countenance  of  the  latter  ex- 
pressed something  like  trepidation.  She  was  arraying 
herself  for  the  reception  of  the  guest. 

",  Well,  you'll  have  to  see  him,"  were  the  first  words 
of  the  widow  as  she  broke  into  the  room  ;  "  but  what 
he  comes  for,  unless  to  make  you  break  your  resolution, 
I  can't  see.  And  now,  Geraldine,  show  your  firmness; 
for  no  matter  what  man  you  marry,  if  you  waver  now, 
you'll  never  be  your  own  mistress  afterwards.  He'll 
rule  you  without  mercy,  if  you  don't.  I  know  some- 
thing of  men.  They're  all  tyrants  where  you  let  'em  ; 
and  this  man,  Randall  Hammond,  is  perhaps  by  nature 
one  of  the  greatest  despots  I  ever  saw.  His  mother's 
educating  has  made  his  nature  a  jrrcat  deal  worse  than 
it  would  have  been  by  itself.  He's  too  proud,  mark 
me,  to  run  horse  or  man  for  you.  He's  too  proud,  in 
other  words,  to   climb  the   tree   for  the  fruit.     It's  a 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  215 

sufficient  honor  for  him  to  open  his  mouth  and  let  the 
ripe  grape  fall  into  it.  But  I  "wouldn't  he  so  ripe  as  all 
that,  either.  Now,  I  know  that  he  loves  you  desper- 
ately ;  and  only  you  hold  out,  and  make  no  concessions, 
and  he'll  have  to  come  to  your  terms.  It'll  he  a  bitter 
pill  for  his  pride  to  swallow;  but  swallow  it  he  will,  rather 
than  lose  his  fruit.  All  your  happiness  depends  on  his 
being  made  to  sec  that  you  are  firm.  To  keep  from 
being  imposed  upon,  a  woman  has  only  to  show  that  she 
won't  yield;  and  it  will  be  as  it  was  with  Mohammed  and 
the  mountain — if  you  don't  give  in  to  the  man,  he'll 
have  to  give  in  to  you.  Mark  what  I  say,  my  child, 
and  keep  to  your  resolution.  Beware  of  his  fine  argu- 
ments, and  have  but  the  one  answer:  '  It's  a  vow,  Mr. 
Hammond,  it's  a  vow;  and  if  you  truly  love  me,  you'll 
run  off  your  own  legs  as  well  as  your  horse's,  and  not 
find  it  so  difficult  or  so  unpleasant.'  Stick  to  that,  and 
I'll  engage  all  comes  out  as  you  wish  it.  He'd  like  to 
have  you  without  any  trouble,  for  that's  what  his  pride 
requires  ;  but,  sooner  than  lose  you,  he'll  run  a  foot-race 
into  the  bargain,  and  not  stop  at  a  *  hop,  skip,  and 
jump.'  " 

Mrs.  Foster  was  accustomed  to  rabble  on  in  this 
manner.  But  there  was  a  great  deal  that  was  artful 
in  her  speech,  a  great  deal  which  she  did  not  believe 
herself,  but  which  she  yet  framed  adroitly  to  impress 
upon  the  belief  of  her  daughter.  Thus,  while  insisting 
that  it  was  only  the  pride  of  Hammond  that  would  re- 
volt at  the  conditions  which  she  stipulated,  she  yet  took 
care  to  insist  that  this  pride  was  not  suiheicntly  stub- 
born to  risk  the  final  loss  of  charms  which  he  so  ear- 
nestly desired.  She  had,  by  this  time,  discovered  that 
he  was  Gcraldine's  favorite,  and  she  felt  the  danger  of 
suggesting  that  (as  she  herself  believed)  there  was  every 
probability  of  his  taking  so  much  offence  at  the  requisi- 
tion as  to  withdraw  his  application  for  her  hand.  To 
stimulate  her  pride,  therefore,  without  making  timid 
her  hope,  was  the  policy  of  her  game  ;  and  she  had  just 
the  requisite  cunning  to  succeed.     When  the  servant 


216  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

announced  Mr.  Hammond,  with  the  further  intimation 
that  he  called  to  see  Miss  Foster  in  particular,  Geral- 
dine  was  armed  with  certain  high  notions  of  feminine 
prerogative,  and  was  prepared  to  give  his  pride  a  lesson 
such  as  would  make  it  tremble  with  just  apprehensions 
for  her  love.  Not  that  she  felt  quite  secure  in  her  con- 
victions, hut  that  she  felt  quite  wilful.  People  fre- 
quently are  never  more  apt  to  be  perverse  than  when 
they  feel  that  they  reason  feebly  and  unjustly,  and, 
working  upon  childish  passions  and  foolish  principles, 
Mrs.  Foster  had  succeeded  in  rousing  a  temper  in  her 
protege  which  made  her  imperious  without  making  her 
confident.  She  was  resolute  in  her  purpose  as  she  de- 
scended to  the  parlor,  but  her  heart  trembled  with 
strange  chills  and  apprehensions  all  the  while. 

The  first  meeting  was  one  of  comparative  awkward- 
ness on  both  sides.  But  manliness  was  the  particular 
characteristic  of  Randall  Hammond.  lie  had  a  duty 
to  perform,  and  he  soon  approached  it.  Having  satis- 
fied himself  of  his  course,  there  was  a  simple  sturdy 
directness  of  purpose  in  his  mind  that  brought  him  at 
once  to  its  performance,  Gently  speaking,  and  tenderly 
taking  her  hand — a  proceeding  which  she  did  not  resent 
— he  spoke  in  those  soft,  subdued  accents,  which  are 
supposed  to  indicate  equally  the  presence  of  a  warm 
feeling  and  of  a  proper  taste. 

"  My  dear  Miss  Foster,  you  have  proposed  a  singular 
condition  for  us,  as  that  on  which  your  hand  is  to  be 
obtained." 

"  I  said  and  felt  that  it  was  so,  Mr.  Hammond." 
"  But  surely  you*  are  not  serious  in  the  requisition  \ 
You  cannot  surely  mean  to  peril  your  happiness  on  the 
heels  of  a  horse  V" 

"You  put  it  in  strange  language,  sir." 
"  But  in  language  the  most  appropriate,  certainly. 
This  surely  is  the  fact.  You  tell  the  gentlemen  who 
propose  for  your  hand  that  there  is  no  choice  between 
them.  This,  of  itself,  might  well  stagger  the  affections 
of  one  whose  self-esteem  is  as  active  as  his  passion." 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  217 

"  But  I  did  not  mean  anything  of  the  sort,  sir." 

"  Then,  permit  me  to  say,  the  case  becomes  still 
more  perilous  for  yourself,  if  less  offensive  to  the  suitor; 
since,  if  you  have  a  choice,  you  wilfully  subject  it  to  all 
the  chances  of  the  dice  by  risking  it  unnecessarily  on 
the  speed  of  an  animal  which  may  fail,  of  a  rider  who 
may  fall,  of  a  will  which  may  tako  offence  at  so  un- 
wonted a  requisition,  and  withdraw  from  the  pursuit 
even  where  his  affections  are  most  deeply  interested." 

"  It  appears  to  me,  Mr.  Hammond,  you  describo  a 
very  feeble  passion  when  you  speak  of  such." 

"  By  no  means,  Miss  Foster.  The  passion  may  bo 
as  warm  and  active  as  it  should  be — the  love  unquench- 
able and  enduring  ;  but  tho  sense  of  propriety  no  less 
tenacious,  and  tho  wholesomo  laws  of  principle  too 
stubborn  to  give  way  to  any  impulses  of  the  heart  un- 
less they  are  found  justified  by  virtue." 

44  Is  it  possible,  Mr.  Hammond,  that  flic  affections 
should  be  warm  or  devoted  where  the  individual  refuses 
to  peril  his  horso  to  obtain  them  If" 
^  "  I  would  ncril  my  life  for  this  hand,  my  dear  Miss 
Foster,  should  occasion  require  it;  but  have  you  for- 
gotten that  most  famous  passugo  in  tin*  history  of 
chivalry,  when  the  imperious  beauty,  conscious  of  her 
power  upon  the  heart  of  a  noble  kniglit,  threw  her  glovo 
into  the  amphitheatre  at  tho  moment  when  an  angry 
lion  was  stalking  over  it,  and  motioned  to  the  brave 
cavalier  to  restore  it?" 

♦'And  he?" 

44  Obeyed  her,  bra  veil  tho  lion,  recovered  tho  glove, 
and  restored  it  to  the  lady." 

"Well!     Was  it  not  nobly  done?" 

u  Perhaps !  In  those  days  such  follies  hud  a  signifi- 
cance and  merit  which  they  do  not  possess  now.  But 
there  is  a  sequel  to  tho  story." 

44  Pray  tell  it." 

11  The  knight  who  braved  the  lion  for  tho  lady,  from 
that  moment  yielded  tho  lady  to  other  knights,     lie 
turned  away  from  the  reckless  beauty  who  would  peril 
10  ' 


218  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

the  life  of  her  lover  only  to  exhibit  her  power  over  him  ; 
and  the  world  applauded  the  desertion,  and  the  beauty 
was  abandoned  by  all  other  knights." 

The  pride  of  the  maid  was  touched. 

"In  this  fable,  Mr.  Hammond,  I  am  to  behold  a 
warning,  I  suppose." 

"  A  truth — a  principle — is  a  warning,  Miss  Foster, 
to  all  mankind.  In  proposing  for  your  hand,  I  was 
prepared  to  let  you  see  into  my  whole  nature — my 
feelings,  opinions,  and  the  principles  by  which  I  am 
governed.  I  am  now  dealing  with  you  with  the  frank- 
ness of  one  who  hopes  to  find  a  wife  in  the  woman  with 
whom  he  speaks.  I  speak  with  you  unaffectedly.  I 
would  peril  my  life  for  you  in  the  moment  of  necessity, 
and  joy  to  do  so.  I  might  peril  it,  as  a  proud  man,  at 
your  mere  requisition,  or  your  caprice  ;  but  it  would  be 
also  at  the  peril  of  my  esteem  for  you.  There  is  no 
peril  in  bestriding  a  blooded  horse,  and  engaging  in  the 
contest  you  propose ;  but  it  endangers  self-respect,  it 
offends  public  opinion,  it  degrades  the  suitor,  as  it  ad- 
mits no  difference — except,  perhaps,  as  a  jockey — be- 
tween him  and  his  competitors,  and — " 

He  paused. 

"Go  on,  sir." 

"I  almost  fear,  Miss  Foster." 

"Nay,  sir,  you  have  spoken  with  little  fear,  thus  far. 
You  may  surely  finish." 

"I  will!  It  is  only  right  that  I  should  show  the  dan- 
ger to  yourself.  It  puts  the  lady  in  the  attitude  of  one 
whose  standard  depends  upon  her  caprice  and  whims, 
rather  than  her  principles." 

"You  speak  plainly — certainly  without  fear." 

"My  dear  Miss  Foster,  I  have  perilled  all  my  life  in 
the  offer  I  have  made  you  of  my  hand.  I  have  every- 
thing at  stake  which  is  precious.  Pardon  me,  if  this 
consideration  makes  me  bold,  where  love,  alone,  would 
only  make  me  humble.  We  are  both  young,  but  you 
much  younger  than  myself.  You  have  seen  the  world 
only  through   the  medium  of  other  eyes.     It  is  easy 


Till!  TKNNESSERAN'fl  KT0KY.  210 

with  tlio  young  to  err,  and  seeing  thus,  to  see  fitlrtoly 

oven  in  tho  most  important  interest*,  I  should  almost 
bo  disposed  to  think  ilmi,  in  milking  this  requisition, 
aguinsl  which  I  hog  most  respectfully  to  protest,  you 
have  oboyod  any  but  your  own  impulses.  Lot  mo  on- 
treat  you  to  reverse  it." 

" Really,  Mr.  Hammond,  you  nttacli  a  lingular  im- 
portnnco  to  a  horserace." 

"Surely,  not  so  much  as  you,  Miss  Foster,  when  you 
ar<*  Killing  to  rink  all  your  own  happiness  upon  it." 

h  It.  is  your  prhlo,  sir." 

"It  is,  hut  I  trust  not  an  improper  pride." 

"I  don't  know,  sir;  hut  my  prhlo  too  is  concerned. 
You  have  boon  told  that  1  have  made  a  vow.  I  have 
l*aid,  to  ;/ow,  that  1  felt  it  to  bo  rash,  and  feared  that  it 
was  foolish,  hut  tho  resolution  was  taken.  1  will  not 
now  say  whether  I  do  or  do  not  regrot  it.  Enough, 
that  it  is  unchangeable." 

"I)o  not  say  this,  I  entreat  you,  Miss  Foster;  for  my 
sake!  1  entreat — Hut  no!  To  you  I  may  he  nothing. 
For  your  own  sake,  then — for  your  future  peace,  and 
happiness,  and  hope — do  not  peril  everything  on  a  re- 
solution so  utterly  unmeaning  and  without  obligation. 
It  needs  hut  little  eflbrt  of  wisdom  to  show  that  truth, 
propriety,  common  sense,  all  agree  to  absolve  you  from 
such  a  vow.     Beware  how  you  persist !    It  will  he  fatal." 

lie  rose  as  he  spoke. 

"Do  you  threaten,  Mr.  Hammond  V" 

"Warn!     Warn  only." 

"1  thank  you  for  your  warning,  sir;  hut  I  doubt 
whether  it  is  duo  more  to  your  notions  of  principle  than 
to  your  own  feelings  of  pride,  and — " 

"My  pride,  Miss  Foster  1  You  do  not  know  or  un- 
derstand me.  1  spoke  not  for  myself  in  this  matter, 
hut  for  you.  Not  with  regard  to  him  who  should  bo 
fortunate  enough  to  secure  this  hand,  but  in  regard  to 
the  happiness  of  that  heart  which  you  will  permit  mo 
to  say,  1  believe  to  bo  more  misguided  than  wilful.  Tho 
conditions  which  you  couplo  with  this  hand  will,  I  foar, 


220  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

greatly  peril  that  heart,  no  matter  -who  the  suitor  it 
shall  win.  Am  I  to  understand  that  you  will  not,  in 
any  circumstances,  modify  this  resolution?" 

He  took  her  hand  as  ho  spoke.  His  eyes  were  fixed 
upon  hers  imploringly,  with  an  expression  of  the  deepest 
interest  in  her  reply.  Hers  sunk  beneath  them.  The 
struggle  in  her  heart  was  great,  hut  the  whisper  of  the 
evil  genius  was  still  in  her  ears. 

"It  is  his  pride  that  speaks,  and  you  must  humble  it, 
if  you  would  not  have  him  your  master.  He  will  not 
give  you  up.  He  will  yield  to  your  terms,  when  once 
he  finds  that  he  cannot  command  his  own." 

She  faltered  forth  a  renewal  of  her  resolution.  Then 
he  rose,  released  her  hand,  and  said — 

"I  leave  you,  Miss  Foster  ;  of  my  determination  on 
this  subject  you  will  permit  me  to  write  hereafter." 

He  was  gone,  and  she  hurried  to  her  chamber  and 
flung  herself  in  a  fit  of  weeping  upon  her  bed.  The 
mother  would  have  consoled  her,  but  in  vain. 

"  You  have  destroyed  me!"  was  all  she  said.  "lie 
will  ne\er  come  again." 

"  And  if  he  doesn't,"  was  the  elegant  response  of  the 
mother,  "there's  as  good  fish  in  the  river  as  ever  came 
out  of  it." 

A  proverb  that  certainly  fails  in  respect  to  the  mack- 
erel fishery.  "VYe  never  get  half  so  good  a  mackerel, 
nowadays,  as  was  common  ten  or  fifteen  years  ago, 
though  we  pay  as  good  a  price  for  it. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  221 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

HOW  THE  RACE  WAS  RUN,  HOW  THE  RACE  WAS  WON,  AND 
WHAT  HAPPENED  THEREUPON. 

"  She  may  whistle  for  it  !  I'll  never  marry  a  wo- 
man who  chooses  me  on  the  score  of  my  mare's  legs 
and  bottom." 

Such  was  the  elegantly-declared  resolution  of  our 
now  thoroughly  indignant  Miles  Henderson,  when 
Hammond  reported  how  ill  he  had  sped  in  his  mission 
to  Geraldine. 

"  She  certainly  pays  us  no  compliment." 

"  Compliment  !  She  treats  us  as  if  one  man  was 
just  the  same  to  her  as  another.  Who'd  marry  a  wo- 
man on  such  terms  ?  What  man  who  values  his  happi- 
ness at  all  will  take  a  wife  who  don't  prefer  him  to  all 
other  suitors?" 

"Miles?" 

"Well,  Ran.?" 

"Geraldine  does  express  this  preference." 

"How?" 

"She  knows  very  well  that  '  Sorclla'  can  beat  Barry's 
filly.  She  has  done  so.  Now,  it  seems  to  me  that  this 
must  have  been  in  the  recollection  of  Geraldine  when 
she  made  the  requisition." 

"Yes,  but  '  Ferraunt'  can  beat  l  Sorella.'  " 

"  True,  perhaps ;  but  if  you  will  engage  in  the  con- 
flict with  Barry,  I'll  decline  it.  I'll  leave  the  field  to 
you." 

"  No,  no,  Ran.  ;  that  won't  do.  I  sha'n't  run  at 
all.  If  the  lady  don't  like  me  sufficiently  to  answer 
'Yes'  at  once,  we're  quits.     I  wouldn't  have  her  now 

19* 


222  AS  GOOD  AS  A  C0M3DY:  OR, 

on  any  terms.     I  think  she  has  treated  us  most  out- 
rageously." 

"  I'm  disposed  to  think  her  foolish  and  vexatious 
mother's  at  the  bottom  of  it  all,  though  what  she  pro- 
poses to  gain  by  it,  I  do  not  exactly  see  ;  yet  a  thought 
strikes  me.     It's  very  clear  that  Mrs.  Foster  has  all 
along  preferred  Barry  to  either  of  us.      Now,  if  we 
withdraw  from  the  field,  he  walks  the  course  and  takes 
the  purse.     This,  perhaps,  will  be  just  the  thing  that 
tho  mother  hopes  for.     That  she  has  blinded  Geraldino 
by  some  artifice,  is  very  possible.     Now,  I'm  not  will- 
ing that  the  mother  should  be  gratified.     I'm  disposed 
equally  to  balk  her  and  to  punish  Geraldine.     1  feel 
something  of  your  indignation  ;  and,  though  I'm  sure 
she  prefers  either  of  us  to  Jones  Barry,  yet  I  fear  she 
presumes  upon  what  sho  thinks  our  passion  for  her,  to 
coerce  us  with  this  humiliating  condition.     She  seems 
to  take  for  granted  that  we  cannot  but  yield,  however 
little  we  may  relish  doing  so." 
"  What's  your  plan?" 
"  To  accede  to  her  conditions." 
"  How,  accede  !" 

"  Yes,  apparently  at  least.     "We'll  write  her  to  that 
effect,  see  Barry,  make  the  arrangements  for  the  race, 
and  get  all  things  in  readiness." 
"Well!" 

"  It  will  be  easy  to  throw  Barry  out — to  beat  him 
after  the  first  mile — and  thus  defeat  the  calculations  of 
the  mother." 
"  Well  !" 

"  We  agree  that  the  wedding  takes  place  the  very 
day  of  the  race.  Let  them  have  the  company,  let 
them  get  the  parson,  let  them  make  the  feast,  and  let 
us — " 

"Well!  well!" 

"  Ride  off  as  we  came,  leaving  them  to  eat  the  supper, 
and  marry  as  they  can." 

"  Bravo  !  I  like  it !  It  will  shame  them  to  the 
whole  countrv." 


THE  tennesseean's  STORY.  223 

"  They  deserve  it !     What  think  you  ?" 
"  It's  a  sentence!     They  shall  pay  the  forfeit.     The 
idea  is  capital.     It'll  be  a  lesson  to  such  people  here- 
after." 

"  Then  let  us  proceed  about  it.  "What  we  do  we 
must  do  quickly,  so  that  the  thing  shall  not  be  blown 
unnecessarily  abroad.  I  shall  keep  it  from  my  mother 
if  I  can;  at  all  events,  I  must  keep  from  her  that  I 
mean  to  put  in  for  this  prize.  To  do  this,  I'll  go  home 
with  you,  and  we'll  write  and  work  from  your  house. 
To  Barry  we  must  send  to-morrow,  and  have  the  race 
early  next  week.'' 

The  arrangements,  as  devised,  were  all  made.  Barry 
was  invited  to  an  interview,  and  readily  came  into  the 
arrangements  ;  somewhat  disappointed,  however,  to  find 
so  prompt  an  acceptance  of  the  conditions,  in  spite  of 
the  confident  predictions  of  Mrs.  Foster.  That  good 
lady  was  quite  as  much  confounded  as  anybody  else  ; 
but  she  made  the  best  of  a  bad  bargain.  She  encour- 
aged Barry  to  hope  ;  and  it  was  with  a  confident  face 
that  she  could  now  say  to  her  daughter — 

"  You  see  ?  'Tis  as  I  told  you — you  have  only  to  be 
firm,  and  he  submits.  This  is  the  way  with  men,  always. 
Women  yield  too  readily.  Let  them  only  stick  out  to 
the  last,  and  they'll  rule  in  the  end." 

Meanwhile,  the  affair  got  abroad,  and  was  the  cause 
of  no  little  excitement.  The*  subject  is  one  which  still, 
to  this  day,  interests  the  people  of  the  surrounding 
country.  They  call  it  the  "  race  for  a  wife."  Of 
course,  it  was  the  crowning  event  in  the  history  of 
Geraldinc  Foster's  eccentricities.  They  little  knew 
how  small  was  the  share  of  the  poor  girl  in  the  pro- 
ceeding. Nettles  was  delighted  with  the  affair.  Its 
novelty  charmed  him.  He  did  not  exactly  expect  that 
Hammond  would  have  engaged  in  the  contest,  for  he 
had  quite  as  high  an  opinion  of  that  gentleman's  pride 
of  character  as  was  entertained  by  Mrs.  Foster ;  but  he 
said  nothing  against  it.  He  told  Jones  Barry,  however, 
that  the  game  was  all  up  with   him  ;   that  the  "Fair 


224  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

Geraldine"  stood  no  chance  against  either  the  heels  of 
"  Ferraunt"  or  "  Sorella."  "  But,"  he  continued,  "  I 
shall  be  glad  to  see  you  beat,  for  reasons  I've  already 
given  you.  This  girl  is  not  the  girl  for  you.  Better 
the  step-mother,  Mrs.  Foster.  She's  neither  old  nor 
ugly,  and  she  knows  what  good  living  is.  Besides, 
she's  a  widow,  whose  gratitude  to  the  man  that  will 
take  her  off  her  own  hands  will  make  her  tolerably  sub- 
missive. But,  better  still,  the  fat  girl,  Susannah,  at 
Hiram  Davy's  corner.  She's  the  good  creature,  the 
sweet  laughing  armful  of  happiness,  all  fat  and  good- 
humor.  Even  Polly  Ewbanks,  whom  you  overthrew  at 
the  ball,  would  be  more  suitable,  and,  for  that  matter, 
she  evidently  likes  you." 

"  Don't  speak  of  her,  the  cow  !  I'll  never  forgive 
her  for  that  tumble.  She  threw  me,  thrusting  her  ele- 
phant  legs  between  mine,  just  when  I  was  cavortintj." 

"  The  boot's  on  t'other  leg,  Jones.  It  was  you  that 
thrust  your  pegs  in  the  wrong  direction,  and  you  did 
the  mischief.  In  truth,  Jones,  I'm  afraid  it  was  more 
design  on  your  part  than  accident." 

"  I  swear  to  you,  Tom,  I  never  designed  anything ; 
but  I'm  willing  to  confess  that  that  '  peaeh'  was  quite 
too  much  for  me,  after  the  sherry  and  champagne." 

"  Not  a  bit  of  it  ;  but  there  was  a  sort  of  destiny 
that  made  you  and  Polly  Ewbanks  fall  together ;  and, 
mark  ray  words,  I  prophesy  that,  if  ever  you  marry, 
it'll  be  one  of  the  three — Polly  Ewbanks,  Sukey  Davy, 
or  the  widow  Foster — and  I  don't  care  much  which  : 
though  Sukey  or  Polly,  either,  would  make  you  the 
best  wife.  It's  very  certain  that  if  Geraldine  Foster 
is  to  be  got  by  running  only,  you  stand  no  chance 
against  '  Ferraunt*  and  i  Sorella.'  " 

Mrs.  Hammond  at  length  heard  of  the  terms  of  the 
conflict,  and  was  shocked  at  its  monstrosities.  She  at 
once  appealed  to  her  son  in  the  earnest  language  of  a 
mother,  to  avoid  any  such  competition.  He  answered 
her  evasively  but  satisfactorily,  in  calm  but  earnest 
language. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN  S  STORY.  4J'J;> 

"Fear  nothing,  mother;  there  is  no  prospect  of  my 
ever  being  united  with  Miss  Foster." 

And  here  the  matter  rested  until  the  day  appointed 
for  the  trial.      The    three   competitors    had,   in  their 
separate  answers,   agreed  upon  the  terms.     They  had 
also — using  a  discretion  which  had  been  conferred  upon 
them — concurred  in  entreating  that  the  day  of  the  raco 
should  be  that  of  the  wedding  also.     The  company  wcro 
accordingly  invited,  and  the  Reverend  Timothy  Bind- 
well,  of  the  Presbyterian  Church,  was  entreated  to  be 
present,  and  made  his  appearance  in  his  robes  of  office 
at  the  appointed  hour,     lie  was  one  of  those  to  whom 
it  was  always  agreeable  to  bring  the  young  together  in 
the  blessed  tics   of  marriage,  particularly   where   the 
wedding-supper  was  apt  to  be  good,  and  the  marriage- 
fee   a   liberal   one.     His   expectations,  on  the   present 
occasion,  were  of  superior  magnitude.     It  was  observed 
as   an  evil  sign  by  Geraldino   that    Mrs.    Hammond, 
though  invited,  was  not  present  when  the  company  was 
assembled.     She  remarked  this  to  her  mother,  as  some- 
thing ominous  ;  but  the  latter  had  her  answer. 

"  Oh  !  she  no  doubt  feels  as  bitter  about  it  as  she 
can.     If  her  pride  could  have  ruled  her  son  in  such  a 
matter,  he  had  never  consented  to  the  terms." 
" 1  hardly  think  that  he  will  consent  now." 
"  How !     When  we  have  it  in  black  and  white,  under 
his  hands?     But  dress,  my  child" — this  conversation 
took  place  in  Geraldinc's  chamber — "  dress,  so  as  to  be 
quite  in  readiness.     I'll  send  Rachel  up  to  help  you." 
"  Send  no  one  !     I'll  ring  if  I  want  her." 
The  mother  left  the  room,  and  the  poor  girl,  as  if 
with  a  presentiment  of  the  mortification  to  which  she 
was  destined,  sank  down  listlessly  before  the  window, 
looking  out  upon  the  long  avenue  up  which  the  com- 
petitors were  to  ascend.     How  bitter  were  her  reflec- 
tions at  this  moment  !     How  she  deplored  the  readiness 
with  which  she  had  given  ear  to  her  mother's' counsels  ! 
and  with  what  warning  solemnity  did  the  words  and 
looks  of  Hammond,  in  their  last  interview,  when  he 


226  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

came  to  expostulate,  rise  to  her  recollection  !  She 
probably  would  not  have  been  dressed  but  for  the  re- 
appearance of  Mrs.  Foster,  who  insisted  upon  her 
immediate  preparations.  She  assisted  her  in  making 
her  toilet,  taking  care  all  the  while  so  to  speak  as  to 
fortify  the  pride  of  the  damsel,  and  excite  her  spirits 
through  the  agency  of  her  vanity.  Tale,  but — in  the 
language  of  Mrs.  Foster — "beautiful  as  an  angel,"  the 
devoted  girl  was  at  length  prepared  for  the  conflict  and 
the  company.  Meanwhile,  let  us  look  after  the  several 
claimants  for  her  hand. 

We  need  not  detail  the  preliminaries,  important  to 
the  parties,  but  not  so  to  us,  which  were  duly  arranged 
among  themselves.  Time,  place,  distance,  tho  signal 
for  the  start,  were  all  agreed  upon;  and  at  the  proper 
minute  the  several  competitors,  each  attended  by  his 
friend,  appeared  upon  the  ground.  Tom  Nettles  offici- 
ated on  the  part  of  Jones  Barry,  who  had  in  fact  be- 
come a  sort  of  dependent  upon  the  superior  judgment  of 
that  humorist,  and  never  failed  to  seek  him  on  every 
emergency.  Henderson  and  Hammond  were  attended 
by  two  young  men,  whom  it  is  not  important  to  introduce 
more  especially  to  our  readers.  The  word  was  given, 
and  the  three  steeds  leaped  oft' most  beautifully  together, 
but  had  not  run  a  hundred  yards  before  the  "Fair  Geral- 
dine,"  as  if  fearing  the  loss  of  her  good  name  in  such 
formidable  rivalry,  or  frightened  by  some  unusual  object 
along  the  roadside,  suddenly  bolted  into  the  woods,  tak- 
ing rider  through  bush  and  through  brier,  a  formidable 
chase,  which,  but  for  his  frequent  practice  as  a  fox  hunter, 
would  have  certainly  endangered  his  neck.  When  the 
unfortunate  Barry  succeeded  in  reining  in  his  capricious 
beauty,  who  seemed  disposed  to  emulate  her  namesake, 
he  found  his  competitors  clean  gone  out  of  sight,  and 
himself  hopelessly  distanced.  He  gave  up  the  chase 
entirely,  and,  cantering  out  into  the  open  track,  came 
forth  just'as  Nettles,  and  the  two  other  bottle-holders, 
were  riding  forward  to  the  "Lodge."  He  joined  them, 
and,  putting  the   best   air  upon  his  defeat  possible,  he 


THE  TENNESSEE  AN 's  STORY.  22Y 

told  tlicm  how  it  happened.  The  two  friends  of  Ham- 
mond and  Henderson  condoled  with  him  like  men  of 
proper  gallantry;  but  Nettles  openly  congratulated  him 
upon  the  event. 

"The  hand  of  fate  is  in  it,  Jones.  You  are  destined 
for  Tolly  Ewbanks,  Sukey  Davy,  or  the  widow.  I'm 
glad  of  it.  This  jade  is  too  high-necked  for  you,  and 
would  have  ruined  you  forever  as  a  good  fellow." 

Thus  talking,  they  wheeled  into  the  avenue.  Mean- 
while, let  us  hurry  to  the  "Lodge,"  and  sec  how  things 
arc  working  there.  Geraldine  had  not  long  descended 
to  the  parlor,  and  was  in  the  midst  of  salutations  and 
congratulations  innumerable  and  inconceivable,  when 
the  cry  rose  from  the  piazza — "  They  arc  coming  !  They 
arc  coming!"  This  occasioned  a  rush.  The  bride  was 
deserted,  and  with  a  strange  sinking  of  the  heart,  she 
crouched,  rather  than  reclined,  on  the  sofa,  leaving  it 
to  others  to  report  the  conflict,  which  she  no  longer 
had  the  courage  to  behold.  Mrs.  Foster  was  the  first  to 
bounce  into  the  piazza  as  she  heard  the  cry.  Parson 
Bindwell  placed  himself  along-side  of  her,  and  the  seve- 
ral groups,  according  to  relationship  or  intimacy,  ranged 
themselves  in  near  neighborhood.  The  banisters  were 
thronged,  two  long  benches  were  filled  with  crowding 
forms,  and  several  stood  upon  chairs  dragged  for  the 
purpose  from  the  parlor.  Poor  Geraldine  hearkened 
breathlessly  to  the  murmurs  and  the  cri.es  from  without. 

"  The  sorrel  has  it!"  cried  one. 

"  And  now  the  iron  gray  !"  cried  another. 

"But  wherc's  Barry?  Where's  Barry?"  was  the 
impatient  inquiry  of  Madam  Foster. 

"  Distanced!"  was  the  answer  from  one  of  the  party, 
"as  I  always  said  he  would  be." 

It  was  evident  there  were  but  two  horsemen,  and  these 
were  Hammond  and  Henderson.  The  race  was  evidently 
a  close  one.  Approaching  in  front,  the  spectators  could 
see  no  inequalities  in  their  speed,  and  opinion  was  kept 
in  a  constant  state  of  fluctuation  as  they  advanced. 

"Now  they  come  !     They  come  with  a  rush!" 


228  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

"  The  sorrel  has  it!" 

"No,  'Fen-aunt!'  " 

"  It's  hard  to  say  which  \" 

"  They  come  !     Tliey  come  !" 

At  these  words,  Geraldino  could  hear  the  suspense  no 
longer.  She  darted  to  her  feet,  rushed  to  the  door-way 
just  in  season  to  behold  the  two  horses,  lock  and  lock, 
wheel  before  the  entrance  ;  while  the  riders,  waving  and 
kissing  their  hands  to  the  company,  and  bowing  their 
heads,  darted  away  at  the  same  speed  in  the  opposite 
avenuo  leading  up  the  road,  and  were  lost  to  sight  in 
a  moment. 

""What  does  that  mean?"  demanded  the  parson. 

"  They  are  ofl' !"  said  another.     "  But  who  won  ?" 

"  The  iron  gray!     Hammond  was  ahead  by  a  neck." 

"  It  was  close  work ;  neck  and  neck,  and  hard  to  say 
which  had  it  till  the  last  moment.  Then  it  was  that 
Ran.  Hammond's  horse  came  out  a  neck  ahead." 

Such  was  the  verdict,  gravely  delivered,  of  those  who 
had  most  closely  watched  the  conilict.  But  where  were 
the  competitors ?  Where  was  he  who  had  triumphed, 
and  to  whom  the  trembling  prize  was  to  be  awarded  ? 
Geraldine  did  tremble,  but  it  was  with  a  joy  which  spoke 
out  in  her  bright  eyes,  and  played  in  a  sweet  smile  upon 
her  pouting  lips.  But  why  did  not  Hammond  appear? 
AVhat  could  be  the  meaning  of  that  reverential  bow,  that 
wave  of  the  hand,  as  the  riders  continued  on  their  course ; 
and  of  the  long  delay  which  followed  ?  Meanwhile, 
Barry  and  Nettles,  with  their  companions,  made  their 
appearance.  The  misfortune  of  the  former  was  soon 
explained  ;  and,  in  her  grief  and  vexation,  Mrs.  Foster 
drew  him  in  with  her  to  the  well-known  little  room  where 
he  had  sipped  his  tea  and  toddy  at  her  hands,  to  reproach 
him,  as  well  as  she  could,  for  his  accident  and  defeat. 
Here  he  could  not  help  the  reflection  forced  upon  him 
by  Nettles,  that  there  was  really  something  quite  lov- 
able in  the  widow.  It  was  while  they  sat  together  that 
Geraldine  rushed  into  the  chamber,  her  face  red,  her 
eyes  dilating  in  anger,  her  whole  appearance  that  of  in- 


THE  tennesseean's  storv.  229 

dignation  almost  rising  into  fury.  She  held  a  crumpled 
paper  to  her  mother,  which  had  once  been  a  neatly-folded 
billet. 

"  See  to  what  I  am  brought  by  your  counsel!" 

The  mother  read.  The  note  was  from  Hammond  to 
Gcraldine.     It  ran  thus  : — 

"  Mr.  Hammond  presumes  that  curiosity  as  to  the 
respective  speed  of  his  and  other  horses,  alone,  prompted 
the  singular  requisition  of  Miss  Foster,  and  that  she  had 
no  serious  design  of  making  such  performance  the  con- 
dition of  a  solemnity  so  vital  to  her  happiness  as  that  of 
marriage.  Mr.  Hammond  has  done  his  best  to  gratify 
her  curiosity,  and  should  be  sorry  to  avail  himself  of  the 
result  to  the  prejudice  of  Miss  Foster.  He  accordingly 
begs  leave  to  release  her  from  any  supposed  obligations 
to  himself." 

"  Disgraced!  Insulted!  Oh  that  I  were  a  man! 
That  I  had  a  friend!  a  brother!" 

The  widow  pushed  Barry,  and,  as  Gcraldine  paced 
the  chamber  with  face  averted,  she  contrived  to  whis- 
per him.  He  at  once  started  forwards  at  the  repeated 
words — 

"That  I  were  a  man!  That  I  had  a  brother !  an 
avenger  !" 

"  Give  me  this  hand,  Miss  Gcraldine,  and  I  will  be 
your  avenger." 

"  Will  you  kill  him,  kill  him  ?"  she  demanded,  turning 
quickly. 

"Who?" 

"Who  but  Randall  Hammond  ?  He  has  degraded 
me  before  all  these  people.  Kill  him,  and  you  shall 
have  the  hand  that  he  rejects  with  scorn." 

"  I'll  call  him  out.     I'll  shoot  him  if  I  can  !" 

"  Do  so,  sir  !  do  it  quickly,  and  I  am  yours,  yours  !" 


20 


230 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

PISTOLS  FOR  TWO — T1IE  DUEL. 

Jones  Barry  was  greatly  elevated  .by  his  new  coin- 
mission.  His  vanity  was  immediately  tickled  by  being 
adopted  as  the  champion  of  the  fair.  He  had  heard 
something  of  the  days  and  institutions  of  chivalry,  and 
he  felt  all  over  knight-errantish.  It  was  not  that  he  de- 
sired to  shed  blood,  for  he  was,  in  fact,  rather  a  kind- 
hearted  creature;  but  to  be  somebody,  and  to  be  moving 
always  conspicuously  in  some  one's  eyes,  was  sufficiently 
grateful  to  make  him  lose  sight  of  all  other  matters. 
Full  of  fight,  he  hurried  at  once  to  Tom  Settles,  to  whom 
he  laid  bare  all  the  particulars  of  his  situation. 

"It's  d d  strange!"  said   Settles;   "and  yet  I 

don't  know.  To  touch  a  woman  on  that  point  is  to  run 
into  the  quick  with  a  rusty  gimlet.  I  suppose,  sinee 
you've  pledged  yourself  to  the  lady,  you'll  have  to  chal- 
lenge ;  but  Kan.  Hammond  will  blow  you  into  splinters. 
He's  a  dead  shot  at  a  shingle." 

"  A  shingle's  not  a  man  ;  and  I  can  shoot  too.  The 
question  is,  Tom,  will  you  see  to  this  business  for  me?" 

"Oh,  certainly!" 

"  Well,  ride  over  to  Hammond  this  morning,  make 
the  arrangements,  and,  after  that,  come  and  give  me 
some  practice  at  the  distance." 

"Very  good.  I'll  ride  round  to  your  house  from 
Hammond's  in  time  for  dinner,  and  we'll  make  a  nijzht 
oi  it.  It  s  no  time  for  practice  after  dinner,  so  we'll 
leave  that  for  next  morning  at  sunrise." 

This  being  agreed  on,  Nettles  at  once  proceeded  with 
the  challenge,  which  was  peremptory,  to  Hammond.  It 
must  not  be  forgotten  that  the  bearer  of  this  letter  was 


THIS  TKNNXMKNAN'fl  RTOHY.  2.'U 

a  groat  ailmirov  of  Hammond,     Nettles  only  amused 
ItiuiHolf  with  Hurry,  and  did  not  respect  him. 

44  Why,  NottloH !"  Nit  id  Hnmmond,  H  how  can  i  go  out 
with  iIiik  foolish  follow?  Tho  thing  is  ridiculous,  lie 
is  thu  laughing-stock  of  tho  country,  A  good-moaning, 
harmless  creature  enough,  hut  one  whom  I  nhould  ho 
sorry  to  think  of  raising  to  my  level.  As  u  general  rulo, 
I  have  resolved  to  fight  anybody  that  makes  a  demand 
on  mo,if  only  to  prevent  annoyance  from  persons  who  are 
always  to  bo  found  anxious  to  make  for  themselves  a 
capital  of  courage  out  of  your  reluctance.  Jtut  J  should 
bo  afraid  of  the  ridicule  which  would  attach  to  a  formal 
combat  with  one  so  utterly  silly  nnd  ridiculous  us  Hurry." 

41  Weill  there's  Homo  danger  of  that,  1  confess;  nut 
we'll  keep  the  thing  as  quiet  ns  possible." 

44  You  can't  keep  it  cpiict.  II  is  vanity  will  never  suf- 
fer him  to  sleep  until  he  succeeds  in  making  ovorybody 
know  that  ho  is  a  champion  for  the  lady." 

14 Homo  danger  of  that;  but  the  truth  is,  Kan.,  the 
follow  is  resolved  on  it,  and  when  that's  the  case  ho  can 
annoy  you  quite  as  effectually,  and  perhaps  make  the 
ridicule  much  more  successful,  than  it  would  bo  if  you 
were  to  meet  him.  If  you  say  you  won't  moot  him,  why, 
1  shall  give  up  the  business;  but,  in  his  present  temper, 
he'll  only  seek  somebody  else,  who  will  he  very  apt  to 
follow  it  up,  and  vex  you  into  it  at  last.  Now,  J  have 
a  plan  by  which  to  shift  the  ridicule  to  tho  proper 
shoulders." 

lie  whispered  his  scheme  to  Hammond,  who  heard 
him  with  a  dubious  shake  of  the  head. 

41  If  1  am  to  go  out,"  said  ho,  4*  1  should  prefer  to  do 
so  with  a  serious  resolution.  1  should  never  wish  to 
triile  in  such  matters." 

Nettles  had  his  arguments,  and,  without  being  con- 
vinced, Hammond  consented  that  his  decision  should 
be  referred  to  Miles  Henderson,  whom  he  made  his 
senso-koopor,  as  well  as  friend,  on  tho  occasion.  The 
two  rode  over  together  to  Henderson's,  and  the  wholo 
affair  was  submitted  to  him.     Hammond,  as  in  duty 


232  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

bound,  put  himself  in  the  hands  of  his  friend,  and  the 
subtle  Nettles  found  it  much  more  easy  to  impress  the 
latter  than  the  former  with  the  propriety  of  his  scheme, 
whatever  that  may  have  been.  At  present,  its  purport 
is  concealed  from  us.  Henderson,  indeed,  was  greatly 
tickled  with  it,  and  Hammond,  still  doubting,  was  com- 
pelled to  submit. 

"  It'll  be  rare  sport,  Ran.  We  shall  have  the  laugh 
to  ourselves.  Let  him  get  the  lady  if  he  can,  but,  at 
all  events,  give  liim  a  mighty  bad  scare.  I  know  Jones 
well,  lie's  got  as  soft  a  heart  as  anybody  in  the  world, 
with  all  his  bluster  and  conceit,  and  if  we  don't  make 
him  run  for  it,  my  name's  not  Nettles.'' 

Hammond,  it  must  be  confessed,  did  not  altogether 
relish  the  cool  and  philosophical  manner  witli  which  the 
other  was  prepared  to  consign  the  lady  to  the  arms  of 
her  champion,     lie  still  felt  a  deep  sympathy  with  Ge- 
raldine,  though  she  had  greatly  mortified  his  pride,  and 
it  was  only  with  the  conviction  that  her  conduct  had 
been  dictated  by  a  total  indifference  to  his  claims,  that 
he  was  reconciled  +o  yielding  her  up  without  a  farther 
struggle.     His  mind  was  distracted  by  lurking  doubts 
of  this  same  indifference,  and  was  continually  recalling 
the  numerous  little  instances  in  her  conduct  which  had 
encouraged  him  in  the  belief  that  she  really  had  a  pre- 
ference for  him  ;   but   these  impressions   he  had  been 
compelled  to  discard,  however  unwillingly,  in  the  more 
recent    events    which    we    have    described.        Uut   her 
beauties  were  more  deeply  engraved  upon  his  imagina- 
tion than  he  had  been  willing  to  believe,  and  he  now 
listened   to   her   final  surrender  with  a   secret  sense  of 
pain,  of  which  he  was  thoroughly  ashamed.     The  plan 
arranged  between  Nettles  and  Henderson  for  the  duel 
was  such  as  he  could  not  approve  of,  and  he  only  sub- 
mitted to  it  as  one  accustoms  himself,  in  such  cases,  to 
submit  to  the  conclusions  of  his  friends,  even  where  he 
deems  them  unwise.      It  is  a  matter  of  punctilio  which 
decides  many  such  affairs,  in  defiance  of  the  deliberate 
judgment  of  nearly  all  the  parties.     But  upon  this  head 


Tun  tennesseean's  stout.  233 

wo  need  not  dilate.  Enough  that  Nettles  wont  off  with 
an  acceptance  of  his  challenge.  In  three  days  tho  par- 
tics  were  to  meet.  Time,  place,  distance,  and  all  tho 
particulars  were  fully  agreed  on  between  tlio  two 
seconds,  and  they  proceeded — ono  of  thein,  at  least — 
to  put  their  principals  in  training.  Barry,  not  a  bad 
shot  before,  was  practised  every  day,  at  frequent  periods, 
until  ho  could  snuff  a  candle. 

"  You're  now  as  good  a  shot,"  said  Nettles,  "  as  you 
need  be ;  you  can  snuff  a  candle  at  ten  paces." 

"  Ain't  that  famous  shooting?" 

"  Yes  ;  but  l'vo  scon  ltan.  Hammond  divide  a  firefly 
upon  the  wing!" 

Mottles  had  his  own  mode  of  encouragement,  truly, 
and  possessed  the  art,  in  high  degree,  of  warming  and 
cooling  his  patient  in  tho  same  instant — as  in  Russia, 
they  tell  us,  a  fellow  is  taken  smoking  out  of  the 
vapor-bath  and  rolled  over  and  over  in  a  mountain  of 
snow — and  all  with  the  view  to  reaction.  Nettles  was 
never  moro  happy  than  when  lie  could  exercise  tho 
nerves  of  our  friend  Barry  with  such  pleasant  contra- 
dictions. As  soon  as  the  duel  had  been  determined 
upon,  and  the  preparations  made,  Jones  Barry  pro- 
ceeded to  report  progress  to  the  lady  whoso  battle  ho 
espoused.  Mrs.  Foster,  wo  aro  plcasod  to  state,  was 
now  entirely  opposed  to  tho  affair  ;  but  Gcraldine's 
anger  continued.  She  had  few  words  ;  but  these  were 
all  vindictive  and  wrathful.  She  thanked  Barry  for 
his  zeal,  and  renewed  the  assurance  that,  with  tho  fall 
of  Hammond,  ho  should  have  her  hand.  Nothing  was 
said  of  his  own  fall ;  but,  of  course,  in  that  event,  the 
hand  could  be  of  no  use  to  him.  Before  the  parties 
separated,  Geraldinc  drew  him  aside. 

"Mr.  Barry,  I  must  be  present  at  this  meeting." 

"Y'ou,  Miss  Geraldinc?" 

"Yes,  I  must  see  it.     I  must  see  him  fall!" 

"But  how?  We  have  but  two  friends  on  each  side 
present." 

"I  care  nothing  for  your  fantastic  forms.     I  must  be 
20* 


234  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

present.     I  do  not  mean  to  be  seen,  but  to  see.     You 
must  manage  it  that  I  shall  be  hidden  in  the  neighbor- 
ing wood.     None  shall  know." 
"But,  Miss  Geraldine— " 

"Oh!  It's  strange,  it's  unreasonable,  it's  unnatural. 
I  know  all  that !  But  I  must  and  will  be  there.  Tell 
me,  will  you  arrange  it?" 

His  answer  was  a  compliance,  and  he  kept  his  word. 
Concealed  in  a  neighboring  copse,  Geraldine  Foster  was 
present  when  the  duel  took  place.  She  had  contrived 
to  get  away  from  the  "Lodge"  without  her  mother's 
knowledge.  The  place  of  meeting  was  at  a  spot,  about 
three  miles  off  from  it,  well  known  to  the  combatants  of 
the  neighborhood  as  "Pistol  Quarter."  Here,  on  a 
pleasant  afternoon,  not  ten  days  after  the  equestrian 
contest  for  our  damsel,  the  same  parties  met  to  decide 
a  more  formidable  issue.  The  preliminaries  for  a  duel 
are  usually  very  much  alike  in  all  cases,  and  they  were 
not  departed  from  in  the  present  instance.  Nettles,  for 
once  in  his  life,  seemed  thoroughly  serious,  lie  pro- 
ceeded to  his  duties  with  the  air  of  a  man  who  antici- 
pated the  worst.  To  Barry  he  said,  while  placing  him  — 
"You  look  quite  too  fierce  and  vindictive,  Barry. 
I  am  afraid  you  have  bloody  feelings.  I  trust  you  will 
be  satisfied  with  winging  him  only." 

"I  am  sworn  to  kill  him,"  was  the  stern  response. 
"Then  God have  mercy  on  his  soul  and  yours!    Should 
he  entertain  a  like  feeling,  you  will  both  be  at  'Cedar 
Mount'  (the  graveyard)  before  to-morrow  night." 

Thus  saying,  he  placed  his  man,  and  after  the  lapse 
of  a  few  seconds,  the  signal  words  were  given  :  one — 
two — three  !  The  sharp  lire  followed,  almost  instantane- 
ously. For  a  moment,  both  parties  appeared  erect,  but, 
on  a  sudden,  Hammond  was  seen  to  totter  and  to  fall 
right  for  war  (1. 

tkThe  bullet  is  through  his  heart!"  was  the  hurried 
speech  of  Nettles  to  his  principal.  "To  your  horse,  at 
once,  .Jones,  and  be  off  as  fast  as  Heaven  will  let  you. 
It's  all  over  with  him." 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  235 

"Is  he  dead? — have  I  killed  him?"  was  the  demand 
of  Barry  in  wild  and  husky  accents. 

"You've  done  that  same!" 

"Oh!  God  have  mercy!     I'm  a  murderer!" 

"Begone!"  and  with  the  words  he  pushed  the  pale 
and  conscience-stricken  wretch  from  the  ground,  helped 
him  on  his  horse,  and  saw  him  wheel  ahout  and  disap- 
pear. He  fled,  looking  behind  him,  with  terror  and 
vengeance  dogging  at  his  heels. 


236  AS  GOOD  AS  A  comedy:  OR. 


CHAPTER  XX. 

THE  GHOST  OF  A  BUGGY. 

At  this  stage  of  our  story,  it  is  just  as  well  that  we 
should  suffer  our  Tennessean  to  put  in.*     It  is  here 
that  he  claimed  to  be  privy  himself  to  the  affair;  and, 
though  we  despair  wholly  of  being  able  to  give  his  lan- 
guage exactly,  and  certainly  shall  not  attempt  to  con- 
vey the  slightest  idea  of  his  tone  and  manner,  yet,  as  a 
witness  on  the  stand,  we  conceive  it  only  right  that  he 
should  speak  to  those  parts  of  our  narrative  which  he 
himself  beheld.     "  Tom  hain't  forgot,"  said  he,  "  that 
when  the  Ingins  in  Florida,  this  Powell,  and  Wild  Cat, 
and  Tiger  Tail,  and  twenty  more  smart  red  skins,  was 
playing  hide  and  seek  with  Uncle  Sam's  rig'lars,  Old 
Hickory  swore  a  most  stupendous  oath  that  Tennessee 
could  find  the  boys  who  could  clean  them  out.  *    I  reckon 
I  was  among  the  first  of  the  volunteers  that  turned  out 
when  the  Gov'nor  said  we  was  wanted.     I  won't  tell 
you  how  we  made  out  in  Florida,  for  that's  pretty  much 
in  the  books  and  newspapers  a'ready.     It's  enough  to 
know,  as  I  said  before,  that  the  Tennessee  boys  didn't 
do   better   than   other  people.     Fighting  we   had,  and 
fight  we  did,  whenever  there  was  a  chance  for  it;  but. 
Lord  Mcs*  youi    souls,  there  was  no  more  seeing  your 
inimy  till  liis  bullet  was  in  your  gizzard,  than  there  was 
swallowing  it  afterwards  with  a  good  digestion.     And 
when  you  did  see  the  red  skin,  it  was  on  a  smart  gallop, 
on  the"  other  side  of  some  etarnal  swamp  that  you  had 
to  cross,  belly-deep  all  the  way,  before  you  could  get 
at  him  ;   and  then  you  didn't  get  him  no  more  than  the 

*  Son  rntroilne.torv  \';n-r.*\tivo. 


THE  TENNESSEEAN  S  STORY.  Zol 

man  who  hunted  the  ilea.     Well,  it  was  on  the  21st  day 

of  November,  I80G — I  keep  all  the  dates  in  hlaek  and 
"white — that  we  were  ordered  to  push  for  the  inimy  into 
the  Wapoo  Swamp.     We  had  had  a  smart  brush  with  the 
red  skins,  and  drove  'em  famous  only  three  days  before. 
We  charged  with  a  big  shout  into  the  hammocks — the 
swamp — and  the  Ingins  gave  us  yell  for  yell,  and  shot 
for  shot.     They  had  a  smart  sight  upon  us  for  a  good 
bit,  while  we  were  trying  to  get  at  'em,  and  they  popt 
us  over,  man  after  man,  as  they  run  from  tree  to  tree, 
making  every  tree  speak  a  bullet  as  soon  as  they  could 
put  the  tongue  behind  it.     Now,  it  happened  that  just 
when  I  and  twenty  others  was  wading  through  a  good 
big  bit  of  bog  and  water,  with  a  pretty  thick  scrub  in 
front,  where  the  Ingins  harbored,  and  jest  when  they 
were   blazing  away  their  hottest,  who  should  we  see, 
ahead  of  us  all,  but  a  man  rather  under  the  middle  size 
— a  white  man — as  ragged  as  a  gypsy,  without  any  hat, 
and  with  an  old  musket   in  his  hand,  pushing   across, 
shouting  his  best,  and  full  in  the  face  of  the  fire  of  the 
red  skins  ?     Jest  then,  when  we  were  all  beginning  to 
feel  squeamish,  he  was  going  ahead,  and  whooping,  with- 
out a  bit  of  scare  in  him.     Well,  that  encouraged  us. 
We  saw  the  Ingins  aim  at  him,  and  I  reckon  his  rags 
had  the  marks  of  more  than  a  dozen  bullets ;   but  he 
didn't  seem  to  mind  'em,  and  they  sartainly  never  one 
of  them  troubled  him.     Away  he  went,  shouting  and 
shaking  his  musket,  and  away  we  went  after  him,  and 
away  the  Indians  went  before  us  all.     We   drove   'em, 
and  got  the  victory.     Wc  picked  up  some  scalps,  but 
nothing  to  speak  of,  and  lost  some  good  fellows.     But 
I  tell  you  that  ragged  volunteer  went  ahead  of  us  all, 
and  he  was  this  same  Jones  Barry,  about  whom  I've 
been  telling  you  this  long  story,     lie  had  run  all  the 
way  from  Georgy  into  Florida  after  killing  Hammond, 
without  knowing  much  where  he  went.     Never  in  his 
life   had   any  man  so  bad   a  scare.     lie  had  run,  as  I 
may  say,  into  the  arms  of  the  Ingins,  without  hearing 
their  rifles  ;  and  I  do  believe,  as  I  am  a  free  white  man, 


238  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR 


that  lie  seared  them  a  great  deal  worse  than  our  whole 
Tennessee  regiment.  For,  look  you,  he  was  a  man  to 
scare  people.  lie  was,  as  I  tell  you,  in  rags  from  head 
to  foot.  He  had  been  living  among  the  briers,  run- 
ning into  them  almost  at  every  sound.  He  had  no 
covering  for  his  head.  His  eyes  were  bloodshot ;  his 
face  scratched  over,  and  bleeding  on  all  sides;  and  his 
hair  had  grown  half  white  in  twenty  days.  He  looked 
for  all  the  world  like  a  madman.  He  was  a  madman  ; 
and,  though  he  fought  with  us,  and  marched  with  us, 
and  did  everything  pretty  much  as  he  saw  us  do,  yet 
his  senses,  I'm  mighty  sure,  were,  all  the  time,  more 
than  a  hundred  miles  away.  Somehow,  the  poor  fellow 
got  in  with  me.  AVe  marched  together  and  slept  to- 
gether. I  reckon  he  saw  that  I  was  a  good-natured 
chap,  and  so  he  tuk  to  me.  I  soon  saw  that  he  was 
miserable — that  there  was  a  scare  that  was  gnawing  in 
him  all  the  time — and  after  awhile  I  found  out  that  he 
was  haunted  constantly  by  the  ghost  of  Randall  Ham- 
mond. One  night  he  ran  out  of  the  tent  with  a  terrible 
fright.  Another  time,  when  standing  with  a  sentry,  he 
fired  his  piece  and  gave  the  alarm  to  the  whole  army. 
Then  he'd  fall  upon  his  knees  and  beg  for  mercy,  and 
cover  his  eyes  with  his  hands,  as  if  to  shut  out  some 
frightful  tiling  lie  couldn't  bear  to  look  upon.  Some- 
times he'd  run  into  the  hammock  at  midnight,  never 
fearing  the  Ingins,  though  v*e  all  thought  it  as  much  as 
one's  life  was  worth  to  go  near  it.  It  was  the  dead  he 
was  afraid  of  all  the  time.  Now,  there  was  a  sodger 
among  the  rig'lars  to  whom  Jones  Barry  one  night  made 
confession  and  eased  his  heart  of  all  its  secrets.  But 
it  didn't  e:ise  him  of  his  misery.  The  soldier  came  to 
me  and  told  me  all,  and  I  ax'd  .Barry ;  but  then  he  was 
shy,  and  swore  that  he  never  told  the  fellow  any  such 
thing.  But  it  wasn't  more  than  twenty-four  hours  after, 
when  lie  come  to  me  and  said — 

"  'I  can't  stand  it  much  longer.  I'm  almost  crazy 
now.  Kan.  Hammond  comes  to  me  every  night.  I'm 
his  murderer,  and  lie  will  have  my  blood.     I  must  go 


THE  TENNESSEEAN's  STORY.  239 

back  to  Georgy,  and  stand  trial.     I'll  go  and  give  my- 
self up.' 

"  'Well,'  says  I,  'my  poor  fellow,  if  you'll  only  wait 
till  we're  mustered  out  of  sarvicc,  I'll  go  along  with 
you.  I'm  sorry  for  you,  and  I  don't  think  you're  so 
much  to  blame.  You've  got  a  heart  a  little  too  tender; 
and  as  you  killed  your  man  in  a  fair  fight,  I  don't  see 
as  how  he  should  haunt  you.  He  had  as  much  chance 
at  you,  as  you  at  him." 

"'  Yes!  but  I  thirsted  for  his  blood,  and  he  never  did 
me  any  harm,  lie  was  a  good  man  too!  I  must  go 
back.  I  will  deliver  myself.  I  see  him  every  night, 
covered  with  blood,  and  beckoning  me,  with  his  hands, 
to  come.  It's  he  leads  me  into  the  hammock,  and  there 
he  leaves  me.  I  must  go  back  and  give  myself  up  to 
justice.' 

"  'Well,  only  wait  till  we're  mustered  out,  and  I'll  go 
with  you.' 

"  lie  promised  and  did  wait,  and  I  kept  my  word.  As 
soon  as  I  got  my  discharge,  I  said  to  Barry,  'I'm  ready.' 
We  bought  a  pair  of  stout  Seminole  ponies,  on  a  credit 
from  our  commissariat,  and  went  off  like  gentlemen  sol- 
diers. I  mustn't  forget  to  tell  you  that  he  killed  the 
mare  that  he  made  so  much  brag  about,  the  '  Fair  Ge- 
raldine,'  in  his  run  from  Georgy,  and  tuk  it  on  foot  as 
soon  as  he  got  near  the  Ingin  country.  How  he  lived, 
God  only  knows,  for  I  never  saw  a  poor  innocent  eat 
so  little.  But  I  encouraged  him,  and  made  light  of 
his  mischief;  and  by  little  and  little  he  began  to  im- 
prove. We  got  him  some  new  clothes  as  soon  as  we 
struck  the  settlement;  and,  I  think,  when  he  got  them 
on,  his  appetite  came  back  a  little  to  him.  One  night, 
the  first  night  after  we  crossed  the  Georgy  line,  he  ate 
a  pretty  good  supper  of  bacon  and  eggs.  I  think  'twas 
all  owing  to  his  clothes.  But  that  very  night  he  gave 
me  and  the  whole  house  a  most  outrageous  scare.  He 
broke  out  in  his  night-shirt,  and  dashed  out  of  the  room, 
and  down  the  stairs  into  the   hall,  where  he  squatted 


240  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

under  the  table.  AVe  slept  in  the  same  room,  and  as 
soon  as  I  could  slip  on  my  breeches  I  made  after  him. 
He  swore  that  the  ghost  of  Hammond  squatted  down  at 
the  foot  of  the  bed,  and  looked  over  into  his  face,  though 
he -tried  to  cover  with  the  quilt.  I  told  him  'twas  the 
hot  supper  that  gave  him  the  nightmare,  and  I  made 
him  take  a  pretty  deep  swallow  of  apple-toddy,  that  the 
landlord  made  for  us,  after  we  routed  him  up  with  such 
a  scrimmage.  Well,  so  we  went ;  now  better,  now  worse ; 
now  calm,  and  now  stormy,  till  we  got  pretty  nigh  his 
county,  where  all  these  things  took  place.  Then  his 
scare  came  back  to  him,  then  his  heart  failed  him  ;  and 
just  when  the  ghost  stopped  troubling  him,  he  began  to 
be  troubled  by  the  fear  of  the  laws.  But  I  said  to  him — 
"  4  Be  a  man.  You've  come  so  far,  see  it  out.  Better 
be  hung  and  have  it  over,  than  to  be  scared  to  death 
every  night.' 

"  lie  groaned  most  bitterly,  but  he  said, '  You're  right ! 
I  can't  stand  to  suffer  as  I  have  suffered.  I'm  only 
twenty- six  ;  and  look,  my  head's  half  white  !  I'm  an  old 
man  in  the  feel  as  well  as  in  the  look.  The  ghost  of 
Ban.  Hammond  has  done  me  worse  than  my  pistol  ever 
did  him.  lie's  given  me  a  hell  upon  earth,  so  that  I 
can't  believe  there's  any  half  so  bad  for  me  hereafter. 
Go  ahead  !' 

"  And  so  we  went  forward.  It  was  a  most  sweet  and 
beautiful  afternoon  when  we  came  into  the  very  neigh- 
borhood of  all  these  doings.  We  had  passed  several 
places  that  were  famous  in  his  recollection.  There  was 
Ilillabee  race-course,  where  they  had  the  gander-pulling, 
and  the  circus,  and  soon  we  drew  nigh  to  the  great 
avenue  leading  to  the  4  Lodge,'  where  the  young  lady 
lived  that  had  been  the  cause  of  all  the  mischief.  But 
it  wasn't  there  that  Barry  wanted  to  go.  The  first 
place  he  wished  to  strike  for  was  the  farm  of  his  friend 
Nettles,  and  we  were  only  a  half  a  mile  from  it,  accord- 
ing to  Barry's  calculations,  when  we  came,  by  a  sudden 
turn  in  the   road,  upon  a  buggy  drawn  by  a  splendid 


THE  tknnesseean's  stoky.  241 

horse,  and  carrying  two  people.  One  of  them  was  a  tall 
and  noble-looking  gentleman,  and  the  other  was  a  most 
beautiful  lady,  perhaps  about  the  most  beautiful  I  ever 
did  see.  They  were  coming  right  towards  us  at  a  smart 
trot,  and,  the  moment  Barry  laid  eyes  fairly  upon  them, 
he  turned  pale  as  death,  and  dashed  his  horse  into  the 
bushes  and  off  the  road.  I  followed  after  him  as  soon 
as  I  could  get  a  chance,  but  not  till  I  had  taken  a  good 
look  at  the  strangers  that  seemed  to  frighten  him  so 
much.  They  rode  by  in  a  minute,  and  the  gentleman 
gave  me  a  civil  bow  as  he  passed.  Then  I  pushed  into 
the  woods  after  Barry.  I  found  him  off  his  horse  and 
hiding  in  the  bushes,  all  over  covered  with  a  sweat,  and 
trembling  like  a  leaf  in  the  wind. 

"  '  Why,  what  on  airth,'  says  I,  'is  the  matter  now? 
AY  hat  has  scared  you  so?' 

"  '  Didn't  you  sec  him?' 

"'Who?' 

"  '  Hammond!     'Twas  his  ghost  in  the  buggy!' 

"  '  And  what  has  his  ghost  to  do  in  a  buggy,  I  wonder? 
and  who  ever  saw  the  ghost  of  a  buggy  before  V  said  I. 
*  I  don't  believe  much  in  such  a  notion,  and  if  that  was 
Hammond's  ghost,  I  wonder  what  woman's  ghost  it  was 
sitting  along-side  of  him.  If  woman  ghosts  are  so 
pretty,  I  shouldn't  be  much  afraid  of  'em  myself.' 

"  'Woman!'  said  Barry,  mightily  bewildered.  'Was 
there  a  woman  with  him?' 

'"'Yes,  as  surely  as  there  was  a  buggy  and  a  man. 
Now  look  you,  Barry  ;  if  that  was  Hammond  in  the 
buggy,  he's  just  as  much  alive  as  you  and  me.  The 
chance  is,  after  all,  that  you  only  wounded  him,  and 
you  and  your  friend  took  a  mortal  scare  too  soon.' 

"'No!  no!'  said  he,  very  mournfully;  'haven't  I 
seen  him  almost  every  night  ?  hasn't  he  followed  mo 
everywhere  ? — into  the  woods,  into  the  swamps,  into  the 
hammock  of  the  Ingins  ?  and  ain't  my  head  gray  with  his 
coming  ?' 

"  '1  don't  know,'  says  I;  'but  if  that  was  Hammond 
in  the  buggy,  he's  no  ghost;  and  it's  your  conscience 
21 


242  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

that's  been  a  troubling  you.  But  let's  push  on,  and  sec 
your  friend  Nettles;  he  ought  to  be  able  to  tell  us  all 
about  it.' 

"  And  so,  jest  as  I  said,  we  pushed  forward,  and  I 
reckon  it  all  came  out  fast  enough,  as  you  shall  see." 


the  tennesseean's  STORY.  243 


CHAPTER  XXL 
showing  now  Hammond's  ghost  was  laid,  how  harry 

WAS  HUNG,  AND  HOW  JUSTICE  WAS  DONE    UPON  OTHER 
Oil- ENDING   PARTIES. 

DISMISSING  Tennessee  for  the  present,  we  retrace  our 
steps,  and  go  back  to  the  field  of  personal  combat — that 
famous  "Pistol  Quarter,"  which  has  witnessed  so  many 
fearful  and  violent  transitions  from  time  to  eternity. 
We  resume  our  narrative  at  the  moment  when  Nettles 
sent  poor  Barry  in  terror  off  the  field.  Hardly  had  he 
disappeared  when  awildshriek  was  heard  from  the  adjoin- 
ing thicket,  and,  before  the  parties  on  the  ground  could 
conjecture  what  was  the  matter,  who  should  rush  out 
ninongstMiem  hut  Gcruldinc  Foster?  Never  were  peo- 
ple so  much  confounded.  Randall  Hammond  was  lying 
on  the  grass  just  where  he  had  fallen,  his  body  partly 
raised,  and  resting  on  his  elbow.  She  threw  herself 
upon  him  with  a  cry  which  betrayed  the  wildest  sense 
of  personal  suffering. 

"1  have  slain  him — I  have  slain  him!  Speak  to  mo, 
Hammond;  dear  Hammond,  speak  to  me.  Say  that  you 
forgive  me.  Forgive  tho  madness  and  the  folly  that 
have  brought  you  to  this.  1  loved  you  only;  I  shall 
always  love  you;  but  they  told  mo  you  were  proud  and 
tyrannical,  and  they  provoked  my  childish  vanity  until  I 
maddened.  Oh!  Hammond,  will  you  not  forgive  mo? 
Will  you  not?  will  you  not  V9 

She  clung  to  him  as  sho  ericd.  1  Lor  arms  wcro  wound 
about  him,  and  her  face  was  buried  in  his  bosom. 

•MJoruldino!  Miss  Foster  l"  said  Hammond,  trying 
to  rise. 

"Cull  mo  Goraldino;  cull  me  yours;  forgive  mo,  and 


244  AS  GOOD  AS  A  comedy:  OR, 

take  me  with  you,  Hammond!     At  this  moment,  I  am 
yours  only  !     I  loved  you  only  from  the  first!" 

Nettles  winked  to  the  prostrate  man,  and  made  certain 
motions  which,  strictly  construed,  might  be  supposed  to 
mean,  "Take her  at  her  word,  marry  heron  the  spot;" 
and  the  looks  and  signs  of  Henderson,  now  thoroughly 
cured  of  his  passion,  were  equally  significant  to  the  same 
effect.  But  Hammond  was  superior  to  the  temptation. 
"  Nay,  Geraldine,  you  are  deceived.  1  am  in  no  dan- 
ger ;  indeed,  I  am  unhurt." 

She  started  as  if  to  rise,  but  he  now  restrained  her, 
and,  looking  to  his  friends,  motioned  their  departure. 
"  What  does  this  mean  V  she  demanded. 
"  Hear  me  patiently,  Geraldine,  and  let  me  plead  in 
turn  for  your  forgiveness.  It  means  a  foolish  hoax,  in 
which  nobody  ever  dreamed  that  you  would  be  a  part}'. 
I  am  nnwounded,  and  the  object  has  been  simply  to 
scare  the  foolish  person  who,  without  provocation,  has 
sought  my  life." 

"Without  provocation,  Mr.  Hammond  V  Do  you 
forget  the  cruel  insult  you  put  upon  me?  Was  it  no 
provocation  to  shame  a  young  maiden  before  all  her 
friends  and  people?  Oh,  Hammond,  how  could  you  do 
me  so — you,  for  whom  I  showed  but  too  much  prefer- 
ence from  the  beginning,  in  spite  of  all  that  my  mother 
would  say  ?" 

"  Will  you  suffer  me  to  repent,  Geraldine — to  make 
amends?"  And,  by  this  time,  the  arm  of  the  pleader 
was  round  about  her  waist,  and  his  lips  were  pressed 
upon  hers,  and  alone  in  that  haunted  wood,  famous  for 
its  many  murders,  the  two  were  betrothed  with  all  the 
dearest  promises  of  love.  We  need  not  follow  the  pro- 
gress of  the  scene.  Enough  to  say  that  the  persons 
whom  Barry  and  his  friend  from  Tennessee  encountered 
in  the  buggy,  were  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Hammond.  They 
had  been  fully  three  months  married,  and  were  living 
very  comfortably  together  at  the  residence  of  Ham- 
mond's mother  ;  while  Mrs.  Foster,  vexed  to  the  heart, 
was  chewing  the  cud  of  disappointment  at  the  "  Lodge" 


TIIK  TfiNNRBSBBAN'H  BTOHY.  216 

nlone.  All  these  facta  were  gathered  from  Tom  Net- 
tles, who  very  frankly  declared  his  agency  in  tho  pro- 
ceedings. 

"Tin  Mowed,"  mud  tho  Tcnncssooan,  "  if  T  was 
Hurry,  if  1  wouldn't  have  a  real  fight  on  the  strength 
of  it,  and  I'd  make  you  mv  mark,  my  man." 

lliii  Marry  IiiniNolf  shook  his  head. 

44  I'vo  had  onough  of  killing,"  Hiii<l  ho. 

"  1  can  put  yon  in  tho  way  of  something  hotter,"  Raid 
Nettles.  44  Polly  Kwhankn  is  ntill  nlive,  single,  nod  fat 
as  ever ;  Sukoy  Davy  still  keeps  the  bur  at  tho  old  man's 
corner;  and  Mrs,  Foster  looks  as  well  as  I  have  ever 
seen  her,  and  keeps  a  most  excellent  table.  I'm  willing 
to  muke  amends,  Jones,  for  what  harm  l'vo  done  you, 
by  doing  you  finally  *  for  better  or  worse,'  Now,  if 
there's  a  mun  to  manage  cither  of  those  threo  pretty 
pieces  of  mortality,  I'm  that  person.  Shall  it  ho  •  hack 
to  buck,  Miss  Polly— ,M 

44  Hush,  you  Satan  ! — " 

44  Or,  4  Is  it  to  your  liking,  sir?'  " 

44  Devil!" 

44  Or,  4  Is  it  more  of  tho  honey  or  more  of  tho  pouch, 
dour  Mr,  Hurry  ?'  " 

The  Tonnossccan  lingered  a  week  among  Ids  new 
friends,  and  became  so  much  enamored  of  Nettles  that 
he  asked  him  home  with  him.  But  tho  latter,  born  for 
the  use  of  his  neighbors,  hud  a  commission  in  bund  for 
Hurry  that  was  somewhat  urgently  pressed,  liis  bints 
hud  not  been  wholly  thrown  away,  and  Harry,  among 
his  latter-day  reveries,  was  frequently  and  ploasurably 
entertained  by  tho  recollection  of  that  cup  of  tea,  and 
that  bowl  of  toddy,  by  which  tho  widow  Foster  had  re- 
freshed him  in  the  little  back  room  of  her  domicil.  Ho 
remembered  her  round,  well-proportioned  figure,  tho 
sweet  smilo  upon  her  face,  tho  pleasant  sparkle  in  her 
eye,  and  the  grateful  bevorago  in  her  hand ;  and  ho  so 
earnestly  pressed  his  ruminations  and  convictions  on  his 
friend  Settles,  that  tho  latter  posted  off  ono  pleasant 
afternoon  to  tho  "Lodge,"  and  did  not  return  homo 

21* 


246  AS  GOOD  AS  A  comedy:  OR, 

until  the  next  day.  He  was,  as  usual,  received  in  the 
kindest  manner  by  the  widow.  He  had  always  been 
solicitous  of  her  favor,  on  the  score  of  his  just  apprecia- 
tion of  her  dinners  and  evening  parties.  If  Nettles  had 
a  weakness  at  all,  it  lay  in  his  passion  for  the  creature 
comforts.  lie  had  always  taken  care  to  please  her 
accordingly,  and  she  was  always  glad  to  welcome  him. 
lie  was  a  good  companion,  who  picked  up  all  the  scandal 
going,  and  was  ever  ready  for  any  mischief.  We  will 
suppose  that,  when  the  hour  came  for  the  evening  meal, 
he  found  and  enjoyed  a  delightful  supper.  The  widow 
was  unusually  fresh  and  attractive.  She  had  stolen  off 
soon  after  his  arrival,  leaving  him  to  adjust  his  six-feet 
upon  the  sofa,  while  she  consulted  her  toilet.  She  re- 
turned just  as  he  was  emerging  from  his  siesta,  looking 
like  Cleopatra,  except  that  her  dimensions  were  not  so 
great,  her  skin  so  dark,  nor  her  jewels  quite  so  magni- 
ficent as  those  of  that  famous  queen  of  Egypt. 

"  Really,  Mrs.  Foster,  you  grow  younger  and  more 
fascinating  every  time  I  see  you." 

These  gallant  words  accompanied  a  graceful  taking 
and  squeezing  of  the  fair  lady's  hand.  "  There  is  one 
thing,  however,  which  I  think  faulty  about  you." 

"  Faulty  !"  in  consternation. 

"  Yes,  faulty  !  and  the  fault  is  in  your  mind,  your 
feelings,  your  thoughts,  your  sentiments." 

"  Indeed,  Mr.  Nettles  !"  bewildered. 

"  Yes,  madam  !  it  consists  in  your  contentment ;  in 
that  cold  disdain  of  humanity;  in  that  scornful  indiffer- 
ence to  my  sex,  which  makes  you  willing  to  sacrifice  this 
youth,  this  bloom,  this  beauty — nay,  you  know  I  never 
flatter  ! — I  say,  to  sacrifice  all  these  possessions  in  seclu- 
sion, without  sharing  them  with  that  most  precious  of  all 
heavenly  gifts,  a  husband." 

"  Really,  Mr.  Nettles,  you  ha\T  a  most  elevated  opinion 
of  the  value  and  usefulness  of  your  sex." 

"  Not  more  than  the  really  wise  of  your  sex  have  been 
always  pleased  to  entertain.     You  remember  it  was  the 


Tin:  tknnkhskkan'b  stohy.  247 

foolisli  virgins  that  wcro  unprepared  at  tho  coining  of 
the  bridegroom." 

44  Yes,  sir  !  but  even  were  I  to  allow  that,  there  is  still 
another  diiliculty.  The  bridegroom  docs  not  happen  so 
frequently  in  a  widow's  chanees  that  she  can  chango 
her  solitary  condition  when  sho  pleases ;  and,  unless 
there  is  a  prospeet  of  his  coming,  what's  tho  policy  of 
her  admitting  that  she  finds  her  solitude  unpleasant?" 

"  Mrs.  Foster,  many  a  man  would  woo  if  the  lady 
would  only  coo  ;  but  men,  you  are  aware,  are  naturally 
modest." 

"Oh,  Mr.  Nettles!" 

"  They  are,  madam!  they  are!  It  is  the  woman  al- 
ways that  is  the  tempter,  and  naturally  enough.  If  we 
put  a  very  high  estimate  on  her  value,  we  are  apt  to 
feel  that  we  fall  below  it,  and  we  approach  her  rather 
with  a  sense  of  her  superior  merits  and  position  than  of 
our  passion,  though  it  may  burn  us  up  all  the  while. 
Now,  a  case  happens  at  this  moment  to  my  knowledge, 
and  I  must  say  that  you  are  interested  in  it." 

"Me,  sir!" 

"Yes,  Mrs.  Foster,  you!  I  know  a  gentleman  who 
feels  for  you  a  most  profound  passion,  but  who  dares 
not—" 

"Nay,  Mr.  Nettles!  what  have  you  ever  seen  about 
me  that  should  repel  or  discourage  any  gentleman?" 
and  the  lady  smoothed  down  the  folds  of  her  dress,  and, 
smiling  sweetly,  inclined  somewhat  to  the  speaker. 

"  The  beautiful  crocodile  !''  thought  Nettles  to  him- 
self; "she  evidently  suspects  me  of  being  this  bashful 
gentleman.     What  a  harpy  !" 

But,  though  thus  thinking,  he  never  suffered  his  eyes 
to  breathe  any  but  an  expression  of  tender  interest  and 
regard.  Still,  fearing  that  she  might  assume  too  much, 
as  Nettles  never  deceived  himself  in  the  opinion  that  he 
was  a  very  personable  man  and  likely  to  prove  quite  too 
attractive  for  most  women,  he  hurried  forward  to  a  full 
revelation  of  his  object,  and  of  the  person  in  whose  be- 
half he  came.     He  had  his  own  way  of  doing  this. 


248  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

"Mrs.  Foster,"  said  he,  gravely,  "you  have  certainly 
shown  yourself  to  be  the  most  remarkable  of  women.  I 
have  seen  you  for  six  months  working  busily  to  procure 
for  another  the  devotion  which  was  all  the  while  over- 
flowing for  yourself." 

"  Really,  Mr.  Nettles,  you  speak  parables.  What 
are  you  driving  at  V 

"  Let  me  explain.  You  will  do  me  the  justice  to 
admit  that  if  anybody  knows  the  people  of  this  county, 
man,  woman,  hoyden  and  hobby-de-hoy,  it  is  myself." 

"Granted,  sir!" 

"  Some  of  these  have  been  accustomed  to  consult  me 
in  the  most  important  matters.  Among  these  persons 
is  my  friend  Jones  Barry.  You  partially  took  him  out 
of  my  hands,  but  you  played  your  hands  badly.  You 
perversely  tried  to  persuade  him  that  he  was  desperately 
in  love  with  Miss  Geraldine — " 

"  Don't  speak  of  that  young  lady  in  my  hearing,  I  beg 
you,  Mr.  Nettles  !" 

''Pardon  me,  but  I  can't  help  it;  it's  necessary  to 
what  I've  got  to  say.  But  I'll  not  dwell  upon  it.  Well, 
as  I  tell  you,  at  the  very  time  that  you  were  doing  your 
best  against  nature  and  yourself,  to  force  this  belief  into 
his  heart,  the  poor  fellow  was  devotedly  attached  to  an- 
other." 

"Indeed!     You  surprise  me,  sir." 

"Such  was  your  powerful  influence  over  him,  that 
you  could  persuade  him  to  anything ;  and,  yielding  to 
your  seeming  wishes  and  opinions,  he  professed  attach- 
ment to  your  step-daughter,  while  his  heart  was  all  the 
time  ready  to  burst  with  a  passion  for  yourself." 

"For  me,  sir  V     Jones  Barry  fond  of  me?" 

"To  devotion — to  distraction  ;  and  how  you  could  be 
so  blind  as  not  to  have  seen  it,  passes  my  imagination. 
How  often  has  he  consulted  with  me  on  this  very  sub- 
ject !  I  low  often  have  I  told  him,  *  Come  out  like  a  man, 
and  tell  her  what  you  feel!'  His  only  answer  was  : 
'No!  She  doesn't  think  of  me.  It's  evident  she  thinks 
only  of  the   marriage  of   Geraldine.     She  will    never 


the  tennesseean's  story.  249 

marry  again.  Her  heart's  in  the  grave  with  Foster!' 
Then  he  would  weep,  and  say:  i  I  must  marry  Geraldinc, 
if  it's  only  to  be  near  to  her!'" 

"Poor  Jones!  and  how  he  concealed  it!" 
"Concealed  it?     No,  madam,  it  was  only  from  your 
eyes  that  he  concealed  it.      It  wasn't  his  art  in  hiding  ; 
it  was  your  blindness  in  not  seeing.     Why,  the  night  of 
the /r/e,  he  said  to  me  that,  when  you  fed  him  with  tea 
from  the  cup,  while  he  sat  in  a  chair  in  your  little  back- 
room, he  thought   he  should  overflow  with   delight,  and 
the  next  day,  when  you  mixed  him  some  peach  toddy,  he 
Baid,  '  coming  from  your  hands,  it  was  the  most  delicious 
dram  that  ever  his  lips  had  tasted.'  ' 
"Dear  Jones,  and  he  felt  all  this?" 
"All  this,  and  was  silent!" 

"And  I  was  doing  my  best  to  force  him  upon  one 
who  didn't  care  a  straw  for  him." 

"Suicidally,  as  I  called  it;  for,  as  I  said  to  him,  you 
are  evidently  made  for  each  other." 

"You  said  that,  Mr.  Nettles?  Ah!  you're  a  sharp- 
sighted  person." 

"Says  I,  'Barry!  Foster  is  young  and  lovable. 
She's  scarcely  older  than  her  step-daughter.  She's  un- 
selfish. She  sees  that  you  are  the  man  to  make  Geral- 
dine happy,  because  she  feels  that  you  would  make  her- 
self so;  and  she  ought  not  to  be  permitted  to  sacrifice 
herself.  Go  to  her,  tell  her  the  truth,  lay  your  whole 
heart  open  to  her,  and  my  life  on  it,  she  will  then  dis- 
cover what,  perhaps,  she  does  not  yet  see,  that  you 
have  taken  a  deeper  hold  on  her  own  heart  than  she 
has  any  idea.  At  her,  like  a  man  ;  and,  if  she  be  the 
tender-hearted  woman  that  I  think  her,  she  will  not 
reject  you.'  " 

The  widow  sighed  deeply.  "But  he  did  not  follow 
your  counsel?" 

"He  did  not  believe  me.  His  fears  blinded  him. 
He  worshipped  you  too  devotedly.  Had  he  felt  a  weaker 
passion,  he  would  have  been  more  bold.  But  his  heart 
failed  him,  and  he  would  have  suffered  himself  to  bo 


250  AS  GOOD  AS  A  COMEDY:  OR, 

shot ;  nay,  don't  I  know  that  ho  went  out  fully  expect- 
ing to  be  killed  by  Hammond's  bullet,  even  hoping  it, 
that  he  might  no  longer  be  kept  in  such  miserable 
anxiety  ?" 

44 Poor,  poor  fellow!" 

"And  now,  that  he  knows  my  object  in  coming  here, 
he  is  on  thorns  of  misery.  His  horse  is  already  saddled. 
lie  has  raised  all  the  ready  money  he  can,  and,  the  mo- 
ment he  gets  my  report,  if  it's  unfavorable,  he'll  set  oft* 
to  join  his  fat  friend  in  Tennessee,  lie  will  sell  out,  and 
leave  Georgia  forever.  lie  even  talks  of  joining  the 
regular  army,  hoping  to  be  killed  in  the  first  engage- 
ment." 

u  But  he  must  never  do  it." 

"  It  will  depend  on  you.  lie  is  at  my  house  waiting. 
I  have  agreed  that,  if  I  am  successful,  I  am  to  wave  a 
white  handkerchief,  and  if  not,  a  red  one,  just  as  I  get 
in  the  avenue.  His  mind's  in  a  most  awful  state,  and 
it's  fur  you,  my  dear  Mrs.  Foster,  to  determine  his 
fate." 

"  Oh !  Mr.  Nettles,  you  see  too  deeply  into  the  hearts 
of  us  poor  women  to  doubt  what  must  be  my  answer. 
Poor,  dear  Barry,  I  always  was  fond  of  him.  But  1 
never  thought  he  had  any  feeling  for  me,  and  so  I  tried 
only  to  get  for  him  that  disobedient  girl." 
44  What  blindness  !     And  so?" 

44  Oh  !  you  do  with  me  what  you  please,  Mr.  Nettles. 
It's  a  wonder  you  never  married  yourself.  You're 
single  only  because  you  never  wished  to  be  otherwise." 
44  Ah  !  you  flatter  me,  Foster  !  But  I  must  resign 
my  hopes  and  wishes  to  others.  I  live  for  my  friends 
only.  But,  in  giving  them  up,  I  have  my  consolation  ; 
and  when  carrying  off  the  heart  of  a  lady  to  another,  I 
am  privileged,  as  a  matter  of  course,  to  take  her  kisses 
for  myself." 

The  widow   did    not   struggle   seriously  against  the 
spoliation  which  followed  this  pretty  speech. 
"  Barry  will  be  the  happiest  man  alive." 
"  But  have  vou  a  white  handkerchief  with  vou  ?     I 


THE  TENNESSEEAN'S  STORY.  251 

sec  that  you  use  a  red  one,"  demanded  the  provident 
widow. 

"  Indeed  I  hnve  not  !"  said  Nettles,  feeling  in  his 
pockets,  and  looking  disquieted. 

44  Take  mine,  dear  Mr.  Nettles.  Poor  Barry,  ho 
must  not  be  suffered  to  throw  himself  away  I" 

How  Nettles  chuckled  as  he  left  the  "  Lodge  !"  In 
less  than  a  month,  the  widow  became  Mrs.  Barry.  "We 
have  no  reason  to  suppose  that  her  husband  repented 
the  proceeding,  and  we  know  that  Nettles  did  not.  IIo 
usually  took  his  Sunday  dinner  at  the  "  Lodge,"  and 
was  master  of  ceremonies  on  all  occasions.  He  himself 
never  married.  Why  should  he,  when  he  could  so  easily 
persuade  his  friends  to  do  so  ?  Miles  Henderson,  in 
the  course  of  the  year,  was  caught  by  Henrietta  Bailey, 
one  of  the  girls  of  whom  Mrs.  Hammond  thought  so 
much  ;  and  he  lived  sufficiently  happy  with  her  to  feel 
no  repinings  at  the  sweet  and  singular  affection  which 
existed  between  Hammond  and  his  wife.  lie,  it  is  true, 
remained  the  master,  but  she  exercised,  though  she  did 
not  assert,  all  the  authority  of  the  mistress.  There 
has  been  no  duel  at  "  Pistol  Quarter"  since  the  famous 
affair  that  terminated  the  tragic  part  of  our  comedy. 


THE    END. 


c 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 

LOAN  DEPT. 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 

Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 


PEB2   '65 F 


IN  STACKS 


JAN  2  5  1965 


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(E4555sl0)476B 


General  Library 

University  of  California 

Berkeley 


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